The Secret Life of a 5-year-old Hoarder
My name is Maya and I am a hoarder.
In order words – I keep every single useless, old, worthless thing I can get my hands on.
Isn’t it ironic that my minimalist mom has a daughter who can’t throw anything away? I also think it’s funny that my mom is a vomit-phobe and I throw up like it’s going out of style. Sometimes I throw up just to gross her out – but please don’t tell her I said so.
Anyway, my mom always yells at my dad for bringing home free junk from events he attends, but I don’t think it’s junk at all! See? I found a way to use the stack of leftover HP stickers he brought the other day:
I wrote all over them and then taped them to a leather chair. Smart, huh?
I also found a purpose for the adult sized Team Galaxy scarf my dad brought me last week – I used it to keep the treasure chest (which I use to hoard all my old drawings in) warm….
But the scarf has since disappeared! My mom said she has no idea where it went but I think she’s lying. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Okay so I’ll admit I have a small problem hoarding free Trader Joe’s stickers – but who can turn down free stickers?
And I won’t let my mom give away a single one of my stuffed animals – not even the one my mom says gives off bad vibes because of who gave it to me.
I know you must be curious but I won’t name any names or identify any particular stuffed animal because I want to live to see another day.
Just the other day I rescued a piece of cardboard from the recycling bag because I couldn’t bear to see it go. I used it to make myself a basketball hoop with a pair of my mom’s good earphones.
She got really angry that the earphones broke but I got mad back and told her it wasn’t nice to stifle my creativity.
I firmly believe hoarding is a genetic thing and obviously I learned from my enabler dad. I mean just look at this?
Even I don’t hoard cables. Yet.