the orange sweater
This is Ali’s orange sweater.
Ali’s orange sweater sat on this leather chair in our bedroom after he “unpacked” his carry-on last week.
It sat there for 3 days. And 3 nights.
I swear I tried my hardest to ignore it. I walked by the sweater at least a dozen times and pretended it wasn’t sitting there. The bright color prevented that, however, so then I averted my eyes. But my eyes refused to be averted.
The situation needed to be addressed.
“Is there some reason your sweater has been sitting on the chair for 3 days?”
“Yes, it’s airing out.”
“I’d be happy to take it to the dry cleaner for you.”
“It’s a really expensive sweater.”
“Well that’s why I’ll take it to the dry cleaner instead of washing it.”
“No.”
And so the sweater sat on the chair in this position for 2 more days. Until suddenly…poof! It was gone. I couldn’t believe it!
Could it be that I don’t have to throw things across the room in a fit of anger to see results? Maybe getting angry really isn’t the only way to make things happen!
But then I went to close the sliding door and saw this:
So the sweater continues to air out. And we all know it will until it’s thrown across the room. By yours truly.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
take it to the dry cleaner, just don’t tell him. it’s your duty.
I have that exact same problem. The clothes just never seem to get to the hamper. Its either “still clean” or “airing out” or “I’m still going to wear it so dont move it”. My blood pressure rises at the thought of this. Ive tried ignoring it a few times but inevitably I just end up putting it away or throwing it in the hamper myself.
I just cant win.
I ended up putting the sweater away. I feel your pain.
Ladies and Girls – you just need to chill out, relax and enjoy the illumination from the colours of these sweaters. I have a few (admittedly not a orange one but just as bright) and they liven up a room – if you get me…
Fail to understand why all wives ( unlike great people ) think alike and make such fuss, fret and raise one hell about all those petty things ? And then you deny the poor sweater even the right to breath some fresh air ? How cruel!
Chill out! I mean its just a sweater. Come one. Enough to worry about big issues.
Apparently you missed the underlying humor in this entire post…or maybe I’m just not as funny as I think I am?
No. you are quite funny blending your posts with a lively undertone of delightful humour. Its just a perfect case of me being too dumb again.
LOL, you poor thing. I can imagine that that orange sweater to you is like a red flag to a bull, killing your eyes with its orangeness. Why don’t you tell him really sweetly, “if you don’t have room to put it away, I can always give it to charity.” 😉
*kisses* HH
It’s making progress!!! Is it closer to the closet now!?
It’s in the closet now. The orange was hurting my eyes!
mine goes like this
me : Are you going to put away those 3 PAIRS of jeans sittin on the ironing board any time soon?
Hubs : What 3 pairs ? I dont even own 3 pairs of jeans.
3 days later i put them away in their rightful place and then….
Hubs : What happened to my jeans?? They were RIGHT HERE. ON the ironing board. 3 Pairs.
Smirk smirk.
Hilarious!!!
I always laugh at your posts. Ali seems a lot like me and you sound like my sister who will have to take these laying clothes at some point. Take it from me, just like I ignore my sister’s complaints knowing that she’ll finally take care of it, so is Ali. He know’s you’ll eventually do something about.
By the way, your comments on my blog always make my day 🙂
Lol….you need to use that sweater to play a prank on him, like your dreaded hanger situation 🙂
Ameena, this is funny. Take it to the dry cleaner 🙂
That is so “guy like”. My husband will do the same exact thing; refuse to pay the money to have it cleaned and refuse to put it away. You need to sneak it to the dry cleaner when he’s not paying attention. Of course, then you’ll get the “I told you so” when he brings the fresh smelling sweater to your attention. That alone is worth the trip. 🙂
You are giving him way too much credit. Ali wouldn’t notice if it came back from the dry cleaners, he barely notices when I’m home!
hilarious. I think we have a lot in common…
It’s slowly creeping along to the closet… that counts, right? 😉
I’d say give it two days, it will finally find way into the closet. I like how quickly he came up with the answer that it is airing out…mennn!
so funny. why do men only think logically in the workplace? once they get home, all logic for making reasonable decisions is gone!
