I Can’t Remember Things Anymore
On an average day I feel dumb for approximately 10 different reasons. This is nothing new. But on Friday I felt REALLY dumb because I couldn’t remember my phone number. I was filling out paperwork at the doctor’s office and actually had to pull out my phone and check because I could not remember.
This is only one in a long line of things I’ve forgotten lately.
- I went to the store for laundry detergent. I came home with bread, bananas, and turkey and absolutely nothing to wash our clothes with.
- I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger at a bookstore and stared at him for a minute wondering why he looked SO familiar.
- Maya: “Where does the sun go when the moon comes out?” Me: “Ask your teacher Maya. I forgot.” If I’m being 100% honest I should attribute this to ignorance and not forgetfulness.
Good thing I didn't forget my brother's birthday. I shudder to think of the consequences...
So there I was, all armed and ready to battle the sample loving crowds at Costco, just so I could pick up a massive container of Ginkgo Biloba, when I heard Ali call my child Mia instead of Maya. And just like that, all was well in the world once more.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you that being married doesn’t have it’s perks.
Trouble in the Tech World
I got in trouble today. Big trouble.
There Ali was, all excited because he was able to utilize his mi-fi (not to be confused with wi-fi) at the car wash, thus allowing him to “set up a mobile office” while he watched the love of his life (his car, not me) get shiny and new again…when I so viciously burst his bubble.
I broke his precious camera.
I’m not going to lie – I am not exactly careful with technology. My phone has dropped more times than I can count, my laptop screen imploded at one point, and my iPad suddenly has a very big scratch on the back and I have no idea why.
This time I wasn’t even being careless! The camera simply slipped out of my fingers as I was taking pictures of my clothes. (Yes I realize that sounds odd but I promise I had a good reason to take photos of my clothes – and no, I was not selling them on eBay.)
This is now what our camera looks like. Even in the "off" position.
There are three things that set Ali off:
- When someone messes with his technology.
- When someone messes with his car.
- When someone messes with his technology.
Obviously I’ve violated rules 1 & 3 and I will surely be paying for it for days, maybe weeks to come. But it’s okay because I figure I’ll just take it out on Maya.
Sometimes the greatest part of being a mother is having someone to yell at.
Wholesome
I felt like a wholesome weekend was in order after I encountered this rather scary sight:
Yes friends, it appears that “Panda Express” is a now cross-dresser. I was understandably upset. I mean, what Panda Express does on his own time is his own business but I refuse to tolerate his behavior while he’s living under my roof.
So while Panda Express enjoyed a time out and no dessert, we took Maya to The Grove for some wholesome family fun.
- We shopped (or I shopped) while Maya and Ali trailed behind, wholesomely arguing and pushing each other.
- We had lunch at Cheesecake Factory where I wholesomely swore at the fact that Maya had to go potty – numerous times – in quite possibly the dirtiest bathroom I’ve ever seen.
- We encountered not-so-wholesome Jason Alexander who once again reinforced my belief that most stars look nothing like they do on TV.
- We took photos at the conclusion of our afternoon, to commemorate our 4-hour wholesome family bonding marathon.
I was pleased that Panda Express was sufficiently repentant by the time we got home but then I encountered this even scarier sight, in the living room:
A scantily clad Fancy Nancy and Trampy Indian Barbie with a slit up the middle of her sari.
I’m about to enroll my child in a strict Catholic school. Seriously.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 