FANCY THAT FANCY THIS

My Mother’s Day was spent on a flight back from Atlanta.

During this trip, I stared at beautiful Instagram shots of mothers and their children in fields of lavender (I’m not making this up) reading captions like, “My life was nothing until little ____ was born.”

Here’s the truth: I admire those who feel like this but I do not feel like this.

In Atlanta on the Friday before Mother’s Day…

As a matter of fact, my Mother’s Day entailed a flight back from Atlanta* where I recall having more than my usual quota of disagreements with Maya.

(*Incidentally, we had a great time in Atlanta. Great hotel, great food, great weather. I don’t want this post to be totally negative – just like 98% negative.)

We had dinner at the Atlanta Fish Market, which I highly recommend…

I lectured Maya about mixing her clean and dirty clothes in her suitcase, “For God’s sake, it’s not like this is the first trip you’ve ever taken – you know better. Now I have to wash EVERYTHING because you were too lazy to get a plastic bag.” 

I also believe I whispered on our flight (in that scary – I’m-About-To-Lose-My-S@#$-Lethal-Whisper) that “I can’t be responsible for what might happen if you kick me or my purse one more time.”

I had lobster stuffed with crab, scallops, and shrimp. It was delicious.

But the icing on the cake was the fact that Maya did absolutely nothing to mark the day. She didn’t even give me a card.

For a minute I wanted to blame Ali, as this is how I get through most things that anger me, but then I realized that:

• Although it may often seem like it, I’m not Ali’s mom, so why should he worry about Mother’s Day?
• Plus he was traveling prior to Atlanta so he couldn’t exactly facilitate anything.
• And at 11-years-old Maya is old enough to know better.

And we both had decent hair during the trip. Bonus.

Frankly, it’s been a week and I’m still annoyed. It’s like not like I asked for a designer handbag or something…I just wanted a card.

So in summary, Mother’s Day = a day with tons of Hallmark-created expectations and very little delivery.

Especially in my house.

About 3 months ago, I asked Ali to pick up laundry detergent.

I specified he needed to visit Duane Reade and only Duane Reade.

I instructed him to purchase Ology detergent and only Ology detergent.

I encouraged him to take a photo of our nearly empty bottle so as to avoid confusion.

On our way to a school fundraiser…for which I actually did my hair and put in my contact lenses.

Then the craziest thing happened!

Ali brought home the right detergent. And not just that, he bought TWO bottles because they were on sale.

I commended him for his forward thinking.

Took a quick trip to LA and witnessed an in-flight wedding proposal. Luckily she said “yes.” Which was great because I can’t think of anything more awkward than sitting next to someone for 6.5 hours after they’ve said “No.”

Two weeks ago Ali found himself at Duane Reade again – honestly, he’s there every other day – where he picked up 2 additional bottles of detergent.

Because they were again on sale.

When he returned home with this unexpected surprise, I was a bit concerned with our inventory levels but swallowed my storage fears and instead commended him (again) on his forward thinking.

My 48 hour trip to LA included a morning walk with my dad. Love my walks with my dad. Love my dad.

Yesterday Ali came home with 2 additional bottles of detergent.

This brings our current inventory to 5 bottles of detergent (one just finished) in an apartment with no storage space. None.

At lunch where Maya and I celebrated good hair weather and clean clothes.

Sorry, but I can no longer celebrate Ali’s forward thinking because I do believe he keeps buying detergent just so he can watch me stress out about where to store it.

Because what could be more fun than continually hauling heavy bottles of detergent home with the main purpose of annoying your wife?

Not much I guess.

It appears that Ali has caught a touch of my micromanaging disease.

Just last week – while we were in Los Angeles – my husband so kindly delineated how I needed to “pull into that driveway, reverse, and then go straight” in order to turn the car around.

He even used hand gestures and I’m sure that if he’d had a piece of paper he would have drawn a detailed diagram.

His instructions were quite welcome because I haven’t really been operating a vehicle for the last 24 years, I’ve only been pretending.

At Maya’s LA birthday lunch…where she wore purple running shoes with her pink dress.

In other news, Maya’s Spring Break is finally coming to a close (thank God for that).

Also, I bought a new pair of New Balance shoes in navy blue (yes, I really did purchase something that isn’t black), and resurrected my beloved Target hat from the depths of my closet (see below picture) now that temperatures are far more reasonable.

Visiting with Nadia…always a highlight of visiting LA.

The Whole Foods in Union Square finally grew a brain and created an Express Lane during the high peak lunch hour (now I only have to wait an average of 15 minutes in line to buy my lunch, instead of the usual 18 minutes. I am beside myself with happiness.).

Oh, and I burned a batch of homemade crackers (I ate them anyway, because I cannot waste food).

In LA where I decided to single-handedly bring back the super stylish side ponytail to minimize frizz.

There isn’t much else going on but Ali and Maya are due to fly back to NYC tonight so I’m sure I’ll have more sarcasm to share shortly.