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wife = dishwasher?

May 16, 2011

This morning, minutes after Ali mowed through the time-consuming breakfast I so generously made him, I noticed this:

My future may be unclear but at least my new iPhone takes fabulously clear photos...

I tried to look at the bright side. I tried really hard.

I mean, at least he now rinses his plate and brings it closer to the dishwasher. That’s progress, right? But all progress aside, my big  mouth refused to stay shut.

Me: “Why couldn’t you just put it IN the dishwasher?”

Ali: “I thought about it but then I thought I might eat something else later.”

Me: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Ali: “I didn’t want to waste another plate.”

We have at least 40 plates in our kitchen. At least. From the Crate and Barrel set that has seen better days to the beautiful but utterly useless Wedgewood India set we stupidly registered for – I think it’s safe to say we have enough plates for a flipping army. And yet my husband wants to keep his used plate on the counter indefinitely “just in case.”

For our 11th anniversary next month I don’t want diamonds or a fancy dinner or a trip somewhere (okay maybe I want a trip)…I just want my husband to put his dish INTO the dishwasher. 

Is that too much to ask for?

82 Comments leave one →
  1. May 16, 2011 1:00 am

    You’d appreciate an honest answer? Okay maybe blunt or lets just say ‘realistic’. Tooo much of an asking!

    But let me confess, the stage of development & training to which you appear to have tamed your hubby easily entitles you to a red feather in your cap if not knighthood.

  2. alittlelessfluff permalink
    May 16, 2011 1:08 am

    I feel your pain. As if to make matters worse, in my household the only dishwasher we have is ME!

  3. May 16, 2011 2:24 am

    My boyfriend and I just got a place and it does NOT have a dishwasher…He looked at me and said Are you OK with this because I don’t want you spending your all of your time washing dishes. I think he thinks I am signing up for dishwasher duty… I better train him early.

    • May 16, 2011 12:49 pm

      Are YOU okay with spending your time washing the dishes? I love the assumption here…

      • May 16, 2011 1:31 pm

        And they say it so caringly don’t they, like “Oh Wow…, he cares for me so much”… and then you get that “Hey, wait a minute!!!!!!!” We’re looking at houses at the moment & I was lingering in the kitchen at one of them & my guy said – ‘is this going to be big enough for you to cook your stuff?” Thank goodness for all those smart cracks you learn to come back with in the kitchen coz I said – ‘Oh its just a home kitchen so you’ll be fine, don’t worry Luv”
        I still don’t think he has any idea I was taking the mickey out of HIM.. 🙂

  4. May 16, 2011 2:48 am

    We have this debate all the time. My conclusion wife does = dishwasher. I wrote a Valentines day post and feel nothing is more romantic than dishwasher loading. I did realize something though, I think husband = garbage man. Hmn.

    • May 16, 2011 12:49 pm

      Garbage man = Ameena around here. There is no rest for the weary…

  5. May 16, 2011 3:53 am

    I work with about 30ish guys and 2 other girls. We have a breakroom. I swear it looks like a frat house (or at least what I imagine one would look like) because they feel the Y chromosone eliminates them from having to do anything. And look for praise when they pre-rinse. I mean… seriously?

  6. May 16, 2011 3:53 am

    Those dishes are beautiful!! I definitely feel your pain 🙂

  7. May 16, 2011 4:09 am

    Ali is hilarious – is he a calm kind of guy? Or does he get mad/impatient often?

    Ah the plate thing! Yep – I live alone though and have few dishes – so I use the same glass/plate, etc all day long 😉 (cleaned/rinsed between!).

    • May 16, 2011 12:50 pm

      Ali is totally calm. I am the one who is always mad and/or impatient!

  8. May 16, 2011 4:51 am

    Oh boy!! Ali is soo funny.. I can’t believe he said he wanted to use it for later hahaha.
    Congrats on you 11th anniversary next month! I hope he gets you a trip AND he does some dishes 😉

  9. May 16, 2011 4:53 am

    Silly men! My own husband will put his own plate and glass in the dishwasher but leaves any of the kid’s dishes or my dishes in the sick. I guess he subscribes to the every man for himself ideology but it does make me wonder why the kid’s dishes are just MY responsibility.

    • May 16, 2011 12:51 pm

      On the rare occasion Ali does put his dish in the dishwasher, it will be his dish only. The rest of the dishes in the sink apparently do not exist.

