i didn’t know that
Maya: “Mama, can I have a trip to Hawaii for my 7th birthday?”
When Maya asked me this question a few days ago, my first instinct was to embark on a long lecture about how spoiled she is, how she has no regard for money, and how she is totally out of line for asking something so ridiculous.
But then I realized that I have nobody to blame but myself for this outrageous question. After all, it’s not like she’s taken herself to New York and Paris.
Me: “Maya, did you know that some big people don’t ever have the chance to fly on a plane?”
Maya: “No, I didn’t know that.”
Me: “Well it’s true. And that’s just one of the many reasons why a 6-year-old should not be asking for a trip to Hawaii.”
Maya: “Okay. Sorry Mama.”
At this point I was congratulating myself for not flying off the handle and screaming at Maya. For not lecturing her about how lucky she is. For not taking away her toys or sending her to her room in an effort to teach her a lesson. And then…
Maya: “What about for my 16th birthday? Can I have a trip to Hawaii then?”
I didn’t even answer her. Instead, I made her get the broom and sweep the kitchen floor. Just because it seemed like the right thing to do.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
Parenthood is so so challenging :I
To say the least!
Makes perfect rational sense. 10 years later and she will be a big person. Totally acceptable gift at that point.
But I am going to go out on a limb and say she just might make it to Hawaii before 16 🙂
You are so right. All she has to do is ask her grandfather…
I think you might be thinking deep down that it might actually be a good idea, but just don’t want to admit it yet. Have a think about it, as something tells me, this topic is not going away.
Lovely view in the background.
I’ve been to Hawaii once…it was gorgeous. But I have no plans to go again! Maya will have to work it out herself!
Eeks Maya reminds me of me- don’t know if that’s a good thing! I remember one summer throwing a fit when I had to be India for the summer (i was living in London at the time) for family reasons rather than travel to Greece with my friends. Instead of being grateful that I actually have the means visit these places any other time in life, I was whining about how selfish my parents are- whoops! I guess we can all use the reminder to be grateful for all that we have because let’s be honest, it’s quite a bit! Yet here we are most of the time wondering whether to pay for a gym membership, go organic or not and so forth: we’re lucky to actually have these ‘problems’!
I think we all remember and cringe at some of the ungrateful comments that slipped out of our mouths. You are not alone! And yes, we are so lucky to have these “problems.”
This reminds me of me about 20 years ago when I asked my mom for an allowance. That is one lecture I will never forget!
Allowance! I remember asking a similar question once. Never again.
awwwww.. look at her..
Hey Doll!! I think it is BEYOND amazing you are able to show your child the world…most people don’t have that privilege at all, so its rad! I understand the lessons the you’re sharing, but come’on….there’s a part in there that wants to go to Hawaii too…….lol!!
xxoo
My worst nightmare is to be the mother of a spoiled child! Forgoing a trip to Hawaii is worth making sure Maya’s not a complete disaster. 🙂
You should just take her now before she turns 16! 16=trouble!
6 = trouble. I fear the future.
She looks adorable. You should def take her – before you know it she will be asking to go holiday, without you or Ali! Besides, Hawaii sounds like such an amazing place to visit.
Hahahahaha – you guys need your own television show! And the view out of those windows is gorgeous. Oh how I miss multi-story buildings.
I can’t imagine how much worse Maya would be if she was on a TV show!! 🙂
Great response 🙂 It’s great that Maya is so worldly so young!
Thank you Emily! Glad you agree.
Maya looks so adorable! You should take her to Hawaii, especially since she’s still at the age she asking to go with Ali and you. Before you know it she’ll be asking to go on holidays with her friends!!
ahahaha! I guess it seems logical… she’s technically bigger then…
I think she’s been watching my Super Sweet 16 when I haven’t been around…
hahah. you’re a great mother!
You are a fabulous commenter. 🙂
Yeah, it’s definitely good that she is well traveled. She’s lucky. I think you are doing a good job of at least TRYING to keep her grounded! It’s gotta be a hard balance. She looks like a sad but lucky little Cinderella in front of that awesome city view.
Lucky little Cinderella is right!! 🙂
Maya is such a doll. She reminds me of Cinderella… lol. You know, she is definitely privileged, but that’s what every parent wants for their child, an opportunity that they may not have had growing up. I would do a trip to Hawaii, followed by a trip to India to show her how truly lucky she is. Till this day when I travel to India, I return humbled every single time.
I really want to take Maya to India – I think it was one of the best things my parents did for us kids!
Amen, Ameena! I credit a big part of my budding sense of social justice and simple living to Tose childhood visits to India. Oh, and I’ll also never spend $3 on a juicebox of that gross trendy coconut water after drinking the real thing for a few pennies. Don’t even forget me started on eating fresh samosas, jalebi and custard apples…YUM!
