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mean girls

March 24, 2011

So I had an epiphany this week. This happens so rarely that I feel compelled to share, despite the fact that you probably couldn’t care less. My epiphany is this: While not excusable, I am the only one who is allowed to say horrible, mean things to Maya.

Now this might sound ridiculous – crazy even – but the moment I feel the slightest possibility that someone is going to make Maya feel bad I jump into defensive mode.

So you can imagine why my heart stopped for a second when I heard Maya ask a little girl at the Playplace if they could be best friends. And you can imagine how angry I was when I watched the girl flip her blond hair and answer, “No, I don’t want to be your friend.”

As her irresponsible, but perfectly coiffed mother looked on and said nothing. (What? One must acknowledge good hair).

I alternately wanted to hug Maya, ask the little brat what her problem was, and smack the girl’s mom across the face. 

What did I really do? I told Maya – loud enough so that the brat and her mom could hear – that she was too good to be friends with the girl in the first place. And then I went against all parenting books I’ve skimmed and bought Maya ice cream.

I'm sorry, but aside from the running shoes/dress combination, how can anybody find fault with someone as cute as this? Present company excepted of course.

So what’s the lesson in all of this?

That I MUST stop going to the Playplace, that mean girls learn their meanness from their mean moms, and that sugar does indeed cure all.

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85 Comments leave one →
  1. March 24, 2011 2:47 am

    Ugh! How we all can remember some snide comment from childhood that completely shook our impressionable soul.

    Mean girls definitely learn it from their mothers! Maya will be a much happier, kinder woman, and THAT is impressionable!

    p.s. sugar… especially ice cream does cure all!

  2. March 24, 2011 3:13 am

    Just be thankful Maya ISN’T a mean girl. They’re just… mean!! And how someone could not want to be friends with that adorable little girl is beyond me!

    • March 26, 2011 5:59 pm

      I totally agree! What a sweet girl Maya is, you are certainly blessed 🙂

  3. March 24, 2011 3:31 am

    I hate the playplace! Nobody pays attention there – n yes sugar cures everything 🙂 Maya is adorable!!

  4. March 24, 2011 4:11 am

    Granted, I don’t have children. But that doesn’t mean I can’t spot a mean mom when I see one. Often, like the time the child was continuously ramming his mini shopping cart into my leg at Trader Joe’s, I just stand there and look at the parent with a look that is “really? You really think this is ok? Fantastic.”

    Manners… ugh…

  5. March 24, 2011 4:28 am

    I keep hearing about mean mommy syndrome where moms will give backhanded compliments to other mothers and say just horrible things that somehow breeze by as acceptable? ooh and moms that offer other moms like really rude parenting advice! I hear that one is a big bummer too. ok long story short — I don’t think I can handle that! I’ve been bawling ever since I moved to NC this fall b/c of a particular mean girl that voices almost weekly how better she is than everyone else and how I’m WRONG about everything and… well… I won’t go into it. I’m 27 and completely afraid to socialize with my small group of new friends b/c of one mean girl. I would hope it would get better as we grow up… but I dont think it does eh?

    woahhhh ok holy rant. sorry about that! I think maya needs to tell the mean girls “phew! I dont need a MEAN friend I wanted a nice friend. thanks for doing me a favor!” =) ok that’s a mouthful. but still ❤

  6. March 24, 2011 4:32 am

    Hopefully Maya wasn’t too hurt by that, but I remember being a kid and that shit sticks with you.

  7. March 24, 2011 4:59 am

    I think the obvious difference between Maya and that girl (Maya asking to be friends in the first place) shows how freakin’ awesome she is. And it definitely says great things about you as a parent. She obviously is a friendly soul and that will do wonders for her! It sucks that girls are mean, but at least Maya isn’t jumping on that bandwagon.

  8. March 24, 2011 5:14 am

    At least that girl was flat out mean and not one of those girls that become friends with you, only to make your life a living hell. Although at 6 years old, not sure what that would entail.

    You are obviously a great mom and sugar is definitely the be all, cure all. 🙂

  9. March 24, 2011 5:19 am

    Oh the joys mean parents and their mean kids! Maya’s too good for that girl anyways! I’m not a parent yet, but I know with 100% certainty that I would’ve done the same exact thing you did – ice cream and all!

