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conversation. or a lack thereof.

July 11, 2011

Inevitably, when Maya’s around, Ali and I have a million things to say to each other. But of course we can’t say any of it because Maya can’t handle it when she isn’t the center of attention, and thus she foils our conversations at every opportunity.

Any child psychologist would frown on me for saying this, but I get especially irritated because it’s not like Maya really has anything important to say 99% of the time. Instead she throws out random “time-sensitive” questions like, “When you die and get buried, do the bugs eat your hair?”

But then this Saturday…a gift from God: Maya had a birthday party to attend and was then going to spend the night at my in-laws place. This translated into 24 blissful hours of freedom.

Ali and I didn’t want to waste a second and after dropping Maya off at the party we headed to lunch at Le Pain Quotidien for some conversation and a little taste of Paris in the middle of crappy Los Angeles. As we enjoyed tartines and waffles, coffee and omelets, guess what we talked about?

Absolutely nothing. And I’m not even being my usual dramatic self this time.

But then suddenly, towards the end of our very quiet lunch, a sliver of hope from Ali: “I’m going to go wash my hands. Can you use my Direct TV app to record episodes of “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” for Maya while I’m gone?”

Lucky for us we were invited to a dinner party which meant we were able to find a stand-in for Maya which once again got the conversation started.And the real truth is that my hair was behaving and I couldn't resist posting this self-gratuitous photo. Forgive me.

My worst nightmare has come true: we have become those parents who have nothing to talk about. Except their kid. Wonderful.

123 Comments leave one →
  1. July 11, 2011 11:16 am

    Oh that happens in my Casa too. We get a moment to be in quiet and instead of talking it up, we savor the silence…ok we have shit to talk about

    • July 12, 2011 8:20 am

      Sorry it’s so silent in your house too but I do feel better that we aren’t the only ones with S@#$ to talk about!

  2. July 11, 2011 11:19 am

    Oh this foreshadowing my life-to-be? 😉

    Your hair always looks fabulous!

  3. July 11, 2011 11:23 am

    Its an ironic life we live isn’t it?! P.S. I love maya’s questions.

  4. July 11, 2011 11:28 am

    The hubby and I have attempted many a date night, forking out wads of cash to our babysitter, trying to secure reservations at fancy restaurants, getting dressing up, only to realize that our dinner conversations revolve primarily on the baby!

    We used to be witty and interesting conversationalists once, I promise!

    • July 12, 2011 8:21 am

      I’m not sure Ali and I were ever witty or interesting. So you have one up on us there!

  5. July 11, 2011 11:28 am

    Sadly this happens all the time, until the one who started the “kid convo” gets smacked upside the head by the other one. Then we STFU and talk about the weather.

  6. July 11, 2011 11:31 am

    I think this story goes to show that you and Ali are great parents. Cheers to the pair of you! And I agree with Shanna, your hair always looks fabulous! 🙂

  7. July 11, 2011 11:31 am

    my husband and I are already like that with our dog so God help our conversation skills once a living breathing child is thrown into the equation.

  8. July 11, 2011 11:32 am

    Beautiful picture, and I think your hair always looks smashing! And as for Maya’s question- definitely something I would wonder about too- she’s a deep thinking little lady, that’s for sure!

  9. July 11, 2011 11:33 am

    You have the prettiest hair! Sometimes silence is nice… Especially if you’re constantly hearing noise!

    • July 12, 2011 8:23 am

      Thank you!! Although I must admit that I only show pictures when my hair looks good. 🙂

  10. July 11, 2011 11:38 am

    Your hair does look wonderful! My husband and I pretty much just talk about our puppy – can’t wait to experience that riveting dialogue that occurs when we’re parents!

  11. July 11, 2011 11:42 am

    Haha.. it’s funny and sounds too familiar. In my case, we have no family live near-by and I’m too paranoid (and feeling too guilty) to have a nanny/babysitter come over. The only time my husband & I could have a “date” is when our kids in school/day care during the day & that we both take a day off (sad I know). And of course, even then, we mostly talk about the kids. I unfortunately could not remember the days prior my kids were born!

    Your hair *always* looks great! Now if only my hair could look like that… sigh…

    • July 12, 2011 8:24 am

      I can’t remember what we talked about before Maya was born either. Isn’t that funny? And thank you for the compliment Lydia!

