the orange sweater
This is Ali’s orange sweater.
Ali’s orange sweater sat on this leather chair in our bedroom after he “unpacked” his carry-on last week.
It sat there for 3 days. And 3 nights.
I swear I tried my hardest to ignore it. I walked by the sweater at least a dozen times and pretended it wasn’t sitting there. The bright color prevented that, however, so then I averted my eyes. But my eyes refused to be averted.
The situation needed to be addressed.
“Is there some reason your sweater has been sitting on the chair for 3 days?”
“Yes, it’s airing out.”
“I’d be happy to take it to the dry cleaner for you.”
“It’s a really expensive sweater.”
“Well that’s why I’ll take it to the dry cleaner instead of washing it.”
“No.”
And so the sweater sat on the chair in this position for 2 more days. Until suddenly…poof! It was gone. I couldn’t believe it!
Could it be that I don’t have to throw things across the room in a fit of anger to see results? Maybe getting angry really isn’t the only way to make things happen!
But then I went to close the sliding door and saw this:
So the sweater continues to air out. And we all know it will until it’s thrown across the room. By yours truly.
they’ll get theirs
My world was unexpectedly turned upside down this morning.
It wasn’t because I had yet another nail in my tire.
It wasn’t because Maya was kissing the bottom of the autographed and used ballet shoe she talked me into buying when we were at the ballet yesterday.
It wasn’t even because I saw Ali eating and dropping crumbs all over my desk. Again.
No, it was much, much worse.
Do you see it? The white wire hanger in a sea of black velvet?
I can almost picture Ali and Maya conspiring against me: “Let’s throw a bit of aluminum into Mom’s meticulously organized and color-coded closet and see how long it takes for her to freak out.”
It took me approximately 0.2 seconds to appropriately deal with and dispose of the hanger in question. Ali and Maya? They’ll get theirs too.
It’s just a matter of time.
***Any avid readers out there? I just reviewed The Paris Wife on my sister site thefancybookshelf.wordpress.com.***
i lecture too much
Why is it that every second sentence that comes out of my mouth is me lecturing Maya about something? Why do I say things like:
“I’m not answering that question because you’ve already asked me the same thing 65 times.”
and
“One more story and that’s it, okay? Mama has like 50 other things to do.”
The truth is that sometimes I really don’t have anything else to do, I just don’t want to read about Pinkalicious and her obsession with cupcakes again. Other times I just want to get dinner made and the dishes done so I can spend 15 quality minutes with the TV before I fall asleep.
Yesterday I was feeling especially mean as I lectured her again about putting her toys all over my chair. So after she walked off in a huff I sat down (on the newly emptied chair) to ponder what drives me to be the way I am. And after much reflection I came to this conclusion:
I am extraordinarily selfish and I don’ t like to be inconvenienced in any way.
I got past my selfishness long enough to take Maya to the Skirball Center. For two hours we made dolls from recycled materials, played in Noah's Ark, and I even let her get soaking wet in the Rainbow Arbor. Not one lecture came out of my big mouth - it was a momentous occasion.
I can’t come up with a good reason why I am this way. I’ve heard that having children makes you less selfish and yet I am as self-centered as ever.
Can someone please help me see the light? Before I have to start saving for Maya’s therapy fund in earnest?
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 