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she’s beside herself (maya guest post)

November 12, 2014

My mom’s OCD has been in full force lately, and I’m definitely seeing the brunt of it.

Image 467

In Princeton, New Jersey a few weekends ago….I think my mom is hoping that surrounding me with smart people will make me “strive harder” and “be motivated.” Buzzwords.

For example, just this past week alone my mom went ballistic and accused me of:

  • Dropping cereal all over the kitchen when I was pouring it into my bowl.
  • Dropping cereal on the dining table and on the floor under my chair because I wasn’t focused while eating.
  • Eating cereal with too much sugar (obviously my dad took me to the grocery store).
  • Eating three bowls of the offensively sugary cereal in a span of ten minutes.
  • Leaving the cereal box on the dining table. Along with my bowl. And a splash of milk for good measure.
At the RISD Museum in Rhode Island...where my mom forced a little bit of culture on me at 10 AM. On a Sunday.

At the RISD Museum in Rhode Island…where my mom forced a little bit of culture on me at 10 AM. On a Sunday.

My mom’s theory is that I’m either misbehaving because I’m high on sugar (27 grams of sugar at breakfast will do that to you) or because I’m getting older and testing those boundaries again.

The correct answer is: none of the above.

In was FREEZING cold and I didn't bring a jacket. Like I was supposed to. :(

In Providence…it was FREEZING cold and I didn’t bring a jacket. Like I was supposed to. 😦

The truth is that I do (or don’t do) things because I’m straight up lazy in most aspects, with the exception of striving to find ways to get my dad to let me do things my mom won’t approve of.

In any case, this latest escapade provided my mom with some much needed motivation to invent “new consequences” for my cereal (and other) offenses.

And these consequences go way beyond taking away TV time or library visits.

The State House is very pretty. And very large. I know this because my mom made me run around it several times after my dad and I demolished a very large piece of chocolate cake.

The State House is very pretty. And very large. I know this because my mom made me run around it several times after my dad and I demolished a very large piece of chocolate cake.

No, she’s become far more creative than that!

My mom’s latest punishment is having me write essays about why I did “X” and why I won’t do “X” again, and what the consequences will be if I do.

So far I’ve had to write two essays. One about how I won’t ever be rude to a family member on FaceTime again, and I’m forgetting what the other one was at the moment, but it likely had to do with me forgetting to do something.

The train ride. It was great except because I didn't get motion sickness! I wish there was a train that goes from NYC to LA.

The train ride was great because I didn’t get motion sickness! I wish there was a train that goes from NYC to LA because we’ll be making that trip pretty soon. I know this because my mom is already collecting barf bags.

Suffice to say that I hate writing essays.  

One essay that I wouldn’t mind writing, however, is “How Ultimately She’s Just Hurting Herself Because It’s Her Hard Earned Money That’ll Be Paying My Therapist.”

One day.

44 Comments leave one →
  1. Meggin Veerasamy permalink
    November 12, 2014 7:16 am

    Beautiful Family!!! Missed your posts!
    Meg (South Africa)

  2. November 12, 2014 7:38 am

    Thank you Ameena Maya for such an enlightening post and I was so busy reading thia post that I missed my train to Waterloo. Oh and these sugary breakfast cereals…. I love other headings on them high in calcium high in fibre good for bones…. maybe Ameena focus on those taglines than sugar content (joking)

    • November 12, 2014 5:53 pm

      Sorry about the train Maha!

      Cereal is just code for dessert at breakfast. Seriously drives me nuts.

  3. November 12, 2014 7:41 am

    I’ve missed your posts so much, Ameena/Maya!

    And I love the essay idea. I would’ve hated it as a kid (sorry, Maya!) but when I have kids, I’m def. going to use it!

  4. November 12, 2014 7:42 am

    You should now take control of this blog and make your mum does guests posts. You could say the keyboard has over 101 types of germs – that’ll keep her away from writing regularly making room for the new Queen.

  5. November 12, 2014 7:47 am

    This is the best thing I will read all day.

  6. Tandra permalink
    November 12, 2014 8:58 am

    Hehehehe Maya you are too cute and this is the best tgat has come from you so far…you should write more often…and maybe you should give your mom the idea to let you write a blogpost as a punishment 😉

    • Tandra permalink
      November 12, 2014 8:58 am

      I meant that…I hate typos 😦

    • November 12, 2014 5:54 pm

      That would be dangerous because who knows what horrible things she’d write about me, for the whole world to see! 🙂

  7. November 12, 2014 9:36 am

    Poor Maya. Mom is so mean, but we will both be the first to tell you that it’s for your own good!!

