The “Park-Moms” Scare Me
Yesterday after school I took Maya to the park…she’d been asking all week and since the weather was finally decent I concluded a few more germs weren’t going to kill her and off we went. So we get to the park and I take a good look at my outfit: Lucy Hatha Yoga Pants (can’t say enough about how much I love these – I now have 2 pairs!), a bleach stained hoodie (don’t ask), my glasses (just couldn’t do the contacts), and a Target hat that goes hand in hand with my glasses. I have no idea why but the hat makes me feel less like a librarian and more like a incognito movie star. At least in my mind anyway. Everyone else is probably just thinking…what a nerd. And what a cheap hat.
Then I take inventory of Maya who is sporting paint-stained Target’s best from head to toe. Her hair is also in a million directions and her face has something on it that looks suspiciously like chocolate. To top it all off she is wearing blue socks with her pink ensemble. Nice, huh?
Then I look at the rest of the kids surrounding us…the 4-year-old kid trying to push Maya off the spinner is sporting True Religion jeans. Her sister, a cute toddler named Shanghai (how cool is that name?) is sporting a Burberry plaid skirt and Uggs. Another random little boy, who looks no more than 8-years-old is texting on his iPhone as he waits for a turn on the swings. I am NOT making this up. Oh, and my personal favorite? A “tween” flashing her megasized Coach bag.
And the “Park Moms” are something else. There is this group of ladies who I’ve seen regularly for more than a couple of years but to whom I am invisible. Normally that would bother me but in this situation I am okay with it because honestly, they kind of freak me out a bit. They are in a competition to see who can be the skinniest (sorry, I swear I am working on this judging thing but these girls are eerily thin) and who can wear the most labels at once. I’m not going to lie, they look fabulous, but they also come to the park decked out with huge Prada bags and high-heeled Chanel boots. I love Chanel as much as the next person, but I certainly don’t wear it to the park.
When our time at the park finally concluded, thanks only to the sun setting, I dragged Maya out to the parking lot. And as we darted in between the mass exodus of SUV’s, whining children, and fake air kisses, I looked at my ragamuffin daughter, saw my frizzy hair in my peripheral vision, and thanked my lucky stars that I am not, and will never be, a “Park Mom.”
What kind of people scare you?
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
you are such a great mom! those park moms don’t compare at ALL! =)
dude, but i’ve seen tons tons of those kinds of moms at my summer camp. their kids are spoiled up the wazoo!
went to high school at Marymount High school for girls. on sunset blvd.
YEP! trying MODERATED peanut butter. tbs a day.
Dude. i think if i just drank water i would STILL BREAK OUT!
omg, they would scare the hell out of me, too. I thought they only existed in books and TV! Who knew those living Prada Zombies were real?!
hey girl, was totally hoping to see pics of the lil burberry boots and uggs…you’ll have to zoom in next time and have no shame! i have to admit, i get such a kick out of those lil designer kids but totally detest the parents, is that horrible! ok detest is too strong, you know what i mean, why would you do that?
XOXOXOXOXOX
have you ever read “little children?” the park moms remind me of the characters in that
Okay, four year-olds in True Religions scare me!!!
And my college freshmen scare me 🙂
OMG! I can so relate to this!! Park mom’s are everywhere! Even in DC! Please shoot me if I ever buy my daughter a Burberry coat!! Or a giant designer handbag. I swear the first designer handbag she gets is the one she decides to buy herself.
Ewww!!! Kids dirty and grow out of things so fast why would you put them in that stuff? And why not wear regular shoes to the park so you can actually interact SOME with your kid? They would freak me out too. Or just make me feel sorry for them that they are wasting their life focusing on trivial things.
Really really loud people scare me. And snowboarders who decide to used the snowy pathways at school to get some practice and almost run my down in the process (seriously, most school just have to wory about bikers).
Little kids with ipones, coach bags and mega expensive jeans? That IS scary and I am sure the moms enabling them to have these things ARE scary.
The park moms sound super scary! Oh mercy, why does an 8 year old need an iphone??!! Very, very scary…
I have a similar fear of “the grocery store wives,” who go grocery shopping in their designer clothes with their professionally applied makeup while I’m selecting spinach alongside them dressed in my scrubs on my way home from work, looking every bit like I just finished a 13 hour shift… :-p Sigh… :-p Yet I too am very, very glad I’m not like them! 🙂
I totally agree about women who dress up just to go to the park or the grocery store but sometimes when I drop by the grocery store from work, I will be in nice business casual clothes & heels and would be horrified to be judged as someone who dressed up to do her grocery.
Not everyone wears scrubs to work, some of us may be in suits, so that kind of judgment is *also* scary.
Ha-ha, so true. LA is something else. Just try starbucks in the Bel Air/Brentwood area, and add “who has the best face lift?” to the “who is the thinnest?” and “wears the most labels?” equation, and you have the rail-thin, smooth-skinned, 30 year-old looking, well, graveyard shift… EERIE!
