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a mad texter

January 27, 2011

Ali likes to send text messages. Lots and lots of text messages. He does this for a variety of reasons but namely because:

  1. He is stuck in a line/is on hold/is waiting for someone or something and has nothing better to do, or
  2. He has nothing better to do.

I’m not going to lie – I don’t have much patience for his texts because more often than not they are so cryptic that even the FBI couldn’t decipher them. And the rest of the time? Well he’s asking me to do something I really don’t want to do.

So when I received yet another urgent text from my husband insisting I immediately stop by the pharmacy to purchase a travel-sized Crest with Scope I debated ignoring it. But then my guilty conscience got to me and I headed to CVS to comply with his request.

(And yet I get comments that I’m not a very good wife? I don’t get it.)

Anyway, why he needed it urgently is beyond me, seeing as we aren’t leaving for Minneapolis until Friday. But I was on the tail end of appreciating his efforts to find me a new car and decided to humor him.

So imagine how I felt when I went to put the toothpaste away and found all of this in Ali’s bathroom?

A buffet of tooth care.

I was beside myself with irritation. I asked him why he needed the toothpaste so badly when he already had enough on hand to brush the teeth of all the citizens of a small country. And he texted back:

“For my trip to New Orleans. At the end of February.”

Does this make any sense? No. But on the bright side I suppose I can’t accuse him of procrastination?

115 Comments leave one →
  1. January 27, 2011 12:59 am

    TTOoooo Funny 🙂 The things we do on the tail end of appreciation, bet that one slammed you back into reality. I mean, its only a new car right 🙂

  2. January 27, 2011 1:23 am

    So does this mean you need to hide this travel sized Crest and Scope in case he uses them before the end of February and asks you to buy more? I’m thinking you should just buy two next time and hide one to save yourself a second trip. Hey, it works with the kids 😉

    I guess I’m lucky that my hubby is so lazy that he won’t even bother to pick up the phone to text. It’s just too much finger work for him or something. Although he has more than enough finger strength to eat beef jerky (yup, he added a new one to the list) with chopsticks. Yeah, go figure. 

    • January 27, 2011 3:13 pm

      Your husband eats chips and now beef jerkey with his chopsticks? I’m sure his parents love that!

  3. January 27, 2011 1:56 am

    haha…..i’m assuming your husband has very good teeth. not a bad quality to have i must say. 😉

    and i admit, i’ve become a text addict myself. you know you have a problem when making a phone call starts to make you sweat.

  4. January 27, 2011 4:10 am

    This can be looked at as a positive thing – he is started to focus on details! 🙂

  5. January 27, 2011 4:26 am

    Now that’s pre-planning! Can you blame him for thinking ahead?

  6. January 27, 2011 4:52 am

    Ok, that one’s beyond me. He’ll go through all that before the end of February? Honestly though, I’ll take the pre-planning over my Hubby’s style, which is, “we’re not leaving for 5 minutes. Why are you packing already?”

  7. January 27, 2011 5:13 am

    ha ha… well there’s something to be said about good dental habits.

    Although when it comes to packing/trips, I’m more that person who would be packing the night before and have to go out to CVS at midnight for all the things I forgot to get earlier that week… oops

  8. January 27, 2011 5:45 am

    LOL…hey, aren’t you glad that he doesn’t fall at the opposite end of the spectrum? At least he’ll always have fresh breath!

  9. January 27, 2011 6:12 am

    I think I quit trying to understand my husband’s logic a long time ago. Men are a different breed altogether. I like how you gathered the evidence and placed them in front of the picture of the accused. Don’t let that smile of his trick you, he knows what he’s doing…

  10. January 27, 2011 6:26 am

    so weird. ha.
    my father is obsessed with toothcare. he has one of those super fancy electric toothbrushes and he flosses constantly. i could never!

