jealousy
I am not a jealous wife.
You would think this is a good quality, right? But the truth is that my ambivalence bothers my husband. He totally wants me wondering if the female voice on the other end of the phone is really just his virtual assistant.
Yes, I said virtual assistant.
Anyway, I guess I should be concerned that in this past week alone:
- I overheard Ali on the phone with American Express trying to find out why the flowers he ordered were not delivered. To a female I’ve never heard of. To an address I’ve never been to. On a date that means nothing to me.
- I found several photos of designer shoes and handbags on Ali’s iPhone. Dating back to November of last year. None of which I have received or anticipate receiving because my husband knows that I would never, ever let him drop $4,000 on a gift. For me or anyone else.
- My husband made unusual efforts with his wardrobe, even going so far as to break out the new purple sweater I bought him and match it nicely with a complementary purple striped shirt. All by himself. Remarkable indeed.
A part of me is curious. The other part of me is just wondering if “the other woman” is capable of cooking, is willing to field my husband’s texts, and is open to dropping off his dry cleaning.
Because if she is, I may just be prepared to look the other way…
+1
My husband is a social media pusher. And I am sick of it.
First he wanted me to sign up for Facebook. “You are the only one in the world not on Facebook. Literally.”
I signed up.
Next came LinkedIn. “You MUST do it. For your career.”
I signed up.
Then he insisted I sign up for Twitter. “Did you know that there are 100 million tweets sent each day? How can you have a blog and not be a part of that?”
I signed up.
And then a few months ago he insisted I sign up for Google +. “It’s the next big thing. You have to jump on it or you’ll be left behind.”
So I succumbed again because if there’s one thing my husband knows, it’s everything technology related, right?
Well guess what I’ve concluded? Google + is officially the most useless waste of Internet space out there. And in protest of such a ridiculous social media platform I’m going to make it a point to never +1 anything.
Now that I know my husband "likes" HP I can move forward with my life.
PS: I ran this post by my husband to see if he was okay with me offending Google and he gave me the so-called thumbs up. He also suggested I “Address the monopoly of Apple’s Evil Empire next.”
I think someone’s a bit jealous.
the places we will go
Listening to Maya read is like pulling teeth.
I realize the above statement should be filed under, “Did Ameena really write that?” And yes, I concur that there should be limits to my honesty.
But for the love of God! I want Maya to earn her free grease-laden, fake cheese-topped personal pan Book It! pizza as much as the next dedicated mother, but I’ve been going crazy with Maya’s ongoing 200-minutes-a-month reading assignments.
Okay, now before you judge know this:
- When a word has more than 5 letters Maya often just makes something up because she is too lazy to sound out words.
- She chooses books that are super long, just to piss me off.
- She purposely holds the book at an odd angle, so that I can’t see the pages properly – thereby ensuring that I can’t correct her made up words.
- She starts whispering halfway through the book, presumably (again) just to shorten my life by a few years.
It goes without saying that I LOVE silent reading time.
I know that Maya doesn’t do any of these things when she’s reading at school. Or to my mom. Or to my sister-in-law.
Although, I won’t even begin to address what she puts Ali through.
So is this just her little form of rebellion? Is she “testing her boundaries” to “see how far she can push us?” Because if so, I sort of wish she’d try to sneak out of the house to party with her friends instead.
Now that I can handle.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 