an ounce, a grain, and a dash
Blog readers often send me super nice emails. Other emails? They aren’t so nice. It is for this reason I thought it might be useful to address some additional FAQ’s. (Please note that while real, some questions are paraphrased for entertainment value.)
Q: Does Ali get upset about the mean things you write about him?
A: 99% of the time I read my posts to Ali to make sure he is okay with what I’ve written. When I write about Ali commenting on my fat thighs I do not check with him. Because the world deserves to know that a filter-less person like my husband exists.
Q: Being a mother isn’t that hard. Why do you make it seem that way?
A: I realize that others might not find diapers, vomit, constant questions, tantrums, and whining hard (not sure who this person is but I assume she exists), but I do. Maybe I’m not a good person for admitting it, but the point of this blog is to be honest.
Q: The fact that you work and are a mother isn’t that remarkable. Many parents do the same and more.
A: Agreed. I often think I am a superhero as I wax on and on about everything I accomplish by noon. My only excuse it that Ali drives me to be this way. Plus I’m selfish.
Highlights of the weekend: Coffee with Ali at Bouchon
Q: Do you fear Maya will eventually read your blog?
A: Actually, as soon as I think Maya’s old enough to understand sarcasm, I’ll be happy to help her point her browser in the right direction.
Q: Do you fear that Maya is too spoiled?
A: As the only granddaughter on one side and the only grandchild on the other, Maya is a bit indulged. But I do my best to counteract this by taking her to volunteer at different events, by constantly reminding her how lucky she is, and by making her sweep the floor on an as needed basis.
A decent hair day…
Q: You complain a lot. Why?
A: While I likely complain more than the average person, please realize that this blog is supposed to be sarcastic and funny. If I talked about flowers and puppies all day long then really, what would be the point?
Q: Are you on medication?
A: Aside from a slew of holistic remedies to counteract my eczema I am not.
Q: Do you think you need medication?
A: I don’t think so. Although Ali would likely give a resounding “yes” to answer this question.
Maya’s Mickey Mouse Pizza at Il Fornaio.
I know that not everybody is going to appreciate or understand my writing style, but please know it is never my intention to offend anyone. Also note that I don’t purport to be an expert on any subject whatsoever. Thus I ask readers to read this blog with the knowledge that I am prone to dramatization and sarcasm.
And to those of you who get me? Thank you.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
I loved your answers but find it crazy that you had to justify yourself! I thought the sarcasm in your blog was obvious- I guess not everyone has a sense of humor. I really enjoy the wit behind your posts and those who don’t might be better off by not reading it. Have a great day, Ameena 🙂
Thanks Khushboo…it’s great to read that others gets my sarcasm!
I sofa king love you.
First of all, who sends crap like that? Probably my mother in law cause she’s an asshole like that.
Secondly you nailed this.
If people can’t figure out that your writing is all sarcastic oozing with awesomeness and hilarity then maybe they shouldn’t be reading…and sending you rude emails.
Your Mother in law comments cracked me up. We can all relate to that!! lol
That’s what confuses me…why do they read if they don’t like what I write? Such a mystery.
Secondly, your MIL? I’m so sorry.
For some, sarcasm must truly not translate over the interwebs. I don’t have kids, but I know the day-to-day grind of whining-vomit-meals, plus trying to teach them how to be good human beings, would drive me close to insanity. I think people are still under the impression that mothering involves nothing more than milk, cookies, and laundry. Good kids like Maya aren’t born, they’re made by thoughtful child-rearing.
My question is *not* in the spirit of your post, but would you mind expounding on the holistic remedies you use for eczema? I would really love to move away from the prescription steroid/epidermis-destroying creams, but I have yet to find anything else that provides relief. Hope I wasn’t a Debbie Downer with my question, and not too much of a nuisance. Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words Y. I really appreciate them.
And yes, after years of trying everything under the sun I found a holistic practitioner who has been helping me battle my eczema. I’d be happy to share the details with you but basically I take large doses of things like grapeseed extract and oregano and I switch every four days. It’s a process…but it’s working. Feel free to email me at ameenadin@hotmail.com if you want to know more about it.