I totally agree…the Coffee Bean on San Vicente in Brentwood has some of the most beautiful, thin people I have ever seen. It’s like a non-stop fashion show there…even at 10pm on a Friday night! My friend Nadia deems it “a total scene.”
Ohhh that is scary… not to mention ridiculous. Little kids that go to the park wearing brand name clothing is something else. What? They don’t go to play and get dirty? Just look good? Same thing with the moms… that’s insane. But at least you get to enjoy a good fashion show while watching Maya play 🙂 I think it’s a good thing you’ll never be a “park mom”.
Religious fanatics scare me… actually, basically anyone who is absolutely convinced that there is only one right way to live scares me.
Ah, this reminds me of my childhood. I grew up about two hours south of LA, so it wasn’t quite as bad, but we had the “Morman Mother.” I have nothing against Mormans, but the religion does tell women they need to be the perfect housewives with tons of children to expand the flock. My corner of suburbia was pretty much Morman central, so the only social outlet my mother had was book clubs with the aforementioned mothers. They were always immaculately groomed, with scary museum-tidy houses, and statuesque teenage daughters with glamorous makeup and trendy hair ready to tie the knot with one of the boys after their post-high-school mission trips.
Fortunately, that seems to be a SoCal thing, because the Mormans were I live now are much more easy-going.
Ameena, I can’t express how much I love reading your blog. It’s as if each post is a little life essay. So well written and it all just flows into a great anecdote about life. I simultaneously laugh, learn about you, and marvel at your insight!
Those ladies are going waaayyy to far. It also makes me sad because it’s like, if one of their children wanted them to run around and play at the park, could they really do it in three-inch heels? It’s easy to compare and judge, and I suppose I have no right. But I’m just like you, I’d wear something comfortable to the park!
Have a great day!
This makes me so happy I don’t live in LA. I don’t think I could deal with that. First off, there’s nothing wrong with Target. Second, why spend a gazillion dollars on your kid’s clothes when she’s just going to get dirt and sand and boogers all over it? For this reason, I love Jennifer Garner. She’s got enough money to buy a few parks but she’s always dressed normally—T-shirt and jeans with sneakers—and so is her daughter. They go to the park in play clothes, not dressed like they’re going into a fancy restaurant. Unless you’re a Real Housewife, there’s no need to get dolled up to roll around on the playground.
yep that is really scary. i find little kids who wear make-up and are dressed as though they’re a bar-hopping 21 year old scary. sadly i see more of these kids than i’d like!
p.s. i agree with others that are saying youre a great mom 🙂
Holy. Crap. An 8 yr old with an iphone?!! That should freaking be illegal!!! I have seen kindergarten children, that’s 5 year olds!!, with cell phones. Someone please tell me what a 5 year old needs with a cell phone? I mean, really, who are they going to call?
Gah. I’m really glad I don’t live where you live. Those park moms would for sure freak me out… no thanks.
Dessing in brand name is fine to me. But dressing in brand name at the park? There’s a time and place for everything.
haha wow…this sounds like something you’d only see on tv. It worries me how stuff like labels and iphones are affecting kids. They should be playing in the dirt- not texting! Those people would scare me too.
Another thing that scares me? People who have a bluetooth headset but have hair covering it. It looks like they are schizophrenic talking into thin air
I am w/ these ladies! Seriously, kids grow out of stuff way to fast. My boys rock the Target clothes all the time lol. No shame in that.
So many people scare me that it would take a long time to list them all!
Yeah, New York and LA are not so different. My world is chock-full of that kind of woman, or in my age group, chicks who are poised to grow into that sort of woman. Yeah, the perfectly coifed, manicured, pampered, designer-labelled horde freaks the hell out of me too. Probably for one (or more) of the following reasons: I’ve known these kinds of women my whole life/I know my friends are going to grow up into that kind of woman/I have 100% potential to BE that kind of woman/I’m probably expected to be that kind of woman – no way. NO WAY!
Be proud of your messy hair and yoga pants! Your life is much more fun!
Dressing up for “everyday” activities makes no sense to me! I wear heels all day long, so why would I want to wear them to the park, mall, or grocery store?! I guess looking impeccable at all times makes some people feel better?
Who scares me? People who perfectly plan & control everything that they do… it’s so robotic and uninteresting!
My motto is the state of the child at the end of the day equals to how much fun they have had that day!
How funny — I’m posting today on my issues with fashionable women. Ha.
I know exactly what park moms you’re referring to. They intimidate me. I am a very casual person, though I really do appreciate style. I’m just not high-maintenance and I have no problem going to Trader Joe’s in my sweatpants. I don’t think I could handle being “done up” all the time.
So, ya, park moms scare me. Mormons also scare me. Can I say that? Women who play stroller derby at the mall all day also scare me. I could go on…
Although I agree with everyone else about wearing designer clothing(that is super expensive!) to parks is ridiculous, I don’t think it is ridiculous to wear a nice outfit even if you are going to the grocery store. I dress up nicely every day for school….it makes me feel good about myself. It’s not like I’m flaunting Coach bags or anything, I’m just wearing clothes that normal people would deem fancy/pretty/dressy.
