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who's the real schmuck?

January 6, 2011

Returning home from vacation is always bittersweet.

As much as I love coming back to 2,000 square feet of space to separate me from Maya, her questions, and her perpetually sticky fingers, I must admit that I do not look forward to the dozens of things that I have to do after being away for days.

Within 3 hours of returning from San Francisco I accomplished the following:

1. I went grocery shopping.

2. I did 3 loads of laundry.

3. I cooked dinner.

4. I gave Maya a bath.

5. I put away the laundry, all 3 carry-ons, and the 500 random things that Ali/Maya dragged with them up north.

6. I collapsed on the couch in a heap of exhaustion.

Ali was really busy too. He did the following:

1. He pulled out his laptop.

2. He draped Maya’s Dora blanket around his shoulders.

3. He settled in.

The million dollar question here is: Why do I bust my a$$ while Ali sits on his?


91 Comments leave one →
  1. January 6, 2011 12:42 am

    Remind me why I plan on getting married?

  2. January 6, 2011 12:53 am

    Love, it’s a magical word, isn’t it? 😉

  3. January 6, 2011 3:38 am

    Could he possibly be trying to stay out of your way so you can get settled back in comfortably? Nah.

  4. January 6, 2011 4:07 am

    Sometimes it’s amazing what can be done in 3 hours for the ones you love…

    Seriously- I feel like you must have been a blur to get it all done.

    Especially after getting home from a trip- I would have considered getting any one or two of those things done as an accomplishment and called it a night!

  5. January 6, 2011 4:09 am

    This is so funny. I think that it is the story of most wives’ lives. Tell that man to get off his bootay and help you!

  6. January 6, 2011 4:22 am

    Holy Batman, that is a lot in just 3 hours! I think Ali should buy you a massage chair for when you collapse. And a good set of ear plugs.

  7. January 6, 2011 4:22 am

    I bet he thinks that you like doing it, no? hehe. 😉

  8. January 6, 2011 4:55 am

    lol I think that question is better suited if directly asked to ali. 😀

  9. January 6, 2011 5:05 am

    OMG, I’ve been asking myself the very same question with Mr P who has been a royal pain in the arse lately. He never seems to notice how high maintenance he is and how much grief it is looking after him sometimes. I need a spa break. And cake.
    *kisses* HH

  10. peasandcrayons permalink
    January 6, 2011 5:08 am

    OOf! you got so much done! Go you!!!!!!!!!! and omg three hours, you are freaking ridic – teach me! I would have collapsed instantly! I just may be the worst housewife ever b/c “I do what I want!” pops out of my mouth too often. and its no bueno!

    my husband also sits on his butt all. flipping. day. The weekends are even worse. He sleeps til 2-4pm.

  11. January 6, 2011 5:28 am

    My guess is he was “working”. Checking work emails (while catching some YouTube videos) and looking in on bank statements (while surfing for more technology stuff). I know that’s what goes on in our house. 😉

  12. January 6, 2011 5:29 am

    I think you might have opened up a can of worms about women complaining about our lazy husbands.
    I think it’s just in our nature to want to get things accomplished and out of the way so that we can relax… but all that “accomplishing” stresses us out anyway. Sometimes I wish I were a bit lazier, to be honest. Sometimes I wish I could just drape myself in a Dora blanket and zone out without thinking of the million things I should or could be doing.

  13. January 6, 2011 6:18 am

    the DORA blanket. aw Ali. get your butt off the couch.

    my bf does the same thing.

  14. January 6, 2011 6:25 am

    I want to live in a world where a place like SF can be described as “up North”.

  15. January 6, 2011 6:52 am

    Because men would be totally fine living with one dirty laundry pile and another clean laundry pile, only an inch of carpet between the two. Women? Not so much.

  16. January 6, 2011 7:41 am

    Never have I seen a grown man wear a pink fuzzy blanket as a badge of courage! You are a brave man Ali, a brave man!

  17. January 6, 2011 8:00 am

    Ahh men. Aren’t they lovely? Err no. This happens to me all the time. I tend to make my hubby take me out for a nice dinner and order a really pricey bottle of wine. OR I go buy shoes.