Because they don’t get paid at home?
Amen!
Ali makes good fodder for posts. Actually, I wouldn’t doubt he might use that as an excuse sometime he does something ‘irritating’….”But honey -now you can write about it!”…
…and then you throw your Laptop at him of course 🙂
wow. your bed is immaculately made. no wonder that sweater was driving you nuts! does ali do this stuff to intentionally get under your skin or does he just have bizarre habits?
He just has bizarre habits! Ali is way too nice to ever intentionally annoy me.
At least it’s in a new spot 😉
My husband has a huge pile of clothes on the chair in our room that need ironing. I don’t iron so they’ve been sitting there for, literally, months.
I deserve the wife of the year award for putting up with such nonsense.
I don’t iron either. I’d rather clean the kitchen floor than pull out the iron. Isn’t that interesting?
hmmm is it a man thing? My hubby does stuff like this – I have let something just ‘sit’ to see how long it will stay in that spot…..it just stays, and of course drives me crazy in the process. Maybe they just do not pick up on it? Maybe they just know we’ll take care of it? all of the above maybe……
D: All of the above. For sure.
I’d say let him get it to the dry cleaners himself 😀 not that I want to torment you. Ignorance is bliss sweetheart.
ugh i hate when my husband drapes his jeans over his shoe rack and leaves them there for days. i suppose i do the same on my laundry basket. But somehow it just feels different when I control the clutter 😉
I agree!
I agree too. Since I know the item will only be there temporarily – because I am controlling it – it doesn’t bother me as much!
Ha, if it needs to be aired out it might as well get a proper cleaning. I’m with a lot of the other comments here. Sneak it to the dry cleaners!
Too funny, Ameena! I wonder what the repositioning to the bed was about? Lol!
It was closer to the sliding door, hence the “airing out” was more efficient. That’s my guess anyway.
Haha! Wouldn’t it be easier to air out if it was at least hanging up so air could pass more freely through it?
This makes sense to you and me. But I bet it doesn’t make any sense to my husband.
I think I may have found my husband’s missing twin except for my man, it is his socks. They sit under the coffee table, and they sit, and they sit, while I stare pointedly at them and he remains oblivious and then I finally get sick of looking at them and put them in the laundry. This happens like every week.
Oh Heather…I deal with the socks too. Maya’s and Ali’s! You are not the only one!
Well I just lay in bed all day….so I’m gonna start saying “I’m airing myself out”
Haha, perhaps you should air it out outside your window on a hook in plain view when Ali gets home.
i have to admit that i’m a bit offender of “airing things out.” in my defense, my closet is not large enough for my wardrobe.
Hahaha!!!! The magic reappearing sweater! Hilarious…next thing you’ll see it gone…then Ali will walk in wearing it
I worked on a book team this past semester that chose and edited a few short stories for a magazine. One of them was in fact called “Orange Sweater.” In the end, the writer too the sweater to a farmer’s market for a matching pumpkin. Perhaps that’s Ali’s next step. Hard to say, but it would be entertaining to read about at the very least.
Oh Ali! I hope he didn’t put the sweater on your side of the bed LOL. That would make me mad and totally throw a fit haha. 🙂
hahahaha awesome! Things like this make me happy to be single, and living alone.
At any given time in my parents house, you will find 2 pairs of my dads shoes under the coffee table, a hat on the top of the couch, possibly an ice cream bowl, and a jacket thrown on a chair (if he’s feeling tidy he’ll hang it on a door knob). Yet, when I was staying there with the dog, I left my shoes at the front door for all of an hour and he threw them on the lawn. Please explain to me how thats fair.
“if he’s feeling tidy he’ll hang it on a door knob” LOL!!!
Really? Your dad threw your shoes on the lawn??
The fact that it’s *orange* makes it especially hard to ignore … 😀
Airing out from WHAT? Just curious. If it’s needed a week now, I’d say that whatever stench is in it is there to stay (or until a visit to the dry cleaner).
It’s a mystery to me too MC. Apparently San Francisco was more smoggy than LA? Who knows.
