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my husband is an imposter

February 21, 2011

While tempers flare every day in the Din Household (mostly mine), things tend to get even scarier on the weekends.  Throw in a long drive on a long weekend and Monday night will inevitably find Ali and I Googling “divorce lawyer” on our respective computers.

I finally grew a brain about 2 years ago when I realized that if I just designate myself as the family driver I won’t have to hear things like (and this is my personal favorite) “Get out-of-the-way, duck F%#$er.”

Anyway, I was patting myself on the back yesterday that Maya, Ali and I, plus my brother made it through the one hour drive to my parents’ place relatively unscathed. But then, as I got out of the car, the unthinkable happened. I dropped Ali’s car key…and it broke into 5 pieces.

Here’s the thing – I can basically do anything without getting Ali mad. Anything! Until I mess with his car.

After a moment of panic I realized the pieces were all present and accounted for and could be re-assembled! Ali put it back together and tried to lock the car and…nothing. He took it apart, investigated, and put it back together again and….nothing again.

Ali glared at me. “How could you drop my key?”

A normal person would just apologize right? But I was raised to defend at all costs and that’s why I yelled, “How is it my fault you bought a high-maintenance car with a slippery key!”

I’ll spare you the 5 minute debate that took place in my parents’ driveway but in the end I suggested he flip the battery over and lucky for me that solved the problem. I shudder to think of the consequences if it hadn’t.

But as grateful as I am I have to wonder…how can I have faith in my husband’s technological capabilities if he doesn’t know how to put a battery back into a key?

68 Comments leave one →
  1. February 21, 2011 1:33 am

    Oh I know those types of glares all too well. I don’t mind them though because in the 5 seconds it takes for him to glare me down, I’m already thinking of my comeback line. Let’s just say the gloves are up and that glare was our handshake ;-). I’m glad you guys were able to get the key fixed. I guess if you wanted to be really mean, you could’ve let the service people tell him what was wrong with the batteries.

  2. February 21, 2011 3:32 am

    Ha! Too funny. This is so like my husband and myself. I love the slippery key comment – that is so what we would do and then I wonder where my 11 year old gets it from! My husband is also totally inept at fixing anything. Sometimes I wonder how he survived before he met me…

  3. February 21, 2011 4:43 am

    And the best part is that you got a picture of him attempting to flip the battery. That probably would have been the end of me right there. lol Heaven forbid any of my husband’s technology takes a tumble on my watch. The iphone being the biggest divorce maker on this end. He handed it to me to play angry birds the other day and then proceeded to tell me not to drop it the entire time I played.

  4. February 21, 2011 5:02 am

    Julie hit on my question. How in the world did you manage to take a picture of him while he was fuming??? I’m shocked that the camera wasn’t grabbed out of your hand and thrown across the street.

    • February 21, 2011 7:56 am

      I turned my phone to silent and started clicking away…I knew I couldn’t let the opportunity go to waste!

  5. February 21, 2011 5:03 am

    Glad for all of you that you figured out how to fix it. 😉

  6. February 21, 2011 6:07 am

    I get glares from my husband sometimes too when I don’t do things right. Just a bat of the eye and usually he’s better. 😉

  7. February 21, 2011 6:19 am

    Thanks for the visit/comment. You never know who’s “lurking” on a blog (or perhaps there are ways to find out but I don’t know how). I love your honesty, nice to know weekends can be hard for others too.

  8. February 21, 2011 7:36 am

    Oh my God, I’m still laughing about “Get out-of-the-way, duck F%#$er”!! And I’m glad that Ali’s key worked in the end, lol!

  9. February 21, 2011 7:43 am

    I can see Zach and I having this exact same conversation. Well except Zach really never gets mad..I think I’d have to hurt his beloved golf clubs to get a “duck F*$%er” out of him 😉

  10. February 21, 2011 7:49 am

    Haha i love your stories! I can never get along with my boyfriend on a long car ride..Is that bad!? We are both stubborn so it makes us butt heads! I’m glad you were able to fix the key!

  11. February 21, 2011 7:52 am

    I still don’t get how a key breaks into five pieces.