  11. January 27, 2011 6:33 am

    Menn from Mars and Women from Venus is TRUE! Stop trying to figure out how the men think, they are just different. I gave up trying long time ago. I bet they say the same thing about women:D

  12. January 27, 2011 7:16 am

    hahahaha. I don’t understand why men feel the need to stock up on stuff like that. My dad literally has a cabinet full of toothpaste and shampoo. And yet he comes home from shopping with loads more on a regular basis. Defies logic.

  13. January 27, 2011 7:33 am

    let’s not overlook the fact that he takes good care of his teeth!


    New Orleans?????

  14. January 27, 2011 7:33 am

    I suppose you can’t call him out on having bad oral health, either. PS – WOAH is that a lot of toothpaste!

  15. January 27, 2011 7:41 am

    At least he has good dentail hygiene, right?

  16. January 27, 2011 7:46 am

    Wait, why isn’t Crest sponsoring your blog yet? 🙂

  17. January 27, 2011 7:52 am

    Ali is always prepared. Like a boyscout. Just make sure he remembers his toothbrush!

  18. January 27, 2011 7:54 am

    Ha! He’s a planner, for sure!

    Jason does the same thing with phone calls instead of texts – he figures if he doesn’t have anything to do, I must not either.

  19. January 27, 2011 7:58 am

    While we were in the USVI a few weeks ago, my boyfriend urgently texted me to get more bug-spray. When I came back and discovered we still had a half-full bottle, he told me it was so we could each have one.


  20. January 27, 2011 8:01 am

    I have to really commend Ali for all the wonderful stories he provides you and your readers on a regular basis! 🙂 I think you’re an awesome wife!

  21. January 27, 2011 8:35 am

    Quite a planner Ali is…I guess he figured he might run out the toothpaste and mouthwash sooner later?? At least you know he will keep his mouth fresh all the time, right? 😉

  22. January 27, 2011 8:37 am

    hahaha Ali is hilarious!

    You should just start using all his travel sized dental products. That would really mess with him.

  23. January 27, 2011 8:39 am

    A. You’re a great wife. If those commenters have nothing nice to say, they should at the very least go find something productive to do.
    B. Texting is just one more way for my family to harrass me when I’m trying to spend a few hours away from them. I sometimes wish we were Amish.

  24. January 27, 2011 9:07 am

    This cracked me up! You’re a good wife 🙂

  25. January 27, 2011 9:30 am

    makes no sense at all, none whatsoever. On a happier note – at least he has his own bathroom to store it all in. You ARE a good wife 🙂

  26. January 27, 2011 9:32 am

    secret hoader…i think so.

    are you going with him to NOLA at the end of Feb?

    • January 27, 2011 9:51 am

      No I’m not going because Maya has school. Plus it’s a “work” trip. But it sounds suspicious per usual.

  27. January 27, 2011 9:34 am

    Hahahaha! Men. They seem to forget everything they already have. Ryan does this with his precious hair gel….


  28. January 27, 2011 9:41 am

    LOL, I did the same stupid thing last week. I went out of my way to buy milk cause i thought I ran out (and i have to walk 😦 in the cold) and silly me already had two bottles. I felt so stupid.
    *kisses* HH

  29. January 27, 2011 10:11 am

    he is ridiculous. but i love it! especially since i was baking last week and thought i was out of flour but had lots of sugar. so i went to the store and came to find…i was out of sugar but had two bags of flour…oops.

  30. January 27, 2011 10:30 am

    I get really annoyed with text messages too. I mean, is it really necessary for me to know how bored my girlfriends are at work/in class? Do I need to hear that my boyfriend is stuck in traffic? ugh. I would have been beyond frustrated seeing all of that toothpaste! ahhhh

  31. January 27, 2011 11:07 am

    well… on the bright side, you’ll never run out of toothpaste. 😛

  32. Ayla permalink
    January 27, 2011 11:41 am

    Forget needing it for the end of February, with all that toothpaste I think Ali would be good until the end of the year. How are his teeth not blindingly white? 😉

  33. January 27, 2011 12:10 pm

    Wow, I WISH my husband was so enthusiastic about brushing his teeth!

    But I still think you could be considered a perfectly good wife if you ignore the rest of his texts and emails.

