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i don’t want to know

September 9, 2011

Within 10 minutes of returning home from work last night, Ali managed to not only criticize the way I was filling out Maya’s stack of 1st grade emergency forms but also insulted the dinner I labored over.

I am proud to note that I did NOT fly off the handle and instead dug deep within to find the strength to let his transgressions slide.

Why? Well because I felt a bit sorry for him. I mean, what could be worse than working all week and then having to leave for a four-day business trip that would span the weekend?

So when Ali asked if I could pack his carry-on, I swallowed my bitchy “God also gave you two hands” comment and went to work rolling 4 of the 50 pairs of identical khaki pants that were hanging in his closet.

As I packed, Ali enjoyed half a dozen Oreos interjected with his trademark thoughtless comments: 

  1. “Don’t forget my swimming trunks. The hotel has a really nice pool.”
  2. “The food is supposed to be pretty good at the resort.”
  3. “Oh, and can you pack a casual polo as well? I’ll need something to wear after my massage.”

My husband can be so naive and clueless that sometimes I want to help him lie to me.

Help me help you Ali…help me help you!

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92 Comments leave one →
  1. September 9, 2011 1:47 am

    🙂 realx take a deep breadth 🙂

  2. September 9, 2011 1:57 am

    I’m new to your blog so I don’t know your story but why not tell him you’d like to join him on his weekend so the two of you can get massages together and leave your daughter with family?

    • September 9, 2011 6:33 pm

      If Maya didn’t have school I absolutely would have gone with Ali. I suppose one day I’ll be glad I chose her education over my own entertainment but right now…not so much.

  3. September 9, 2011 1:59 am

    I really admire your patience Ameena. Hats off to you 🙂

    • September 9, 2011 6:34 pm

      Thank you Nishi – I don’t think anyone has EVER admired my patience so this is a first!

  4. September 9, 2011 4:03 am

    such restraint, really impressive. I hope when you were packing you left out underwear or something. The hidden secret here is that while husbands can go away to pools and massages, life at home is just dandy without them.

    • September 9, 2011 6:34 pm

      Life is actually much easier without them. Until you have to assemble furniture which I had to yesterday…THEN I saw the use in having a husband!

  5. September 9, 2011 5:45 am

    Ha, you have the patience of a saint.

  6. September 9, 2011 6:02 am

    Oreos make everything more tolerable; but still such an impeccable packing job and like the above commenters- a remarkable display of patience, if Ali is getting a massage at the resort I think perhaps he should arrange for one for you while you are at home

    • September 9, 2011 6:35 pm

      I pride myself in my ability to pack well. I only wish someone would pay me to do it. Or at least appreciate it.

  7. September 9, 2011 6:47 am

    Oh boy.. give him a silent treatment. That will make him think right? or not? and what’s up with Ali and 4 pairs of identical khaki pants? Hope you & Maya have a better weekend!

  8. September 9, 2011 6:58 am

    Hahaha oh Ali. Sometimes its better to just lie.

  9. September 9, 2011 7:19 am

    I applaud your patience. I don’t think I would’ve been as calm.

    • September 9, 2011 6:36 pm

      This is really crazy…people are applauding my patience! This has never happened before.

  10. September 9, 2011 7:29 am

    I think that’s the hardest part about being married. Having to be SELFLESS sometimes. (hardest part of parenting too!) Great job, Ameena!

    • September 9, 2011 6:37 pm

      I am on a nonstop quest to try to be selfless. Usually I fail. Quite miserably!

  11. September 9, 2011 7:46 am

    You have the makings of a saint daaaaaaahling. I would have stuffed myself in the suitcase, tied Ali up when we got to the hotel, and went to get the spa all by myself, only to be found later by the trail of oreo crumbs!
    *kisses* HH

    • September 9, 2011 6:37 pm

      He’s just lucky that I don’t like Oreos…otherwise there wouldn’t be any around here!

  12. September 9, 2011 9:22 am

    hahaha Somehow I found myself in this very position a few weeks ago. Why can’t men find the time to pack?
    I think we all have those “help me help you” moments.

    • September 9, 2011 6:38 pm

      They can find the time to pack…they just don’t want to find the time to pack.

  13. September 9, 2011 9:27 am

    Wow, that IS pretty bad. At least you get a 4-day vacation, right?

  14. September 9, 2011 10:11 am

    Oh, Ameena, the things you have to go through … I think YOU deserve a massage. Have a wonderful and free four days! You definitely deserve a break!

    • September 9, 2011 6:39 pm

      I would LOVE a massage right now! Not sure if I really deserve it but I would love it!

  15. September 9, 2011 10:29 am

    A Man in the house is worth two in the street….
    MAE WEST

    Now, forget the oreos and go to Trader Joes and pick up some REAL chocolate!

    • September 9, 2011 6:39 pm

      I don’t eat Oreos…ever! Those are Ali’s addiction, not mine. 🙂

  16. September 9, 2011 11:36 am

    Oh Ali sounds like he has such a hard life. I don’t know how he can handle it 😆

    Kudos on not being snarky with him. I’m not sure I would have been able to refrain.