I think it’s all perspective. I don’t necessarily think you’re complaining, you’re just putting an entertaining spin on what mothers go through. Which I love. Because I’m quite tired of mothers saying nothing more than “being a mother is so rewarding”. Yes, I believe this, but by encompassing your entire experinece in this once phrase makes me question you in doubt. I want to know more. And you help me with that. 🙂
I am so glad I can help you with that. I really wish I had a more realistic picture of parenthood because maybe then I wouldn’t have found it so hard?
lol jeez… i guess sarcasIm is hard to get for many people. i think your blog is one of the most light hearted blog I have come across … Love visiting here and you never fail to crack me up. 😀 and you are awesome :D…. it was funny to read the type of questions people will ask
Thank you Eddie! I really appreciate your kind words, comments, and the fact that you read!
Love it! I can tell that there’s a mushy part inside of you, Ameena!! Love the Mickey pizza, how clever! As are you!
I have a mushy part….very very deep inside. 🙂 But I won’t tell Maya!
Haters be hatin’.
Juuuuust kidding.
About the vernacular. Not the sentiment.
Sometimes I write about things like laughing at my little guy when he cries for no reason. People comment and say I’m really mean- they’re serious!!! And I DELETE THEM.
When I go through my email in the morning and see that you’ve published something new this is always the first thing I read; Love it.
Being a mom IS hard. Working and having a family IS EVEN HARDER. I hope you send those people snarky emails dripping with sarcasm.
I laugh at Maya when she cries (not so much anymore) for no reason…because what’s the alternative? To cry right along with her? Probably not.
Thank you for reading and for relating!!
Your blog is REFRESHING! I can see how some people may not read your posts as intended, but that’s their issue. Sarcasm is meant to be a little over the top and funny. Keep it up! 🙂
Thanks Parita…so glad that you can understand my over the top sarcasm. 🙂
I can’t believe there are people out there who can’t understand the spirit of your writing :-). Please don’t change anything about your blog, I soo love it as it is!! P.S. The Mickey Mouse pizza is cute 🙂
Thanks Fab…you are unbelievably kind to leave such a nice comment.
Q: Being a mother isn’t that hard. Why do you make it seem that way?
Obviously, this was written by a MAN! Dumb Ass.
Xxx
I am totally laughing right now…maybe Ali wrote it? 🙂
I would click ‘unfollow’ if you started writing about flowers and puppies! Trying hard to spot the fat thighs!! Husbands…I tell you!!
Husbands is right….
Please don’t unfollow me! 🙂
Your blog is one of my favorites because of your genius mix of sarcastic humor and harsh reality. Plus it makes me feel like I have good reason to fear that someday I may procreate and will probably often times regret that decision, but in the nicest possible way.
I think most parents do regret their decision, in the nicest possible way of course.
Love it.
Haters are everywhere. Just ignore them. Party poopers. They are obviously couldn’t handle your honesty. Thank you for writing your blog. It’s very refreshing.
Thank you for reading my blog Lydia! We will meet up in NYC one of these days…I know it!
Let me assure you- YOUR BLOG IS GREAT…just the way it is!!!! I always love coming here to have a great laugh– I mean…a laugh out loud type of laugh. My husband says, “Oh you are reading THAT blog again…aren’t you??” ha ha!! 🙂
It is amazing that people would write and ask such questions- as a blog is something personal- if you wanted to write about the size of your bowel movement and the colour etc…it is your perogative.
I loved all your answers….and I look forward to continue reading your updates (and laughing)!!!
I’m laughing at your comment right now (good thing I wasn’t eating dinner as I usually am when I’m reading comments!).
Thank you Anjuli…and I love that your hubby knows about my blog. 🙂
If you talked about how bonding it is to hold Maya’s hair back while she vomits, or how Ali is a perfect husband, or about rainbows and unicorns….I would never read your blog again, HA! 🙂 I love your witty, sarcastic ways…I think we definitely have that in common.
Holding back Maya’s hair during a barfing session is anything but bonding. I will be sure to reinforce that in a future post.
Thanks for reading Brooklyn!
