it’s not you.
On Saturday morning I made sure we were all rested, well-fed, and yoga-ed.
And then I plastered a fake smile on my face, feigned enthusiasm, and asked Maya if she was ready to tackle her book report.
The only time we eat together is Saturday morning. At which time I make homemade muffins, steamed broccoli, hashbrowns, and eggs and then everyone complains they don’t like X or Y or Z.
Although Maya replied in the affirmative, I’m going to go ahead and say that she really wasn’t ready at all. I know this because after 45 long minutes of discussing “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” we accomplished nothing more than the following:
- Maya wrote one sentence describing the fact that the book takes place during winter.
- Maya shot several “I hate you” glares in my direction.
- When Maya wasn’t looking I pantomimed (for Ali’s benefit) putting myself out of my misery via a fake gun.
I finally told Maya that helping her with her homework was of absolutely NO benefit to me and that she needed to pick her entire assignment up and go to her room and figure it out.
When the dust settled we had lunch together too. And we sat outside, despite the rain.
As Maya lumbered to her room at the pace of a snail, my husband decided he was going to be a hero and straighten things out.
Ali: “I’m going to help her with her book report.”
Me: “That’s the best thing I’ve heard all morning. Loads of luck to you.”
Here’s what happened next:
- Ali went into Maya’s room armed with his usual load of patience. He asked Maya to tell him what the book was about.
- Maya replied that it was about “a whole lot of things.”
- Ali did what I’d done minutes earlier: he outlined the book on a piece of paper.
- Maya insisted she still didn’t know what the book was about.
- Ali asked, “How is that possible when you read the book and both Mom and I discussed it with you?”
- Maya: “I don’t know.”
- Ali: “You don’t know? Well how about this: Do. It. Do you know what those two words mean at least?”
Ali stormed out of Maya’s room, returned to the living room, and then took a turn pantomiming his death. This time via a sharp object.
I love Instagram because it makes my pictures look 10 X better AND it masks so many imperfections. Like gray hair.
And then he said the most magical 8 words I’ve ever heard: “I thought it was you. It’s not you.”
Thank God someone understands that. Finally.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
I relate to this post completely. My husband thinks that I loose my patience unnecessarily with Purvi. But the fact is that, he doesn’t have any patience when he has to do something for her!!
It’s so easy for husbands to point fingers …it’s not so easy for them to get a taste of how hard getting a child to do homework really is!
Thank God indeed 😀
In our house she was always ‘your daughter’ when things went along these lines. When she excelled at something it was a proud “Just look at MY daughter”!! You girls look pretty, and i don’t think it is all because of Instagram.
So funny. My dad used to do the “your daughter/my daughter” thing all the time. I wonder if we’ll do it too?
And thank you for the compliment Madhu!
Oh my gosh, Ameena, seriously I am cracking up laughing tears in my eays. We can all relate. I love that picture of you, love it!!!! So cute, the whole thing, you are a doll.
I Love what you make them for breakfast, sounds great. There would be no complaints here, at least from me….Take great care,
Shauna xoxoxoxoxxo
I bet you are the most patient mom in the world. I bet you never lose it and you never pantomime your own death. I wish your patience could rub off on me Shauna!
PS: Thanks for the sweet compliments. 🙂
Homemade muffins? Ameena, you are a Martha Stewart in the making- breakfast looks yum! I give you credit for not losing it verbally with Maya! I can only hope my tolerance levels measure up somewhat to yours when I have kids of my own. If my current levels are anything go by, I need a loooot of work ;)!
Side note: what’s your username on Instagram?
I am so far from Martha Stewart that it isn’t even funny. But I appreciate you thinking otherwise!
On Instagram I am ameenadin. Are you on it as well?
Just found you! I’m addicted 🙂
And the prize goes to your hubby for UNDERSTANDING!! 🙂 Having gone through book reports multiplied by three children- I totally understand the frustrations- love how you can find the humor in everything!!
AS for Instagram- love it- helps me stay connected with my fam all over the world.
You did book reports X 3? How on earth did you do it and live to tell about it? How?
“I don’t know”: the three words used by children everywhere to make their parents completely insane!! We are working on a class project now with our eldest and both my husband and I feel your pain. 😉
Oh Mama D…I feel for you. Especially since you refer to your eldest, which means you have to go through this at least one more time!
I am convinced that my kids’ teachers are trying to punish me with school projects. In the last week I have had to help make a giant poster map of an imaginary island, a plant cell out of cupcakes, and write a skit involving math for an imaginary cooking show. Oh! And that last one came with a batch of cookies. I think the school is trying to scam me into feeding the staff on the regular. So the projects start out normal AND THEN I always freak out and end up yelling, “Figure it out!!!! I already finished the 7th grade!!!!” OMG I can’t handle it.
