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just ask

June 3, 2015

According to a recent statement by my husband, “If you want help all you have to do is ask for it.”

So last night, I asked.

Me: “Can you please put the dishes into the dishwasher? I have a splitting headache.”

Ali: “Sure.”

And off to the kitchen he went.


Weekend pictures…at The National for breakfast.


I was amazed….was it as easy as that?

Did I just need to ask him to help out more?

I mean, were the last 15 years of my life unnecessarily difficult because I’ve been wanting my husband to take initiative, instead of simply spelling it all out for him?



Lunch at Village Taverna…


Of course I had my doubts. And so after Ali was done I went into the kitchen to inspect.

All of the food was still out (of course) and there were naan crumbs everywhere (of course), but for the most part the dishes appeared to have been dealt with. Even the pots and pans!

I was impressed. Truly.

Until I realized that all of the pots and pans were in the dishwasher, which not only screams laziness, but which is a direct violation of Calphalon’s somewhat complicated and useless lifetime warranty.


Walking on 5th Avenue…


So I suppose that next time I want help I need to be sure to say:

“Can you please put all of the dishes in the sink into the dishwasher, minus the pots and pans which need to be hand washed? And then cover and put the food into the fridge. And wipe down the counters with the eco-friendly cleaner in the beige spray bottle that is directly under the kitchen sink. You can use the white dishtowel with the flowers printed on it. It too is under the sink. And then shake out the dishtowel crumbs in the trash can and put everything back in the cabinet.”

It hardly seems worth it.

Which I suppose is his point?

46 Comments leave one →
  1. June 3, 2015 3:58 am

    Haha, your posts always give me the comfort that all men are pretty much the same! Not that that’s much of a “comfort” when you’re washing dishes yourself cuz husband dearest can’t do it properly!

    • June 3, 2015 6:03 pm

      I’m always washing dishes myself…nice to know I’m not alone!

  2. seana permalink
    June 3, 2015 7:04 am

    We live the same life. I ask once, if it’s not done I do it myself. It’s just easier. It is a guy thing though. Asked my 24 year old son to clean his bathroom. Took a week to do it. My husband had to show him what he didn’t do. Utter craziness. Thank god I don’t have to look at his bathroom.

    • June 3, 2015 7:21 pm

      Re: bathrooms…life was great in LA because I never had to see Maya’s bathroom or Ali’s for that matter.

      Here in NY? Our place is so tiny that I see all mess, 24/7.

  3. June 3, 2015 8:31 am

    CUTE!! But still he tried, you have to give him creddit for that. Keep asking for help in time he’ll perfect himself.

  4. June 3, 2015 9:14 am

    Honestly I could have told you about Ali’s delivery in Kitchen anyday. My Mum taught me a very wise thing years before. Don’t Ask! End Results will never be to your liking satisfaction. I don’t ask:)

  5. hcoving permalink
    June 3, 2015 9:46 am

    It’s a step in the right direction that you asked instead of just doing it yourself. Men definitely need to have things spelled out a bit more since that Y chromosome thing seems to render crumbs on a counter invisible.

    • June 3, 2015 7:22 pm

      Crumbs on the counter are invisible, as well as ALL OTHER MESS…

  6. June 3, 2015 12:24 pm

    I have the same problem with my husband doing grocery shopping. If I don’t specify exactly 2 lemons, he comes home with 1…If I say “apples”, he buys a single apple…then yabbers on and on about how much less he spent on food than I do. For heavens sake.

    • June 3, 2015 7:23 pm

      So if you say apples, he chooses to ignore the plural? LOL

      Sounds like Ali.

  7. June 3, 2015 2:26 pm

    i will remember this when i have a husband. Hey at least, you know in future, you need to ask and provide very very detailed instructions along with it 😛

    • June 3, 2015 7:23 pm

      By the time I’ve delineated all the details though, I might as well have taken care of it myself!

  8. Heather permalink
    June 3, 2015 2:57 pm

    I love you. That is all. 🙂

  9. Laurie McGuire permalink
    June 3, 2015 3:42 pm

    I continue to ask- because I have boys- I don’t want their wives to hate me for not teaching them to clean up after themselves and be good partners. It is a daily issue. Zafar does cook, which I am very lucky for, but it drives me insane that he is a very messy cook. He puts things out of the fridge in the middle of a mess on the counter, then puts it back into the fridge…he opens cabinets and the fridge with dirty hands. I have to follow him wiping everything down. It really grosses me out. Is it worth a battle? I used to think so, only because i know I’m right!!! But, I try not to make it a battle that will end with anger and hurt feelings. But every now and then I will mention to please wash hands and wipe things off. I say, yes, keep asking, and spell it out…!

    • June 3, 2015 7:43 pm

      My mom says the same thing about my dad – that she has to follow him around wiping things when he cooks. Ali never cooks so obviously this doesn’t apply to me. But I feel your pain Laurie!!