Jaya – I suddenly feel the need to go to India and eat something amazing right off the street….
That was funny. But I may have granted her request just for the chance to go to Hawaii!
Luckily I’ve already been to Hawaii – no need for me to go again!
slave labor, that’s good right there. Heh.
Having kids is all about free labor! And she’s finally old enough to provide some. 🙂
I struggle with this as well. Obviously on a different level than your family, but it’s a balancing act all the same. I grew up with so little & I have such an appreciation for everything I have I want my children to have a grateful spirit as well.
I think we are the best judge of our own children and teaching them to work and take responsibility. No matter how much you have or don’t have appreciation can always be learned.
But heck if I had the money, I would fly my whole family to Hawaii today!
I grew up with more than enough but my parents had 3 kids so it was definitely not the same as it is for Maya. Having only children can be tricky when they are on the receiving end of everything!
—Haaaa.
Hawaii sounds exquisite.
Xxx Can I go, Mama?
You can go but then you’d be responsible for Maya’s vomit from motion sickness. 🙂
Maybe I should ask for a trip to Hawaii for MY next Birthday!
Maya is on to something.
this is one big kid who’s BARELY been on a plane, let alone a trip to paris or anywhere that required sun screen.
Cabo was it and that was because my Dad took me. and BOY I loved it!!!
Maya has a great life….SMILE MAMA!
I haven’t been to Cabo yet! I totally want to go. As will Maya, I’m sure.
Maya is a smart girl 🙂
She’s a smart-ass, that’s for sure!
I think thats an exceptional gift for 16th birthday…right? I’m spoiled too…
I think I asked for a stereo for my 16th birthday. I guess I’m old…
Hehe…Reading this sure made my day…Maya is soo smart…and she is soo cute…
Glad I could make your day. And you just made mine by saying so!
You are welcome, all said and done though, I completely agree with your stand. I know you can probably take her to Hawaii a bunch of times, but it is important for her to know the ground realities and appreciate her privileges…I try everyday to make my son ( who is Maya’s age) realize such stuff. And as you say visiting India did make a difference for you, I hope that it leaves some impact on him as we leave for a 6 week vacation soon. He has visited earlier too, but he was too young to remember. This time though,I hope he has a memorable trip but comes back with some realization of how grateful he (or we) should be for so many things that we take extremely for granted !!!
Safe travels Tandra! I hope that your vacation is fabulous and that your son has a memorable trip for many reasons….
Owww…. Maya is adorable & smart! I would say yes, just because I’ve never been to Hawaii myself either .. 🙂
Luckily I’ve been to Hawaii so I’m not tempted to say yes!
Great story. 🙂
I never flew until I was in college. I haven’t been out of the US (and I’m nearly 30). My parents have never flown in their lives, much less been out of the US. I consider myself entirely lucky to have done the little I have (which includes Hawaii!). I want my kids to experience the world, if I am able to afford it. But I also want them to know that they are lucky to be able to do so and to be humble.
A friend posted on FB the other day how her high school son was complaining that her ideas for their Senior spring break weren’t cool enough – trips to Mexican resorts, etc. Someone commented, and I wholeheartedly agreed, that ANY trip should sound cool. To be so lucky to be able to have all that ever in one’s life, much less at a young age, is a privilege and wonderful thing all at once. I wouldn’t ever make her feel guilty for it, but I would definitely hope she appreciates both you and the privileges she has in her life. 🙂
I love this comment. What I want to know is how I raise such a well-adjusted, kind, and appreciative person like yourself. I would love to get some tips from your parents!
And yes, ANY trip is cool – well said.
Whoa now, don’t get too excited – I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say I’m well-adjusted! 🙂 haha But thanks, and you’re doing great. Sometimes I learned the most from doing the opposite of my parents. It all works out.
Why do Indian parents follow any request with a nice long lecture. Oh and the”there are are poor kids, who cannot afford things” speech, still don’t understand the point in making me feel guilty.
Give her some credit, Ameena. She apologized and moved her request forward to her 16th birthday, I mean it will be sweet sixteen celebration after all.
PS: I may have to change my perspective in a few months 🙂
Oh you’ll change your perspective…I guarantee it. 🙂 It’s inevitable!
just when you thought it resonated! I think she’ll get it someday soon, long before 16.
Long before, I’m sure!
LOL! Maya is adorable with her sweeping 🙂
On behalf of Maya…thank you!
LOL.
is that broom purposely for her size?
Yes – it was part of a kid’s set! It’s actually a really cool broom…I use it myself!
Can’t get over the floor to ceiling windows in your apartment!
I love how Maya calls you “Mama”…so cute.