I love your view of parenting and marriage. Because I am also sarcastic and cynical about everything, I find your blog far more believable and relatable than the mommy blog that goes on and on about how dear and wonderful mothering is. Those blogs kind of make me want to vomit.
Heather…the fact that you take the time to comment when you have newborn(s)? Means a lot. Thank you.
I love your writing style. 🙂 nothing is more annoying than people who don’t get sarcasm! I deal with that alot. 🙂 I dont know how Ali could say your thighs are fat! You look so lean and delicate to me 🙂 Maybe he’s being sarcastic… 😉
I wish Ali was being sarcastic but really, that’s just not his style. He just says what’s on his mind, even if it’s completely insane.
Thanks for the compliment! And thanks for reading.
I lovee your blog- no questions asked ! and I am sure whoever asked you all these bizzare questions has issues and need medications!!! Well, life is not about butterflies and rainbows thats why i love your writing style because it is honest, sarcastic but harsh reality we all deal with every day 🙂 you the best Ameena
You’re the best Dixya…thank you for the amazing compliment and for reading! I appreciate it.
for those who don’t understand you (your writing tone, sarcasm, witty remarks, hilariousness, etc) are probably the ones who need medication. seriously. and although maya IS super lucky and indulged compared to other children, you are never one to overlook that fact and I think you work so hard to be a good mother and keep her grounded. great post!
I’m so glad that my efforts to ground Maya have not gone unnoticed. 🙂 Thank you my friend! I appreciate the comment.
I get you, but am also glad you wrote your explanations for your behavior becuase they are dang funny!
I never check with Glenn so you are one step ahead of me.
I don’t work outside the home & I think I am a superhero, so there! You are a fabulous mother, wife and worker, and contrary to what is written here we all know you have a heart of gold.
Also, people are complicated and have many facets. I sometimes am complaining just as much, on the inside of course:)
I wish I could learn to complain on the inside…but it appears that I am NOT built for that. 🙂
I love your sarcasm and honesty. Especially because I feel like when I’m married and have children, I will be very similar to you. Somehow, your blog makes my selfishness seem more acceptable. 🙂
So glad I can make selfishness acceptable in any form… 🙂 Seriously though, thank you Leah for the comment! I appreciate it.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, it’s me, Marie. Still having those WP problems. I guess I go by 2 names now. One of these days I’ll understand the whole logging in process.
I love your blog and appreciate your humor. No need to change a thing!
Thank you Leslie! I appreciate the compliment!!
Wait- so you’re telling me you’re NOT a superhero? Now I’m confused. The only other explanation is that you’re an evil genius. Do you secretly keep a giant translucent brain under that gorgeous hair of yours?
My evil genius is kept under wraps definitely…but not by my “gorgeous hair” which I assure you only makes an occasional appearance. 🙂
Interesting questions! Love the answers. I figured you’d let Maya read the blog once she’s able to grasp sarcasm. Also, if it helps, I don’t think Maya is too spoiled. Yes, she has a good, comfortable life, but why is that a bad thing? I don’t know her day-to-day life, but I’d imagine she appreciates everything she is given. A lot of children aren’t given even half as much, but that isn’t your or her fault. Sarcasm aside, you already know I think you and Ali are doing a great job at parenting.
Last but not least…I can’t believe someone asked if you were on medication!
Thanks Jenna…I always love reading your comments! And I know they come from the heart so I appreciate them.
I watch the Ellen show everyday. She had a girl come on last week during ‘take your child to work day’. The girl posed as her daughter. Last week she then had to go on air and clear it up that it was in fact a joke and she does not have a daughter. She’s never talked about a daughter before this day.
My question is, what happened to common sense and a little sense of humor? People are definitely lacking that these days.
Love your blog!
I feel like people are so quick to be offended that it clouds their ability to appreciate sarcasm and things that could potentially be funny.
Thanks for sharing Lisa! And thanks for reading as well. 🙂
Sarcasm, snark, complaining, and general bitterness are all highly underrated qualities. I think you are perfect just the way you are…no explanations necessary.
Thank you Andrea…I especially love that no explanations are necessary. 🙂
I get you. 🙂 Bouchon reminded me of our date.