    Or both.

  18. January 6, 2011 8:02 am

    you bust your ass because you’re the best mom/wife ever 😉

    and so when maya does come around to playing 21 questions, you can pawn her off on ali and say you’re tired.

  19. January 6, 2011 8:15 am

    I think it’s time for role reversal day! Take away the Dora blanket, hand off the laundry basket, and show him who’s boss! 🙂

  20. January 6, 2011 8:17 am

    The things you do for love…

    Just remember, you really can do it all!

  21. January 6, 2011 8:23 am

    because you’re awesome. like beyond awesome. i say that you just don’t do anything for one day and see how lost he’d be. hopefully that’d teach him

  22. January 6, 2011 8:24 am

    He’s working isn’t he…

    I only get peeved when I am the one doing the “stuff” and xbox is being played by all 3 of my guys.

    and than again, they are out of my way, so ….YAY.

    plus my husband sits at a computer and I think he’s just playing and he actually is researching insurance crap, or paying bills, so I’ve learned to say THANK YOU…I hate that stuff.

    you are killing me! plus the dora blanket is too dang cute!

  23. January 6, 2011 8:33 am

    Ahhh, that is an all to familiar site! I agree, the worst part about going on vacation is coming home to so many chores!

  24. January 6, 2011 8:34 am

    hahaha..what a familiar site…maybe it’s an Asian thing?? Men just sit around and women do all the house chores????

  25. January 6, 2011 8:42 am

    It’s very similar fo me. Maybe because for some odd reason we are so darn driven to get things done. Maybe if we waited a couple days and let things sit and sit the guys might FINALLY get into the action and pitch in. But maybe not….It’s just the roles we play I guess!!!

  26. January 6, 2011 8:43 am

    Well all that you did must have been worth it, just to get a shot of Ali snuggled up in the Dora blanket. 😉

  27. January 6, 2011 8:44 am

    Better question: Why doesn’t he have a Snuggie to make himself more comfortable?!

  28. January 6, 2011 8:52 am

    Well, in all fairness to Ali, he probably had a lot of internet perusing to do from being unplugged during your vacation. Oh wait, didn’t he make your hotel room into an IT department? Hm. I guess he just really missed the Dora blankie. (In case your husband reads the comments, only kidding!!)

  29. January 6, 2011 9:10 am

    That is the question isn’t…I believe since the beginning of documented time 😉
    The problem is if you leave things undone to test and see if they, lets say would feed themselves, you just end up with a far larger mess ;(

  30. January 6, 2011 9:18 am

    As funny as this is, you know our male counterparts would list this turn of events as exactly opposite with them having the longer list and you not doing anything and then wondering why they did all the word. Talk about perception of the events!

  31. January 6, 2011 9:46 am

    And my boyfriend wonders why I tell him to at least SIT UP on the couch instead of laying down while I clean up, do dishes, pack lunch etc.


  32. January 6, 2011 9:49 am

    the resemblence is UNCANNY!

  33. January 6, 2011 9:53 am

    Huh. That situation sounds eerily familiar. As if Sweetie did the exact same thing when we came home at 3 in the morning after a fourteen hour car ride just last night.

    Me, unloading bags, sorting laundry, stocking the fridge etc.: “Are you going to help?”
    Him, sitting with a blanket, clicking away: “I am helping!”
    Me: “How so?”
    Him: “I’m checking our emails.”

  34. January 6, 2011 10:20 am

    Men are procrastinators. I get home from a trip and instantly want to do a million things to return to normal. My husband doesn’t care as much and will eventually get to stuff, but not fast enough for me.

  35. January 6, 2011 10:29 am

    The amazing part of this post for me is that you got away with posting a picture of your hubby wrapped in a Dora blanket. The rest of it? Typical dude. We married them…why? 🙂

  36. January 6, 2011 10:45 am

    Haaa! Sounds JUST us when we returned from Colorado Sunday. I unpacked, washed clothes, cooked, helped with last minute homework (due Monday of course), and the list goes on. What did my husband do? He plopped down in the study to catch up on some emails, then leisurely made his way to the tv….. Why do we put up with this? I wish I knew…lol

  37. January 6, 2011 10:57 am

    I think that is exactly the picture of my parents!