She tried “mommy” for a while but I wasn’t having it!
Six year olds forget easily, but sixteen year olds? Hehe, you’ll need to be ready then! (But nice deflection :P)
Sounds like something my mum would have done as well. Except in my case it would have been me asking to go out clubbing with my friends at age nineteen.
And her making me stay home and clean my room “because it’s filthy” or go to some random family friend’s house instead.
Oh yes…being forced to go to the “family friend’s house” was punishment enough. I totally can relate!
Good for you!!! You are a great mom 🙂
Thank you Jolene!
Those over-privileged Big Bloggers who take everything for granted would have benefited from a mother like you.
It’s my dream that someone – anyone – will benefit from my crazy parenting tactics! 🙂
hahaha Maya is hilarious. Good thing she’s cute eh?
Lucky for her!
Haha! She sounds pretty awesome 🙂
Well, heck, if she can’t have the trip to Hawaii can I? :)~ I sent Alex off to sweep today as well. Gotta put them to work once in a while, right?
I can’t wait until she can sweep and actually do a good job of it…
I think that’s fair…make her wait until she’s 16. Hehe.
And I think sweeping the floor is a good lesson most of the time.
16 at least!
Now that is a gal who keeps her eyes on the prize!
I suppose she does have her priorities in order??
I totally laughed out loud at the broom photo. My little brother (he’s 10) has been asking to go to the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. My family is trying to go to Ireland this summer and Daniel said, “it’s not going to be as fun as Atlantis!” Ugh.
I want to go to Ireland! Who cares about the Atlantis resort??
You should give her kudos for trying. It doesn’t hurt to ask, right? She will make a great negotiator one day. On the other hand just think of the proverbial “carrot” that you have dangling on the stick. “Sure Maya, once you graduate HS and get accepted to Stanford (thinking west coast) we will celebrate in Hawaii”. Or would you like her on the East Coast instead? (Cornell/Columbia)
East Coast of course! I’ve already educated her on Harvard and Boston College and Georgetown…
I remember asking my dad if we could go to Kashmir for a holiday, I was 10, maybe 11. And, his response – ‘If you want to die, please let’s do so here rather than travel all the way there and get shot!’ I dont think I asked him for another vacation.
That sounds like a typical Indian dad answer. They are usually dramatic and right to the point!
I was an only child until my half brother came along when I was thirteen, I still consider myself an only child. When you mentioned, “being on the receiving end of everything, that was me. My husband is the last of nine, can you believe that? I’ve learned a lot from him!
As a mother I appreciate your example in asking Maya whether she “knew” these things. That’s a great tool to keep calm, one that I could be using a wee bit more around here. Thanks for your honestly, it’s refreshing. Take care,
Shauna
9! Wow. I have the utmost respect for his mother – truly.
And thank you for the compliment. I am so glad people appreciate the honesty!
Last line is awesome…ok, sorry mama! End of story haha!
Your humor is amazing…love it!
Katie
Thank you for the compliment Katie! And for reading. 🙂
I’d be more outraged of such a request from a 6 year old if I wasn’t so busy drooling over you kitchen floor (granite?) and gorgeous view!
The granite kitchen floor is fantastic because it never, ever shows dirt!
Thank you for the compliment. 🙂
Pft….I would have made her scrub the toilet…with a toothbrush.
I’m sure that day will come!
When you book your tickets for The Big Island (invariably, you’re going to see a great deal in an advert in the next two weeks), I will not be saying I TOLD YOU SO. Rather, I will be whooping and cheering on Maya from the sidelines. Say what you will, she’s got a great grasp on using The Secret at such an early age.
p.s. Sweeping would have been my first response too. That or attempting to fold laundry.
You are totally right! I think she’s channeling The Secret. Perhaps she watched an old Oprah episode behind my back?
aww she is so sweet 🙂
Thanks Ayala!
You make me remember a funny story I heard Mary Matalin tell at a dinner in Washington DC. Before you think I’m a republican (democrats ftw!), her husband James Carville was there, too.
She said that as she was dressing to go out that night, she implored her daughter Matty to behave for the baby sitter. Matty said she would be good for $1. (Clearly too many bribery stores around that family table at dinner.) Matalin said, “Why can’t you be like your dad and be good for nothing?”
Laughter all around.
I love it Leslie! You have the best stories….
And even if you were a Republican – no judgement. I am a Canadian after all! 🙂
OMG! 🙂 I cannot believe ho candid you are … You know one day she will be reading your blog, right? Haha
♡ from © tanvii.com
I’m sure she will be…and I can’t wait to hear what she thinks about her antics!
I am laughing so hard at this. At first I thought she got out the broom herself as if the “work” would encourage you to change your mind. Had I grown up spoiled, that would have been my tactic.
