A Lesson On Interrupting
I decided to teach my daughter a lesson yesterday.
Yes, I know she is only 5. Yes, I know I shouldn’t expect miracles from a 5-year-old. But the truth is that my parents expected nothing less of me, and clearly I’ve learned nothing from their mistakes.
So yesterday I carted Maya around to school, to the library, and to swimming lessons. I made her breakfast, lunch, dinner, and several snacks. We baked a rather terrible Applesauce Cake. I gave her a bath, I read her a bunch of books, and I quelled my sarcastic reply when she said, “My underwear is confusing me.”
This cake may have been the most disgusting thing to ever come out of my kitchen. To put that statement in perspective just know that I've had some massive failures come out of my kitchen.
And just for the record, if I don’t deserve a Mother of the Year for that last one, I don’t know who does.
But despite having my undivided attention for a solid 5 hours, Maya still insisted on interrupting the one 5 minute phone call I managed to fit in all day long.
So what did I do? Well I did what any other loving mother would do – I told her to go away so my mom and I could continue to explore my anger at the ridiculous street closures Barack Obama’s visit caused earlier this week.
What can I say? Talking to Mom is cheaper than paying a shrink.
After exhausting both my mom and the topic of street closures, I decided to turn on the TV so Maya could enjoy her 30-minutes of allotted TV time. Or so she thought! As soon as she was all comfy on the couch I sneaked up behind her and proceeded to pepper her with loud questions for the next 5 minutes.
“Stop it Mama! Stop bothering me!”
Ali heard all the commotion and decided to join in on the fun. Because that is how a dysfunctional family like ours “bonds.”
“Go away Dad, I’m watching TV.”
We kept up the fun for a bit longer until both Ali and I realized we were missing out on precious computer time. “Okay Maya, I’m going to leave you alone now,” I said sternly, “but I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”
I walked back to my computer feeling rather proud of myself and called up a friend to tell her about my progressive parenting tactics. I was so busy patting myself on the back that before I knew it half an hour went by, Imagination Movers ended, and Maya suddenly appeared to interrupt my phone call with a very pressing matter, “What do I do if I’m still hungry Mama?”
I might need to call my mom back for another session.
Los Angeles’ Finest
Trader Joe’s Mixed Berry Sparkling Water.
This random beverage has been consuming my thoughts during the long days of Ramadan. I have no idea why I am craving sparkling water because normally I don’t drink it. As a matter of fact, I get irritated when I ask for water at a restaurant and the waiter asks me if I’d like a bottle of sparkling or flat for the table.
“I’ll take tap,” I always say with frustration. This usually coincides with my brother’s reply of, “I’ll have a glass of Los Angeles’ finest.”
We are a sarcastic bunch, aren’t we?
So as someone who scoffs when anyone ponies up the $6 for a tiny bottle of Pellegrino I realize I only have karma to blame for my TJ’s Mixed Berry Sparkling Water craving.
I was also randomly craving cookies, and since Maya was driving me bonkers again we made this recipe not once, but twice in two days:
As she handled the raw cookie dough Maya insisted that her hands were clean...I simply couldn't find the energy to argue with her.
Double Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 cup of flour (I used whole wheat)
1/3 cup of baking cocoa (I used Trader Joe’s)
1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1 stick of butter, softened (1/2 cup)
1/2 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 egg
1/2 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1. With an electric mixer combine the butter, sugar, and vanilla until creamy.
2. Add the egg and blend again until well mixed.
3. In a separate bowl combine the dry ingredients and blend the dry mixture into the wet mixture in small batches.
4. Stir in the chocolate chips.
5. Using a tablespoon (or the handy scooper we bought at Bed, Bath, and Beyond – see above) drop the batter onto an ungreased cookie sheet.
6. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Makes approximately 20 cookies.
Is it nuts that I am bothered that some of the cookies were not placed on the Silpat equidistantly?
So after nearly 10 hours of dreaming of sparkling water and double chocolate chip cookies, guess what happened when the sun set and I could finally eat again?
I had no desire for either. Instead I enjoyed my Brita water and a bowl of brown rice with peach salsa. Go figure.
PS – There is a serious humanitarian crisis in Pakistan due to terrible flooding. My friend LawyerLovesLunch did a very good job of articulating the fact that the victims could really use our help. Please check out her post here and consider donating to the Red Cross or Unicef if you can.
A Scary Mommy I Admire
My hair and I? We haven’t been seeing eye to eye recently.
What else is new, right? We’ve been battling since I was about 9 years old at which time my older sister started calling by the endearing name “caveman.”
It’s no wonder I have no self-confidence. Actually, I’ve been pondering the fact that I should go to therapy and slap her with the bills but I can’t…I won’t bore you with the reasons why.
Anyway, I found myself staring in the mirror this past week asking myself an age-old question…why do I look like a Chia Pet?
I wanted to slap on my Target hat and have a good cry, but my fix-it project for this month is to learn to be more proactive. So instead of huddling in a corner I called up my Japanese straightening guru and had him douse me with chemicals. Lots of them. For three hours. On Saturday morning at 9 am.
Talk about a wake-up call.
Yes, I too am marveling at the fact that I will only eat organic grapes and use products by Avalon Organics, and yet I have no problem subjecting myself to the barrage of poison known as the Yuko Hair System.
I won't scare you with a "before" picture. Just know this is a massive improvement.
I’m happy to say that the result was worth all the toxicity I exposed myself to. It’s just unfortunate that my miracle worker can’t do anything about my dark circles and pale skin.
Have you had enough of my sarcasm for the day? If not please check out my guest post on ScaryMommy.com. This mommy impresses me for her sense of humor, her honesty, and most importantly the fact that she has 40,142 followers on Twitter.
I just downloaded and learned how to use TweetDeck this week. I’m a bit behind.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 