John Din
I’m not going to name any names, but when certain members of the Din Household are sick they push any and all obligations aside, climb into bed, and simply remain motionless and unresponsive for 24-48 hours. While maintaining a candlelight vigil praying for this person’s recovery (for simplicity’s sake we’ll call him John, but do note that names have been changed to protect this person’s identity), the remaining members of the household will not hear from John unless he is in need of a meal, Sudafed, tea, his iPhone, his laptop, his charger, or the TV remote.
John will not drop anyone to school, nor will he make the bed. If John feels up to it, he will lift a finger to send a few emails or text messages before he once again collapses into bed from exhaustion. And when John finally does recover, he takes things nice and slow until he is once again operating at 100%, at which time he goes about his business without the slightest feelings of guilt at being unproductive for 24-48 hours.
Allow me to contrast this scenario with what happens when I am sick. It is really quite simple actually because when I am sick nothing changes.
Princess parties still need to be attended, even if I’m coughing up a lung…
Baths must be given, butterfly wings must be fixed, and crowns must be adjusted, despite my flu-like aches and pains…
School fundraisers need to be supported, and Twinkle Time songs must be sung, even if I’m running a fever…
Additionally, laundry must be done, beds must be made, groceries must be purchased, and questions such as, “Are you feeling well enough to make me a sandwich?” must be answered.
To be fair though, I will admit that on numerous occasions this weekend John Din did say “You should rest if you want to get better. I don’t know why you don’t just rest?”
I don’t know “John.” I mean it’s not like I’m busy or anything, right?
Marriage Tips from Someone Who Has No Clue
Well I can’t say it’s been smooth sailing for the last decade, but with a wing and a prayer Ali and I somehow made it to our tenth wedding anniversary yesterday. We celebrated by having lunch at The Blvd in The Regent Beverly Wilshire where we got married. I used to tell people it is the same hotel where Pretty Woman was filmed, but I’m not sure if I want to make the association between our wedding and the lines:
Vivian: I would have stayed for two thousand.
Edward Lewis: I would have paid four.
Anyway, so yesterday it was just me, Ali, and his iPhone having lunch. We had some delicious Caterpillar Sushi…
We had some words over Ali’s incessant texting and emailing…
And we had some dessert, courtesy of the hotel…
Considering my parents spent their retirement on my wedding, you’d think the hotel could have come up with something a little more elaborate for our anniversary. I am totally kidding. I had a couple of bites, Ali polished off everything else, and it was all excellent.
This morning a member of my Toastmaster’s group (incidentally my first speech went very well, thank you all for your positive vibes!!) asked me what advice I have for someone getting married. Lucky for him he isn’t marrying me, so he is already off to a good start! But I also provided him with the following tips:
1. Do not share a bathroom – this is not up for negotiation. Trust me on this!
2. Do not share a closet – again, not up for negotiation.
3. Maintain a joint checking account but each person should have their own account too. This was my mom’s advice and honestly? So smart.
4. Do not lie to your wife, especially if you are a bad liar. Seems obvious, right? Well some people in the Din Household have had to learn the hard way.
5. Don’t take 10 months to purchase a car. This can be, and almost was, a deal breaker. And I assure you that any divorce court would agree with me on this one.
10 years down…10 more to go?
Positive Vibes
I’ve been trying something new the last few days…I’ve been sending positive vibes into the universe. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all “The Secret” on you or anything – I’m sure I’ve already mentioned that I believe this book is total and utter hogwash, perpetuated by Master of the Universe, a.k.a. Oprah – but I’ve decided to approach things with positivity instead of my usual cautious optimism.
Guess what? I think I might be on to something.
Example #1
Yesterday, for example, I was dying for a good bagel. I haven’t had one in probably a decade or something, but for some reason I was craving a bagel slathered in cream cheese. And guess what I suddenly appeared?
My friend Maie, who so thoughtfully bought me lunch yesterday, also brought me gluten-free bagels, scones, and cupcakes from The Sensitive Baker.
Maie being the generous person that she is suggested that I take everything home and share it with Ali and Maya. We all know that what I really did was take everything home and write “Mom’s, DO NOT TOUCH” all over it. I also underlined it 3 times in permanent marker and buried all of it deep within the confines of the freezer.
Think what you want but I am in carb-heaven right now and don’t feel guilty in the least for not sharing.
Example #2
After my carb-fest I found I had a ridiculous amount of energy and decided to approach Maya’s “homework” time with excitement. We’ve made good progress learning our lowercase letters lately but Maya seems to have stalled with the lowercase “j.”
I must have said “It’s just a lowercase “i” with a tail, Maya” about 50 times this past week, but for some reason Maya insists on putting the biggest, most obnoxious dot on top of the “j” and she curves it around at the bottom so much that it might as well be a drunk “u.”
But I sent my vibes up, up, and away, and instantly KNEW Maya was going to master it.
She finally did, although we had some words about her lack of focus right around letter “k,” and I’m pretty sure Rhonda Byrne wouldn’t approve of the non-Secretlike thoughts that were circling around in my mind at that point. In any case, I liken Maya’s “j” progression to the evolution of man…
Do you see the resemblance?
Example #3
I had no desire to cook dinner today. None whatsoever. There were no leftovers and pretty much nothing in the freezer (except for the aforementioned gluten-free goods and we know those are off-limits to all those not named “Mom”) so I had no idea what to do for dinner. But I decided not to dwell on things because I was positive they’d work themselves out. And then lo and behold…at exactly 2:34 I received this text:
I still have to cook for myself and Maya, and I have to entertain her more than expected, so I’m not sure if I’d call Example #3 100% successful but you win some, you lose some.
I don’t know how long my positivity is sustainable but I’m sending vibes that the kitchen stays clean, that Maya doesn’t throw up for at least a month, and that I don’t stumble during my Toastmaster’s speech on Friday.
I need all the help I can get.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