  12. July 11, 2011 11:45 am

    I WANT your hair – please? 😉

    Too funny! Have you ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond (the TV show?) when it was on? Debra and Ray the main characters finally got dressed up and went out to a nice restaurant and had NOTHING to talk about. And Debra got all stressed thinking they were boring and had nothing in common , etc…of course it all works out 🙂

    • July 12, 2011 8:25 am

      Ali used to LOVE Everybody Loves Raymond!! I can’t say I ever got into it but that scenario definitely sounds like my life.

  13. July 11, 2011 11:50 am

    Haha, I think this might be my life someday 😉

  14. July 11, 2011 12:01 pm

    I’m so with you on this one Ameena!

  15. July 11, 2011 12:05 pm

    Sometimes silence feels SO GOOD though =)

    • July 12, 2011 8:25 am

      Yes, it does. I just felt like people were staring at us in the restaurant wondering why our table was the quietest one!

  16. July 11, 2011 12:05 pm

    Heh, that kid’s expression clearly indicates that she too is wondering whether bugs eat your hair when you die.

    PS: Your hair looks great! But I always think it looks great so I’m not sure how this picture is any different 🙂 (well, minus someone else’s kid of course) 🙂

    • July 12, 2011 8:26 am

      Thank you my friend! You are always so generous with the compliments.

  17. July 11, 2011 12:22 pm

    hahaha well if your kid is all you have to talk about, at least shes cute! 🙂

  18. July 11, 2011 12:35 pm

    Your right, your hair looks great! And I think that sometimes when you’re close to someone you can understand each other and enjoy each others company without deep conversation- its a kid centric stage, right?

    • July 12, 2011 8:27 am

      I love the way you spin it! We aren’t boring, we’re close. 🙂 Brilliant!

  19. July 11, 2011 12:43 pm

    I wonder what my parents talk about when we are not home. Their “babies” are now 18,20 and 22. They still thing we are all 5…..

    • July 12, 2011 8:27 am

      If you ask them please let me know what they say. That way I am prepared for the future!

  20. July 11, 2011 3:03 pm

    I TOTALLY post extra pictures of myself when my hair looks good. Hey, it doesn’t happen that often, so why not? No shame!

    • July 12, 2011 8:28 am

      So glad you understand the importance of acknowledging a good hair day.

  21. Leslie permalink
    July 11, 2011 3:06 pm

    Table Topics! Last Friday, Shira said she hauls out Table Topics at her dinner parties – she even times the speakers – and it’s always initially met with groans, then cries of, “More! More!” when she puts the Q’s away.

    You and Ali need table topics – perhaps without the stopwatch.

    • July 12, 2011 8:28 am

      Leslie, you are brilliant! I should have bought those TT cards we were selling at the TI event!

  22. July 11, 2011 3:08 pm

    Ameena, your hair looks great 🙂

  23. July 11, 2011 3:29 pm

    Hehe maybe it’s not that you have nothing to say to eachother, but that you just enjoy the rare silence so much that you don’t want to ruin it 😀

  24. July 11, 2011 3:52 pm

    Hahah.. my parents are totally the opposite. When my siblings and I are gone they forget about us haha!

  25. July 11, 2011 3:54 pm

    Stand in kid, so funny. My stand in kids will not have chlorine damaged green hair or think it’s fun to put impossible to take off stickers all throughout the house.
    I literally have to put a time limit on kid talk. Isn’t anything else going on in the world besides the Wallwork children?

  26. July 11, 2011 3:55 pm

    This is exactly why we hardly ever go on dates. All day at work, we’re texting back and forth, talking about *everything* we get in the same room and we just stare at eachother. At least when we have kids, we can talk about them?

    • July 12, 2011 11:41 am

      Ali loves to text me. And I usually don’t text him back. I am a terrible person, aren’t I?

  27. July 11, 2011 4:30 pm

    ha, I love reading this as well as everyone’s comments – seems like you’re not the only one 🙂

  28. July 11, 2011 5:26 pm

    Hilarious. You crack me up…. Q. Do bugs eat your hair when you die? Lol! Boy oh boy. Was the food at least good?