  34. January 27, 2011 1:11 pm

    You guys are great!! Gives me a smile and laugh everytime.

  35. January 27, 2011 1:28 pm

    You are soooo nice to Ali! Guys can be so weird…my boyfriend changes socks like 3 times a day, for no real reason.
    He also sends me weird texts full of strange characters and letters like EIEEEEEEEKKEEA and thinks it’s funny…

  36. January 27, 2011 1:39 pm

    LOL he’s a dental hygiene hoarder. HILARIOUS! I would have been so mad if I were and I found the stash after going to CVS.

  37. January 27, 2011 2:21 pm

    Haha either he REALLY likes having fresh breath or he likes to be prepared. My boyfriend likes to pack about 20min before we have to leave for the airport. It drives me nuts!

  38. January 27, 2011 2:28 pm

    At least he has clean teeth! 🙂

    You don’t even want to know the kind of texts I get from my parents!

  39. January 27, 2011 3:10 pm

    HAHA! Ameena, have I told you lately how much I love reading your posts?

  40. January 27, 2011 3:42 pm

    oh he totally owes you for this. mental note. haha awe, one of those “are you freaking kidding me!?!” moments!! ❤

  41. January 27, 2011 4:50 pm

    and is he really going to use everything in that picture by the end of february? THAT’s what i want to know!!

  42. January 27, 2011 4:54 pm

    Ah the beauty of texting. Wait, where’s the beauty? I’d rather people just call me. Or better yet – send me a carrier pigeon.

  43. January 27, 2011 5:08 pm

    Lol, maybe he knew he’d probably forget, so decided to mention it when it was on his mind?

    I love texting…because it forces brevity. I HATE getting into rambling phone convos with people.

    And OMG, you’re coming to London? WE ARE MEETING UP!

  44. January 27, 2011 5:34 pm

    Hey, he’s into having clean teeth…thats ok 🙂

  45. January 27, 2011 6:17 pm

    Haha – too funny! Dan is the exact same way and I hate to argue with him in public about the excessive amounts of deodorant, shampoo, floss, etc. that he already has at home.

    Um trip to Minneapolis? The most magical place on earth?!?!!? Let me know when you need the frost-bite coping tips. 😉

  46. January 27, 2011 6:37 pm

    I have definitely done a similar thing…I think of something that I know I will need eventually and I need to get it right NOW even though I have lots of time…because I’m afraid I’ll forget and won’t have it when I need it! But I don’t send out urgent text messages, I just go get what I need myself, or else my family and friends would disown me. Oh, and Ali’s “bulk buying” habit reminds me of my dad. He has at least 5 of every personal care product that he uses at any given time. Just in case, you know.

  47. January 27, 2011 7:22 pm

    I’ll be honest, this brought me back to the reading comprehension tests of high school. I read the story, saw the picture, read the story again and then confirmed my hypothesis that Ali has managed to stash a year’s worth of toothpaste for himself.

    I mean, I understand that some people are afraid of going broke, starving to death, leaving the house without essential clothing (pants/shirt) on. But I think Ali has presented us with a whole new ball game.

  48. January 27, 2011 8:27 pm

    What are you going to Minneapolis for? I’m in Minneapolis, and am a new visitor to your site so this caught my eye 🙂

    • January 27, 2011 8:49 pm

      Hi Meri – I am going for a wedding. I’m assuming I’m going to survive the freezing cold weather in my thin wool coat?? Or is that somewhat unlikely?

  49. January 27, 2011 9:10 pm

    Oh my goodness, I get texts from Zach like this ALL THE TIME!!! 🙂 I thought he was the only one… 🙂 The other day it was a GIANT bottle of Crest Complete mouthwash because he only had regular Crest and he needed the “Complete” kind STAT! Who knows why… but I ran to CVS too… 🙂 and your post made me feel much better. 🙂

  50. January 27, 2011 9:51 pm

    Ah, no, I applaud this particular brand of preparedness! In December I went on an overnight work trip and forgot toothpaste… the hotel wanted to charge me $5 for a tiny tube. So the more the merrier, I say! 😛

  51. January 27, 2011 9:55 pm

    I always prefer talking to texting. the only time i text is when i my husband does not answer my call.