    • September 9, 2011 6:40 pm

      Ali does have to put up with me so I guess that he really does have a hard life. 🙂

  17. September 9, 2011 11:55 am

    This business trip sounds like a vacation?!?!?!?!?!!?

  18. September 9, 2011 12:16 pm

    I just so pictured you doing the whole Jerry Maguire scene. SIGH – help them…..why is it men do not get it???

  19. September 9, 2011 12:28 pm

    If Marcus packed my carry on, I would end up starving and/or naked. That is all.

    • September 9, 2011 6:41 pm

      I’ve never let anyone pack for me…least of all Ali!

  20. September 9, 2011 1:06 pm

    Does this sounds like a business trip at all?!? I feel your pain Ameena 😀

    • September 9, 2011 6:41 pm

      Not at all. And he didn’t even try to hide that fact.

  21. Piya permalink
    September 9, 2011 1:37 pm

    hilarious! i want ali’s job!!!

  22. September 9, 2011 3:38 pm

    oh you are such a good wife. Bite your tongue and all! i think you should pack him a super gay looking polo. Like bright pink!

  23. September 9, 2011 3:48 pm

    —Men. Drive. Me. Insane.

    xx

  24. September 9, 2011 4:52 pm

    Oh men! Too bad I can see this being me and Vishnu in about 5 years. When will they learn?!

  25. September 9, 2011 4:59 pm

    After the massage comment I would have dumped out the carry-on and grabbed a bottle of wine. You have some serious strength.

  26. September 9, 2011 9:45 pm

    Haha, ohhhhhjh men!!

  27. September 9, 2011 9:53 pm

    Oh, Ali! I agree with Lauren. Next time leave something out in his packing. It will be a good laugh. At least in retrospect!

    • September 10, 2011 7:38 pm

      Now why have I never thought about this before?

  28. September 10, 2011 6:03 am

    🙂 It is okay to pamper husbands sometimes. they need it too

    • September 10, 2011 7:39 pm

      I know…but that doesn’t make me complain any less. 🙂

  29. September 10, 2011 7:26 am

    SO FUNNY!

  30. September 10, 2011 7:48 am

    Ameena, dont be so efficient, be a “Lucy” like me. When I pack for my Quay Lo, I always leave out something. The last time I left out his pants so he got only 1 pant to wear throughout his 5 days trip because he cannot find his size in any Asian country. Honestly I did not do that on purpose! He finally said to me, “Honey, I think I will pack my bags myself for my next trip.” I don’t blame him and I am happy to be off the hook! hehe

    • September 10, 2011 7:39 pm

      I think that trying to be too efficient works against me rather than for me. I have learned my lesson!

  31. September 10, 2011 12:15 pm

    You’re a better woman than me. I would have ended up stuffing his carry-on full of inappropriate items and maybe one pair of underwear if he was lucky.

    • September 10, 2011 7:40 pm

      The interesting thing is that this wouldn’t even faze Ali. He’d just go buy whatever he needed!

  32. September 10, 2011 2:35 pm

    I am probably one of the few who likes when my husband goes out of town. No cooking or anyone to answer to. And I can watch The Bachelor without shame.

    • September 10, 2011 7:41 pm

      I don’t mind when Ali leaves town but that means that Maya’s entertainment is 100% my problem and THAT is definitely a problem! Especially on the weekend.

      But after she went to sleep last night I watched 3 episodes of Design Star. And that was fabulous!

  33. Erika permalink
    September 10, 2011 4:03 pm

    What you didn’t dump the food on his head for the insult. Hmmm make sure when he gets home to give him a half empty pack of oreo’s for his dinner. What a brat. lol I hope you have a great weekend of no insults while he is gone. 🙂

    • September 10, 2011 7:42 pm

      If I dumped the food (or anything else) I’d have to clean it up! I know this from experience. 🙂

  34. September 10, 2011 5:59 pm

    Yep, we are in Japan. I just seem to be logged in under my wordpress here, but that is linked to my Lajes website, and the Japan is on my blogger account. Sorry to trick you! It’s http://nutrfoodtrvl.blogspot.com. The last 2 posts I have were still of the island, but the 4 or so before that are of Japan.

  35. September 10, 2011 6:22 pm

    My husband always complained about his trips, and then he’d be like “Well I’m going to buy a movie and read my Kindle. Text me after you bathe Wee ‘Burb.” I wished him many manners of horrible injury.

    • September 10, 2011 7:43 pm

      I guess they uniformly don’t understand the impact of their “complaints?” It appears we share the same problem here my friend.

  36. September 11, 2011 9:23 am

    You have a lot of restraint and patience!

  37. September 11, 2011 11:29 am

    I love this. I have to admit – I like Ali…I picture him as that comedic actor Aziz Ansari (from Parks and Recreation and a bunch of movies)…I know he’s probably nothing like him! But imagination does that to you. Your still Frieda Pinto to me as well.

    🙂

    • September 11, 2011 8:08 pm

      I am a huge Frieda Pinto fan so thank you for the ultimate compliment!

