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celery stalks on the floor

May 31, 2017

Last Night @ 9:00 pm: My husband went to the freezer, removed a Trader Joe’s molten lava cake, popped it into the microwave, removed it from the microwave, settled himself on the sofa, and devoured 370 calories and 25 grams of sugar (I checked the back of the box) in about 90 seconds.

Last Night @ 9:20 pm: My husband went to the fridge, removed three stalks of Trader Joe’s organic celery, settled himself on the sofa, and devoured 5 calories and 0 grams of sugar (an estimate).

This Morning @ 3:15 am: I walked into the kitchen, noticed a wayward celery stalk on the floor near the trash can, became anxious that it may have attracted cockroaches, imagined an overnight cockroach feeding frenzy (I FEAR cockroaches and like to imagine worst case scenarios at all times), and then by sheer will decided not to pick it up, just to see if Ali or Maya would.

This Morning @ 6:38 am: Maya walked into the kitchen, stepped over the celery stalk, poured herself an enormous bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (I’ll let you guess who facilitated the purchase of this healthy breakfast choice), stepped back over the celery stalk and proceeded to the dining table.

This Morning @ 7:02 am: Ali walked into the kitchen, stepped over the celery stalk, made himself tea and a giant bowl of oatmeal with raspberries, flaxseed, and approximately 8 tablespoons of brown sugar, stepped back over the celery stalk and proceeded to the dining table.

This Morning @ 7:55 am: Ali and Maya left for school, celery stalk still on the floor.

This Morning @ 8:02 am: I wondered why I was surprised Ali and Maya didn’t notice the giant green vegetable on the floor, threw the celery stalk in the trash, and left for work.

This Morning @ 8:03 am: I concluded that I live with two lazy, bug-welcoming, sugar-obsessed, potentially nearsighted individuals, who care little about having a clean kitchen, me, or really anything but themselves.

On the plus side I didn’t have to drop Maya to school. So victory?

 

he moved his towel

April 21, 2017

Last week Ali stopped using our bathroom and started using Maya’s.

I chalked this up to her being away at camp.

But then Maya came home and Ali continued to use her bathroom.

I waited for Maya to freak out.

But she didn’t say a word. Not even when Ali hung his towel in her bathroom.

I obviously had questions. Lots of them. (I always do).

But I didn’t ask any of these questions, because I was too busy blow drying my hair in front of a proper mirror, with NO interruptions.

Yesterday Maya casually mentioned that Ali is paying her $5 / a week to use her bathroom. And that it could have been $6 but that she agreed to $5 so that she didn’t have to send a weekly invoice.

I’m sorry but WHAT?

I am mystified. I mean this is wrong on so many levels…and I really should do something about it.

But the truth is that having my own bathroom again is so much better than having answers.

So whatever. I’m going to sit back and enjoy better hair as I see how long their arrangement lasts.

 

it’s been a while

March 10, 2017

It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about blogging, mostly because things have been difficult.

To say the least.

And for so many reasons I’ve started to wonder: is there really any point dwelling on the little things?

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, is it productive to complain about Maya’s inability to utilize a fork or a placemat, thereby ensuring crumbs are all over the dining table and floor?

(I feel them under my feet RIGHT NOW).

Or what about Ali’s predisposition for buying loose leaf tea in quantities fit for a small village? Or the fact that I encountered (and almost slipped on) yet ANOTHER pair of his socks on the floor this morning?

And since I was on a roll with the self-inflection, I also wondered: should I be publishing this information for the world to see? Or more importantly, does the world really care when there’s so much more important stuff going on right now?

I think we all know the answer to that.

Still…I’m hesitant to call it a day just yet. So maybe – for once – I’ll just play it by ear and see how it goes…

 

 

leftovers

October 13, 2016

We went to lunch on Sunday.

I ordered crab cakes, which were delicious, except that they arrived in a pool of mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise makes me nauseous.

I ate the non-infected top of one crab cake and asked for a second replacement crab cake (sans mayonnaise) to go.

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Random picture … BEFORE the crab cake debacle.

I sent my precious take away box home with Ali and Maya so I could check out the Friends and Family sale at Bloomingdale’s.

While purchasing these shoes I contemplated texting Ali to make sure he put the leftovers in the fridge.

But then I told myself I needed to stop being so controlling.

I told myself that even my husband would recognize the necessity of food safety, especially when it came to seafood.

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And another.

