please advise
And just as I thought, “Wow. It’s been weeks since I’ve blogged about Ali’s randomness. Could things be looking up?” my phone chimed with a text. From my husband.
Now before I dissect this text, let me just acknowledge that I received it close to 5:00 pm. Yes, this means that not only did Ali remember to pick Maya up from after school care, but he picked her up 30 minutes early!
So a part of me is grateful. Grateful that my husband heeded my desperate pleas for help with our child. Grateful that I had a few extra hours at work to catch up. Grateful that for once it was Ali who had to juggle his laptop and Maya’s filthy, germ-ridden backpack.
The grateful side of me told me not to address the text. To just let it go. But the bitchy side of me insisted that time is at a minimum these days and good blog fodder is hard to come by.
So here we go.
“Please advise?” I know it’s a bit late but yes, please allow me to advise:
- I made pappardelle at 6:15 in the morning to ensure that Maya would eat properly.
- So no, Maya cannot have her four-day-old leftovers from Cheesecake Factory.
- And no, she cannot have snacks. She doesn’t need a snack when dinner is available.
- Also, I informed you of point 1 above prior to us leaving for work, so that I wouldn’t receive a text message from you about this very topic.
- And finally, just because Maya demands something, that doesn’t mean you actually have to give it to her.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
Tricky sure is. But if it is a weekend then it is okay, no?
It wasn’t a weekend. 🙂
Well. At least she’s excited to eat dinner. Whatever it may be. I believe at that age, I had standoffs with my mom at the dinner table. Daily.
I was such a brat. A malnourished one at that.
I was the same way! Luckily I don’t give Maya an inch so she usually eats what I give her. It’s when Ali’s involved where we have a problem…
What the message really says is this: “I know you already told me all this, but I’m gonna ask again, just to be sure. I did what you said and told her to eat the pasta you made but it’s not working!!! She’s still asking!!! We are lost without your infinite wisdom and guidance!”
That is the most perfect translation. Especially the “wisdom and guidance” part. 🙂
I really don’t think men speak the same language as women. 😉
I’m with you on that!
Because girls have men wrapped around their finger – Plus, you can’t say no to maya..she’s too cute 😉
Yes, this seems to be Ali’s problem! And Maya knows it.
Now, we know who wears the pants in this house. 😉
Was there ever any question? 🙂
“please advise” oh that cracks me right up.
My co-worker and I were laughing at that part too. Because I naturally had to share the text with her as well!
I’m so glad you included a link for papperdelle because I had no idea.
You should have just responded with the ambiguous “please do the needful.”
That is the BEST response. I am going to use this uniformly now.
Ah Ali kills me, What the heck!! You made the pasta at 6:15am, gez!!! That accounts for a lot. I agree with you last point, you can not give a child everything she wants. Arrh she’s to cute though lol
I made pasta at the crack of dawn to avoid any issues. I guess I failed on many accounts!
he just wants to make you happy, ameena!!! and maya too. like a puppy.
He sure does. And I should appreciate that. But it’s hard!!
Well, at least he asked first, even though he apparently couldn’t remember from earlier in the day. My experience is that all men have the same problem. No memory whatsoever. They must be thinking about sports or sex or something when we talk to them…thus they are only pretending to listen but their thoughts are clearly elsewhere. Such a shame, really.
Such a shame is right. But really, this comment made me laugh out loud!!
I am sad to think this is not just limited to the earlier years. I plan out food for the little man only to find that half the time, people just feed him what they want. So I guess there’s a plus to being asked to advise? 🙂
Oh yes…I remember those days! A little sip of tea here, a little scoop of ice cream there…it used to drive me bananas!
I love that your iPhone name for your husband is “ICE”.
@ Alinea. “ICE” stands for in case of emergency. So the emergency crew calls her husband if something happens. I suggest everyone has an ICE in their phone.
I learned this one from my mom! I totally recommend having an ICE in your phone as well.
That is how a dad reacts. And little girls know exactly how to wind them round their little fingers 🙂
Maya is an expert at this!
1. Ice? …interesting. 😛
2. The “please advise” part was priceless. At least he asked your thoughts?
3. I’m not sure I know exactly what pappardelle is, so clearly Maya should feel fantastic getting to eat such a thing that to me sounds gourmet.
4. Is this the first time he has picked her up?
ICE = in case of emergency….you should have one on your phone as well Jenna!
And Ali rarely picks Maya up. Although he’s become better about it these days, as my hours at work get longer!
Because he’s a dad. Dads are supposed to give in. Mine did. All the time. Hubby does just about as much. It’s their job, especially on the little stuff like that. (I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.)
Ha. My dad NEVER gave in. Ever. So I guess I’m in the minority here…I should have more tolerance?
Yeah…it’s their job. They’ll think you’re mean and that the world revolves around dad.
I know what you mean. Men can’t do anything on their own. I send texts laying out the plan for the day and then I will still get a text asking me what to do as if I never send the plan to begin with. Also they are weak when it comes to their little girls and easily give in to their demands or better yet, say ” mommy told me you can’t have or do this”. And we then are the bad cops. Lmao. Good luck. Its never gonna change. Speaking from experience. Xoxoxo
Oh Wendy…I can’t tell you how many of my carefully thought out plans were ignored. And make no mistake…I am the bad cop every second of the day!
Oh Ali 🙂
I’m surprised he asked and just didn’t do whatever…
Happy Friday/wknd lady!!
Katie
Happy Friday to you as well!
I just loved that he actually wrote “please advise” as though this was a work-related inquiry. Hilarious!
That really is the funniest part of text!