  38. September 11, 2011 2:46 pm

    Sometimes life gets so ludicrous you start laughing at it as if it were not your own life but some comedian’s role on the stage and you are just acting out the lines.

  39. September 11, 2011 3:33 pm

    hahaha. Friday night after cooking for 2 hours and being repeatedly burned I then filled out 24 pages of school applications, lunch forms and emergency cards (in triplicate because you know, the teachers won’t accept a bloody photo copy of the original card) for my teens (who don’t seem to know their address though they both have 98% GPAs) Hubby comes home with fried chicken from a Jamaican spot and doesn’t eat the dinner he specifically requested. he couldn’t eat the damn chicken before coming home? maybe pretend to have a stomach ache to avoid eating my cooking?
    I feel you girl. I feel you.

    • September 11, 2011 8:10 pm

      Wow Vanita maybe I have no reason to complain? It sounds like you have your hands FULL!

  40. September 11, 2011 4:34 pm

    Wow, I’m pretty sure I know what my response would be if my husband asked me to pack his carry-on for him, and I’m sure I shouldn’t write such vulgar language on your wall 🙂 You are one dedicated wife. Of course, my husband also dresses better than I do, so really, there would be no advantage to him in having me pack. I’m sure I wouldn’t pack the appropriate socks to coordinate with his desired pants/shirt/belt/tie combo.

    • September 11, 2011 8:15 pm

      Wait…how does anybody’s husband dress better than their wife? That is simply unheard of!

  41. September 11, 2011 6:38 pm

    The last time I ever packed for hubby was the first time I forgot to pack underwear for him. Teeheehee….OOPS! 😉 One of the best mistakes I ever made.

    • September 11, 2011 8:16 pm

      It seems, from all the comments here, that I am the only person who hasn’t thought of this little trick?

  42. September 11, 2011 7:06 pm

    Oh my. You poor dear. I’m so mean, I would have purposely (and quietly) packed the four pairs of khakis that were a size too small and the swim trunks with the whole in the crotch. But that’s just me. You are obviously a better person.

    • September 11, 2011 8:17 pm

      I am not a better person, I can assure you of that. I am just not very good at getting out of doing things!

  43. September 12, 2011 5:47 am

    haha wow you are such a patient and loving wife!! i’m not sure I would have done that well!

  44. September 12, 2011 8:05 am

    You have mega patience! Nice 🙂

  45. September 12, 2011 12:51 pm

    Yep, that is one clueless man… I admire your patience! I would recommend sneaking into his bag when he doesn’t see and replace his clothes with tight, itchy polos and he will pack his own bags in the future 😉

  46. September 12, 2011 2:04 pm

    This post earned a very loud and lusty laugh from me. How glad I am to have found you.

  47. September 12, 2011 2:29 pm

    you make me laugh! It’s almost worse than my life!

  48. September 12, 2011 7:03 pm

    I would pack him in Maya’s pink bag, or only give him her underwear… preferably something he needs to carry around his friends. I did that to my husband once that forgot his suitcase (he is also the man who lost a SINK once) and his friend brought it flowerily patchy thing.

  49. September 12, 2011 10:24 pm

    Ali needs a husband cue card: “Oh wifey, you are so gorgeous when you’re packing for me” or “My heart already aches from missing you.”

  50. Leslie permalink
    September 14, 2011 5:51 pm

    That’s a business trip? Sounds more like a vacay to me…..

    When I go on business, I’m always ensuing I have extra copies of my presentations, back-up disks, and of course, charging cords for every electronic I have with me.

    • September 14, 2011 7:35 pm

      Ali packs his own cords and chargers…he wouldn’t dare trust me with something as important as that!

  51. September 14, 2011 6:31 pm

    Oh bless him for being so clueless, naive. It’s actually quite precious when you think about it. Childlike really! And I am seriously impressed with your packing abilities. I used to travel for work before I had kids, and I don’t miss it. I know it’s right around the corner for me as soon as they think I can tear myself away from the kids, but I for one don’t like work travel.

    • September 14, 2011 7:33 pm

      It’s interesting you say that because I cannot wait to travel for work! I suppose it gets old after a while but I have such a travel bug that I can’t imagine…

  52. September 14, 2011 8:51 pm

    Business trip with a massage and nice resort with good food??? Man, I wanna have Ali’s job..haha….You packed so neatly for Ali…something that I don’t really have that’s why my husband usually packs his own stuff..haha.

  53. September 15, 2011 10:20 am

    I think some one NEEDS to cook YOU dinner “honey, if you cooked dinner, I would feel LOVED” is in order. Wait…um, perhaps the notion of Ali in the kitchen is a bit too stressfull to make worthwhile? Now, if he sent you to one of LA’s yoga spas and HUGOS (have you been there, I LOVED IT!) that might equal love. Yep. A sign that says HUGOs=Love is called for. (I once did DIET COKE = LOVE and ended up with a nice case of it the next week!)

  54. September 15, 2011 6:49 pm

    I would love that trip 😉 Ask him to take you along.

  55. September 26, 2011 8:42 pm

    Hilarity…. Your so funny. Couple of big breathes and I hope you felt better. 🙂

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