I’m kind of annoyed for you and I really dislike that sweater now on your behalf. annoying!! 😉
After Maya goes to bed, walk out where Ali is working wearing his sweater…only his sweater. As he is dazzled by your Venus-arising-from-the-clamshell-gorgeousness, suggest he can remove his sweater from your body only if he hangs it up or puts it in the dry cleaning bag.
Carrot (orange sweater) always works better for me than a stick (rolls my eyes over impoverished double entendre).
I just finished the subterfuge required to carry an entire trash bag full of things to the dumpster on the other side of the complex for fear it would be found and retrieved. I’ve nothing but sympathy for you. Trash bag?
I love that you use words like “subterfuge” and “retrieved.” I bet you did phenomenally on the SAT!
ali and ameena, thank you for making me laugh 🙂
I think it’s funny that he has a very expensive orange sweater 🙂 I know that’s not the point here but still hilarious!
It’s actually a really nice sweater…I was a bit hesitant about the color but Ali pulls it off!
What elusive skill do you possess that you at least got him to move it to the bed? Shaune would just roll his eyes and never touch it again till he needed to wear it. And the yelling? I’m afraid it will never change for me. I feel like as the kids get older, my voice gets louder.
Ali is hilarious!
I have a handy solution, throw it at the bottom of his closet. Works for me everytime 😉
Ahh, my husband is a draper too. Half-worn clothes draped over chairs, the top of his dresser, the bed. His clothes aren’t nearly so lovely, though!
When we get home from a trip (and this happens every trip!), I am unpacked, mail is sorted through, and laundry is started all within an hour of walking in the door. Meanwhile, husband is on couch where he will remain until falling asleep. His suitcase meanwhile sits in middle of our kitchen floor. He once left it there for 2 days until I finally wheeled it to the bedroom where it sat for several days until finally I talked him into unpacking it. I just don’t get it.
I know exactly what you mean Heather. Within an hour of returning from a trip I’ve hit the grocery store, unpacked Maya and my suitcases, opened the mail, and started dinner. And my husband? He’s still waiting for his computer to boot up. I feel your pain.
So for how long did it continue to air out ? 🙂
One more day until I finally caved and put it away.
That’s hilarious. It’s good to know orange sweaters should be aired out for such a lengthy time. Oh Man…., orange sweaters have that look at me, look at me thing about them at the best of times, just begging for a nice case of temper to hurl them at someone huh.
Patience dear Ameena., patience (you’ll know exactly the right time to hurl my dear – I have complete faith in you that your timing will be impeccable ) 🙂
Thank you for having complete faith in me Anna! I have to admit I caved and put it away. 😦
Haha the sweater seems like it’s moving around on its own – this is building up to be a horror movie: “the attack of the mysterious orange sweater”… better take it to your dry cleaners soon… 😉
1. The song Autumn Sweater by Yo La Tengo only orange instead of autumn. i’m singing =)
2. I would have chucked it. we all know i’m a betch
3. love you like woah
Haha! This post reminds me of my dad! He’s the same way. Men!
haha, Ali is so much better than my friend’s hubby. At least, he hang that sweater over the leather chair and then move to lay it on the bed. My hubby’s leave his pants on the floor with a figure eights for days. He will get into each figure eight the next morning, thinking about it makes me laugh still. My dear friend have give up and learn to not see evil so she will have a lot of figure eights in her bed room. I salute her for that! Ameena, just keep your fingers cross that you will not find a figure eight in your bedroom. LOL! Have nice weekend dear.
Ahhhh! Marcus totally does the same thing with other objects around the house and I’m like…? Is that going to be there…forever? Laptops, drinking cups, clothing, life insurance applications. You name it, I am forever wrangling it.
Maybe you should threaten to stuff it with potpourri.
I wonder how long this will last…. 😉
I have the same “orange sweater” problem x3 😦 Sometimes my orange sweaters change into pants. I don’t get it and never will. At times I don’t even bother asking anymore, I’ll take it to the dry claners and put it back in the same place to see if he even noticed. Most ti
Ea it’s no.
The picture of the sweater on the bed made me rip my hair out a little! I was like, Noooooo!