OMG, you check with him before you post, that’s NICE, if I ever write something mean about my husband, I never check. Whatever… I love your honesty, you say a lot of things most people wouldn’t reveal. I respect that.
Just so you know, the view from the Beverly Hills Bouchon can’t hold a candle to the view from NYC’s Bouchon. But the macarons are just as good. 🙂
Thanks for reading Nisha! And for the nice comments you always leave.
Hahaha…I love this 🙂
Thanks Anna!
I love your writing. One of the best mom blogs with attitude and sarcasm and I’m not even a mom!
Thanks Kulsum…at least you’ll be prepared for the worst if you do decide to have kids. 🙂
The person who wrote, “Being a mother isn’t that hard,” is very obviously not a very good mother. It’s either hard or you’re not doing it right.
FYI, if you change, I’ll stop reading you.
I will never change! I’ve tried but it appears impossible. So please don’t stop reading.
I love your blog and your honesty is refreshing, as a newbie reader I often say to myself that I feel the very same way.
Thanks so much Jennifer! I appreciate you reading and taking the time to leave a comment.
People email you to tell you you’re doing it wrong?!? How much free time do these people have?!? And also, um that means you are now a celebrity, my friend. Please remember the little people (i.e., me!) when the fancy swag bags and glitzy invites start arriving at your door 🙂
I wish I was a celebrity because then I’d have my PR person handle matters such as these. 🙂
What bizarre things people say. Obviously they have no sense of humour. I love your answers. : ) . GG
Bizarre is right. Thank you GG… 🙂
Love love love this, Ameena! Never be ashamed to be the lovely, honest, wonderful person you are! 🙂
Jessie…you are unbelievably sweet. Thank you.
I liked the Q & A-funny as always. I like it that you are not always talking about puppies and rainbows. It takes guts to complain and whine on your blog. I applaud you for it!
Thanks my friend. And thank you for always leaving such nice comments!
Sarcasm, wit, humor, fun. I love you and your blog for all of it. You’re honest and a breath of fresh air. I can relate to the things you talk about. The people who do not “get” what you’re about take things too seriously. 🙂
Thank you AW for your very nice comment and for reading! So glad that you are among those who don’t take me too seriously. 🙂
I think you’re just ace Ameena and no need to justify yourself at all – besides, its YOUR blog! That said, having sent a few emails your way, I’m glad nothing I’d said came up in this blog. BIG sigh of relief!… 🙂
Thanks Ken! I’m always feeling the need to justify myself…it’s a bad habit. 🙂
I ‘get’ you and look forward to each post. This is actually the longest blog run I’ve had!
I appreciate your honesty, enjoy the humor, and definitely think it is better to be aware of different perceptions of any experience, rather than casting a blind eye while pretending everything is always perfect (which it never will be).
Keep up the good work! I think the better question now is, why do people feel compelled to make sure you know you aren’t as good as you may think you are (just in case you did of course)?
Thank you for putting the effort in to blogging! 🙂
Wow Christy…thank you for such a nice comment! I appreciate you taking the time to write…this totally made my evening. 🙂
I love love LOVE your blog… And your writing style and humor..
Even though I have never met you but I can say that you are an absolutely adorable n wonderful person… If someone dont agree with your thoughts…then thats their problem girl… You keep it coming..
It’s a shame we live so close but haven’t met. I hope we can remedy that one day. And until then…thank you so much for comments and for reading!
I totally get you. You’re welcome. 🙂
A belated thank you to you Heather. 🙂 I mean it.
I think your sense of humor is awesome!
Here’s what I’ve learned about blogging so far:
It takes guts to open yourself up and share any aspect of yourself. Doing something like this naturally opens the floodgates of projections from who knows anywhere in the world. There are times when I say the wrong thing accidently in comments…. never meaning to offend. There are times when I share really personal information on my own blog. Anyway, I find blogging to be a wonderful way to get over that people pleasing thing.
You are YOU. You can only be you. I believe we are all always doing the best we can at any given moment and I think that applies to you too.
