Reality Bites
The problem with vacations is that when they end the reality of life hits me like rock. The letdown I am going through right now reminds me of the Christmas season when there is all this anticipation leading up to December 25th and then wham, suddenly all the excitement is over and Target’s clearance racks are full of wreaths and Santa hats.
In case my metaphor made no sense to you, and it likely didn’t, I’m having trouble adjusting back to real life. I miss the breakfast buffets, the leisurely swims, and the 8 hours of sightseeing. I want to be anywhere except in California doing mundane things like taking Maya potty, cleaning up Ali’s collection of cables, and brainstorming ideas for Maya’s letter bag (don’t ask).
My mom said a smart thing yesterday which was that I should plan 2-3 vacations a year so that when one is over I have the next to look forward to. Good idea. So as I brainstorm my next vacation allow me to share the mini-vacation my mom, Maya, and I took yesterday when we hit the Peninsula for afternoon tea and an early Mother’s Day celebration.
For those of you who can’t eat bread and need a good scone in your life, what I am about to say will your life forever – The Peninsula Beverly Hills has an entirely gluten-free tea! Yes, it is now possible to enjoy tea time and finger sandwiches without a stomach ache. Who would have thought?
Tea began with strawberries + whipped cream + a Lactaid tablet. One can never be too careful you know.
After indulging in whipped cream I indulged in my gluten-free tea-tray consisting of a plain scone, a raisin scone, open-faced sandwiches (egg, smoked salmon, veggie), a macaroon, 2 tiny snickerdoodle cookies, a giant strawberry filled with mixed berries, and a little container filled with whipped cream, raspberries, and raspberry sauce.
I was very impressed. The scones were definitely the highlight of this meal. The smoked salmon was also good and my mom loved the macaroon, but as it usually is, the gluten-free bread was very dense and kind of hard. Still, beggars can’t be choosers and I was glad to just be able to eat without stressing out.
My mom had the regular tea and I almost took a bite of her fluffy scones but managed to restrain myself. I can’t say the same for Maya who probably ate half of my mom’s food.
In order to avoid the inevitable complaints of “I’m hungry, Mama!” I also ordered Maya a proper lunch of salmon and rice.
I can take my kid to a classy place but I can’t make her stop eating asparagus with her fingers.
Nor can I get her to keep her shoes on.
But I didn’t freak out. I have to pick my battles you know, so we can take “happy” photos to remember the occasion, like these:
We had a great afternoon and I highly recommend checking out the Peninsula’s afternoon tea. I only have one suggestion for the hotel – it may be time to look into some new couches, chairs, and a carpet cleaner. I don’t believe that much in the Living Room has been replaced/cleaned for at least the last decade.
But whatever points you lost in cleanliness you made up for with your gluten-free tea. Kudos to you Peninsula for understanding how important scones can be in a person’s life!
My Definition of Success
Well I managed to keep it together at Toastmasters today. And by keeping it together I mean I didn’t stutter all over myself or feel the intense need to flee from the room before I broke out in tears. To me that equals a successful Toastmasters meeting although at some point I may need to re-evaluate my definition of the word “success.”
There was some mix-up in the agenda and despite signing up 2 weeks ago to be the ballot counter, someone else ended up doing the job. That meant that I’d more than likely be chosen for Table Topics, and I was. Table Topics scares me more than Maya’s germ-infested lunch box but since I need to learn to speak properly I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Table Topics is going to be a part of my life whether I like it or not. Trying to come up with a 1-2 minute speech at the drop of a hat is not exactly my forte but I’m happy to report that I managed to pull something coherent together today. Not fantastic but coherent. Baby steps, right?
My question was fairly easy this time – “What happy memory from your childhood home do you recall with fondness?” Now that I think about it I wish I’d talked about how my dad would wake my brother up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday to kill the backyard weeds with a giant container of toxic chemicals while my brother muttered the F-word every few seconds. Or how my sister stole all the money I’d saved up to buy a Walkman and told me I could have it back only if I could find it. But I’m not really sure if memories of my dysfunctional siblings would qualify as “fond” so instead I talked for exactly 58 seconds about how great my birthdays were when I was younger.
I mentioned how my mom would cook up a storm for our extended family and a few friends, we’d have cake and Thrifty ice cream, and my dad would distribute loot bags. (This last part is a total lie but I didn’t think I could mention that instead of giving out candy my dad was yelling at us kids “To keep it down before I come over there with a stick.”)
People seemed to relate to how nice birthdays were in the good old days. They nodded appropriately and laughed at times, and nobody threw anything at me. Success? I’d say so, even though I didn’t win Best Table Topics speech. I prefer to believe that was because I was 2 seconds short of the minute I was required to talk for, instead of the possibility that someone had a better answer than me. Sometimes even a realist can revel in ignorance for a little while.
I am reveling in the aforementioned ignorance right now, as a matter of fact, as I blissfully ignore the “no’s” and the “you better (fill in the blank) right now’s” that are coming from Maya’s shower. La la la la la….
No longer on the Cusp
So I have a question…is it unreasonable to expect that a $100 sweater will last more than 30 days? I’m pretty sure the answer is no, however, the manager at what used to be one of my favorite stores thinks otherwise.
About a month ago I walked in to Cusp in Century City and bought this sweater:
I LOVE this sweater – the perfect length, the perfect fit – but after wearing it just a few times it developed a hole in the collar. So Maya and I traipsed down to the mall to do an exchange. Have I mentioned how much I hate returning things? I’d rather clean the kitchen floor. Or do laundry. Or at the very least practice Maya’s “N’s.”
Allow me to bore you with a recap of my conversation with the manager:
Manager – Did you wear this?
Me – Yes, numerous times.
Manager – Did it rip because it caught on your necklace?
Me – No because I haven’t worn it with a necklace.
Manager (in a very irritated tone) – Well there is no guarantee this won’t happen again and we don’t normally take things back after 30 days. (Manager’s dramatic sigh #1) But I guess I can do an exchange. It’ll be a final sale.
Me – I’m confused…this sweater is only about 35 days old. Do you not think a $100 sweater should last more than 35 days?
Manager – I bought $400 shoes last weekend and they already broke. I am having to pay out of my own pocket to get them fixed. So take that as you will.
I had several thoughts at this point…why are you paying $400 for shoes? And why are you not returning them if they broke? And how is that relevant to what I’m trying to do right now? But what I really said is, “Okay, if you think it will happen again I will take a store credit and get something else.”
Manager – Well you’ll need to purchase something right now because like I said, it will be final sale.
Me – I don’t have the ability to shop properly with my daughter with me so I need to come back. Can I get a gift card?
Manager – Sorry but you have to purchase something now.
Me – Look, I am an excellent, long-time customer of your store…I just bought Tory Burch shoes from here a few weeks ago. I am really surprised at the service I am receiving right now.
Manager – (Manager’s dramatic sigh #2). Fine. I guess you can get a gift card. This time.
Several slams of the cash register (manager), dramatic sighs #3 & #4 (manager), and several more white hairs later (me) I left the store with my $100 gift card and no desire to return. I wonder if Neiman-Marcus knows or cares that its little offshoot is treating their customers like S@#$ for trying to do a legitimate exchange. Also, am I just nuts or should I have received an apology instead of grief for the sweater being defective in the first place? This experience only reinforces why I hate shopping and especially hate returning things.
And (sorry for the conjunction) on top of it all I miss my sweater.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 