    Well kudos to Ali for taking dental hygine seriously. i would have avoided atleast some visits to my dentist if i was that serious.

    That definitely is a tooth care buffet.

  52. January 27, 2011 10:59 pm

    A toothpaste hoarder! Well at least you know he takes his dental hygiene seriously 🙂

  53. January 28, 2011 4:06 am

    My husband is not much of a texter. But he does ask me to do stupid stuff that he could easily do himself. Like stopping by CVS to pick something up when he drives by 4x a day. It is so annoying because it is no problem for me to do, but is easy for him to do it too. So why doesn’t he just do it. But if I get annoyed then I look like a , ya know.
    Stupid Husbands.

  54. January 28, 2011 4:16 am

    This is too funny! I never really know what I have in my bathroom, so this is totally the kind of request I would make.

  55. January 28, 2011 4:37 am

    Aaaahhh, the frustration! Lol, I say go with your first instinct next time! 🙂

  56. January 28, 2011 6:08 am

    I may be killed for this statement but sometimes I wish texting had never been invented. They should’ve just stopped at the cellphone. Yes, it’s easier to stay in contact with someone via texting but it’s not as fun as talking on the phone (or even in person). You can’t hear the emotions in someones voice when you are texting. I miss regular ol’ phone conversations.
    Also, another pet peeve when it comes to texting is when people ‘rite lke this 2 save space on ther messg or b lazy. its really annoy 2 me. i no rite?’. Good lord! When I text, I text a novel – perfect grammar, spelling, the whole nine yards.

    • January 28, 2011 9:15 am

      Jessica – I agree, it’s quality not quantity. My texts are very long but grammatically correct. You crack me up!

      • January 29, 2011 7:40 pm

        I totally agree! My texts may be long, but there is no misunderstanding what I am trying to say. My mother has started texting, and she is worse than a 12 year old girl with her cryptic messages. I never know what she is trying to say.

        My Hubby’s thing is light bulbs. We will never have a light out in our house. Ever.

  57. January 28, 2011 7:22 am

    Guess you will have to get another Crest then for your trip to Minneapolis?

  58. January 28, 2011 7:32 am

    At least he has clean breath. For me with all my dental check ups I think I have enough toothbrushes and toothpaste to last for years, next time you go there just snag a few.

  59. January 28, 2011 7:33 am

    At least he has clean breath. For me with all my dental check ups I think I have enough toothbrushes and toothpaste to last for years, next time you go there just snag a few or even better as he leaves call the hotel he is staying at and tell them he forgot basics if they can have them waiting in his room.

  60. January 28, 2011 8:42 am

    that is priceless…and unfortunately, something i would also do 🙂

  61. January 28, 2011 8:52 am

    LMAO!!!! I love it!!!

  62. January 28, 2011 10:38 am

    Ha Ha Ha..I am pretty sure that Ali has the most sparking teeth in this world. P has such fascination for hair cremes and gel…and his hair are not that great too.Anyhow reading at your series of posts I m convinced that all MEN in this world are similar 🙂 Have a nice weeekend.

  63. January 28, 2011 11:10 am

    OMG – LOL! On the plus side, none of the toothpaste in the photo is travel size crest with scope 😉

  64. January 28, 2011 11:34 am

    You have the right to be irritated after finding that stack he has been keeping.

    Maybe you need to have him rate his texts from 1-5, 5 being the most urgent and 1 being, you can ignore it until you have time.

  65. January 28, 2011 12:03 pm

    Hilarious! Did he say he wanted it that day??

    I was wondering – do you feel the need to have to post daily or very frequently to get readership, etc..? I’m all unsure about blogging and my fit in it …like I should be just working all the time and any time wasted on it is money gone or time I should be reading or something else…I just don’t know anymore! 😦 I just want to be authentic though and write to find my place eventually…

    • January 28, 2011 1:45 pm

      I post about 2 times a week – I think everyone has their own schedule and thats what works best for me!