  38. January 6, 2011 11:02 am

    Because you have not figured out how to make him do things. Neither have I to make you feel better. If I sent my husband grocery shopping he would forget 3/4 of things on the list, if he did laundry he would put reds with whites all on purpose so he would not be asked to do it again. I am however on occasion stopped being the “sock fairy” as it is called in our house and he was able to do few loads on underwear and socks. Maybe it is cultural in which case I suggest you stop doing the male roles in the house (like working)

  39. January 6, 2011 11:44 am

    I can’t believe you got all that done in three hours! It takes me two days to do a load of laundry. I usually put it in, forget about it, and end up putting it into the dryer the next day.

  40. January 6, 2011 12:01 pm

    Looks like my house! Spence on his a** on the laptop while I do everything else.


  41. January 6, 2011 12:37 pm

    A Dora blanket since he clearly isn’t sharing his? 😉

  42. January 6, 2011 1:37 pm

    That is classic! Glad to know it’s common all over. Are there couples where the opposite happens, I wonder?

  43. January 6, 2011 2:11 pm

    I don’t know. Why do you? I love those throw pillows by the way. And good for you for getting all that stuff done right away! I HATE unpacking my suitcase!

  44. January 6, 2011 3:49 pm

    did you even give ali a chance to help you ?

    i mean it looks like you got done everything, that too in 3 hrs. it’s awesome!

  45. January 6, 2011 4:04 pm

    hahah…first of all, nice one for capturing the pic of him with the pink dora blanket… i tried to take a pic of mine with my equally pink hello kitty blanket and he tackled me down to delete the picture! on the other note, i wouldnt call it being a schmuck, i’d call it trading for a favor or something expensive in the very near future! =)

  46. January 6, 2011 4:30 pm

    i wanna know what ali said when you asked for his help?!?

    • January 6, 2011 7:39 pm

      Of course I didn’t come right out and ASK him Lynn! Ali is supposed to read my angry stomping and banging noises as a plea for help!

  47. January 6, 2011 4:49 pm

    I don’t know the answer to your question, but you have very pretty pillows.

  48. January 6, 2011 5:09 pm

    my husband + i are the same way. i’m ocd, type-a, super organized + he’s just… not. i stopped expecting him to jump on my mental to-do list with the same gusto as me 1) because he’s not like me + 2) because i finally realized most times i haven’t shared my mental to-do list! if i do 2 *then* he has to help. 😉

  49. January 6, 2011 5:22 pm

    Probably for the same reason I bust mine while my husband sits on his: women are the worker bees. It’s like a rule of nature or something!

  50. January 6, 2011 5:26 pm

    Ha Ha Ha…love the way you express yourself.Atleast your husband is awake & working,mine would have dozed off AND would be irritated too when I opened the doors,or closed the washer or unpacked the groceries or even used the sink tap ..Men is one “a” short of MEAN 🙂

  51. Kath (Eating for Living) permalink
    January 6, 2011 5:45 pm

    Some mysteries will never be solved … But I know this so well. It’s like an universal law you can observe everywhere.

  52. January 6, 2011 7:00 pm

    You are such a good wifeeee! Putting a blankey over your hubby 😉 (even “y’s”?!)

  53. January 6, 2011 8:06 pm

    Ali acts this way because you allow him to do nothing; when you are very efficient, your partner does not need to do anything. Perhaps he would get annoyed if everything wasn’t done and start doing some of the work (maybe not but until he feels/sees a reason to work he probably won’t no matter how much you bang & hrumph doing everything).

  54. Samantha permalink
    January 6, 2011 8:29 pm

    Wow, you are good! Want to come and live in central Cal and be my mom? 🙂 I always tell my coworkers I need a mom to come live with me…not necessarily my mom; but A mom to take care of me. I am only halfway joking.
    The sad part about this is, in my relationship the whole situation is opposite. I’m on the couch and hubs is out doing some sort of labor.

