stepping away from the sarcasm
After being married 10 + years birthday/Christmas/Anniversary gifts no longer hold the same appeal. When Ali asks me what I want I’ll usually come up with a smart ass answer like “I want you to stop shoving your socks at the foot of the bed” or “an hour of peace and quiet would hit the spot.”
No, I don’t know why he puts up with me either.
Every year Ali ignores my sarcastic comments and he and Maya make a valiant effort to buy me something. And every year I line up on December 26th to return the gift. Why?
Well, at this point in my life I’m lucky enough to not need anything and receiving gifts just makes me feel…guilty. Plus most of the time Ali buys me a size 0 because he thinks I weigh the same as I used to when we first met. Talk about a Christmas wish…
Anyway, I realize that I wax on and on about Ali’s computer-separation anxiety, about Maya’s penchant for interrupting, and about Cadillac Dad and the fact he will not stop idling away (I must admire his persistence), and I rarely take the time to write how thankful I am for all that I have.
I'll let you guess who wrapped what...
So here I am, putting my sarcasm aside for a split second to acknowledge and appreciate that I am a very lucky girl. Thank you all again for coming here twice a week to read the random things that I write. It means a lot. And I am grateful.
Happy Holidays to all.
Re-Gifting
I really don’t know why I’m admitting this but here goes…I re-gift to my own child.
Yes. Yes! I realize how unforgivable this is. After all, I’m taking advantage of a 5-year-old who doesn’t have the capacity to remember that she’s opened the same gift on multiple occasions.
But if you have so much you can’t keep track of it then…you have too much! Right?
I feel guilty. No, I really do! But then Maya will say something ridiculous about how she has nothing to play with and that’s when I launch into my, “Do you know how lucky you are? Do you know there are kids in India who would kill for that one-armed Barbie you just threw on the floor?” speech.
And as I wrap up my lengthy speech yet again I’ve convinced myself that Maya does not need One.More.Thing. And that’s when I shamelessly re-wrap the fill in the blank I gave her for her birthday and quietly placed it under the tree.
I hope that when Maya grows up and starts reading about my insane parenting tactics she doesn’t hold it against me too much. But who knows? By then I’ll probably be so out of it that I won’t realize she’s stuck me in a nursing home and has been giving me the same ugly Sears faux-cashmere sweater for years.
Karma is a b@#$h.
Communication
Many of you have asked how a technology-obsessed family like mine communicates. Well the answer is not very well. This is because…
- Ali doesn’t listen to me. He claims it’s because he has a “genetic hearing problem” but I think the real issue is that what I have to say is simply not as interesting as whatever info his laptop/iPhone/VCU/Blackberry is churning out.
- I don’t listen to Ali. This is because when he finally tears himself away from his laptop/iPhone/VCU/Blackberry for a few seconds, I am too annoyed to talk to him.
- Maya won’t stop talking. On the very rare occasion that the stars are aligned, timing cooperates, and Ali and I actually have a moment to converse, we simply can’t get a word in edgewise.
So how do two people who occasionally need to communicate manage to do so? Well it’s simple – we utilize the wonderful world of text and instant messages.
This particular IM was sent from our living room - approximately 12 feet away from my office.
Laugh all you want! But the truth is that not only is this method extremely convenient and efficient, it also provides a written record of what was said! This means that one can always revert back to the text/IM history when one need to prove one did or did not say something. And I’m sure I don’t need to point out that this happens often around here.
The only drawback? When Ali finally files for divorce I fear my records can be subpoenaed…
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 