  29. July 11, 2011 5:37 pm

    Lol! This is so true b/c when Gary and I go out sans kiddies, our conversations always somehow revolve around the holy terrors.

    That baby you’re holding is just so adorable. Hope you both had a great time. Oh, and my kids love Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

  30. July 11, 2011 6:15 pm

    I think enjoying a meal together even when it’s in silence (as long as it’s not awkward) is still nice. Hope you still liked your taste of Paris! I so miss the food there.

    • July 12, 2011 11:42 am

      Forgive me but I prefer to eat in silence with the TV or laptop. And so does Ali!

  31. July 11, 2011 7:17 pm

    1. I TOTALLY knew how you were going to react when you read about the refinishing-adventure. Because let’s be serious, that’s just not something we do.

    2. I just love where Maya’s mind goes…like, seriously? Do bugs eat your hair? You win the patience award of the century for fielding questions like that one on a regular basis.

  32. July 11, 2011 7:56 pm

    I actually have been reading your blog for about two weeks or so but I never commented even though I fell in love with it.

    I was so happy to see an Indian blogger living in LA.

    Not only that, but crazy enough we share the same alma mater (expect I’m still at school) !!

    • July 12, 2011 8:13 am

      So you go to USC? How funny! How do you like it? We should definitely meet up when you are back in school!

      • July 12, 2011 1:58 pm

        Simply put, I know for sure I chose the right place.

        That, indeed, is a wonderful idea 🙂

  33. July 11, 2011 8:03 pm

    Funny thing, my husband is a shy and introvert person by nature, but when he comes home it is as if that mouth has no turn off button. He will go on and on and I really need some quite time when I am back home. Other wise I am quite the chatter box 🙂

    I am wondering how Maya comes up with ingenious questions like these 🙂

    • July 12, 2011 11:43 am

      Ali doesn’t talk much. Although this could be because I never shut up?

  34. July 11, 2011 9:31 pm

    It happens. I can so relate. Ever since we have had kids, secretly I am always looking to spend some private moments with my wife. But whenever, there erupts an opportunity, surprisingly all you end up talking about are your kids….. or nothing..or well…an argument.

    • July 12, 2011 11:44 am

      You make a valid point…at least silence is better than arguing!

  35. July 11, 2011 9:53 pm

    Yep, we’re already “those” parents. Didn’t even take us a year.

  36. July 11, 2011 10:19 pm

    lol classic parenting :D….

  37. July 12, 2011 12:31 am

    Oh gosh!!! How I empathize with you!!! Even me and S have the same problem. The only difference is we have reached that stage when Purvi is only 2!!! Don’t know what will happen to us after 3 or 4 years 😉

  38. July 12, 2011 12:53 am

    You have crushed my dreams that IT IS possible to NOT to become those parents. You were my last hope. Alas… I see the inevitable. At least I can except it now.

    But in all seriousness… your hair does look fabulous! 🙂

  39. July 12, 2011 2:33 am

    I heart you hair. Can I have it? Please please please? With a cherry on the top?

    As for the article, does life end after you get kids? You know what i mean?

    • July 12, 2011 11:45 am

      If you saw my hair prior to it being tortured by a number of styling tools you’d probably retract your request. Actually I know you would!

  40. July 12, 2011 6:12 am

    Ha. I have the same fear. That’s why I keep hiring domestic employees…more conversation pieces!

  41. July 12, 2011 6:22 am

    Would you believe that the first time Shaune and I were out together since Deaglan was born almost four years ago was at my friend’s wedding this past May? And we didn’t even sit together because I was in the wedding party. I know that we would be doing the same – talking about the kids. Sometimes I wonder what we ever did before they took over our lives.

    Gorgeous, gorgeous picture of you two. Honestly, you really should have another child just to spread those genes around a bit.