  55. January 6, 2011 10:34 pm

    Oh to be a man 🙂 I kinda want to say more here…, but that pretty much sums it up!!!!!

  56. January 7, 2011 12:07 am

    Oh my! I would have snatched that cozy looking Dora blanket off his back and the laptop too and plopped down on the couch myself!

    How on earth did you accomplish so much after vacation.

    We just had a trip to SF too and our suitcases are still on the floor, not completely unpacked!

    BTW, we were there the 27-29th, wonder if our days overlapped?

    Happy New Year!

  57. January 7, 2011 5:34 am

    I’ll bet that your hubby was wondering why you were rushing around so much after just having returned from vacation instead of just taking it slow and doing one thing at a time so you could enjoy the lingering echo of relaxation. No? Maybe? Possibly?

    Unfortunately, both me and Hubby would have been like yours. All that stuff could have waited, but booting up the computer….not so much.

  58. January 7, 2011 6:44 am

    Haha, he looks hilarious with the Dora blanket.

    I hate coming home to a dirty house and to having to go grocery shopping! I am going out of town tomorrow so I have to clean today.

  59. January 7, 2011 7:39 am

    You got more done in three hours than I’ll get done by the end of this weekend! I have clean clothes that have been in my dryer for the past few days.

    I’m kind of the same way Ali is. I feel like I am constantly on my laptop. A lot of it is work though – editing photos, emailing clients, updating Facebook (the fan page, not my personal one….as much), and adding posts my photoblog.

  60. January 7, 2011 1:14 pm

    This is so true. But I’m actually learning how to be lazier from my boyfriend. It’s kind of fun to let some things just not get done. After living together for over a year, I’m finally starting to calm down and let things be. Currently, my kitchen is a hot stinkin’ mess, and our bedroom looks like a tornado hit it. And I’m lounging on the couch with my laptop right now:)

  61. January 7, 2011 1:41 pm

    Oh my! Your home routine sounds just like mine. I’m in a flurry the minute I walk in the door after a vacation…while Ryan likes to sit and read. Argh! I find that a lot of huffing and slamming of cabinets tends to get him on his feet. I’m glad that you are home safely…and I hope you can start to relax soon!

  62. January 7, 2011 6:37 pm

    Holy crap! Did you REALLY do all that? Ah…I’d be sitting with Ali 😉 God – but only because I’m a lazy a$$.

    Is it wrong that I love that Ali (I think) is wrapped in a pink blanket? 😉

  63. January 7, 2011 8:44 pm

    Not only do I want to know why you do it, but HOW? OMG that’s a lot to do when you first get home! Put your feet up and relax. You totally deserve it!! *Clink!* XO

  64. January 7, 2011 10:35 pm

    This just makes me say one thing, all men are the same more or less. When we drive down to Atlanta and return back, my husband will always be more tired and wanting to sit in the couch while I have done most of the driving. What is their problem?

  65. January 8, 2011 5:59 am

    OMG. You just described my husband to a tee. Classic Scott is to so go and relax on the couch while I run around the house like a bat of hell trying to get things back to the way they were pre trip.

    that is a priceless picture.

  66. January 8, 2011 8:09 am

    That is how it is here too. We do it because else all of would be sitting around for a week, or more if it was up to the men. Probably more. 🙂

  67. Ayla permalink
    January 8, 2011 12:27 pm

    Ahahahahaha! Not many men would cozy up in a Dora the Explorer blanket.. or maybe they would but most probably don’t expect to get the evidence posted on the internet. I think this is good payback for him getting to sit down while you ran around doing chores. 😉

  68. January 8, 2011 1:09 pm

    The presence of the Dora blanket was deeply encouraging.

    Marcus reassures me that one day he could go grocery shopping on his own if the need was there. And then today, we were shopping together, I told him to find “X” and he looked at me like I was speaking martian. I give up.

  69. January 8, 2011 1:25 pm

    The best part to me is the Dora blanket!

