a folder for wires
Ali just got back from a business trip a few days ago…and can you guess what the first thing I said to him was?
“For crying out loud Ali, turn over! You’re snoring again.”
And the second thing?
“You do realize that the blender you are pretending to wash needs to be completely dis-assembled in order to get it properly clean?”
And the third thing?
“I hope you didn’t forget that you have to drop Maya to school this morning? Or did you?”
Immediately after I said this, 3 things came to mind:
- My God I’m a nag.
- I don’t even want to be around me half the time.
- It’s no wonder the poor guy disappears to one of his alleged conventions in suspicious locations like New Orleans, Las Vegas, and Mexico, every chance he gets.
So you’d think I’d keep my mouth shut right? Or at least say something nice? But nope, this is the fourth thing that came out of my mouth:
“I am confounded by 99% of what you do. But my confusion just hit a new high when I saw this.”
I have no idea why a wire would merit a file folder but all I can really conclude is that my nagging is what fuels Ali’s obsession with wires and cables.
Any other insights?
matching balloons
I swear to God that if one more mother tells me her kid can simultaneously play a piece from Beethoven while memorizing her multiplication tables, I think I’m going to lose it. As a matter of fact, I am considering Xeroxing the following information so I can hand it out to all the competition-hungry moms I run in to:
- No Maya is NOT fluent in a second language. She learned absolutely nothing in the Spanish class that cost me an arm and a leg.
- Her musical abilities extend to singing off-key versions of Usher. To throw a violin lesson into the mix at this point would just be…hazardous.
- No, I do not shuttle her to Kumon classes. I do not feel bad about that. Instead I take all the money we save and buy stuff for myself.
- Yes, she eats M & M’s on occasion. They contain corn syrup, red 40 lake, yellow 5, and yellow 6. She seems to be thriving despite this.
- No, I have not taken her to Europe yet. And no, she hasn’t quite grasped that the Eiffel Tower is in Paris and NOT New York.
To all of you moms who have superstar, bilingual, long-division loving 5-year-olds? I’m happy for you. I really am. But you must stop comparing. You must! For your kid’s sake and my own sanity.
Because right now I’m just trying to focus all of my energy on the fact that despite my cajoling and my threats, despite the fact that this stuff is a piece of cake for her, Maya will not match her flipping balloons correctly. Simply to annoy the living daylights out of me.
"This is boring Mama. And look! That man is very tall!" Giggle. Giggle.
In other words…I have bigger fish to fry as I work to break my kid’s stubborn streak. So do me a favor and go compare elsewhere.
Thanks. Appreciate it.
that girl is not me
I’ve always wanted to be that girl who finds the most amazing Diane Von Furstenberg dress at 85% off. But that girl is willing to look through messy clearance rack after messy clearance rack.
That girl is not me.
So imagine my predicament when I had to kill 2 hours this weekend while Maya played golf with her teacher (long story). And the only store in sight?
Nordstrom Rack.
So during my 120 minutes at The Rack I learned that it doesn’t matter the city, the store, or the price point – the exact same bargain hunters can be found, no matter where the bargain may be.
There is…
1. The serious bargain hunter who will stare at you until you put.the.Prada.sunglasses.down. She will then proceed to glare at you as she snatches them up.
2. The mother with 5 little boys, none of whom want to be shopping. All of whom will step all over your feet as they entertain themselves with a game of tag, while their mother poses in front of a mirror debating the pros and cons of the ugliest Coach bag you’ve ever seen.
3. The hot-pink-velour-clad blonde who never learned the concept of personal space as she hovers over you and the size double- zero BCBG dresses.
4. And the white-haired contingent who will simply shove you out of their way if you happen to get between them and their Clarks.
Other weekend highlights...a Laker Game at the Staples Center.
Still, I must acknowledge the silver lining – Maya was occupied. For two hours. By someone else. And it’s for that reason alone that I am willing to subject myself to another showdown with any and all bargain shoppers.
Any day.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 