I have to admit “airing out” is the best excuse I’ve ever heard, you have to give him that! 🙂
ahhh well 😛 He has learnt his trait well 😛 you should write a book “the art of War … Part duex” 😛 Purely on married life :p
It would be a bestseller. For sure.
Goodness!! What did he do in the sweater that requires that much “airing out?!?!” Sounds like Ralph…he has his own reasons for the things he does. I rarely understand them, but I try!
i am ashamed to admit that his behavior in this post sounds similar to mine. . .
Haha! OK sometimes Im terrible at putting everything away when I unpack, I have to admit, but I dont think I’m that bad. Haha!
But I TOTALLY love the color of that sweater!
🙂
I’m a total slob and wouldn’t even bother to make the “airing out” excuse…Lovely shade of orange, though!
My oldest daughter does this dance too. I’ve seen items in 5!!! different places on their way to their home. It’s infuriating. Her teachers all comment on her untidy desk and I swear to them our home is neat and clean. I am sure they don’t believe me.
You could take the sweater, put a couch pillow in it, pull the rest behind it and set it on the leather chair and give him a little scare. *ahem*
How expensive IS that sweater? It just sounds like he has other things on his mind than to care about the lying sweater. Because that’s the excuse I make too. My pair of jeans is still lying on my bed to “air” out as well. 😉
The sweater was clean and didn’t need to go to the dry cleaner, however it had that airplane smell… That is what I was trying to air out.
Ameena, are you from Morocco? One of my very best friends is Amina and she’s Moroccan (but grew up here).
The clothing thing is so funny. I joke that my husband throws his underwear on the laundry basket and it lands there like a jellyfish in mid-flight.
I also have the annoying habit of dumping my stuff like this..mum always complains.
It just requires TOO much of an effort to lead a disciplined life :p
I live with one of those people. I’ve relegated his side of the bed to all things that don’t make it to the proper place (i.e. the laundry bin). So, the next time he’s all “where are all my white shirts” I say “check your side of the bed you messy pig.” Problem solved 🙂
And the moral of the story is, if you want something done (by your husband) do it yourself or throw something OR pour a glass of wine. So now the airport germs are on your bed. Second glass of wine.
I so feel you on this! My husband drives me NUTS with his inability to put anything away. I try to ignore it but it becomes an intruder in my home and I end up putting it away to save my sanity or I’ll snap at him. Why can’t they just put the dang thing away?? Why is that so hard????
That’s me and dishes. With my roommates, I don’t like touching other peoples’ stuff but I’m sitting thinking “can you unload the dang dishwasher so we can continual the cycle of kitchen cleaniliess?” I’m usually not a neat freak at all. Hehe, Mommy would be proud.
Haha. Your husband’s too funny. Socks are the real issue in our home. They are everywhere. My hubby seems to think that little elves come out and pick them up at night.
How is it that men can walk by that sort of stuff for literally years. While we are gritting our teeth and doing our best not to implode.
I hope you threw that sweater across the room like you desperately wanted to. If Ali asks why just say you figured flinging it threw the air would speed up the airing process. 😉
Love reading your blog! Funny story and sounds very familiar. It’s just in my house is my husband’s socks. They are everywhere! Driving me nuts. Must be a testosterone thing.
I don’t even bother to ask my husband to put his clothes away anymore! I just do it as it causes me more grief then it does to him!!! He also can never close a draw!!!! Is it really that hard????? Luckily my gorgeous son must have all draws, cupboards, fridges, etc shut and get’s very upset if they are not! Hee hee, I think he has picked that trait up from me!!!
First off…so sorry I am so far behind, yikes! I am probably right up there with this orange sweater about now 😉 Secondly…really Ali, how long does airplane smell last? 🙂
You are so kind but no need to apologize! I’m sure you have a million things going on so it means a lot that you find time to read even one post! I appreciate it. And I asked Ali that exact question. He had no answer!
Haha! I have the equivalent of your orange sweater in my house! It’s called the Yellow T-Shirt! These men!!!!
The orange sweater is unfortunately a metaphor for SO many things…
lol, im still laughing (cant seem to stop! help me)
You are too funny Deeps! 🙂