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my eating habits

February 10, 2012

tags: gulfstream restaurant, i hate confrontation, is white rice bad for you?, people are obsessed with food

As if I didn’t already obsess about Maya turning into a functioning adult, someone had the courtesy of bringing yet another concern to my attention:

Rude Person: “Do you think that Maya will have eating issues when she grows up? Especially because she sees the weird things that you eat?”

Me: “What weird things do I eat?”

Rude Person: “Rice cakes with butter for one.”

After suppressing the desire to smack this person I really wanted to say:

Rice cakes are nothing but convenient.
Name one thing that doesn’t taste absolutely fabulous when topped with butter.
Don’t you have anything more pressing to do than to observe my eating habits?
MYOB.

Since confrontation is not my strong point I said…nothing.

Here’s the thing – I fully recognize that I have odd eating habits. I eat jam straight off a spoon almost daily and I love a bowl of brown rice with salt for breakfast. But so what? Doesn’t everybody enjoy their own weird food combinations?

A different day, a far more notable meal: Seared Scallops at Gulfstream. The best part of this lunch? I didn't have to lift a finger to make it.

I mean, I can’t imagine one of Ali’s friends being concerned for Maya’s well-being after watching Ali inhale a bowl of Kraft Mac n Cheese covered in an inch of ketchup. (And really, if that doesn’t deserve an intervention I don’t know what does.) So what is it about a mother’s eating habits that just seems open for discussion?

Anyway, as I write this I’m eating a spicy shrimp roll on white rice as Maya looks on. I really hope that she can move past the trauma of it all.

how to be a parent

February 3, 2012

tags: amy chua, battle hym of the tiger mother, bringing up bebe, pamela druckerman, raising kids is hard

First Tiger Mother author Amy Chua wanted to educate all of us on how to raise our children the Chinese way. And now Pamela Druckerman is planning to share French secrets on how to bring up a “Bebe.” I’m wondering – what qualifies either of these ladies to dispense parenting advice?

Absolutely nothing. That’s what.

So in keeping with the theory that anyone can be a parenting expert, I’ve decided I want to share my own theories. Here’s the great thing though – I won’t make you buy a book. Or read a book. I’ll just summarize my advice – absolutely free!

Don’t over-indulge children. Just because Dr. Brown has a fabulous marketing department promoting his bottle warmer doesn’t mean you actually have to run out and buy one. If you only give your child cold milk then cold milk is all they’ll ever know. Does this sound crazy? Maybe. But you’ll thank me when you’re on a flight to London and a bitchy flight attendant refuses to heat up your baby’s bottle. (Have you heard a baby scream for 11 hours? It’s not pretty. Save yourself.)
Chicken nuggets are the exception, not the rule. I learned early on that in order to get your kid to love things like seaweed, green beans and swordfish you actually have to feed them seaweed, green beans and swordfish. They’ll give in eventually. Parenting is a battle of the wills and in my opinion, mini-people should not have a will.
Teach kids how to behave. Bratty/messy/rude kids are not cute. Teach kids how to use a fork and a knife, how to sit still in a restaurant, how to write thank you notes, how to use a napkin, how not to interrupt, how to wait their turn, and most importantly, how to think about others before themselves (although I obviously need to practice what I preach here).

She's not perfect but she can behave in a restaurant. And appreciate a sunset.

So I’m a bit harsh – I get that. But the thing is that I have so little patience. So. Little. Patience.

Anyway, I could go on giving advice for hours – but I’ll spare you. Instead I’ll just conclude by saying that these so-called experts don’t have all the answers. They’re just regular mothers like me and you. Except they have book deals.

Which I don’t.

FANCY THAT FANCY THIS