  10. March 24, 2011 5:36 am

    I think the Playplace just breeds meanness. It is grimy, all the kids are jockeying for position in the tube, and a good half of the parents are completely unaware of what their kids are up to. Girls are so mean sometimes and I think ice cream was definitely in order.

  11. March 24, 2011 5:40 am

    haha great write up!!! i loved it and my mom would do the same thing if something like that happened to us …even now that we (siblings and I) are grown up! parents always got you back…maya is so lucky to have a mom like you!

  12. March 24, 2011 6:02 am

    Honestly I have done the same thing when hanging out with my little sisters and brothers. I HATE meanness! So so much. Good for you!

  13. March 24, 2011 6:11 am

    You did the right thing!! Little Maya should have all the best friends (and ice cream) in the world. Mean moms make mean girls. I vow not to become one of them.

  14. March 24, 2011 6:25 am

    Go you daaaahling, I think you reacted perfectly. And that other mom was a big B letting her daughter behave like that without saying anything. Maya doesn’t need friends like that.
    *kisses* HH

  15. March 24, 2011 6:31 am

    That is so rude!! I think it’s totally the mother’s fault for (1) failing to teach her daughter to be a good person – could you imagine how she will be when she grows up?!! and (2) for not saying anything. I don’t have kids, but if I saw my daughter act like that, I wouldn’t stand for that.

  16. March 24, 2011 6:57 am

    I would TOTALLY yell at my daughter if she was the one being the mean girl. That mom was in the wrong.

    But I think you did the right thing, saying what you did loud enough for them to here. I hope they at least thought about what they did wrong!

  17. March 24, 2011 7:01 am

    Ugh I hate that kind of attitude. I mean what 6 year old doesn’t need more friends? You should be friends with everyone at that age! Sadly that kid probably already has a facebook page where she is “friends” with all her mom’s friends.

  18. March 24, 2011 7:09 am

    Ah the memory of mean girls back in my grade school..I think I was in Maya’s position as well…girls just walked away from me when I tried to approach them. Mean girls are just BAD.

  19. March 24, 2011 7:26 am

    Ugh…I hate it when parents don’t acknowledge when their kids do something wrong. Kids learn from watching their parents and this little mean girl obviously inherited some of mommy’s mean genes. Sometimes I test the waters a bit first. I smile at the child first and then smile at the mommy. If mommy doesn’t smile back, I know to keep my child away. Sounds bad, but it’s worked well for me so far.
    Had to laugh at “What? One must acknowledge good hair”. Haha! Tell your little sweetie that K and I would love to be her best friends, even on her worst hair days 😉

  20. March 24, 2011 7:35 am

    That little girl has a very little life in store for herself…

  21. March 24, 2011 7:41 am

    I love it that you spoke up and said something! I don’t know if I would have had the guts to do it. Mama’s natural tendency is to defend her baby cub. Those maternal instincts kicked on ya allright! And she is a cutie!

  22. March 24, 2011 7:43 am

    Ameena, I would have done the same thing. There were a couple of rude boys our neighborhood that would come over and pretty much use my son for all his stuff and would break so much of it…on purpose. (My son is an only child so of course has like…everything) Eventually I told them to go home and break their own stuff and don’t come back. I don’t think my son ever caught on that they were using him (they were a couple years older), thank god. But I wasn’t about to let them hurt him or his feelings. I took care of that situ REAL quick.

    I know how you feel about not wanting your kids feelings hurt though. I think when stuff happens to my son that he tells me about, I get way more upset about it than he does. I’d seriously hurt someone if I had to. When it comes to my kid, you betcha.

  23. March 24, 2011 7:52 am

    Ahhhh that made my blood boil! There’s nothing I despise more than when mothers let their little brats run around/saying completely inappropriate things and don’t even bat an eyelash. How RUDE! And Maya is too good to be friends with that girl anyways 🙂 Ice cream completely justified in this case!
    Oh and well the Burberry dress/running shoes combo is certainly pulled off very well by Maya!