My husband would have just given the kids the four-day-old cheesecake pasta.
Unless it was a Friday and he thought he might get sex.
Then the kids are screwed. (Ironic, no?)
Julie – you are hysterical. Ironic is right!
haha. at least you got a text to ‘advise’. i come home to a toddler full of doritos and chocolate ice cream even if dinner is completely ready and on the stove!! what is it with men…they can’t say no!?!!? if i ask my husband why he allowed her to eat doritos, his answer is ‘because she said she wanted them!”
When Ali doesn’t seek advice via text message he is capable of such an action and comment. To which I would answer, “And if she wanted to step off the balcony would you allow her to?”
To which I would receive a blank stare!
Ooh.. i love pasta from cheesecake factory too… lol. Especially the appetizer fried mac and cheese, omg. delicious. it’s nice to see that you’re boss, at least he consults with you on these things. 🙂
The pasta from Cheesecake is rather tasty…not sure what they do to their marinara but it’s amazing!
haha, at first I was wondering what type of pasta was made from cheesecake!
I guess that makes sense!! 🙂
I love the ‘please advise’ 🙂 ha ha!!!! I do love the pasta at cheesecake factory- so I can see why your daughter would want it– but I’m sure what you prepared was so much healthier and better 🙂
Not sure if it was better but it was definitely healthier. 🙂
listen- “please advise” cracks me up. sounds like he is asking a boss ;)( or work colleague ) for information. Ismail will send emails to me with stuff he thinks I would find interesting starting with “FYI” and I get so mad. I feel the appropriate way to address it to me should be” My darling beautiful wife. Since the sole purpose of my existence is to make you smile, I came across this article /photo and thought you may enjoy it.Therefore I am passing it along. Hope it made you smile! Love always, Ismail” I have asked him to do this, and he actually looked perturbed. BAH Please Advise….
Ha. I can barely get a hello in person, never mind a hello on email/text. It’s straight to business Sana!!
Just FYI. 🙂
Yeah, this is pretty funny for sure. “Ali, no is no, just keep telling yourself that and one day you will be the boss.” hahahahahahaha! Your husband cracks me up. But, some similar things are happening in our home. The other day not just one but a few of my kids came to me and said, “we are tired of asking dad questions and having him tell us to come to you.” I went straight to the subject, (husband) and said, “what’s this all about.” He said, “well, you’re with them all day long and sometimes I feel like I just don’t have the answers.” Hmmmmm. “Answers to what,” I say. He says, “well like, whether or not they can have a snack after dinner.” I then said, “if you don’t think they should then they shouldn’t, if you think they should, then let them.” 🙂 Sometimes men can be…funny? 🙂 He’s the best, he just wants to do the right thing… by me…I’m guessing Ali too. 🙂
Funny as usual Ameena, love it,
Shauna
You are smart to go straight to the source. But at least your source answers you. I usually get a blank look when I try to address such things…or I get a text. 🙂
Methinks like this reeks of bein a pass the buck situation. By getting you to text that Maya can’t have the cheesecake pasta, he then has physical evidence to show Maya that it was mom, not dad, denying her what she wanted…
So true. And now that she can read this makes perfect sense!
Hehe. Next time you maybe you should text back “maya, your dad says to eat the pasta your mom made”.:)
Hahaha “Please advise”, Ali is too funny (and nice) for his own good. And interesting about the ICE – although I’m pretty sure in an Arab country they would just look through for Mama/Baba/last dialed numbers!
Mama/Baba….I love it. Over here people might not even bother to look for anything! Not even ICE. They’d just keep going on their merry way… 🙂
My husband gives in all the time.
And he always asks for direction…which is genius…because he’ll tell my son…well mommy said no…so now I look like the bad guy.
Men are a lot smarter than we think they are.
You are one of many commenters who pointed this out…such a good point. So I guess now I have to open my eyes and see through Ali’s texts??
At least he indicated his need for direction. Hence the “please advise”.
But I did direct him! At 6:15 am. Maybe next time I should just text him?
well look at the brighter side, atleast ali asks u for advice before doing something… 🙂
I only wish he’d listen to my advice the first time around. 🙂
LOL, “please advise” – priceless 🙂
🙂
“Please advise” – love it. That’s uttered a lot in our household also and sometimes I wonder if I am the sole parent.
I wonder the same thing!
I think my favorite part of the whole thing is the “please advise.” That’s what I say to suppliers at work when they mess something up and I don’t feel like coming up with a proper explanation. 🙂
At work this phrase is acceptable. At home? It’s just strange!
lol – sorry I side with your husband here on this one. I would have done JUST the same thing!
At least someone can relate to Ali…this will make him feel better!
tell I know just where he is coming from! 🙂
I will give Ali 1 point for asking – instead of just giving in to Maya… but as for the clear instructions that I know were given (and obviously not remembered) at the beginning of the day… I have nothing to add. Honestly, I am continually baffled by the amount of knowledge men can keep in their heads (for mine – history, dates, the names of every king of any country…ever…) and yet he forgets what I told him yesterday. Why. WHHHHYYYY!!!!???
Well, as others pointed out, he didn’t give in to Maya because he blamed the whole thing on me. 🙂
Ohh the silly things they do… the husbands and the kids. haha.
Silly is putting it nicely!!
I guess I am the only exception. In my house, its my husband who refuses. And my son listens to him and only when he doesnt listen, my husband says “Amma said no.”
Ha ha ha! So hard to get two parents on the same page.
Haha! You cooked at 6:15 am? You really are superwoman.
I know I’m not superwoman but I like to pretend that I am. 🙂