  10. May 16, 2011 5:14 am

    That’s so funny 🙂 What’s even more funny (or maybe not) is that I can totally relate to Ali’s reasoning, I save my dishes too.. 😛 Please don’t judge, I don’t have a dishwasher to do the cleaning! But granted, when I still lived at home, my mom (who does own a dishwasher) didn’t like the fact that I rinsed my dish and then put it in the sink instead of the dishwasher…or put them next to the sink and skipped the rinsing so I could use them again.. woops… So as an “insider” I do think that Ali’s moving the dish closer to the dishwasher is a good sign 😉

    • May 16, 2011 12:53 pm

      I promise you there is no judgment here! And thank you for giving me hope Elin…

  11. May 16, 2011 5:24 am

    Lol, I defititely don’t think that’s too much to ask for! 🙂

  12. May 16, 2011 5:25 am

    haha my brothers do the same thing!

  13. May 16, 2011 5:55 am

    tell me about it! Actually, Adam has gotten better about this one. the clothes on the floor still isn’t catching on.

  14. May 16, 2011 6:02 am

    I think my husband is more diligent about the dishwasher than I am! He makes sure that the dishes in there are in position to get the most clean, without crowding. And then when it’s time to unload, if you take out one thing to use, you might as well take out all of them and put them away.

  15. May 16, 2011 6:04 am

    I have a husband like that, well a lot worst. His plates will never ever make it anywhere close to the kitchen, at this moment there is probably the entire army set in his office, some been there for months at least. When asked to empty the dishwasher he will empty the dishes wet so then he can say ” I can never do it right, so why bother to even help”. So it could be a lot worst.

  16. May 16, 2011 6:09 am

    Why, didn’t you know that when you became a wife, you also took on the title “Dishwasher”?

    It’s funny how people can just assume that someone will pick up their things for them. My boyfriend often leaves his things all over the house without picking them up, and I wonder whether he plans to do it later [like your husband with the dishes], or if he thinks I’ll pick them up. I’d like to think it’s the former.

  17. May 16, 2011 6:14 am

    Hahahaha my dad does the exact same thing. Its been 27 years and my mom still can’t get him to put his dishes in the dishwasher. He also can’t put his shoes anywhere but under the coffee table.

    Good luck.

  18. May 16, 2011 6:59 am

    My best guess is that it comes with the Y chromosome. That just has to be it…

  19. May 16, 2011 7:01 am

    haha, I don’t think men are actually capable of getting the plate into the sink. They’re not hardwired for it. At least yours rinses it, though!

  20. May 16, 2011 7:24 am

    Haha! Oh I feel your pain. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to deal with this kind of thing. What drove me the most crazy was when someone would leave a piece of garbage on the counter right next to the garbage can. Like honestly? Couldn’t you just move it a few inches to your right and throw it in the bin?

  21. May 16, 2011 7:31 am

    Oh boy do I feel you!!! My roommate has this incredibly obnoxious habit of NEVER PUTTING ANYTHING in the dishwasher- everything is always in the sink and usually stays there until she realizes there are no more spoons left (well…I’m usually the first to notice that and end up succumbing and putting her stuff in so that I could run the dishwasher.) So annoying. Is it REALLY that hard?

  22. May 16, 2011 7:36 am

    OH Ameena that is definitely progress,one day he will learn to put it in the dishwasher. Baby steps! 🙂

    My husband has only started keeping his used dishes back in the kitchen sink (we’ll be married for 5 years at the end of May), while it does not give me satisfaction, I have made amends and come to the realization that we will slowly improve. May be in the next 40-50 years.

    • May 16, 2011 12:56 pm

      In 40-50 years I will be dead. My certificate will read, “Death due to stress inflicted by a messy husband.”

  23. May 16, 2011 7:41 am

    My husband does this too..he puts the bowl in the sink, right next to the dishwasher. Drives me bonkers.

  24. May 16, 2011 7:45 am

    My hubby likes to cook which is great but he hates dishes which is not so great. Their logic is totally twisted sometimes. Annoying. That plate looks so rinsed he might as well have just washed the darn thing.

  25. actorsdiet permalink
    May 16, 2011 7:46 am

    ha ha – i’m definitely guilty of this ali-ism when i’m at my parent’s house. i always leave cups lying around b/c i think i’ll reuse them and they inevitably end up in the dishwasher seconds later. that’s why there’s a full load every night even though there’s only 3 of us!

  26. May 16, 2011 7:54 am

    OMG! This is the reason why I know I enjoy reading your posts so much. We arein the same boat!!! I just want to quickly let you know this and later I will come back and tell you why my husband is so much worse!!!

  27. May 16, 2011 8:00 am

    Haha…men! My friend and I were just having a convo on a related topic – growing up in households where the boys don’t have to do much because the mom’s do it for them. Then when they get married, the wives are expected to continue that tradition. Luckily for me, Vishnu helps, but not always how I want him to. Regardless, I am breaking tradition and expecting him to help out…or at least put his dishes in the dishwasher…I have a feeling I may be asking for too much!