Yikes! Sounds awful! I guess that is why I live in Ventura…..People are so laid back. We mostly have hippies and surfers. I tend to be the most dressed up which is quite scary in itself!
ME either…a park mom that is. Most, if not all winter long you can find my in need of a color hair tucked in a beanie…heading to the ski hill. NO makeup and certainly no expensive handbags…and this is the way I stay morning.noon.night Summer…you’ll find me under a dirt bike helmet…I can clean up with the best of them…but I am no where near a girlie girl. 🙂 I would be WAY out of my element.
HAHA park moms! this is just as bad as little suri’s designer purse…you are far cooler than any variety of mom out there..soccer/pta/park/girl scout, whatever! plus, you’s a MILF 😉
i freely admit that i am a tomboy, plain-jane kind of girl through and through and those park moms you mentioned definitely scare me too!
People who give their kids ridiculous names like “shanghai” scare me. That’s a cute name for a panda bear, or a stripper — neither of which you should fantasize that your daughter become.
Whatever happened to real names?
Ugh, the kids AND the moms sound so spoiled. Dressed up for the PARK?! I definitely wouldn’t fit in at that place. It’s cool that you aren’t caught up in the unspoken competition between those women and that you aren’t obsessed with decking Maya out in ridiculous brand names. I mean, I like nice stuff like that too but there’s a time and place for things like that. And what the heck is up with the 8-year-old and an iphone? I don’t even have an iphone and I’m 18! Haha..
People like that would scare me too.
Shanghai is a cool name! 🙂 But does she need the Burberry and Uggs? UGH! 😉
You know, I thought Chicago people were pretty materialistic. It’s all about “keeping up with the Jones’s here” but it sounds worse there!
You know who scares me? People who are complete assholes and don’t realize it. Like my brother-in-law. He just says stuff to me and I… can’t believe it is coming out of his mouth. Actually, he is not even the worst!
I thank my lucky stars I live in Texas. I have never seen a toddler in Burberry or an 8 year old with an I-phone.
lol they’d freak me out too. When I had my horse I was always really bothered by the girls that would show up wearing expensive clothes. Ok – you’re at a BARN. You WILL be stepping in horse crap. I would suggest your cheapest sweats and gum boots from walmart.
The people that shop the day after Thanksgiving.
I can really relate to this. Not because I have a child of my own, but I frequently pick up my niece from school…it’s the same thing…the women huddle in little groups…and there’s the designer labels, the perfect manicures and hairdos, etc. And then I hurriedly run into the school either from work, errands, etc. probably looking all chaotic, lol! Maybe I freak them out as much as they freak me out? 😉
That reminds me of an episode of The Nanny where Fran is all “dolled up” and meets up with the “park” moms and their snooty kids 🙂
Hahahahaha, I bet I´d be pretty scared if I were you, too.
😉
Terrific post, as always!
I can´t understand why you´re not famous world-wide. I mean… You´ve got the talent!
😀
Have a great weekend, Ameena!
Brazilian XOXO´s,
Gabriela
I would also hate to be one of those “mommy-groups” that exercise together and push their strollers around, crowding an entire sidewalk and acting as though other people don’t exist. That’s just me, and I know that I’m judgmental, but anyway.
I must be honest and say that another “group” that I find particularly annoying (and many of my friends/acquaintances fall into this category) is the “rich liberals”. Maybe I’m just envious, being a poor liberal, but there are times when I can’t control the eye-rolling.
Hey Ameena! Nadia’s been raving about the blog and she’s spot on, it’s fantastic! I’ve been hooked for the past half hour while poor K has been screaming for attention 🙂
Park mom’s can be scary, though I must give them credit for actually showing up to the park rather than having the nanny do it.
Of late, women in big groups scare me!
xo
i read this post what seems like a lifetime ago and never commented on it but here i am..the clientele so to speak that you encounter in SOCal was exactly like the moms i saw in San Diego, too. They didnt scare me b/c like you, love my chanel and my LV, too. Just not all at once, and not to the park. The worst is when they come in their cartier watches to a dirty yoga ashram. Leave the good sutff at home girls 🙂
People that scare me…well, the ones that creep me are random dudes who stare me down. Women dont scare me, per se.
great post!!!
Hi Ameena. I was here earlier but couldn’t leave a comment on my Kindle. LOVE THIS…Park Mom’s scare me too. I seem to be one notch down most all the time. Even at Home Depot around here!
but you know what…who cares. I mean…who goes to the park for a fashion show? It’s about playing in the sand and getting dirty and finding bugss and exploring. That’s the cool stuff.
xoxoxo
These women might look fabulous, but seriously, are they HAPPY?!! To me labels and high heels at a PARK is just plain SILLY!!!!!!!! I don’t know about Ali, but if Andrew saw me dressing like that to take our future kids to the park, he’d laugh hysterically and tell me to go change. Those women sound quite ridiculous and I’m so happy that you realize you’re actually waaaaaaay above them for living your life for you and not to impress others with silly materialistic things.
Have a great weekend!! 🙂
this is appreciable.!!!!!!i like it.