  66. January 28, 2011 12:09 pm

    like they say “koi haal nahin ” 😛 lol

  67. Kath (Eating for Living) permalink
    January 28, 2011 12:40 pm

    OMG, I’m so much feeling with you! I just hope he just texts and doesn’t as well expect from you to answer IMMEDIATELY!!! 😯 😯 😯 This is THE WORST – a man that takes away the last leftover peace you’ve achieved and defended with heart an claws against the threats of life by expecting from you to ANSWER HIS TEXTS immediately – ALWAYS!!! 😯 😯 😯 Oh, this has really worn me out. I need to turn off my mobile and grant myself some rest now.

  68. January 28, 2011 1:37 pm

    Ameena, you are so hilarious. I give myself 15 minutes a day to read blogs and I always have to read yours because they are so dang funny. Good you can see the positive that he doesn’t procrastinate. But that is just like men, things literally have to be right in front of them or they don’t exsist. About the texting, I completely agree that it makes you way too available. I have never owned a cell phone and have never texted. I just don’t want people bugging me. My husband has worked in the high tech industry for over 10 years and I can’t even figure out how to put a pic of myself to the left of this comment.

    • January 29, 2011 2:57 pm

      I am really, really honored that you read my blog in the 15 minutes you allocate a day. Really, thank you!

      If you need help with the pic just email me!

  69. Leslie permalink
    January 28, 2011 1:56 pm

    1) doesn’t procrastinate
    2) must have very sweet smelling breath, making him wonderful to kiss
    3) is not txting you from across the room… at least.

    No seriously, you are a Saint of Patience. I would go nuts0 myself.

  70. January 28, 2011 2:20 pm

    Wait, have people been talking smack about you?? That makes me very angry 😡 Seriously, you are the nicest gal – what the heck? That was super nice of you to stop and get the toothpaste – I’d probably just “forget” on the way home … and then Peter would have forgotten all about his request by the time I got home 😉 At least you guys all have really healthy teeth, right?

    Have a great weekend, Ameena!

  71. January 28, 2011 2:50 pm

    I am laughing my ass of right now! Weren’t you writing a book about stupid shit our husbands do? Do it! Write it!
    As for people commenting that you’re a bad wife! Puleeeeze!
    Clearly those people have never been sent out in the middle of the day to get toothpaste and mouthwash.

  72. January 28, 2011 3:13 pm

    This is so funny. At least he thinks ahead? My husband currently has 3 tubes of toothpaste in his drawer as well.

  73. January 28, 2011 3:50 pm

    That is really funny. I love that you took a photo of his stash. I also love “…tail end of appreciation…”. So true, so true!!

  74. January 28, 2011 3:51 pm

    I am subscribing to your blog girl…you make me laugh! 🙂 Keep it coming…

  75. January 28, 2011 3:57 pm

    Ha! I love this 🙂 Adam does the same thing, but he grabs the Crest Pro Health. It’s his recommended system 😉

  76. January 28, 2011 4:11 pm

    I have never been so thankful that my husband doesn’t use texting at all!

  77. January 28, 2011 5:46 pm

    Your husband is a piece of work! He makes such excellent blog material…what would you write about if he wasn’t so quirky? 🙂

  78. January 28, 2011 8:50 pm

    I can relate to your husband as I always plan ahead (and buy too much stuff because of it.) My husband is always telling me to only buy what I need and would prefer to wait until something is absolutely necessary before purchase. It’s funny how your husband made the tooth care request seem so urgent though!

  79. magicofspice permalink
    January 28, 2011 9:43 pm

    Well yes, at least he is thinking ahead…or is it him having you think ahead? Just take a deep breath and think New Car 🙂
    Have a great weekend and trip…be safe 🙂

  80. January 28, 2011 10:25 pm

    This is so funny! I know when my sister/husband is bored…I always get a lot of text messages. And I love that he asked you to get toothpaste with so many tubes at home. SO FUNNY! Thank you for sharing, sweetheart. I hope you have a happy Saturday. Hugs and love!

