speechless
Aside from the usual stomach ache from my many allergies/intolerances, I don’t get sick that often. But I think I ate something yesterday that didn’t quite agree with me and right now I look and feel like I have the chicken pox.
I still managed to function normally though…I dragged myself out of bed to make Maya’s breakfast. I packed her lunchbox. I dropped her off to school. I did some work. I picked Maya up. I shivered in the cold during a two-hour park playdate (I hate that word). I asked Ali about his day. I responded appropriately and with interest. Some real. Some feigned. I made dinner. I cleaned up the kitchen. I gave Maya a bath. We finished her homework.
And then, only then, did I collapse on the sofa with a blanket and an episode of “Selling New York.”
“I don’t want to upset you,” Ali said, “but it’s a total downer when you’re sick.”
Ummmm, what?
As you can imagine, I wanted to know exactly what Ali meant by his comment. I wanted to tell him that my day was business as usual despite feeling crappy. I wanted to delineate the 15 things I’d accomplished (without complaint I might add). I wanted to compare and contrast his sick day with mine. But the truth is that for the first time in my life….I was speechless.
You must be thinking...Ameena must have a lot of time on her hands. Rest assured, this chart took me less than 5 minutes.
But that was yesterday. Today my “chicken pox” is on the mend and my smart ass reflex has kicked back in.
In other words, it’s business as usual.
my husband is an imposter
While tempers flare every day in the Din Household (mostly mine), things tend to get even scarier on the weekends. Throw in a long drive on a long weekend and Monday night will inevitably find Ali and I Googling “divorce lawyer” on our respective computers.
I finally grew a brain about 2 years ago when I realized that if I just designate myself as the family driver I won’t have to hear things like (and this is my personal favorite) “Get out-of-the-way, duck F%#$er.”
Anyway, I was patting myself on the back yesterday that Maya, Ali and I, plus my brother made it through the one hour drive to my parents’ place relatively unscathed. But then, as I got out of the car, the unthinkable happened. I dropped Ali’s car key…and it broke into 5 pieces.
Here’s the thing – I can basically do anything without getting Ali mad. Anything! Until I mess with his car.
After a moment of panic I realized the pieces were all present and accounted for and could be re-assembled! Ali put it back together and tried to lock the car and…nothing. He took it apart, investigated, and put it back together again and….nothing again.
Ali glared at me. “How could you drop my key?”
A normal person would just apologize right? But I was raised to defend at all costs and that’s why I yelled, “How is it my fault you bought a high-maintenance car with a slippery key!”
I’ll spare you the 5 minute debate that took place in my parents’ driveway but in the end I suggested he flip the battery over and lucky for me that solved the problem. I shudder to think of the consequences if it hadn’t.
But as grateful as I am I have to wonder…how can I have faith in my husband’s technological capabilities if he doesn’t know how to put a battery back into a key?
what could be better than red soles? for a kid?
I’ve been looking high and low for something to give Maya for her birthday next month. This is annoying because I really just want to roam around the house and put unopened toys into a used Hello Kitty gift bag. But alas, the fallout from my confession about re-gifting is still reverberating, so I thought I’d make more of an effort this time.
So there I was, wracking my brain as I tried to figure out what to give a child who has everything… when I saw it – the special edition “Dolly Forever Barbie” by Christian Louboutin.
The.most.perfect.gift.ever. Right? I mean, what mother doesn’t want to gift her daughter with a doll that:
a. Wears bright pink thigh high boots with Louboutin’s red soles?
b. Costs $150?
c. Comes with shoe bags and hot pink sunglasses?
Because I want Maya to know that there is nothing unusual about sporting $1,500 pink, thigh-high boots. I also believe it is imperative that my daughter master how to wear a tiny mini skirt and a gold chain around her waist. And if a $150 doll can do all that? Then it’s definitely a must-have.
Kudos to you and your marketing team Mattel! You’ve presented us mothers with yet another inspiring and useful toy. I simply don’t know how you to do it.
PS – To those who plan to send me emails that I should “lighten up” please note this post is supposed to be funny.
PPS – To those of you who sent me birthday emails, tweets, and Facebook messages? Thank you! I appreciated every single one.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 