I Love Schedules
When Maya was born I had no idea how to even change a diaper. Hers was the first and I did it while an impatient nurse looked on telling me to fold here and fold there. I could almost hear her thinking, “Can someone who waits until their child is born to learn how to change a diaper really be qualified to be a parent?” Well the answer, of course, is no. Oh and Nurse? I am fairly certain that five years later I am still not qualified to be a parent.
I had no idea just what I was getting myself into with a newborn. In fact, it was about one million times more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. The hardest part of all? The constant sleeplessness. I was a walking zombie because I was awake every three hours to give Maya a bottle. I swear, my child would not sleep. After six weeks our pediatrician took one look at our haphazard clothes, disheveled hair, and dark circles and said that we should try to get Maya on a schedule so that she’d sleep a little longer at night. By “longer” I think the doctor meant four-hour stretches. At that point four hours seemed like an unimaginable luxury and I was willing to do whatever it took.
She might look innocent but looks can be deceiving...
So like anybody else I turned to my computer for answers. Thanks to my background in finance, I believe that all problems can be solved with Excel. Need a pivot table? I’m your girl. Need something sorted in ascending or descending order? You got it. Can I make you a chart, a graph, or can I concatenate two cells for you? No problem. Make a six-week old stop crying and go to sleep? Not so easy. But I figured that if I can tackle everything else with Excel, why not a baby?
Don’t laugh, desperate situations call for desperate measures.
I immediately broke out my computer and got to work. Ali and I made a schedule in Excel complete with empty spaces for check marks, notes, times, and comments. What time did Maya eat? How many ounces of formula? What time was her diaper changed? How many hours had she slept? I was anxious about leaving Maya with anyone because I was scared they would feed her at a non-designated time. And when they did (which they always did) I went into a tizzy. Ali and I would open up Excel and try to revise the schedule but we soon learned that the domino effect made revisions impossible. That didn’t stop up from trying though, and the two of us stuck to the schedule like glue. We prayed for a miracle that would show us a relationship between something, anything, and Maya sleeping longer. We stared at the schedule trying to correlate. We begged the schedule to help us correlate.
The schedule never correlated.
So Maya is almost five and you’d think that I would have mellowed out a bit with the scheduling. And while some would disagree I have when it comes to Maya (lucky her), I find that I cannot stop myself from scheduling other aspects of my life. For example, even when I know I don’t have to go to work, I still wake up at 5:30 or 6 am to get to the gym. Why? Well I get nervous that if I don’t then the rest of the day will be off. Off what, you ask? I have no idea.
I am at the gym by 6 am (at the latest). Hot water with lemon at 8 am. Oatmeal at 9 am (and God help us all if we run out of oatmeal). Lunch at 1 pm. Dinner at 7 pm. Maya in bed at 8:30 pm. Tea at 9 pm. Bed by 10 pm (at the latest). You can mark my day by watching the clock. It is pretty sad, isn’t it? This is the schedule I stick to even if I have an entirely empty day stretching ahead of me.
While scheduling isn’t the worst habit to have, I would love to be considered one of those “fly by the seat of my pants” kinds of people. I’d love to be able to roll with the day and not worry about what the clock says, especially when I don’t have any reason to (i.e. a weekend or when I’m on vacation). But I cannot do it no matter how hard I try. And I have tried. I am old and set in my ways I guess.
I could write on this topic endlessly but it’s about time for tea and some chocolate so I better go. I have a schedule to stick to, you know. But before I do, I wonder, does anyone else have as close a relationship with their schedule as I do?
It’s New Year’s Eve…and??
Way back when I lived at home and didn’t know anything about anything, New Year’s Eve always seemed so magical. Looking back I realize it wasn’t the holiday so much as the fact that we never allowed to celebrate it and obviously, the forbidden seems that much more appealing. My parents were strict. As in “you can watch a half an hour of TV a day on weekends only” strict. So it was an exercise in futility to think they’d allow us to actually go out on New Year’s Eve when they barely let us go for a walk at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon.
As a parent, I totally get it now. Why on earth would you allow your teenage daughters to go out and party until midnight when there are drunk drivers and other crazy people lurking about? But back then, my sister and I were much less understanding.
We tried to make the best of the situation and so we’d run out and buy a bottle of Martinelli’s, a Boboli, and turn on Dick Clark. We did our best to make it to midnight but every year my sister would be fast asleep by 10pm and I’d follow shortly thereafter. The next morning we’d wake up, put the unopened Martinelli’s in a cupboard, and wait for the following year when we’d start the process all over again.