That was totally my tactic when I was a kid! I’d make my parents tea to get back on their good side. Maya apparently doesn’t feel the need to do the same…
Poor Maya, but I guess she will be on her way to Hawaii much before 16. :)..The view behind is awesome…
Her grandfather will make sure of that…and thank you for the compliment!
Hmm…of all the places, why Hawaii? Gotta say though, girl has taste. Like mother, like daughter 😉 🙂
I agree – Hawaii was a random choice. Maybe a friend of hers just came back from there? Who knows??
Hawaii…hmmmm… kids can be very silencing sometimes 😀
Funny how they silence us but we can never get them to be quiet!
haha true.
Haha, the kid’s got guts thats for sure! I was also afraid to ask for extravagant gifts when I was a kid – still am actually! I’m never quite sure I deserve it/think my parents have paid for enough over the years (private schooling, university etc.) In all honestly though I don’t think Maya will grow up spoiled, (you and Ali make wonderful parents) especially not after your little broom trick!
You are one amazingly grateful child! I have my fingers crossed that Maya will appreciate things like private school tuition eventually…
Hahaha It’s almost as if you’re subconsciously trying to condition Maya to think that every time she asks for a trip, you’re going to ask her to sweep…that way she won’t ask you for a trip again. Kind of like associative learning but disciplining in this case. I don’t know if that makes sense! LOL
I didn’t think of it that way…but what a great bonus!
You do have to give her points for imagination and confidence. Maybe a ‘field trip’ to volunteer at a homeless shelter (one that is for families and has children in it) or a food pantry is in order for her. I’ve done that with Dudette and it’s sparked several good conversations.
I’ve taken Maya to many events where we pack clothes/food for the homeless..not sure how much sinks in at this age but I keep trying. A trip to India would be a fantastic conversation starter…
Well done Mama!!! You handled that like a pro – with poise, firmness and style. Not to mention the brooming was the perfect exclamation point to this story. But I do believe this lucky little girl will be on her way to Hawaii sooner than later 🙂
chow! Devaki @ weavethousandflavors
Thank you Devaki! I have a feeling you are right about the trip to Hawaii…
Hahaha! I once asked for something outrageous and my parents took me to our maid’s daughter’s birthday party. This was over a decade ago and I swear I’ve never had a fancy birthday celebration since then. Parenting is as challenging as it is fun and you’re doing an awesome job Ameena.
Thank you Gayatri…as Maya’s birthday approaches I wish she too could see how over the top her birthdays are…
LOL…this is so cute and such a smart child she is:-)
It is actually scary sometimes to think what they’d do as teenagers considering they are so smart abhi se:-)
I totally agree! Kids are way smarter than we were at their age. Too much too soon I guess…
I remember asking my parents to take me to Japan the moment we stepped off the airplane from China and mom said that she will take me next year. It was a revelation for me that we’re meant to have a holiday only once a year.
I don’t even remember going on ONE vacation a year – I remember a handful total from when we were kids. I guess traveling with 3 kids was an expensive proposition for my parents….
ha ha that was cutie, maya is smart girl and you are super smart mom, managed to beautifully 🙂
Thank you Ananda!
$5 says she thinks that because she swept the kitchen she’s in like Flynn for the trip for her sweet 16th. I mean, she DID do an honest days work, you gotta give her that.
In like Flynn…I love it. I’ve never heard that before!
And Maya has yet to learn what an honest minute of hard work is, never mind an honest day!
I want a DSLR for my graduation, so there.
And I want a shirt from Bloomingdale’s…we are no match for Maya.
Ah, you can’t expect someone that young to understand the concept of luckiness or expense or any of that, She’ll get it eventually.
I feel like she should get it now. I expect a lot from her! It’s a problem.
I was always afraid to ask my parents for things growing up. I still am to this day! It really irks them around the holidays though when they absolutely have no clue what to get me 😛
ahahahahaha! well at least she still listens to you and now you have a clean floor 😉
Ha! You have to quit letting her read my blog. It’s giving her too many bad ideas. (But if you take her to Hawaii for her birthday, please be sure to invite me along. I promise to pay my own way…)
Ha ha..I loved the tag “why I yell so much at my kid”. I would have liked to say – give a break to the girl, after all by 16 she would have earned many brownie points for a nice vacation..But alas these words doesn’t help a mamma put in the spot by a cute & smart child!
Hahaha.. You truly make parenting hilarious!!
She is only six now…so, yikes 😉 At least it was not a trip through Europe 🙂
I’m sure that request isn’t too far behind!
Hey! At least she gave herself 10 years! 😉
Brooming helps everyone IMO. 🙂
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