  81. January 28, 2011 11:30 pm

    Ok, so Crest is officially sponsoring you. Right?
    Ten years ago, people were thrilled about being about to call people on cell phones….now, no one talks, only text…..sigh

  82. January 29, 2011 5:29 am

    TOO funny, Ameena! A procrastinator he is not. But a mad tooth care expert? For sure! 🙂

  83. January 29, 2011 11:10 am

    Oh my gosh. That is such a guy thing. They love to have their own personal NEW little toiletries. I know for my husband it makes him feel more important (or something like that). The good news is your dentist bills should be a lot lower if he’s thinking about toothcare for a month from now already. 🙂

  84. Andrea permalink
    January 29, 2011 1:46 pm

    Haha! Your blog is too funny! And that’s ridiculous that some readers say your not a good wife… I love your sarcasm and honesty when you write, and that’s the reason all your readers love your blog.

    • January 30, 2011 2:00 pm

      Thank you Andrea – I really appreciate the compliments. It is nice to know that people get my sarcasm!

  85. January 29, 2011 7:16 pm

    Another post that has me cracking up Ameena! Sounds like he is texting in lieu of making a list. Guys suck at making lists.

  86. January 30, 2011 7:45 am

    Lol! Ag least he thinks ahead. Mine barely knows what he is doing tomorrow much less in a month!

  87. Samantha permalink
    January 30, 2011 9:24 am

    A buffet of tooth care-haha! But notice Ameena, he doesn’t have a TRAVEL SIZED crest with scope–only full sized! Clearly, adding the travel sized to the buffet was an urgent need 🙂 You guys are too funny!

    • Samantha permalink
      January 30, 2011 9:25 am

      I just realized I used the word “sized”-not size throughout that whole comment. I don’t even think “sized” is a word. oopps!

  88. January 30, 2011 12:29 pm

    Wow, perhaps there are some OCD tendencies there?!?!?

  89. January 30, 2011 2:59 pm

    So I guess Ali must have big white shining teeth? Tee hee. I kind of want to meet your husband. He is like me…I always just text randomly when I’m in line or bored. lol.

  90. January 30, 2011 4:50 pm

    Haha, well at least he has some SERIOUS personal hygiene!!

  91. January 30, 2011 6:58 pm

    Love this. You should count yourself lucky to have a forward-thinking hubby with what I assume are glorious pearly whites? 🙂

  92. January 31, 2011 8:33 pm

    lol…I tend to do that lately. Send random texts to a friend or two, but mostly voicing my annoyance at certain individuals on set.

    That reminds me…I’ve got a tiny collection of travel toothpaste that I need to use up.

  93. January 31, 2011 10:00 pm

    Look at the bright side of things…at least Ali has minty fresh breath & cleaner teeth than most males!!! ;-))

  94. February 1, 2011 8:32 am

    So tempted to take a picture of husband’s stock of mini toothpaste, shaving cream and deodorant. My husband “discovered” IM not too long ago, now he expects INSTANT response when he IMs me. If I step away (I work in an office) during our conversation which can drag on intermittently for, I don’t know, about an hour?! he’d be all impatient and accuse me of not paying him attention. He also complains when I don’t comment on his oh so witty tweets either. The man is in high tech and yet… He follows 2 people and I, more than 1000. I can’t make him understand WHY I don’t see his tweets… Sigh.

  95. February 1, 2011 3:18 pm

    you know what I hate? When you go grocery shopping and they say they don’t need anything but AFTER you come home they say “You forgot the ___”…well then tell me!!! I get you on this one ameena! hahaha

  96. February 3, 2011 9:47 pm

    Your textaholic husband is a dentist’s dream come true.

  97. February 1, 2012 8:25 pm

    LOL!! A buffet of toothcare! ❤ it. Gr8 post. Vry nicely wrtn. Cnt stnd cryptic txts either.

  98. June 27, 2012 12:29 pm

    LOL 😀


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