  28. May 16, 2011 8:08 am

    It’s rinsed off and in the kitchen!!! What’s the problem!?!? 🙂

  29. May 16, 2011 9:13 am

    There are so many weird kitchen habits that make sense in our heads but in reality make no sense at all. Case in point: leaving one bite of a dish left in the container!

  30. May 16, 2011 9:23 am

    I am the dishwasher in our house. But I have to be grateful that I’m not the cook. It makes it difficult to complain though. My husband is a very messy cook. Often while I’m sipping a glass of wine, watching a show or reading, waiting for dinner to be ready, I find myself wanting to remind him to clean as he goes. It never goes over well as you can imagine. I think the rinsing of the dish is a step in the right direction.

  31. May 16, 2011 9:31 am

    Yep, sorry daaaaahling but wife does equal dish washer, underwear washer, toilet cleaner… all that crap (hey, I just made a pun LOL).
    *kisses* HH

  32. May 16, 2011 10:11 am

    OMG, this so much reminds me of home! I don’t know for how many years my mom has tried to educate my dad and me to put our used mugs and bowls into the dish washer, and while she was relatively successful with me, I think she has given up my dad meanwhile. 😀 Be happy there weren’t any crumbs! My dad usually eats rolls or bread and then leaves the cutting board and a buttery knife somewhere, sourrounded by crumbs. Everywhere.

  33. Leslie permalink
    May 16, 2011 10:17 am

    OMG, that is very funny. At least he was practical. I won’t reuse plates, but I will reuse one coffee mug all day. He’s making progress through 11 yrs of marriage. I predict that by your 15th, he’ll put his dishes in the D/W.

    Does Ali do better with his dirty laundry?

    BTW, very beautiful china!

    • May 16, 2011 12:59 pm

      I wish Leslie…but the dirty laundry makes it to the top of the hamper. Rarely does it see the inside of the hamper…

  34. May 16, 2011 10:29 am

    Ha! No it is not too much to ask for.

  35. May 16, 2011 10:29 am

    I can so relate! Ten years and my husband’s still doing the exact same thing! Quite exasperating! On another note, I just found your blog and love your style of writing. My husband and I were also 22 when we got married, the first of our friends, so I feel like we already have something in common. Looking forward to catching up on the posts!

  36. May 16, 2011 11:14 am

    It’s hilarious that this makes perfect sense in his world. Heck, he probly thinks you’re crazy for wanting to dirty another plate (in the event he wants to eat something else, maybe) 🙂

  37. May 16, 2011 11:18 am

    At least you have a dishwasher in your condo, my sad apartment is without one so my husband leaves the dishes all over the living and dining room too!

  38. May 16, 2011 11:54 am

    I do the same thing as Ali! I’ll rinse my cup after tea and put it on top of the dishwasher in case I have another cup. I do it with plates sometimes too.

  39. May 16, 2011 12:29 pm

    He was SO close!!!! He rinsed it off and everything…one more step Ali!!

  40. May 16, 2011 12:50 pm

    For my hubby I am cleaning freak, we usually fight for that issue rather than anything else.

  41. May 16, 2011 4:29 pm

    Yes, I see the dilemma but I do know that you have some adorable dishwashing gloves just in case the dish he uses in dishwasher unfriendly. And what Derek does that is similar- he’s a GOOD husband in that he’ll do the dishes- except one. He’ll always leave one dirty in the sink or on the countertop- not sure why. But every time.

  42. May 16, 2011 5:29 pm

    Now I KNOW we are married to the same man! Mine will pile them on the counter between the sink and dishwasher. So it’s in the general vicinity.

  43. Janelle permalink
    May 16, 2011 5:29 pm

    The best thing about trips? You don’t have to do dishes. Both you and Ali would be happy campers…

  44. May 16, 2011 5:42 pm

    SNORT! I love the logic. Like he thinks it’s totally reasonable. And logical.

  45. May 16, 2011 6:29 pm

    I can actually see his reasoning. I do this all the time with glasses. And if one kid is finished with their cereal and another sits down, I use the same bowl, same spoon (and sometimes same milk). I know most would this is going way too far. I myself like to see it as Reduce, Reduse, Recycle at it’s best!!

  46. May 16, 2011 6:30 pm

    Reuse!!!!! Oh my gosh my spelling lately is horrendous.

  47. May 16, 2011 8:19 pm

    Hubby hates showering the kids. So I give him a choice between showering the kids or doing dishes. He usually chooses dishes. Even if the kids have been showered before he gets home, I still give him the choice between showering the kids or doing dishes 😉 Haha. Shhh!

  48. May 16, 2011 9:42 pm

    ahh fighting the futile battle 😛 lol

  49. May 17, 2011 5:47 am

    ohhhh this is one of my biggest pet peeves! I also hate when my husband heats leftovers from a tupperware, puts the tupperware in the sink/dishwasher and leads the lid on the counter. GRR!