    PS thanks for your sweet comments on the wedding. 🙂

  12. February 21, 2011 7:53 am

    The battery was just in wrong? That’s kind of funny. Men think they know everything, dont they?
    *kisses* HH

  13. February 21, 2011 8:01 am

    Wait how does a car key break?

    If a key breaks, it’s the key’s fault I say!

    • Ali permalink
      February 21, 2011 8:46 am

      The key split into 4 pieces (sometimes my wife exaggerates). Maybe it’s meant for wives to drop them so it breaks into multiple pieces to lessen the impact.

      I didn’t realize she was taking pictures – she did that quite stealthily.

      What she didnt mention is that I tried to start the car, and it didn’t work. Luckily she came up with an idea to make it work, otherwise who knows what would have happened…

      • February 22, 2011 5:11 am

        Haha thanks for the reply Ali!

        Thanks for filling in the holes in the story ; )

    • February 3, 2012 6:56 am

      1. “I know the speed limit is 60, but that doesn't mean I have to drive at that speed even if I'm in the left lane.” guy.2. “Oh look how long this on-ramp is! I can drive alomst a quarter mile before I have to cut right in front of you!” guy.3. “I have to turn in front of you or across you. The 6 miles of empty space behind you is no good for me.” guy.4. “I don't believe in pulling over to the sidewalk when I double to pick someone up, even if there's an empty space right there.” guy.5. “I'm in the left lane but I need to be in the right and not miss my exit, so we're driving at 20 until someone lets me over.” guy.6. “Ooh a cop! Slam on the brakes! Wait, he's giving a ticket to someone already? Slam on the brakes anyway!” guy.7. Guy who stops next to a driveway to a parking lot, blocking it so you can't get in when he could've left enough room for you, with your turn signal on, to pass by.8. Speaking of turn signals, don't forget “This car is $60,000 and doesn't come with turn signals” guy.9. I'm also not a big fan of “My kids are out of control so I must discipline them while driving thereby moving at a ripe 15 mph and swerving in and out of my lane” guy.10. And of course there's “Highbeams-a-blazin' guy who hits you with his highbeams in the middle lane or the right lane when he could easily go around, but he doesn't want to, he wants YOUR lane” guy.I think there are more, but those are the ones I can come up with off the top of my head.

      • February 3, 2012 10:26 am

        Amazing job for coming up with things right off the top of your head!!

        #5…SO frustrating. And #6? Blows me away. It’s like, really? Do just have nothing to do than see someone getting a ticket??

  14. February 21, 2011 8:07 am

    He probably wasn’t really mad at you for dropping the key, but at the key for breaking, and you were a more appropriate target for yelling than an inanimate object. Once the key was fixed, anger gone. My sweetie does that all the time: if he’s frustrated by a situation, “It’s your fault! It’s your fault!” But when the problem is solved, it’s like nothing ever happened.

  15. February 21, 2011 8:15 am

    Hm..I still don’t get why a car key could break into 5 pieces after you dropped it? It should be sturdy enough…or did you mean just the batter was out from the remote? haha, I love how you could capture the moment Ali tried to put the key back together while he was fuming. Good thing you acted fast, otherwise he might snatch your iPhone and smashed it..

  16. February 21, 2011 8:47 am

    I just knew you were the brains of your family! Good work! And if you ever do get a divorce please move to the east cost. I think something abt the LA water makes people crazy.

  17. February 21, 2011 9:24 am

    Too funny – only because you managed to recover all of the key parts and figure out how it all worked. Well done, I would say! I could NEVER have a car key that break when dropped. I drop pretty much everything. As my husband says, we “Kristina-proof” most things in household. That’s why I will never look cool with a sleek iPhone. Rather, I keep my iPhone well protected with an extra bumper around it. Sad and almost true!

  18. February 21, 2011 10:08 am

    I come from a strange land where key means something completely different. The kind of key I use for my car could not break into five pieces. I think we should blame Ali for this one, because clearly he’s using a strange key. And this is me taking the blame off of you.

    Have a great day! 🙂

  19. Michelle permalink
    February 21, 2011 10:27 am

    I was so confused at first when you say the key broke. It amazes me how much things change and new problems that occur with technology.