  10. June 3, 2015 3:49 pm

    Just Love this post!!! I can totally relate to you 🙂

  11. Bru permalink
    June 3, 2015 4:49 pm

    Totally happens in my house. I need things to be in a certain way and when asked do it, not after days. I ask once, doesn’t get done, i do it.
    Happy to know i am not alone. 😊😊😊

    • June 3, 2015 7:43 pm

      Makes sense just to skip over the asking part, right? Might as well get it done faster??


  12. mona permalink
    June 3, 2015 7:52 pm

    I always follow ur posts n truly u write life experiences through which i really get idea how to deal with my man. Keep writing for us 🙂

    • June 4, 2015 3:19 pm

      Thanks for the nice words Mona! I appreciate it. 🙂

  13. June 3, 2015 11:35 pm

    Hahaa this is totally my life! Every time I ask my husband to do the dishes he just loads up the dishwasher. Well, if I can do that by myself why would I ask him! I also have certain rules about the dish washing sponges we use. This September it will officially be three years of me repeating the rules!

    • June 4, 2015 3:20 pm

      I just have to say that if Ali would actually load up the dishwasher – properly – I’d just jump for joy. No joke!

      PS: It’s been 15 years for me repeating the rules….

  14. Jessie E. permalink
    June 4, 2015 2:29 pm

    So true! While Peter hasn’t put pots into the dishwasher yet (they’re like his children), I have walked into the kitchen after “cleaning” and the counters are gummy and the sink — well, the less said, the better. Perhaps we should just record ourselves saying the instructions and just hit “play” when needed? 😉

    • June 4, 2015 3:21 pm

      That’s a good idea…maybe I will consult with my techie husband to see if this recording is a possibility. 🙂

  15. Arin permalink
    June 4, 2015 3:34 pm

    EXACTLY! I’m so tired of “managing” everything….Having “help” when it has to be implicitly directed is no reprieve.

    • June 5, 2015 6:48 am

      You put it so perfectly…it’s no reprieve at all!!

      Thanks for the comment Arin!

  16. June 4, 2015 4:29 pm

    YES!!! This could be me and Vishnu. I feel like I’m being so bossy when I get super specific with him, but I know if I don’t, the task at hand will not get done the way it needs to. Or as Vishnu likes to say, “Par’s way.” LOL!

    • June 5, 2015 6:49 am

      I’m past the point of feeling bossy, now I just feel like a nag…and somehow I can’t help myself from continuing to nag…

  17. June 4, 2015 5:19 pm

    Ali has GOT to be doing this purpose. It’s part of his master plan!

  18. June 5, 2015 12:52 pm

    I feel ya, girl. I’m such a nag to REB it’s ridiculous. But of course, it’s justified. I cooked, so he has to clean up. And he has to clean up when I say. Not right before bed like I know he eventually will…or after he plays his video game for a little while because he already agreed to clean up. If I ask for it 2 hours post-eating and while reading, and during a particularly intense moment in the book I realize the kitchen isn’t clean, he must drop everything he is currently doing to amend that. But in my opinion, that’s totally justified. 😉

    • June 7, 2015 7:31 am

      I had to laugh at this…I totally want things done when I want them done. Not hours later…because the entire time I’m stressing if he’s actually going to do it!!

      So funny.

      • June 8, 2015 12:02 pm

        I also forgot to comment that I too hate the warranty crap with Calphalon. It would feel so freeing if I could just put pots and pans into the dishwasher without the fear that I’ve ruined them for eternity.

      • June 8, 2015 12:42 pm

        I’m kind of done with Calphalon…I need to find a better set of pans! Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

  19. sarahjmir permalink
    June 5, 2015 9:51 pm

    really laughed out loud at the end bit there. at my daughters first birthday last year my husband told me he had cleaned the playroom which is where the kids were going to do their games. When I came downstairs after the kids had started I saw a folded duvet and a few pillows just lying there… *cringe*

    • June 9, 2015 7:28 pm

      His definition of “clean” seems quite similar to my husband’s definition of “clean.”

      I suppose it’s a vaguer (is that a word?) category than I thought?

  20. June 10, 2015 3:55 pm

    You are basically, better off doing it yourself….as you have been!! MJ actually does a better job of dishes (although I do it more often). Getting him to remember to wipe of counters is still a work in progress, but it could be worse.

  21. July 7, 2015 3:15 pm

    Ha ha! It’s true – us males need VERY specific instructions to get things right. Even then, there’ll be something…

    • July 7, 2015 6:56 pm

      I bet your wife appreciates that you at least admit the need for instruction!! LOL

  22. Katie sB permalink
    July 23, 2015 10:24 am

    This is exactly what my husband does!

    • July 25, 2015 8:41 pm

      Sorry that you can relate Katie!! Although I feel better I’m not the only one…. 🙂

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