  70. January 8, 2011 2:37 pm

    You should steal the blanket!

  71. January 8, 2011 9:11 pm

    I don’t have room to talk because I did NOTHING today. Maybe I’ll come back tomorrow and re-comment! 😉

  72. January 8, 2011 9:11 pm

    Is this last year’s dora? or the new 2011 line?? It looks very sexy on him 🙂


  73. January 8, 2011 10:14 pm

    When I was entirely well, working had 3 littlies, it was the same story in our house, now we both don’t work, and as he took over a lot when i was really unwell, he’s in the habit of doing stuff and just does it before me. not that im ever in a hurry to do stuff,which is probably why he does it first. But if theres any driving involved its always me…then theres the endless requests for cuppas…..

    Thanks for visiting my blog 🙂

  74. January 8, 2011 10:20 pm

    Why? I don’t know why. I guess I will find out when I get married this year right?

    I saw the picture first before I read the whole entire post and I knew it was a Dora The Explorer blanket, probably because I’ve done the same thing and used my nieces blanket while on my laptop.

  75. January 8, 2011 10:53 pm

    Don’t you both work? The workload here is completely out of balance…you should threaten him with a metal spatula.

  76. January 9, 2011 5:44 am

    hmmm..VERY good question! Hope you got some downtown too…

  77. January 9, 2011 5:47 am

    Totally unrelated–WHERE did you get your pillows?!?!

    • January 11, 2011 8:39 am

      Hi Anne – I had them custom made because I couldn’t find ones that I liked anywhere!

  78. January 9, 2011 6:01 am

    For a second I thought that was my husband in that picture! The dead giveaway is that our daughter’s have different Dora blankets.

    I feel your pain!

  79. January 9, 2011 10:49 am

    Husbands: They may not require housebreaking, but they are about as useful puppies when it comes to post-vacation re-acclimation.

  80. January 9, 2011 3:20 pm

    Hey Ameena! Thanks for stopping by my blog and the sweet compliment 🙂

    Wow, if my mother ever saw my father not only bummin’ on the couch but with a dora the explorer so elegantly tossed across his shoulders…it would not be pretty in the least 😉 hehe

    Love your blog, I’ll be back soon!

  81. January 9, 2011 3:35 pm

    You know the answer right?

  82. January 9, 2011 7:57 pm

    Ummm because if you sat there he would sit right beside you and nothing would get down. I love that he has the Dora blanket. My husband does that too, like cuddling my daughter’s pillow pet. Like he things that image is going to make me want to run to the bedroom and pull out my lingerie!
    It is the price we pay for a vacation.

  83. January 9, 2011 8:28 pm

    lol but you must admit ali looks precious wrapped up in the dora blanket!

  84. January 9, 2011 8:53 pm

    MEN! Sounds like what my husband would do. Oh, wait. He’d go into our bedroom and shut the door.

    Read and loved your Monster Mommy Moment over at Mommy of a Monster and had to come over to “meet” you!

  85. January 9, 2011 11:19 pm

    VERY good question…i think it is just a man thing. i will say that my hubz is always good about unloading the car after a road trip or even just a trip to the market, but it ALL lands on the kitchen table before his ass lands on the sofa.

    thanks so much for stopping by my blog. i always do my very best to visit people who comment on my blog and leave a little love on their blog.

  86. January 12, 2011 7:59 pm

    Yep, thats men. They don’t even really care if anything gets done as long as they have some food to eat.

  87. January 15, 2011 8:11 am

    Hi Ameena–Can’t wait to start reading your blog : ) I laughed when I saw your scoresheet…I make those in my head, too. Why? Because they don’t even comprehend what is going on. They would rather not have the house clean or the grocery shopping done than do it themselves! When I can, I tear up my mental scoresheet, but most mornings it shows up in my mental recycle bin with new items on it : ) –Stephanie

  88. January 16, 2011 3:26 pm

    I just read through some of the comments and I am surprised that no one asked what kind of wife doesnt buy her husband a Snuggie to use while hes working on the couch????
    It’s a blanket WITH ARMS!!!

    LOL 🙂

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