I always promised myself that when I got older I would make sure that New Year’s Eve was a big deal. But now that I am older everything New Year’s related just seems like way too much work. Who wants to make reservations at an overpriced restaurant, get dressed up, find a babysitter, celebrate the stroke of midnight with a bunch of strangers, and then hightail it home at 12:01 just so that we can tell everyone we did something interesting?
Well, clearly not us.
So this is how we spent the day instead:
1. It all started with a visit to the dentist to catch up on my reading have a crown put on.
2. I came home and went postal because the house looked like a hurricane struck. How does that happen in the span of two hours? I was so angry that I forgot to take a picture.
3. I recovered from my rage and we went hiking at Franklin Canyon to tire Maya out be one with nature.
Maya still found things to kick around.
And apparently she knows how to focus the camera better than her mother.
This could be a photo worth printing if it wasn’t for Maya wearing clashing colors and a white trash T-shirt.
“Daddy knows a lot but Mommy knows everything.”
White trash or not, who can argue with the truth?
4. We came home and appreciated the flowers and tree in our lobby before they are brutally ripped away tomorrow. Building Management wastes no time concluding the holidays around here.
5. We had a Mexican fiesta for dinner…I made turkey fajitas and my version of spanish rice for Ali and Maya.
Thank you Trader Joe’s for all your help. As always I couldn’t have done it without you.
6. The party is just getting started around here…Maya just broke out the Fancy Nancy sunglasses and some Lady Gaga.
Anything could happen now.
Happy New Year’s!
Book Review – Jemima J
Jemima J: A Novel About Ugly Ducklings and Swans
by Jane Green
How much do looks matter? Does an attractive person have a better chance at a good life? Is life easier for someone with size 4 jeans, good hair, and designer clothes? Do these people find better mates? Do they make more money? Are they more likely to be successful? Do they have more friends? Does society judge you less if you look good?
This book discusses the classic “if…then” scenario. If I lose 20 pounds then I will find Mr. Right. If I have nicer clothes then I will have better friends, etc, etc. But is that always the way things work? Is it ever the way things work?
Everyone, at least at one point in their lives can relate to Jemima in some way. We all struggle with our own insecurities. Maybe it isn’t weight but height (me). Maybe it isn’t looks but intelligence. No matter what our insecurity is, Jemima represents us all. She is overweight, hates her job, and has a huge crush on an “out of her league” co-worker Ben. She has no real friends to speak of except for Geraldine, a seemingly shallow co-worker, and two extremely selfish roommates who treat Jemima rather terribly. Things seem so hopeless that Jemima finds her only solace in food, hence the reason she is over 200 pounds.
Jemima’s world is suddenly shaken up when she discovers the amazing world of online dating. Where else but on the internet can a person completely reinvent themselves into what they want to be? And reinvent she does. She quickly “meets” Brad, an extremely fit, good-looking gym owner in California and tells him she is a TV personality. She takes a picture of herself and doctors it to be the person she wants to be – sleek, carefree, and successful. She sends the photo to Brad and they quickly form a relationship through the internet.
We soon find out that Brad is her catalyst for change, and trading her bacon sandwiches for a gym membership, Jemima sets off on transformation that leaves her so-called friends in a tailspin. Her goal….to become the woman in the picture.
Through good old-fashioned exercise and improved eating habits, Jemima manages to trim down to 120 pounds over the next several months. After reaching her goal weight she reaches out to her co-worker and new friend Geraldine who helps Jemima undergo a hair, makeup, and wardrobe makeover. To her complete amazement she becomes the girl in the picture.
Throwing caution to the wind, she embraces her new persona and travels to Los Angeles to meet Brad in person. Initially she is thrilled to be living her dream – she looks great, has a great looking, wealthy boyfriend, and is living the American dream. But in an unexpected twist Jemima soon finds out what Brad is really about and realizes that being skinny and pretty might not be the answer to her problems.
This is an amazing, uplifting Cinderella story. No matter what her weight, I loved Jemima’s character. The author did a great job making this an easy read but one with a message for all of us. I read this many times and each time I was able to take away something new.
Needless to say this book is definitely in my top 10. As an avid reader, this is a pretty strong statement. This particular book is Jane Green’s first novel and is truly the best of the bunch. The only bad part of this book? The fact that it had to end.
Do you think that attractive people have it easier in life? Would you rather be intelligent and unattractive? Or gorgeous and not-so-smart? Do you know anyone who seems to have it all? What do you think about that?
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