  42. July 12, 2011 6:43 am

    Oh daaahling, you know what? Its ok to have silences. I think part of being a happy couple is that you can just sit in silence and just enjoy it once in a while.
    A funny thing about Mr P, he is a BIG talker. He talks so much I sometimes call him Teddy Ruxpin becasue its like someone pulled the talking string and it got stuck. He just cant stop talking sometimes, especially at bed time. Talk, talk talk. I’m like, “go to sleep!!!!”
    Then, when i want him to talk… silence LOL.
    *kisses* HH
    p.s. dont you love Le Pain Quotiden? Did you know it means “the daily bread” en Anglais? Have you ever tried their raisin and hazelnut flute? To die with a little honey and butter… aaaah!
    p.s.s. what do you eat there with your gluten intolerance? It must border on hellish to not eat all those yummy breads.

    • July 12, 2011 11:49 am

      I usually have an omelet and give the bread to Ali. But it is a torturous process. And now I am going to be further tempted by the raisin and hazelnut flute that I’m going to have to try next time… Teddy Ruxpin! Talk about a blast from the past!

  43. July 12, 2011 6:44 am

    Oh, and yes, your hair is looking fab!

  44. July 12, 2011 7:23 am

    I don’t have children, but I know people like that. I think you were both just overwhelmed with having time to yourselves…you didn’t know what to say!! Maybe you should try to plan some “just the 2 of you” time every few weeks. I bet you’d get a whole lot better at it!! Your hair is beautiful. Glad you found a “stunt” baby to use!! 😉

  45. Cindy permalink
    July 12, 2011 7:24 am

    I think we become those parents who talk about our families because it’s our main focus in life.

    it happened to me too!

    we actually see how long we can go before we start kid chatting .. and than again it’s the only time we can talk ABOUT them outside of earshot.

    at first I thought your picture must have been an old one with baby Maya….and than I didn’t think it really looked like her.

    I’m with everyone, your hair is always gorgeous~
    have a great week Ameena!

  46. July 12, 2011 7:51 am

    This is a situation that you NEVER want to be in – having nothing to say to one another is simply ‘just watching your lives go by – in mute’. WAKE UP and GET REAL.

    Bring a little excitement into the relationship, start enjoying each other company once again and re-live pre-child days.

    • July 12, 2011 11:50 am

      Ha. I can’t even remember what “pre-child” days were like!

  47. July 12, 2011 9:15 am

    We’re the same way. Before the baby news, it was conversations about the dog. The times we have something to say is when we don’t have time to engage. I’m glad we’re not alone in this! 🙂

  48. July 12, 2011 10:43 am

    It always seems the kids have to run up right in the middle of you talking to a group of friends…we always have a ‘talk’ with them, when you see us talking – wait. They don’t listen. AND I always said I wouldn’t be one of those people that talk about their kids..yea right.

    • July 12, 2011 11:51 am

      Nope. Maya doesn’t listen either and always interrupts. I’ve had the talk. Numerous talks. And now I’ve given up.

  49. July 12, 2011 11:26 am

    hahaha I am a little worried this is going to happen to me and Andy. Oh well, kids are fun, frustrating, silly, great and annoying all at the same time. That’s got to be worth discussing!

  50. July 12, 2011 12:24 pm

    Aw hun.
    Listen, I think what you guys need is a good ol fashioned time away together. And I mean without Maya.
    Just a getaway the two of you to reconnect. It’ll be worth it.

    • July 12, 2011 9:16 pm

      I totally agree! Now if we could just pawn Maya off on someone…

  51. July 12, 2011 4:31 pm

    Hey it’s better than my fiance and I only talking about our puppy! 😉

  52. July 12, 2011 5:14 pm

    my mom is exactly like that!!!

  53. July 12, 2011 7:20 pm

    haha, maybe it was just nice to enjoy some quiet time. I’m sure you didn’t even know what to talk about since you had the chance to. It was like shock!
    but the TV recording? that has to go!

  54. July 12, 2011 8:21 pm

    At least you aren’t like Ryan and me…all we can talk about right now is our cat.

    • July 13, 2011 6:59 pm

      Cats…dogs…kids…it’s all the same, isn’t it? 🙂

  55. July 12, 2011 9:10 pm

    Haha! Reading all those comments, I guess this would be something for us to expect in the future? 🙂

  56. July 12, 2011 10:51 pm

    Love the hair! Mine only behaves when no one’s around, which absolutely makes no sense!

  57. July 13, 2011 4:16 am

    Try, after 9 years, having your children away for 7 weeks. You’re sitting across from your husband for a “romantic” meal and you just want to read or sleep or do all of the other things you’ve been missing. Love Le Pain though.