  24. March 24, 2011 7:56 am

    Ugh! Total future mean girl in the making.

    I love your response and hope Maya knows she’s bad@ss 😉

  25. March 24, 2011 8:06 am

    I agree how can anyone find fault with such a cute lil girl and I don’t need to put the dress and running shoes combination aside.

    I am not a mom yet but when I see parents who don’t correct their kids when they say something riduculous it totally annoys me. one of the top 5 in my list. trust me I have seen quite a few number of parents do that, making me realize I know many senseless people.

    I’m glad you reacted that way.

  26. March 24, 2011 8:43 am

    Shame on her mama! This makes me want to ninja kick her. Props to Maya for rocking the sneakers, haha.

  27. March 24, 2011 8:50 am

    Oh man, I so dread this stage! It seems like it’s happening younger and younger and I absolutely agree it’s coming from the parents! Especially the moms. I know reality shows aren’t REAL, but I see the Housewives and such and it’s so catty and mean…I think that’s more prevalent than just Bravo.

  28. March 24, 2011 9:08 am

    How can anyone NOT {love} Maya. She’s adorable and sweet and {very} friendly!
    Oh, and have you discovered the curing power of raw cookie dough? I keep ours in the freezer for occasions just like this. 🙂

  29. March 24, 2011 9:20 am

    Ugh! Maya’s way too cute to be friends with that girl, anyway!

  30. March 24, 2011 10:08 am

    How awful! It would’ve been worse to dwell on the fact that the girl was mean to her…anyone can be mean, and there will always be mean people in the world, so might as well learn to defend yourself (or get mommy to do it 😉 ) when needed, and move on.

  31. March 24, 2011 10:34 am

    ah life lessons. i love how you jump to her defense and i love how you say, screw the parenting books.

  32. March 24, 2011 10:52 am

    Kids are mean! It pisses me off that her mother did nothing. She could have at least said something. You know, to pretend like she wasnt mean too.

    I would be friends with Maya.

  33. March 24, 2011 10:53 am

    maya is adorable, who wouldn’t want to be friends with her?? and I would do the same for my kids!!

  34. March 24, 2011 12:30 pm

    okay first of all, Maya is absolutely adorable ( and she’s going to grow up and be a knock out!) and that mom is pathetic for not correcting her daughter. So sorry to hear that Maya had to experience that…dear Lord, this reminds me of my childhood growing up. AGH!!

  35. March 24, 2011 12:48 pm

    That girl must be crazy. I’ll bet she would’ve been very lucky to have Maya as a friend!

  36. March 24, 2011 1:21 pm

    First off, your daughter is ADORABLE, and that little girl sounds like she’s going to grow up to have equally rude friends. And second, my mom used to cheer me up with a treat every now and then. Who cares what the parenting books say– it worked for me. 🙂

  37. March 24, 2011 1:39 pm

    Anytime you meet a bitchy kid, chances are she has a bitchy mom. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so the saying goes…I grew up near an area with lots of rich jews (hate to perpetuate that stereotype, but as an unrich jew, I feel like I have the right to mock them). Anyway, I went to school with snobby brats and the mothers were worse than the kids. It makes me sad to think that those mean girls are probably going to raise their own bitchy children soon and so the cycle continues.
    I love your response. I always wish I had the balls to say something like that!

  38. Leslie permalink
    March 24, 2011 4:04 pm

    This story is just too much. I can’t even imagine. I think you were the soul of discretion. And I can’t imagine a better excuse for ice cream than this. Maya does look adorable. Whose bike? And does a badboybiker come in a matching set?