A plant cell out of cupcakes? I mean really? Is this what I’m going to be expected to do? Because I feel overwhelmed by the idea.
Book reports were the worst. I don’t think anyone involved enjoyed them- and I even liked reading!
I had a friend in junior high who did an oral book report on a book that he 100% made up. So you could always have Maya try that option…
No way. What a brilliant idea! Not sure why I never thought of that when I was a kid?
It’s all part of Maya’s plan – to get you and Ali on the same page!! She’s a genius that daughter of yours!
And Instagram is my favorite for that very reason – there’s always a filter to hide the imperfections!
The filter is THE BEST!
Great post, Ameena! Even in the rain, eating outside is a real treat! Not something that happens in NJ except in the summer. In NM, you have a much longer season for eating outside. I do love it!
Rain is so rare in LA that we (or I) love it. I’m sure after a while it can get tiresome though.
I love Instagram for the same reason – skin clearer, skinnier, teeth brighter. You know!
I don’t blame Maya for not remembering what the book was about – I do the same exact thing to this day!
Skin clearer…exactly! I love the haziness of the photos…
I love the last line. So, so great. 🙂
(Your blog makes me happy Ameena).
As do your comments Jennie. 🙂
Broccoli for breakfast? You are awesome. I hope that book report got finished. I’m not looking forward to the days of homework. I have enough trouble just getting my preschooler to class with what she needs when it’s her day to share.
One thing I can’t complain about is that Maya will eat her vegetables 99% of the time. She does it with her fingers but I suppose I should take what I can get?
Pssst….they made a movie of that book. Just sayin.
See this proves that Mom’s are better than Dads.
Maya was too impatient to sit through a Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie (not sure which one it was). That says something about her attention level!
Maybe the teachers should be explaining how to know what a book is about and giving an outline versus putting parents through hell before a holiday, just saying. Should I start to instagram? See you tomorrow xx
We can discuss our need for outlines tomorrow Lauren. Looking forward to it!!
Wow, you are good! Breakfast in my house is usually only either homemade egg sandwich or pancakes (never broccoli!) and a lot of rushing + threatening in my part due to hockey and soccer practices.
Looks like Ali is finally on board with you 🙂
Hockey and soccer practice is one thing that I know I couldn’t do. Good thing I have a girl!
HA!! Little Maya is a tough one. I hope she figured SOMETHING out so she could get her assignment turned in. And if she didn’t well he surely can’t blame you….at least not this time!!
Not this time. But somehow I think he’d find a way anyway?
Yay for homemade muffins and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I haven’t read the book but will confess to watching the movies and loving them 🙂 And dude, just when I thought Maya’s wardrobe couldn’t get cuter, she busts out those boots and that umbrella. Love!
I haven’t read the book or watched the movie. And I too envy Maya’s boots! 🙂
i would gladly eat that breakfast! also, instagram is totally glamorous…i mean we all look like shit in HD!
So glad you can relate! ME in HD is not something anyone needs to be subjected to.
lol you guys are so cute
Thanks Eva!
I loved Diary of a Wimpy Kid! The book AND the movie!
I haven’t read/seen either. Now that it’s been so highly recommended I kind of want to!
If i had that breakfast at my table, I would happily take every morsel of X Y and Z. I was never much of a book reader or too excited about book report as a child, still I am not.. Arent you just glad about Ali’s 8 magical words 🙂
I am SO glad about Ali’s 8 magical words. It took 7 years of motherhood before I finally heard them.
OMG book reports! Soo glad I don’t have to help with those any more. I used to have exactly those conversations, exactly that flouncing to the bedroom. I sympathise. GG
I envy the fact that you don’t have to deal with these anymore GG!
I am pretty sure helping a child with book reports or any school project would have been one of the seven levels of hell if Dante had had children. It is agonizing! Glad Ali got a chance to feel the pain.
Love the parallel Heather. Dante? Hell? You are a smart lady my friend.
Ahhhh, I love your posts, Ameena :)))
You. Fam. Rocks. Even Ali! Haa
btw, Diary of a Wimpy Kid is FAaab. x
Thanks my friend. And now, after reading so many positive reviews of it, I am intrigued by Diary of a Wimpy Kid!
Oh man, I can only imagine the pain my parents had to go to helping me with homework when I was younger.
Funny how I don’t recall my parents helping me? Either it wasn’t necessary because school was so much easier, or they refused. Not sure which one it was?