  20. February 21, 2011 10:54 am

    HA! all’s well that ends well. glad it worked out.

  21. February 21, 2011 11:23 am

    hahahaha the battery SHOULD have been the easiest part. 🙂

  22. February 21, 2011 11:34 am

    In moments like this, I find it helpful to resort to Lamaze breathing. Needless to say, they don’t do a thing for labor pains, but if you don’t get some use out of it, it was just a waste of money and time. It’s also cheaper than divorce and easier to get than demerol. Trust me on this…

  23. February 21, 2011 11:45 am

    O.M.G. I know that tenseness a little too well. I’m always dropping/breaking something and I can feel the evil glares on the back of my neck! 🙂

  24. February 21, 2011 11:53 am

    totally reminds me of an argument hubby and i would have. you guys are hilarious =)

  25. sana permalink
    February 21, 2011 12:34 pm

    hhahaha… oh ameena. my husband is like that. Long ago, he e was teaching me to drive (in his car) and I hit a pole. Oh you should’ve seen his face. hell hath no fury like Ismail with a scratched up car. When I threatened to leave because I couldn’t deal with this behavior, he actually tried to redeem himself by saying” ohh I was just really upset because you could have gotten hurt”.
    ha ha

    • February 7, 2012 6:33 pm

      It’s a great news to see the auto insrdtuy continuously increasing their sales after all the economic crisis.It proves that everyone is moving on and getting things back to normal.

  26. February 21, 2011 12:35 pm

    I agree with the comments above! What kinda key breaks when you drop it? This is clearly NOT your fault!

  27. February 21, 2011 1:01 pm

    So strange that it broke!!

  28. February 21, 2011 1:11 pm

    I am impressed you even thought to turn the battery over. And a key should not break!

  29. February 21, 2011 2:41 pm

    Oh I needed this. Thank you. My life and mind are in shambles right now and a mental check-out – and a laugh – is strongly needed.

    Thank you Ameena for your support.

  30. Kath (My Funny Little Life) permalink
    February 21, 2011 6:13 pm

    How can a key break into 5 (!) pieces when you drop it?!?!?! 😯

  31. February 21, 2011 6:14 pm

    Marcus is definitely our designated driver because I’m the designated honker.

    It’s time to go all Tiffany & Co. on the situation and get Ali a wearable hard-copy key. Do people even use those things anymore?

  32. February 21, 2011 7:00 pm

    For the sake of your marriage, I am very glad the key came back together successfully 😉

  33. February 21, 2011 9:06 pm

    I can’t praise you enough for managing to take a picture in that situation.

    You can defnitely trust Ali with his technological capabilites because men can’t get the basic things with minimum common sense right but they can definitely handle complex things (or atleast that is what my husband does).

  34. February 21, 2011 11:12 pm

    What kind of key breaks into 5 pieces???? Hehe… I just have to comment really quick. The tag on this post is hilarious!!!!!!!

  35. February 22, 2011 4:31 am

    That sounds like one heck of a high maintenance key!!

  36. February 22, 2011 4:41 am

    Too funny! Darn key. I was at Target yesterday and some lady dropped her phone exiting the stall and all the pieces fell apart. My first thought was “that sucks” then my second thought as she was reassembling it was “that is really gross, she just picked it up of the bathroom floor and her hands were all over that thing”. At least the key didn’t fall in the toilet or something and only broke in the driveway.

  37. February 22, 2011 7:06 am

    I have scatter too. I can’t tie my shoes for the life of me, but I make a mean knot making stitches.
    Can’t brush my hair, but the teeth are sparkly.
    Crazy…us human beings!

  38. actorsdiet permalink
    February 22, 2011 8:38 am

    oh dear. i still don’t understand the key.

  39. February 22, 2011 1:59 pm

    ha!! I can totally relate!!

  40. February 22, 2011 2:35 pm

    Oh you hit the nail on the head – boys and their cars! My bf, who by the way is the most patient person I know, would throw a fit if I accidently did something to his car!

  41. February 22, 2011 3:24 pm

    Ha!! Too funny – my husband is that way with his truck – I can’t mess with anything in there.