    • March 24, 2011 6:28 pm

      It’s my 28-year-old brother’s bike! If he was a bit older Leslie, I would have definitely set you up. 🙂

  39. March 24, 2011 4:36 pm

    ICE CREAM IS A MAGIC DRUG! and it’s so true. i can say disparaging things about my sister, but boy howdy if anybody else does they’re in trouble…

  40. March 24, 2011 5:05 pm

    I swear I am not a mean mother, but my daughter has said “no” to someone who asked her to play and she refused, and said she did not like her. The girl was very hurt. It all happened during 1st grade lunch break. I did not teach her that but the teacher assumed it had to come from the mother so I got a phone call. In turn, however, my daughter has also received numerous rejections when she asked some friends she used to play with in previous year to play again. She told me how she felt that someone did not want to play with her. She wanted me to answer her question “What should I do?” During school hours, the children are there by themselves to fend for themselves. I wish I have all the answers for her and can teach her all the “tools” to handle the tough world they live in, but I don’t. Her school has this class about bullying and friendship, and she is learning a lot from it. I need to read a book on how to handle rejections for myself!

  41. March 24, 2011 5:26 pm

    i agree: i am the only person who can talk sh!t about my family. if anyone else tries it’s WW3. sucks that the girl was ill-mannered but i know that maya is resilient and will be okay (she has you for a mom. an excellent one!). you’re right: she is way too good to be that girl’s friend

  42. March 24, 2011 5:57 pm

    That’s HORRIBLE!! Maya is adorable 🙂

  43. March 24, 2011 6:06 pm

    Isn’t it hard to sit by while our kids struggle thru life’s rough spots?

    Honestly, as much as all this meanness sucks, I wonder if the best thing we can do is help our lil ones learn that life is full of mean girls (and boys) and it’s not her and to be strong, hold her head up high and find a nicer person to play with.

    And than again, someone doesn’t want to be my friend and I go digging for some ben and jerry’s.
    🙂

    sorry I’ve been absent. I’m sick, have computer issues and I’m sick. Oh, I think I said that. Damn cough drops make me loopy
    xo
    COOL BIKE!!!!

  44. March 24, 2011 6:16 pm

    1. Maya’s frock is adorable.

    2. You already took away all of the life-lessons I was going to attempt to impart.

    3. It’s time to start practicing (excuse my language!) your bitch-face in the mirror. Striking terror into the hearts of others in such situations is key.

    • nadia khan permalink
      March 24, 2011 9:35 pm

      this is hilarious! i need to practice this as well!

  45. March 24, 2011 6:38 pm

    Little kids definitely can be cruel!! Everyday a couple of the kiddos in my class use not coming to their birthday party as a threat. And then proceed to tell me that if I’m mean they’ll tell their Dad on me. And he has an important job.

    whoop. d. shit.

  46. March 24, 2011 7:48 pm

    Heartbreaking. Just went through a similar experience with my 10 year old daughter. I always tell her to kill em’ with kindness and eventually she’ll attract the friends who are meant to be her friends.

  47. March 24, 2011 9:28 pm

    lol the bIKE ? whose is that ? (Couldn’t Help being a guy 😛 hehehe ) …(totally irrelevant to the topic I suppose).

    excellent mommyship I’d say. the other mOm should teach some manners to her kid atleast tell her that its rude to say so.

    PS: How In the world do you have so many readers 😀 lol the comments just increase like crazy and so quickly 😀 I am envious 😀

    • March 26, 2011 7:25 pm

      The bike belongs to my brother and Maya was lucky enough to be allowed to sit on it!! As far as readership goes – it’s developed over time. When I started my blog 1.5 years ago I had one reader and it was my mom. 🙂

  48. March 24, 2011 9:28 pm

    My mom is just like you Ameena., when I was still cheffing I experienced one of those horrific episodes chefs go through (don’t ask me why, but chefs bring work place bullying & gender discrimination to a whole new level…., but that’s another story) and I came home in tears (as you do & had a little sook)….. Mom flew into action & rang up one of the offending chefs & tore strips off him.
    It worked though (thanks God) and all he said very sheepishly the next day was ‘sorry Anna, just don’t sick your mom onto me again ok!).
    Moms are hero’s and BTW….. sugar does cure ALL ills…. your doing a good job girlfriend., keep it up!!!!!!! 🙂

  49. nadia khan permalink
    March 24, 2011 9:34 pm

    my lil maya jani mani is the cutest jani in the world!! you tell maya that lil brat didn’t deserve her friendship….besides, she has 2 best friends here…well 3 inc shani;) LOVE hass’s bike…ridiculous! tell him he drove off way too fast into the pv sunset wout me…i was waiting for a ride!

