A House Guest
Well I no longer have to hear, “Why was Tara/Oliver/Max/Leon the student of the week and NOT ME?” because Maya was finally the student of the week.
So what does this wonderful honor entail? Well, the SOTW gets to be at the front of the line all week, and in addition to this honorable position, the SOTW also gets to take home the class mascot Biscuit.
I certainly had my reservations about a dirty, germ-ridden stranger spending 7 days in my home, and I wasn’t the only one.
Minnnie Mouse and Panda Express were a bit…territorial.
Our reservations didn’t go unfounded either. Just look at what this presumptuous dog did?
Ridiculous, right? I mean, what kind of guest defaces his host family’s iPad?
And then Biscuit decided to play russian roulette with his life by messing up my very organized cupboard.
I screamed at the damn dog to “step away” but Ali yelled back at me and told me to lay off. Could it be because Ali’s found a dog after his own heart?
Apparently Ali will stick up for anyone with an affinity for a drawer full of computer cables.
But then Biscuit stepped over the line and I lost it when I found him in this compromising position:
Words were exchanged – some that weren’t for Maya’s ears – and then things got violent.
I definitely feel guilty that things got out of hand so fast but my bag has been through enough. Obviously Maya didn’t brief Biscuit on the “hands off the LV” policy.
But whatever. I don’t think Biscuit will be coming back any time soon and I am 100% okay with that. And Maya? Well she’ll come to terms. Eventually.
Ali Fights Back (Guest Post)
Hello there readers – this is Ali and I am finally here to defend myself from Ameena’s countless acts of defamation.
First off, I am not the tech obsessed loser you all think I am, nor am I the forgetful dad Ameena loves to portray me as. Okay, so maybe I forgot Maya’s snack on a couple of occasions, but she didn’t exactly starve to death, right? And sure, I love to collect cables, but really, who doesn’t?
Anyway, I have proof that Ameena isn’t so innocent herself!
Vacation… this is a time to unplug right? Not my wife! Who knows what she’s doing here but it appears NYC is no match for the allure of the iPad.
Here she is at it again. Forget that Leo Di Caprio is sitting behind her – Ameena is too busy catching up on work to really care.
Just as an aside, do you think the iPad could be any closer to her face?
Gadget geek? Me? Here she is caught in the act of adjusting the camera settings while Maya is in the bathtub next to her.
What kind of mother focuses on her camera settings when her daughter is in the bathtub? Not a very good one, I can assure you of that.
So now, after hard evidence…am I really the technology nerd in the family? Or is it my “quick to point fingers” wife Ameena?
I think the answer is crystal clear to us all!
I Caved
When I was a kid I knew better than to ask for anything.
I never asked for toys, I never asked for a snack while we were out, and I never, ever complained that I was tired and I wanted to go home. Why? Well because annoying my parents was tantamount to signing my own death sentence. And for some bizarre reason I wanted to live to see another day.
Here’s the crazy thing – even though I inherited and put to use their crazy parenting tactics, Maya has no fear. I don’t get it?
At The Grove - Maya + a free Nordstrom balloon = Happiness.
Example A – we attempted to engage in a bit of family bonding time yesterday. I say attempted because the afternoon was marred by a variety of West L.A.-ish comments from Maya including, “I’m starving and parched. I need a snack now!” and “Well, if you aren’t going to buy me something than I don’t want to look. Can we go home now?”
At L.A. Live - Maya + a free foam finger = Happiness Squared
No dammit, we can’t, I wanted to reply as my blood pressure shot through the roof. We are bonding right now! As a family! And we will enjoy it NO MATTER WHAT!
This is, after all, what my dad would have yelled at me and my siblings while we quivered in fear.
But what did I really say? “If you stay quiet for 5 whole minutes I swear I’ll turn on the The Fresh Beat Band the second we get home.”
I have a feeling that my parents are very disappointed in me. Very, very disappointed.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
