accommodation
Last Friday I broke up with my dentist.
Looking back, I realize that our breakup was imminent, even though I’d somehow missed the signs:
- Her strolling in at 9:30 am for my 9 am appointment – with no apology to be found.
- The up selling tactics that were getting harder to ignore (e.g. I don’t want your f@#$% fluoride treatment!).
- Did I mention the ridiculous wait times?
But my last visit? My last visit was the final straw. There I was, watching my fingernails grow for 40 minutes when I happened to catch sight of my dentist comfortably thumbing through People magazine.
I'll spare you a photo of my b@#$ dentist. What about a picture of the tasty salad I had at La Sandia in Santa Monica instead?
Dentist: “If you’re in such a rush you’re welcome to reschedule.” This. From the dentist herself.
Me: “I can’t simply reschedule. I have this crazy thing called a JOB. And I feel oddly compelled to go to it seeing as they pay me to do so.”
Dentist: “Fine. We can accommodate you by getting your cleaning done. But since you’re in a rush you’ll have to come back for the exam.”
Me: “Wait a second…you’re not accommodating ME because I have an appointment!”
Or the salmon with baked goat cheese I had at La Piazza at the Grove?
*Insert huge sigh from the dentist. And a smart ass comment about how I need to be more understanding that things run behind sometimes (apparently this includes catching up on celebrity gossip).*
I think the dentist’s meds kicked in though because after one of the most painful cleanings I’ve ever had she calmly said: “Feel free to make an appointment to come back for the exam and we’ll do your x-rays then.”
Or the fantastic swordfish I had - also at La Piazza - but on a different day. I agree - this is not such a nice picture. Maybe you would have rather seen my B@#$ dentist?
Seriously? I guess it’s only obvious to me that I won’t be subsidizing the lease on her Mercedes anymore.
Like I said: nobody wants to do their job anymore. Nobody.
my husband is too honest
I was initially planning to write about my serious lapse in judgement when I stupidly agreed to go out to dinner on Friday night.
I was going to go into great detail about how Ali spent the evening on the iPad/iPhone doing work, while I spent the majority of dinner in the bathroom with Maya who thought she might throw up from eating too much ice cream. “Any minute Mama. Any minute.”
But I’ll spare you. And myself. And instead, I’ll give you an example of how politely asking how your husband’s day went can go so horribly wrong:
Me: “How was work today?”
Ali: “I wasn’t sure if I was up to going to work today because I was feeling sick. And then the traffic was really bad. But then I stopped at Starbucks and…Okay, I’m just going to tell you.”
Me: “Tell me what?”
Ali: “Well there was this really pretty girl in line. She was a nurse, in her whole nurse’s uniform.”
Me: “Her whole uniform? As opposed to half her uniform?”
Ali: “Yes. Like scrubs or something. Anyway, everyone was giving her attention. Everyone! Even this one guy who was very clearly married with a kid.
Me: “But not you, right? I’m sure you looked away.”
Ali: “Exactly. I decided not to give her any attention…mostly because I didn’t want her to think she deserved it.”
Me: “So what you’re telling me then is that you wanted to give a pretty girl attention but you didn’t. And it wasn’t because you are married and have a child, but rather because you didn’t want to feed her ego?”
Ali: “Yes.”
I guess the takeaway here is that it’s good I’m not a jealous person?
am i boring?
Say you’re at a party and you meet someone new. And because you love to get to know new people, you keep the conversation going.
You ask if they live in the area. You ask how they know the hosts. You ask them if they’ve seen any new movies recently or read any good books. You ask if they’ve eaten any remarkable meals at any new restaurants?
This was just the fruit display! At a baby's first birthday party.
You ask about their career and their hobbies. You ask what they did for the holidays and if they have any trips lined up for Spring Break. You ask about their family.
And then, when your brain is tired of thinking up questions you pat yourself on the back for being an awesome conversationalist. You stay silent for a minute as you get ready to answer a barrage of question similar to the ones you’ve just fired off. But then all you get is…awkward silence.
Maya and her friends Shani and Ayla. And a balloon bunny.
Yeah. I don’t understand that.
This happens to me often. I once asked Ali why but he just gave me a blank look and continued typing away. This shouldn’t surprise me seeing as the first day Ali and I met was pretty much the scenario above. So I did a little thinking and here’s what I came up with:
- I’m nosy and other people are not.
- I talk too much.
- Other people are self-absorbed and can’t be bothered to talk about anyone other than themselves.
Me and Maya before the party.
I’m going to go with any one of these simply because the alternative – that I’m far less interesting than I thought – is unthinkable.
So “all of the above” it is.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 