Some people are going to get it. Others aren’t. But, I have to tell you I really love the way you express yourself though your blog. In the short time I’ve been a follower, you’ve consistently made me laugh or feel a sort of warm fuzzy. For that I say thank you.
Have a great night,
Currie
It is me who should be thanking you for your amazingly thoughtful comments and insights. I appreciate you coming by and I’m thrilled I can make you laugh.
Thank YOU!
omy, you are hilarious!!! i don’t get some people, they b*&@#h and complain as if you are forcing them to read. if you don’t like it, move on!! oh and your thighs (what the hell is ali thinking?!?!?) in that pic…..sooo skinny, i envy you!!
Yes…I don’t get why they read if they don’t like what they’re reading? So odd.
Thanks for the compliment and the comment Piya. So kind of you. 🙂
I might have to order that pizza at Il Forniao. And some people are just really uptight and judgmental. And I totally think that being a mom is hard. So, I’d say – complain all you want!
And to think that people accuse ME of being uptight…I can’t imagine what really uptight people (those directing such questions to me) must be like…
Hey- I totally get you. And I don’t get how people can’t catch onto the sarcasm.
Also, thank you for being so open in acknowledging that motherhood is not easy. Reading your blog made me realize that I am not the only one thinking these things! Yes, I am supremely grateful for my little guy but it certainly has not been easy!
I’m so glad that you can relate Sam…not that I want you to find motherhood hard but you know what I mean!
Oh, I get you … and I like it 🙂 Your blog is one of my faves, and I think you are awesome!
Thank you Jolene! I appreciate the kind words.
You’re lovely! And yes, I’m one of those that loves you. Thanks for your humour. It brightens my day.
Thanks for your comment Jennifer and for reading. This just brightened my day!
I was referred to your blog by a friend and I have been a regular ever since. I love the way you write. You have a wonderful mix of honesty, humour, sarcasm and wit. Not everybody will have the courage to be so honest on a public domain. I have felt so strong about many issues but I can never bring myself to write about them. Being a mother, though a blessing and rewarding, can be very demanding. People who dont complain about being a mother are probably just showing-off.
So, please ignore the minor irritants and keep writing the way you do. You probably have no idea about the warmth and the cheer you bring to so many people who read your blog.
Wow. Thank you Gayathri for such an amazing comment…I’m so glad that you appreciate my honesty and sarcasm. You have no idea how much this comment means to me!
I would take you over flowers and puppies online or in real life (do like flowers though). Funny thing is I feel such a difference between your writing style and you in person. You’re kind of sweet in person…ha.
I think that I was on my best behavior the few times that we’ve met in NYC. 🙂
Bwahahaha. I LOVE your blog Ameena – it’s that perfect mix of sarcastic humour and honesty. Seriously. It makes me smile every day when I read so really don’t know what these people are talking about!
Thank you Sig! And your comment just made ME smile. 🙂
The point IS to be honest. If only more people would practice it.
And don’t be fooled – those people who “don’t get it” ? Yeah, right! They get it. They are just too scared to say it! And that is the honest truth.
Rock on with you awesome self!
Not sure why people fear honesty so much? But I’m glad that you get me. 🙂
People really ask this crap?! Seriously?! I find your blog to be honest, witty and realistic. That’s what keeps me coming back!
Thank you Emily! For the comment and for coming back. 🙂
Ameena,
Don’t ever change! We love you sarcastic and sassy!
I tried to change…I failed. Good thing you are okay with that. 🙂
Umm…that would not be in my FAQs to you. I read your blog every post because I absolutely love your sarcasm and wit. It’s pretty obvious you love your family but if you wrote how everything was sugar and spice all the time, I wouldn’t be here every post. You might get some hate email from me if you changed. 😉 I kid. I only love.
Hate mail about sugar and spice…love the craziness of that one!
I laughed at the medication comment. But seriously Ameena, you’ve arrived. No one ever sends me an e-mail to ask me about anything.
… I’m okay with that.
Love you, love your blog. You are truly one of my favorites.
I’ve arrived? That’s one way to look at it Jennie. 🙂 Love it.
Thank you for reading my friend!