I got home a few hours later and nearly tripped over my takeout container, which was sitting 2 inches from the front door.

I suppressed many swear words and threw my perfect, no-mayo crab cake in the trash.

I opened the fridge and noticed that Ali’s Magnolia banana pudding – which he’d apparently purchased on his way home – was front and center and properly refrigerated.

I didn’t speak to Ali for hours.

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Maya has braces!

The takeaway: I need to do EVERYTHING myself. And that now includes ensuring proper refrigeration.

braces

September 14, 2016

Maya got her braces today. But don’t worry, this isn’t a post about that!

(This also isn’t a post about the fact that I could buy a first class around-the-world ticket for the price of Maya’s braces. I’ll save that for another day.)

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A trip to Toronto….pre-braces but smack in the middle of my fractured foot.

No, this post highlights the text exchange that occurred between my husband and I, while he was at Maya’s appointment.

Ali: “The orthodontist asked me to wait outside.”

Me: “Maybe you’re making him nervous?”

Ali: “No way. I only focus my energy to agitate you and nobody else.”

Me: “Well at least you give it your all.”

Ali: “Absolutely. This is the one thing I don’t half ass.”

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I hobbled with my broken foot to take this picture near the CN Tower. Just couldn’t find the energy to go any further.

The takeaway: My husband admittedly have asses everything except when it comes to agitating me. At which point he gives 110%.

So while this isn’t the most interesting thing that’s happened since my last post over a month ago (Highlights – a broken foot, a trip to Toronto, Maya and Ali buying a pull up mechanism that attractively hangs over the door frame) it certainly is the most enlightening.

And probably the most hilarious.

 

 

a free pass

August 9, 2016

I love London. I love everything about London.

Except the prices (although I guess I can’t complain about the current exchange rate).

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Tea Time. With lots of scones. And jam. And butter.

And the fact that the drizzle sometimes never seems to end (which means my hair is even more uncontrollable than usual.)

Oh, and the fact that Ali and Maya help out EVEN LESS than they do in NYC.

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Maya was reunited with her dog Brooklyn.

Not sure why they think that being in London gives them a free pass, but they do.

They throw their stuff everywhere, they don’t put their dishes away, they expect me to do laundry every 5 minutes, and at one point I even scraped something sketchy off the kitchen floor.

(Nobody took responsibility for the sketchy item so this is still a mystery.)

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They entertained each other for HOURS. It was phenomenal.

Ali and Maya left a day earlier than me (somehow the three of us are never on the same flight). This led to me embarking on another fury of laundry, cleaning, and organizing.

And after the dust settled, and I sat back to enjoy the quiet and very orderly flat, all I could think about was the fact that I actually missed them.

So I guess I can’t live with them, but can’t live without them?

 

a detour

July 15, 2016

I don’t spend much money on clothes, shoes, makeup, purses, or my hair (which is evident).

This is because all of my money goes towards flight change fees.

Last week I changed my return flight from LAX to JFK twice. First from Wednesday to Saturday, and then from the red eye to an afternoon flight.

I obviously like to have options.

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LA Lunch @ Frida’s: Tableside guacamole. One of the few things I miss about LA is the fabulous Mexican food.

Also, I was flying solo, so I figured why not live on the wild side and actually take a daytime flight so I could catch up on a few movies? After all, if I wasn’t on Maya-barf-patrol, I could relax, right?

Well this brilliant plan turned my 5 hour flight into an 11 hour flight as we circled the skies around JFK for hours, for reasons still unknown to me. And then we ended up landing in Philadelphia because we had no more fuel to circle the skies around JFK.

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At lunch…moments after Maya dropped watermelon juice all over my white jacket. Which is no longer a white jacket, but now a white and pink jacket.

But here’s the worst part: As we sat on the tarmac at Philadelphia for what seemed like an eternity, the kid in the seat in front of me threw up EVERYTHING HE’D EVER EATEN.

Also for what seemed like an eternity.

And as any person with Emetophobia (intense fear of vomiting) knows, the only thing worse than seeing/listening to your vomit-prone child throwing up, is seeing/listening to someone else’s vomit-prone child throwing up.

Especially while stuck on a plane on the tarmac in Philadelphia.

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Back in NY. Love it here but the humidity is KILLING our hair.

We are getting on another red-eye tonight to London, and for the first time in a long time I am not making a SINGLE change to our flight. This is in hopes that I can get through the trip without seeing or hearing vomit.

FROM ANYONE.

Wish me luck.

 

 

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