A Week of Firsts
After trying to post this a million times last night, WordPress finally stopped torturing me this morning…
We had a lot of firsts this week…
1. Not only was it Maya’s first week in kindergarten summer camp…
This is the first time Maya wore a backpack to school. How cute is my little scholar?
But it was the first time I realized she wouldn’t be a little kid, talking my ear off, and demanding sparkling water forever.
For the first time I almost had a tear in my eye. But then she demanded I hold her lunchbox and our “touching moment” flitted away almost as quickly as it came.
2. This week was my first time posting anything remotely controversial. I must admit that I was a bit nervous because usually my idea of controversy involves my nightly arguments with Maya about brushing her teeth.
“You have to sing Happy Birthday TWICE while brushing Maya. Once is not enough.”
Thank you all for your feedback regarding Gisele and the breastfeeding issue. This may have been the first time my brother commented and I must say that I felt pretty special. First time that’s happened in a while.
3. Today was the first time I visited Lemonade where I met several new (to me) L.A. bloggers.
I must have driven past this restaurant 100 times but somehow I never noticed it?
In addition to seeing Lynn, Amanda and Andy, and Eden again, I met Stephanie, Becki from Hike, Bike, Eat, Katy from Katy Eats, and Megan from Healthy Hoggin’.
I was late and I’m never late! Another first but not one that I am very proud of. When I finally settled in guess who showed up to ruin my newfound calmness?
Maya.
She was dropped off by her father. This wasn’t the first time that’s happened but even I have to admit Ali had a good reason to cut his father-daughter bonding time short. In any case Maya made herself useful by taking a few photos…
This isn't the first time Maya has taken a better picture than me. It won't be the last.
I had a great time today and I can’t wait to meet all of you again. Thank you Lynn for organizing such a nice lunch.
I’m off to attend a wedding now and it’ll be my first time visiting the Four Seasons in Westlake Village. I’m sure it won’t be the first time I spend 2 hours on the freeway getting to a wedding though. I imagine Ali and I will be getting into an argument about one or more of the following: the traffic/radio station/temperature control/511/him putting on a tie BEFORE we pull up to the hotel instead of in the lobby.
But it will be the first time I attempt to keep my mouth shut. We’ll see how long that holds.
Edited to add: Ali put his tie on in the lobby…I kept my mouth shut. It was a first.
Stick to Modeling Gisele. Please.
I hate confrontation. Just thinking about it puts me in an anxious mood and gives me shivers of fear. Unless of course the confrontation involves Ali or Maya, in which case I actually look forward to a showdown.
Yes, I really need to find a better hobby.
Anyway, as much as I hate confrontation I have no problem addressing an issue behind someone’s back, which is probably worse than doing it face to face. What can I say? I am a very flawed human being.
So on that note…Gisele? As tired of the breastfeeding debate as I am, I really must address a few things you mentioned in an article I read on CNN about how you want a worldwide law to mandate that mothers nurse their newborns for at least 6 months.
I am not aligned with either side of the nursing versus formula debate, instead I will say that I AM a proponent of each person doing whatever works for them.
After I stopped laughing at the irony that a model was lecturing us on nourishment of all things, I had to wonder what you propose for moms who are physically unable to abide by your brilliant law? What if someone is on medication? Or God forbid is sick with HIV? Do you plan to enlist the La Leche League’s help to cite these offenders?
In the article you ask “Are you going to give chemical food to your child, when they are so little?” Well Gisele, my daughter was raised on the best that Nestle has to offer and she turned out just fine. Oh, and for the record? Nestle Good Start wasn’t just a bundle of “chemicals” but what I’d like to call a godsend in an aluminum can.
Gisele, you are gorgeous, you have a fabulous body, hair that I would kill for, and a hot husband. But you’ve been a mom for what, 5 minutes? Maybe you should wait a bit longer before dispensing advice on how to be a model mother (pun intended).
And please do remember that the rest of us mom’s out there? The jealous ones with frizzy hair and dark undereye circles? Well, we’re just doing the best we can.
Surely that counts for something?
The 411 on 511
As expected we sat in our fair share of horrendous summer traffic this weekend. I was bitter, but I was also prepared because I’d covered all of my bases to keep the pain of the drive to a minimum…
- I drove so there would be no arguments about Ali’s short cuts/routes/numerous lane changes.
- Ali was properly fed so there would be no complaints that he needed to stop at Mickey D’s.
- Maya was safely stowed away at my MIL’s, so I knew that any vomiting episodes would be kept to a minimum.
But on Saturday afternoon, as we inched along at a snail’s pace, Ali decided to take the opportunity to dial the three numbers that I would soon come to hate even more than cleaning up Maya’s vomit. From my the leather seats of my 1-month old car. On the hottest day of the year. (This was actually the case in June of 2008. Fun times.)
For those of you lucky enough not to live in Los Angeles, we have recently been inundated with ads for the new traffic service 511. From their website http://go511.com/:
Yes, that’s right. Instead of putting money towards fixing our roads and freeways, the city is promoting and paying for a service that tells us our roads and freeways are perpetually jammed. Super useful.
Anyway, I knew that it was only a matter of time before my tech-obsessed husband put 511 to the test, and I was thrilled beyond belief (note sarcasm) that he chose Saturday afternoon for a test run.
511: Which freeway or traffic hotspot would you like to hear about?
Ali: The 405 South at Howard Hughes Parkway.
511: The 405 North at Howard Hughes Parkway. Is that correct?
Ali: No, the 405 South at Howard Hughes Parkway.
511: The 405 North at Howard Hughes Parkway. Is that correct?
Me: The system obviously can’t hear you because you are using Bluetooth. Why don’t you use the actual phone?
Ali (ignoring me): Shhh! The 405 SOUTH at Howard Hughes Parkway.
511: The 405 North at Howard Hughes Parkway. Is that correct?
Me: I am pretty sure the system CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOU because it CANNOT HEAR YOU.
Ali (disregarding my advice, again): The 405 SOUTH at Howard Hughes Parkway. SOUTH SOUTH SOUTH.
511: The 405 North at Howard Hughes Parkway. Is that correct?
Me: If you don’t hang up right now I swear to God I am going to lose my mind.
Ali (hanging up): Why are you so angry?
Me (in shock): Ummm, seriously? Why are you repeating the same thing 25 times? If 511 didn’t understand you the first time why would it understand you the 24th time?
Ali (dialing again): Well, it’s not like we’re busy. I’m going to try again.
511: Welcome to 511, which freeway or traffic hotspot would you like to hear about?
Ali: The 405 South at Howard Hughes Parkway.
511: The 405 North at Howard Hughes Parkway. Is that correct?
Me: Oh Sh@#$! Seriously?
I will spare you the details of the rest of this conversation because I am sure you are about as frustrated reading this as I was living it. All I can say is that if I have to spend another Saturday afternoon in the company of Ali, 5,000 other freeway drivers, and 511…well we might just find ourselves single.
And I’ll be directing my divorce lawyer to send his bill to the city. It’s the least they can do.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 