  58. July 13, 2011 7:06 am

    I know from other commenters that I’m not alone in this, but yeah, we talk about our dogs about 99.99% of the time. Sad and pathetic? Maybe, but they ARE awfully cute!

    • July 13, 2011 7:01 pm

      From what I’m reading here, you are definitely not alone!

  59. July 13, 2011 8:39 am

    Oh yeah, this is us too. I looked at my husband recently and said “Do you think we just have nothing to say to each other anymore?” He looked up from his Netbook, said “Quit being so dramatic” and then went right back to surfing the internet!

  60. July 13, 2011 10:00 am

    Oh my. The first two paragraphs are lifted right out of our life. Many times she’ll just say “Mommy?” and when I reply, there’s silence as she thinks of something to say. The goal was just to interrupt our conversation.

    That being said, when she’s not around, Hubby and I still have a lot to talk about. That’s one thing we’ve always done well and enjoyed. 🙂

    • July 13, 2011 7:02 pm

      So it’s not just my kid who interrupts for no reason? I’m not sure if I feel better or just more frustrated?

  61. July 13, 2011 10:05 am

    Your hair’s REALLY looking fabulous!!! … and about the baby talk I wouldn’t know … but I DO know a lot of such couples 😛 *giggles*

    ♡ from ©

  62. July 13, 2011 10:26 am

    lovely pic-looking gorg as always!

    my husb and i don’t even have kids yet and many times all you hear around us are crickets. hehehe

  63. July 13, 2011 10:54 am

    Your hair was definitely behaving.

  64. July 13, 2011 10:56 am

    Woops, ELlie took over my laptop 🙂 At least you weren’t talking about vomit, pee and poo = perhaps silence is better?

    • July 13, 2011 7:03 pm

      Deb – When presented with those options, silence is definitely better.

  65. July 13, 2011 11:00 am

    as a certified pediatric psychologist, I say…….KICK THE GIRL OUT! IT’s like they have radars in their skin that tells them when to properly interrupt and ruin intimate adult connection. Store chocolates from TJs in your pocket and when she interrupts just pop one in her mouth.
    Hmmmm….wish someone would do this for me!

    • July 13, 2011 7:04 pm

      She does have a radar and 99% of the time it is spot.on.

  66. July 13, 2011 4:22 pm

    Your hair DOES look fantastic 🙂

  67. July 13, 2011 4:29 pm

    I hate it when you FEEL like you should be talking to your spouse but CANNOT think of anything interesting to say or talk about, children or no. Ah, the awkward silence…

    • July 13, 2011 7:05 pm

      So I feel better that children have nothing to do with it!

  68. July 13, 2011 5:13 pm

    I feel with you.

  69. July 13, 2011 5:28 pm

    It happens to the best of us. Should be a blast when we actually retire. Gotta love the kids!

  70. Galit Breen permalink
    July 13, 2011 9:44 pm

    Isn’t that funny how that happens?

    Also? Your hair really does look fabulous!


  71. July 15, 2011 1:40 am

    I don’t have kids! I have a husband all right. And when I insist we talk something, within 5 minutes it leads to ‘nonsense’ argument. And when it ends we can’t remember what the topic was. The only conversation that goes right with us is when its not expected. Now silence should be considered a relief!

  72. July 15, 2011 6:26 pm

    When it’s date night week, I find myself like hoarding topics like a squirrel with nuts. I purposely won’t tell him things so I have a backup of things to talk about.

    It was WAY worse when he was laid off and we were both home together all day. We had nothing to talk about come dinner.

  73. July 16, 2011 8:07 am

    I found your blog from a friends and totally love it! I worry about this same kind of stuff… How to not lose myself in my marriage or my kids. In fact my blog post yesterday happened to be about those very things. You write about things everyone wants to say, but no one ever does. I can’t wait to read more. -Divya

    • July 16, 2011 8:39 pm

      Thank you Divya for your kind words! I am so glad that I am not the only one who worries about this kind of stuff and it makes me feel better to hear you say the same thing!

  74. magicofspice permalink
    July 19, 2011 12:50 pm

    Great photo and cute stand in 🙂

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