Ameena, about three months ago I was scrolling though food blogs (like I do on the reg) and saw a comment by a person named “Ameena.” You have the same name as a good friend of mine, so I clicked it.
Changed my life ever since.
How kind of you to click over AND to keep reading. I appreciate it. And please thank your friend Ameena for inadvertently sending you this way. 🙂
I absolutely LOVE your sarcasm and blog content 🙂
Katie
Thanks Katie! I appreciate it.
If we are not allowed to spill our guts, ok, fine, complain, ok, fine, whine, in our very own blogs, many of us would not have even started writing, and many of us would have ended up stabbing a live human being instead. So, blogging (ok fine, whining on the internet) saves lives.
If we are not allowed to complain, ok, fine, whine unless we are the most unfortunate person in the world, guess what, there would have been only ONE blog. Actually, the most unfortunate person is most likely NOT have access to a computer/internet/HANDS, so there would have been ZERO blog.
Then there would have been a lot of people being stabbed, for no reason whatsoever, on the side of the streets.
Is that what those letter writers want??!!
I agree…isn’t it better that I bitch and complain on my blog than to stab someone? I am saving lives!! I should be acknowledged and rewarded for that. 🙂
Damn. Some people are super nosey.
Nosey is right! MYOB, right?
Oh please! Anyone who says that being a mother is easy – let alone a working one – has at least one screw loose.
Plus, people have to read your blog to hate you. You’re like their #1 frenemy. That’s kinda cool, right?
When you put it that way…. 🙂
Writing a blog in the style you do isn’t an easy task but you pull it off magnificently.
It’s your space to do as you please and may Allah give you more fabulous hair days. 😉
Thank you Laila! And my hair needs all the prayers it can get…
Ameena! I’ve missed you. I think you’re great. I guess some people get on their “high horses” at times. I love your blog and as I’ve said in the previous posts; you are a great mom. I really enjoy reading your blog and I’m glad for the honesty. And…my husband loves your blog too. I catch him reading it sometimes. 🙂 Looking forward to more.
Shauna xoxo
I love that you read my blog. The fact that your husband reads it too just blows me away! I love that I have a male audience. 🙂 Thanks Shauna!
Oh, the poor sods who asked those burning questions- they neither understand sarcasm nor appreciate humour. Such a pity they are devoid of the kind of open, creative mind that can enjoy your words. They probably sound like this in real life!!! Love the flared jeans 🙂
You have an amazing way with words Meenakshi…I’ve love for you to defend me on a regular basis. 🙂
Do you seriously get unkind emails? I’ve always taken your blog to be tongue-in-cheek, so I can’t imagine anyone getting offended by it.
Apparently some people don’t understand sarcasm? Not sure…
I love your writing style Ameena!! I love the sarcasm and your honesty. You’re quite funny! And you’re right, what is the point of writing about how sunny and wonderful everything is… that’s boring!! I really enjoy your sense of humor. I wish I had read your blog while I was a stay-at-home mom for 15 years….I found it such drudgery ~ even though I love my children!!
You are a star my friend…to stay home for 15 years? That is the hardest job in the world.
Thank you for reading! And for the kind compliments. 🙂
lol…well i fall in the other category who happens to be a big fan of ur writing style, so please dont stop 🙂
Thank you Deeps! So nice of you to read my random thoughts…I appreciate it!
Ameena, your honesty and brilliant style of writing is exactly why I love this blog! Well done and don’t change 🙂
Thank you HA! I appreciate the kind words but I especially appreciate you reading. 🙂
Ameena, I meant to comment on this DAYS ago and then time escaped me. I am mortified.
I do not know who this would-be Spanish Inquisition is, but suffice it to say that They Are Not On The List. We Answer To No One And Nothing.
You make me laugh every time Kat. Every. Time!
i love your writing!
Thank you Eva!! 🙂
Wait, what? People actually send you this? Clearly they neither understand humor or sarcasm. And clearly they’re crazy. All my friends read your blog and we LOVE it. We talk about it when we meet and we wish we could write like you.
I feel unbelievably special! You actually talk about me with your friends? Amazing. Thank you!!