When I was a kid I knew better than to ask for anything.
I never asked for toys, I never asked for a snack while we were out, and I never, ever complained that I was tired and I wanted to go home. Why? Well because annoying my parents was tantamount to signing my own death sentence. And for some bizarre reason I wanted to live to see another day.
Here’s the crazy thing – even though I inherited and put to use their crazy parenting tactics, Maya has no fear. I don’t get it?
Example A – we attempted to engage in a bit of family bonding time yesterday. I say attempted because the afternoon was marred by a variety of West L.A.-ish comments from Maya including, “I’m starving and parched. I need a snack now!” and “Well, if you aren’t going to buy me something than I don’t want to look. Can we go home now?”
No dammit, we can’t, I wanted to reply as my blood pressure shot through the roof. We are bonding right now! As a family! And we will enjoy it NO MATTER WHAT!
This is, after all, what my dad would have yelled at me and my siblings while we quivered in fear.
But what did I really say? “If you stay quiet for 5 whole minutes I swear I’ll turn on the The Fresh Beat Band the second we get home.”
I have a feeling that my parents are very disappointed in me. Very, very disappointed.