    xoxoxoxo
    btw, couldn’t agree more w mean girls learning from their mothers

  50. March 24, 2011 10:06 pm

    I wish we could protect all people from such rejection, particularly when they are young. My mom used to swoop in and back me up, but then by middle school, I didn’t know how to handle mean girls myself. It may not seem like it, but the love and support you give to her outside of these moments will boost her to say and to respond to that rejection well. But I am assuming this little girl was under 5 or so, and developmentally, said something impulsive and it had nothing to do with Maya. In fact, all mean statements have almost nothing to do with us. Ignoring it is the best bet, and not assuming that mean girls get it from their mothers all the time. Research shows that most mean girls are mean because of their immediate setting and peer group, not their parents. (Just my pediatric opinion!).

  51. March 25, 2011 3:42 am

    Aw … I think you did the right thing! For the record, I like the sneaker/dress combo.

  52. March 25, 2011 3:43 am

    who was this little girl cause I want to find her and punch her face. I bet the mom was a mean girl back in the day and NOW and it didn’t phase her when she heard this. If I heard this I would gone HELLA CRAZY on my child. Think “mommy dearest”

  53. March 25, 2011 4:42 am

    Can we all burn the parenting books? I can think of a few examples with my boys (boys are simpler and though mean less bitchy). Each time I was ready to whack a 5 or 6 year old I realized something…I was more upset than my kids. They let things roll off them and I was enraged. In your case, the blondie’s mom is clearly at fault moreso than her snotty kid.

  54. March 25, 2011 4:57 am

    How sad that that little girl is becoming such an ugly person at such a young age…Maya definitely does NOT need friends like that!

  55. March 25, 2011 6:15 am

    Witches!! Why must so many people be evil?

    Maya looks fabulous on the motorcycle- Derek is gonna love this post.

    On another note, it seems that Maya is a tad fickle. After all, here I was thinking that I was her best fremd. Sigh. THink it’s time to buy myself a cornish ice cream with a flake in it. yup. definitely.

  56. March 25, 2011 7:15 am

    Maya looks so cute 🙂 I can’t believe that mother didn’t stop her daughter!
    I remember getting made fun of all the time for my clothes…since my dad raised me I had some weird looking outfits!

  57. March 25, 2011 7:48 am

    Yep, that is the HARDEST part of parenting, isn’t it? I’ve almost knocked a few out in my day. Is it NOT obvious our children are SPECIAL and they should be honored to have been asked?! Really.

  58. March 25, 2011 9:06 am

    Sugar does indeed cure all. So does alcohol, but my guess is that Maya doesn’t hold her Margarita very well…

  59. March 25, 2011 10:04 am

    She is adorable! And kids are SO MEAN.

    I can’t believe the mom didn’t say anything!

  60. March 25, 2011 10:30 am

    Poor Maya, what a brat that little girl is! I think your response was perfect!

  61. March 25, 2011 4:11 pm

    Indeed, mean girls totally get their meanness from their parents. I’m so glad my parents were (mostly) nice. I did sort of develop a non-bitchy meanness though….

  62. Kath (My Funny Little Life) permalink
    March 25, 2011 6:21 pm

    Kids can be so mean! I hate it. Thank God Maya has a mom like you! 🙂

  63. March 26, 2011 6:43 am

    So glad you said something since that other mother lacked the commonsense to teach her daughter a lesson. And ice cream is always in order!

  64. March 26, 2011 7:18 am

    There is no rule book for mama’s, you do what is best for your child. I am an uberdefensive person and that reaction is totally what you should have done. Don’t these parents teach their mean kids how to behave or talk? Maya is a sweet heart and totally lovable.

  65. March 26, 2011 7:42 am

    There are definitely alot of mean girls out there.
    Good for you….Maya has a great Mom!

  66. March 26, 2011 12:18 pm

    as a kid i remember having one (rather more) such experience with b****y kids and really it made me feel really bad- like totally raw. Maya is lucky to have someone who can neutralise the affects of such moments :]

  67. March 26, 2011 3:24 pm

    You did exactly the right thing. What was that rotten kid’s mother thinking, doing nothing?! I thank the universe every day for giving me boys. The idea of watching my little girl having to deal with mean girls makes me absolutely cringe.