Ah hah! I am glad a victory was scored after going through the ordeal.
Go team parents!:)
Team parents? Not sure those words can be used to describe Ali and I? 🙂 We’re rarely on the same page, never mind the same team!
Maya is hilarious.. her comment, “a whole lot of things” made me laugh. Ohhh.. it’s so nice to laugh late at night. Wow, I am impressed.. hash browns in the morning, you should put up your recipe every once in a while.. it looks so delicious and everything is in tact.
I want Maya’s uggs, I just got a delivery today, but her’s are so much cuter. 🙂
Allow me to share my hash brown recipe: drive to Trader Joe’s. Venture to the frozen food section. Buy a pack of hash browns. Return home. Fry. Serve.
Seriously though, everyone loves these hash browns!
Ok, this is too funny. Gotta love it!
Thanks Melinda!
I feel bad because:
1. I’m late to your post – and I feel my comment will now be less important than those already commented 😦
2. Ali has a mug with ‘a’ on it, which makes me feel as if I’ve been robbed, as I have received over the years many mugs but none with my initial on it.
3. That I’m still late in commenting.
😦
1. Every comment is important to me, no matter when it comes in.
2. That mug with the “a” on it is mine.
3. I love all comments, no matter when they are left. So thank you!
I’m impressed that Ali finally came to that conclusion! Progress!
Every little bit counts I suppose?
Tag-team parenting happens in our house, too. And yes, it’s often our kids and not us, too.
I’d say that in our case it’s more often the kid and not us. 🙂
Haha! NICE!
Thanks Jolene!
So awesome! What comes around…
Goes around? Sometimes!
This made me LOL. Truly, L.O.L.
Did you ask him to say it again so you could videotape it and get it on record? I hope you did.
I should have…then I could play it over and over, just for fun.
Gah, I get the feeling I was a bit this child, I found papers so hard to start when I was kid. I just wanted someone to start it for me. But I worked a lot better with my dad then I did with my mom!
Maya doesn’t work well with either of us…I think we are definitely a big part of the problem!
Sounds like after getting a chance to feel your misery your man is coming around… wait, who is this person and what did you do to the other Ali?!
cg
Don’t fear Will…Ali is back to his usual shenanigans! It’s business as usual around here.
Hahaha…I’m not looking forward to homework sessions in the future. I can still remember my dad trying to help me with my math– I’m not sure our relationship ever fully recovered. 🙂
I used to be in tears when my dad “helped” me with my homework. It was miserable.
i’m jealous of maya’s uggs. so much cuter than mine!!! 😛 xxx
Mine too Piya!
Oh my gosh, I think all mom’s have had some form of this experience, where our husbands realize what we’ve gone mad trying to get them to see. Love it, thanks for always giving us a laugh at your expense 🙂
Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and gained as much as I did.
Glad to know that I’m not the only one Marie!
My husband always avoids helping my daughter with her home work and I have to manage with her and all her homework no matter how over worked I am. But somehow I won’t be satisfied if my hubby made her do it anyways.. 🙂
Same here. I always check Maya’s work, after Ali’s helped her with it. 🙂
It sure helps to have Dad see where you’re coming from. That’s half the battle won. Together, the remaining should be easier. At least I hope so, in my case.
Hey BTW! meant to say I was in LA last week and was soooooo thinking of you. Is it a little crazy that I went LA LA LA LA ! LA LA LA LA (Elmo style) as we drove around ? LOL!
You were in LA? Did you come for vacation or work? How did you like it (Elmo song aside :)?
Vacation!! Was fun coz I got to spend time with my best friend who lives in Valencia. That apart, didn’t get to see much of the city, so, not sure if I liked it or didn’t. But the traffic………oh boy! its something else 😛
The traffic is outrageous here…I hate it!!
Look, I’ll trade projects with her if she wants. I’d rather be working on a book report than the grant financial reports I’ve got going on right now anyway. Fair trade, right?
I am afraid I am going to be that parent that ends up writing my child’s book report for him…just to get it over with and avoid misery such as described. I’ll have to fake some typos and bad grammar to pull it off, but hey…not the worst lie I ever told…
I’ve been SO tempted…you have no idea.
Wow…my son is not even going to daycare yet and I am already getting freaked out about homework! And in India, we love our homework. We love our after-school tutoring sessions. On the other hand, I love your breakfast nook- the colourful mugs and the flowers are so pretty! And you prepare one helluva balanced brekkie!
Thanks Meenakshi. The “balanced breakfast” happens once in a blue moon!