The Next Age Bracket
I saw something yesterday that terrified me. No, it wasn’t Ali’s closet floor or Maya’s bathroom sink – it was much, much worse.
So there I was on the Internet, filling out an application, when I encountered this scary sight:
Yes folks, in 8 short months I will be moving up an entire age bracket. I am getting…older.
I suppose the signs of age have been apparent for a while now but I’ve been ignoring them. For instance…
1. Yesterday I caught myself making the following “old” comments:
- To my Mother-in-law – “It doesn’t really matter what I wear to the wedding this weekend, I’m an old married lady and nobody is going to be looking at me.
- To Maya – “Whatever, Mama is way too old and tired to care.”
- To my brother – “The older I get the less patience I have for annoying people.”
2. My previous role as princess (Ali used to call me this years ago) has been brutally snatched away by a certain diva named Maya…
Queen....not such a flattering title...
…which now make me the queen of the Din Household? Now I don’t know about you but when I think of the word “queen” I conjure up images of an ancient, rather unproductive old lady with silver hair leaning on a cane.
Which, aside from the cane (so far anyway), pretty much describes me to a “T.” Wonderful.
3. And since we are on the topic of silver hair, mine is becoming more evident with each day that goes by, so much so that I had to stop going to the salon to color my hair and I now utilize the more affordable and convenient route of Nice ‘n Easy instead. Classy, yes?
Pretend this is a picture of me dying my hair – I won’t scare you with the real thing.
4. My motor skills are even suffering! I am normally a speed reader and can read a book in no time at all but it took me 7 days to read this 451 page book. 7 days!
This is an amazing book...definitely a must read...
I’d blame my slow progress on my poor eyesight and lack of focus but then I’d feel like a chronic complainer, which is another sign of old age. So just pretend I didn’t mention my poor eyesight and lack of focus.
Before you know it I’ll be flaunting my Senior Citizen’s discounts (not unlike my father), I’ll be dropping my dentures in a glass next to my side of the bed, and I’ll be catching the Early Bird Special at Norms.
But until then I have to get to bed. It’s 9:30 pm and way past my bedtime you know.
I Love Craigslist
In the last two years I’ve utilized the wonderful free-ness of Craigslist to:
- Find Maya a swimming teacher
- Find Maya another swimming teacher
- Hire a server for a party
- Hire another server for a party
- Find a job…yes really
Since my good friend Craig has come through for me so many times before, I figured why not exploit his free services again to see what types of writing jobs are out there? So I’ve been adding even more RSS feeds to my Google Reader (which is really just out of control at this point) and I am happy to say that things are looking very promising!
I mean, just take a look at this…
I am obviously a beginner writer and yet I am clearly qualified to write a book, and this guy promises his will be a bestseller! I have such a knack for being in the right place at the right time, don’t I?
I figured that while I finish up the aforementioned bestseller I can make a little extra on the side by working on resume writing…
And if building a career around writing resumes for potential members of the ministry doesn’t work out I can always be the go-to person for providing the 411 on Lost.
But the great thing is that if all else fails I can help a Bangladeshi poet realize his dreams…
And what on earth could possibly be more fulfilling than that?
Okay so maybe Craig isn’t quite pulling his weight this time around, but things could always be worse, right? At least I’m not heading into the ministry with no resume. Or a clue.
One always has to look at the bright side you know.
Placing the Blame
So there I was with a blank WordPress screen taunting me and the Big World Cup (per Maya) blaring in the background.
Yes, suddenly Ali and Maya have turned into soccer aficionados. Between listening to Maya randomly yell “defense” every few minutes to to the strange non-stop background noise, I have to wonder how people watch this all day without developing the mother of all migraines.
I actually Googled “What is the annoying noise in the background during the World Cup?” because I was that baffled by the droning sound. Approximately 42,300 results came up in 0.19 seconds and I immediately felt better knowing that I am not the only person who asks stupid questions.
Apparently the South African fans blow “vuvuzela” horns during the games. And apparently they never stop. I’d like to blame my writer’s block on the vuvuzela horns. I’d also like to blame our dirty kitchen, the loads of laundry, and my dying orchid on the vuvuzela horns as well. I invite you to do the same.
I was unable to focus and so desperate for a post topic that I asked Ali for ideas on what I should write about. He generously threw out a few pearls of wisdom, his gaze never straying from the television, as follows:
- FIFA World Cup
- June gloom
- Medicines and/or prescriptions
- Healthcare system
- The beach
- The zoo
Yes, this really is my husband’s thought process. When I asked him what I was supposed to do with any/all of these topics he said,“Get creative. Isn’t that why you are a writer?”
I’d like to blame this sub-par post on my husband and the vuvuzela horns. Again, I invite you to do the same.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 