  68. March 27, 2011 1:56 am

    I don’t get how anyone could say anything about that cute lovely girl!! Really shows you how mothers apparently teach their bitchy daughters by example… You on the other hand are a great role model for Maya for standing up for her like that 🙂
    She deserved that ice cream 😉

  69. March 27, 2011 10:56 am

    If I could find ANY way to keep Dudette from growing up any more I would just for this reason. We’ve already had the “besties” heartbreak and it kills me. Of course, during the ice cream recovery period (great minds think alike), it served as a lesson on what she shouldn’t do to others because of how it made her feel. Hopefully that part takes.

  70. March 27, 2011 11:02 am

    You can tell so much about parents/parenting and kids on the playground. Call it a blessing, you wouldn’t want this girl to be friends with Maya anyway 😉

  71. spiceandmore permalink
    March 27, 2011 4:31 pm

    Yeah mean girls certainly learn their behaviour from their mothers. I do think that we mothers are much more offended by these things than our kids are. My kids brush off stuff that I find myself stewing over and getting quite worked up about. Next time maybe wait and see how Maya reacts herself…she might surprise you. I know I often am surprised by my kids when I manage to bite my tongue and stop myself from reacting and rushing in to solve the problem for them. Just my two cents worth of observation on parenting…not a ‘know-it-all bit of advice’. 🙂

  72. March 29, 2011 6:19 am

    Nice surprise – thanks for stopping by:) I eat Larabar copy while I haven’t tried the original yet (they are not being sold here). Maybe in 10 years, we are way behind America regarding health stuff.
    Maya is so adorable!! I could lend her my bike to pose on it too 🙂
    xp

  73. March 29, 2011 4:40 pm

    love this. and you are so right.
    ps, i was TOTALLY the girl who walked up to other girls and asked if we could be friends. and my mother was totally the mom who wanted to smack the onlooking mother across the face when their daughter said no.
    i did, however, ask a girl in fifth grade if i could be friends with her and her “friend group”, and by that time, this girl said yes.
    i think girls get less terrible, at least i hope so.
    and i say HURRAH to buying maya ice cream to cure the troubles. thats what mommys are for 🙂

  74. March 30, 2011 8:10 am

    Ok. Now I am officially in love with you.

    Totally something I’d do even though I know I am not supposed to do so as a rational adult parent type of person. (Oh who am I kidding. Just because I gave birth does not mean I underwent personality change automatically…)

    AND agreed 100% that I am mean to my kids but if anybody so much as gives them a not-so-nice look… ROAR! I’m ready to tackle a 3 year old.

    So we were in this store and my 8yearold was pushing one of those round display on the floor around and around. I guess the display when being pushed would touch this woman once in a while. So instead of moving away from this display, this woman snapped at him, really loudly and severely, “Would you cut that off alread?!” My 8yo is very shy and introverted and sensitive (everything that makes parenting him an exquisite job) so he quickly came to stand behind me with tears in his eyes and a worried look and just completely clamped down. It took all I’ve got to not lunge at that woman (who was there with her own son of a similar age and her husb). Before we left the store, I clenched my teeth and walked up to her, “I would like you to think about how you would feel if some other women yelled at your own son the way you just did mine.” Then I walked away. I can still feel rage inside me as I type this out.

  75. March 30, 2011 9:20 am

    uh!!! how rude.
    how could someone would pass up being friends with a little girl as adorable as your daughter?! seriously!!!
    what a brat!
    i think you handled the situation perfectly 🙂

  76. March 30, 2011 9:38 am

    I can’t believe the mom didn’t say anything!! Sugar does cure all :).

  77. March 31, 2011 6:23 am

    Oh my heart stops at moments like that. My daughter would hands down have said SURE…I love best friends!!

  78. March 31, 2011 9:53 am

    Maya seems like the sweetest and most cheerful child, mashallah. She doesn’t need mini mean girls as friends. It shows you that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, the mom was the same way. ugh.

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