    • November 12, 2014 5:55 pm

      Absolutely. I totally believe my parents now. I guess it’s inevitable?

  8. November 12, 2014 11:39 am

    Maya, I love your mom’s creativity and I’m going to have my boys write essays too. If only surround them with smart people would make them smarter. As for your cereal, for my son it was 2 yogurts and granola at 8pm and I went crazy too. On another note, where did your mom get her raincoat? Can you find out?

    • November 12, 2014 5:55 pm

      Her raincoat is a Canadian import from Hadley. I saw the box. 🙂

  9. glamorous glutton permalink
    November 12, 2014 3:37 pm

    If only I’d thought of the essay thing. Love this post funny and cool. GG

  10. November 12, 2014 4:03 pm

    Maya is such a great writer already. I am sure she writes great essay too 😃

    • November 12, 2014 5:56 pm

      Maya’s essays could use some work…not going to lie my friend. 🙂

  11. November 12, 2014 4:59 pm

    I have missed your posts lately (both Ameena and Maya)…

    • November 12, 2014 5:56 pm

      Thanks for sticking around and reading Dixya…despite my erratic posting!

  12. Med permalink
    November 12, 2014 5:29 pm

    Lol, can I please get a copy of the “be nice on FaceTime” essay?

    • November 12, 2014 5:57 pm

      I am going to look around and if I can find it I will send it to you! It’s actually quite funny, now that I think about it.

  13. seana permalink
    November 12, 2014 6:09 pm

    Ha ha. Essays….a fate worse than death 🙂 My nephew just got grounded for a month for swearing in front of/at his mom (my sis). Can’t drive for a month and has to ride the bus to school. This may be a little worse than an essay. He sent me a text saying you can’t ground Spiderman when he’s 17. The funniest pic I’ve seen in a while. Remind Maya she is one little lucky lady. Missed your posts. I check every day.

    • November 13, 2014 4:17 am

      I need to write an essay about how I will be more diligent with my posts Seana! Thanks for reading and checking- so nice of you.

      I’m laughing about the swearing thing now but it probably won’t be too funny in my near future…


  14. November 13, 2014 1:22 am

    Maya, my mom is still asking me the same questions and I’m in my 20s. At least you will get your mom’s gorgeous hair!
    PS. love your style and ask your mom where she got her adorable coat!!!

  15. Ambereen permalink
    November 13, 2014 4:25 am

    Maya I love the way you write. Come to Lahore and I’ll feed you jalebis and we’ll have loads of fun.

    • November 13, 2014 1:18 pm

      Maya + a load of jalebis = a very scary thought.

      So glad you came to visit Ambereen! Hope to see you again very soon.

  16. November 13, 2014 5:55 am

    you are def your mother’s daughter! x

    • November 13, 2014 1:17 pm

      Thank you my friend…I always appreciate your very nice comments!

  17. November 13, 2014 4:00 pm

    Rude to a family member on facetime! Heh, story of my life.

    • November 13, 2014 5:11 pm

      So this problem spans multiple coasts and age groups? LOL

  18. November 14, 2014 2:53 pm

    I need to make a trip to the RISD Museum! Those paintings look so stunning. It may make more sense for me to check out some LA museums first though…

    Don’t worry Maya, my Dad harps on me all the time about not bringing a jacket “when I’m supposed to” 😉

    • November 15, 2014 7:45 am

      The Getty is beautiful, aside from that I was never too impressed with LA museums. But then again I’m not super cultured… 🙂

  19. November 18, 2014 11:59 am

    Great post, Maya! Love the look inside the museum. Haven’t been to a museum in a Long time.

  20. Jessie E. permalink
    November 20, 2014 8:09 am

    I love your guest posts, Maya! They always crack me up, and they are always so remarkably self-aware 😉 Essay-writing sounds like the ultimate in punishment! Now I want to read the one about forgetting to do something 🙂

    • November 20, 2014 1:53 pm

      It’s working like a charm…Maya has lists now, to remember things! 🙂

  21. November 24, 2014 10:48 pm

    This was so fun to read. I hate museums… awww.. so I can sympathize with her visiting a museum at 10 am. She’s a cute kid.

  22. November 28, 2014 1:29 pm

    what a cute post. miss you love. glad to be back to blogging! xoxo

  23. November 29, 2014 3:30 pm

    Maya, always fun reading your posts! PS. Your mom’s jacket/coat in the first pic is gorgeous!

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