  50. May 17, 2011 8:08 am

    This is TOO funny. Raj says that he “forgets” to load his dishes unless there is a post it on the dishwasher that says dirty. He says that he assumes it is clean otherwise…hmmm…..unload much? hahaha

  51. May 17, 2011 9:05 am

    You should start leaving plates on top of his computer, which seems like the only place they’d annoy him. 🙂

  52. May 17, 2011 11:40 am

    Oh the dishwasher debate!

    I practically clean all dished BEFORE they go into the dishwasher. The machine, in my mind, is a sanitizer. Try explaining this to the Spaniard. What I wouldn’t give for a completely rinsed dish!

    11 years! Happy early Anniversary!

  53. May 17, 2011 11:45 am

    LMAO girl you can rant like no other and I have to say I don’t blame you AT ALL. I would be livid and I know my mouth won’t stay shut either lol. I can’t get it to stay shut now. Love this story

  54. May 17, 2011 4:47 pm

    It’s not too much to ask, but you probably won’t get it anyway. What would happen if you just started leaving his dishes where he put them?

  55. May 17, 2011 5:15 pm

    I don’t think that’s too much to ask 😉

  56. May 17, 2011 6:50 pm

    There might be something in the air, sister. Marcus has been just epic lately at leaving things EVERYWHERE! It’s astonishing to hear how he rationalizes the little trail of crap he’s left behind. I just hope for everyone’s sanity, this little spell lifts soon. Stay strong.

  57. May 17, 2011 7:26 pm

    How I’ve missed you…and your husband’s antics. Thank you for sharing with me tonight. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow…with no dishes on the counter. Love from Austin.

  58. May 18, 2011 4:39 am

    i can totally sympathize with ali on this one. i leave glasses and plates out all of the time and justify it with the same logic ali did. lol. great post.

  59. May 18, 2011 5:29 am

    Your take on marriage and child -rearing seems very similar to mine. 🙂 The other night, after returning from book club at 11pm G tells me to do the dishes. TELLS ME to do the dishes! (And the dishes were done from dinnner, all that remained were HIS snack dishes). I was dumbfounded. Later he apologized (via email, ha!) but that just shows you what they think of us in their minds. 4 years of BSc, 3 years law school, and this is what I am worth. 🙂

  60. May 18, 2011 6:52 am

    Ahhh! This is probably my BIGGEST pet peeve! When I lived with my parents last year, my 19 year old sister did this every day. She would take all the time to wash off the dish, then couldn’t move it two feet down into the dishwasher!

  61. May 18, 2011 7:27 am

    Oh, My Gosh!! I can certainly relate to that! We don’t have a dishwasher so I guess my husband thinks he can just leave the plate ANYWHERE!! It’s frustrating. We’re moving to New Mexico to house that has a dishwasher. I think my first project when I get there is to teach him how to open the door!

    I like you blog very much…thanks for visiting mine!

  62. May 18, 2011 8:34 am

    I think every wife relates to this one. I feel your pain. 🙂

  63. May 18, 2011 5:38 pm

    Progress is progress Ameena, at this rate looks like you just have to wait till your 25th anniversary for Ali to put the plate in and switch on the dishwasher.

    Happy 11th annivrsary in advance.

  64. May 18, 2011 5:42 pm

    So, our dishwasher is broken, so we both help out and wash dishes by hand. I must admit that Michael is better at washing them than I, and the other thing that I do?! I usually wash almost ALL the dishes but leave like 1 or 2. I have NO idea why. I know that I do it. It’s some weird compulsion.

  65. May 19, 2011 1:34 pm

    I have the Wedgewood India set too – and I also registered for it for Jim’ s and my wedding – too funny! That said, I use it at least monthly for dinner parties and sometimes just because I feel like it, so not a waste for us.

  66. May 21, 2011 9:32 am

    hahahaha nice read, my mood always brightens up after reading your stuff!

  67. May 23, 2011 8:05 am

    If you ever figure out a trick to get him to put it in the dishwasher, please let me know! My husband is notorious for putting stuff “above” the dishwasher. Maybe if I put beer in there, he would be more inclined to OPEN the dishwasher.

  68. May 26, 2011 7:52 am

    Hahaha! Don’t we all share the same qualms. It’s not too much to ask, but I don’t know why “they” still refuse to get it 😉

  69. May 26, 2011 6:37 pm

    I am thinking large signs, very large and colorful…pointing to the dishwasher, trash can etc…
    At the very least he will succumb in effort to get the giant signs removes 🙂

  70. June 3, 2011 8:54 am

    OMFG. I just had this conversation last night…actually I’m passive agressive. we were talking in the kitchen while I was rinsing MY dishes and I loaded the dishwasher with MY dishes and I left his dishes in the sink while he watched me…he got the hint

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