  42. February 22, 2011 4:21 pm

    My husband is quite calm as person but do something to his car and all bets are off! The duck f@#$er totally cracked me up 🙂

  43. February 22, 2011 5:08 pm

    haha….we’ve had the same experience with the TV remote, probably a few times. why are men so touchy? 😛

  44. February 22, 2011 5:23 pm

    omg guys are soooo sensitive about their electronics 🙂
    I think if that happened to me, and i was in your shoes- I’d have burst into tears!

  45. February 22, 2011 6:55 pm

    Oh no! Guess there are worse things to be fighting about. Good for you for making through that drive lady! That’s the most important part of the story I say 🙂

  46. Leslie permalink
    February 22, 2011 7:01 pm

    Your husband lets you drive his car and while he’s in it? You are truly married to a Saint. I’ve barely ever driven my man’s cars unless he was passed out or had a broken foot. That’s about it. I’m a tad surprised that Ali would swear in front of Maya – he seems like he’d be on his best behavior. BTW, it looks like his car is a Porsche Panamera. Extra points if he lets you drive his Porsche.

  47. spiceandmore permalink
    February 22, 2011 7:28 pm

    In our house any disparaging remarks about my husbands car not only earns shocked outrage from him but also from my ten year old son now. What is it with boys and their toys?!

  48. February 22, 2011 8:01 pm

    a car key broke?! is it, like, some type of toy?! well…..

    i think ali and i would get along very well driving wise. i think i just found my new thing to shout at the silly new englanders here.

  49. February 22, 2011 9:02 pm

    Oh, I do like the stealth play by turning the camera onto silent…, quick thinking girlfriend 🙂 🙂 I was so relieved when my Mr & I had our first big driving holiday together & pleased to admit he *appears* (one never knows when they are in courtship mode) to have passed the ‘car test’. Not sure I could do long term drives with anyone who yells (in the comfort of his own car & to the discomfit of his passengers) to all the bad cars & bad drivers out there. I seriously don’t get that….. do they seriously think the other drivers even notice. Uhuh…, don’t even get me started with this one 😉

  50. February 23, 2011 4:34 am

    This is so funny! I love how you guys have a strong tolerance for annoyance with each other 🙂

    I LOVE your stealthy photo taking, by the way. So. Sneaky. It’s. Beautiful.

  51. February 23, 2011 7:41 am

    Five pieces? Wow that is a sophisticated key, and really, why should it be your fault that it was that slippery? 😉 I always enjoy all reading all your amusing antidotes about Ali and his technology!

  52. February 23, 2011 10:31 am

    haha! it’s so good to hear stories like this from other married people. it seems in blogland you get mostly “i’m SOOO in love with my perfect husband. swoooon!” blech. life is far more wonderfully conflicting than that.

  53. February 23, 2011 4:40 pm

    I’m still laughing from duck F%#@er! hahahaha!

  54. February 23, 2011 5:35 pm

    hehehe, how did the car key break??? is Ali’s car plotting against you? 😉

  55. February 23, 2011 6:35 pm

    i can sense the tension in the car ride before…it was just waiting……

  56. February 23, 2011 8:17 pm

    High maintenance car with a slippery key….good one Ameena ~eye roll~ I think a little name calling, such as “duck f$#@er” was in order…I like how Ali is getting in on the comment action! You two are my favourite couple. Please stop ‘googling’ divorce lawyers. What will you blog about then?

  57. February 23, 2011 9:13 pm

    I can relate! Not to the key part…but to the driving. Ryan gets so stressed out on the road, and his language? Well, at times it can be foul. I’m still laughing at the fact that keys can now break into pieces. We are old-fashioned here! Thanks for sharing, sweet woman.

  58. February 24, 2011 1:15 am

    ouch … …lucky you it started to work … 😀

  59. February 25, 2011 4:11 pm

    Too funny, but thank goodness it was just the battery…those babies cost 2 arms and three legs 🙂

  60. March 7, 2011 4:51 pm

    “…duck F%#$er” hahaha!! totally going to start making that happen here! hilarious

  61. April 20, 2013 4:41 am

    I’m gonna watch out for brussels


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