to anonymous
Not too long ago, someone (we’ll call her Anonymous) made a comment along the lines of: if I couldn’t make my husband a sandwich then I shouldn’t have gotten married.
Talk about stating the obvious.
Family trip to the New York Botanical Garden’s Haunted Pumpkin Garden
I mean, of course Ali should have known better than to marry me. For so many reasons, the least of which is my lack of cooking skills / dislike for cooking.
Still Anonymous, I’ll allow that when I make the flipping sandwich, I do so grudgingly. And truthfully? I couldn’t, for the longest time, quite put my finger on why.
Ali: “Maya point to the pumpkin so people know what this picture is of.” Because otherwise you might have been confused.
Until last week, that is.
When Ali made his way back to NYC after 12 days away on “business.” And proceeded to send me an instant message from one room away (hate that) requesting a lunch (hate that) on a day we were both working from home (hate that too).
Jacket Weather.
I silently cursed. But as I slapped some turkey between two slices of bread I thought of your comment and wondered why Ali’s request felt like such an imposition.
And here’s what I came up with:My husband has an MBA. So why can’t he slap turkey between two slices of bread?
Another scary pumpkin, minus the pointing finger.
And here’s what I also came up with:
I will make the sandwich. Sometimes, when the stars are aligned, I’ll even slice an apple and put it on the side! But I will be annoyed about it. The whole process. I will probably curse. But it will get done. Ali knows that. I know that.
The system works for us Anonymous. It works.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
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Thanks for reblogging Hadassa!
welcome & pleasure is mine blessings to you……….☺ Ameena
I’m totally with you. Although I have nobody to make sandwiches for at the moment, I think its also about appreciation. If someone just “expects” its your job and your pleasure to look after them, then your heart will never be in it.
*kisses* H
p.s. my husband used to call me from his mobile when i was in the other room because he was in bed and too lazy to get up or yell over to me. it used to annoy the crap out of me.
p.s.s. come and see me in London daaahling, I will make you a sandwich (a gluten free one LOL)
I’ll come see you in London H, no sandwich necessary. I promise.
PS: I get the calls from the other room but mostly texts and instant messages….drives me bonkers.
And that’s it isn’t it, don’t mess with the system! The pumpkin garden looks fantastic, there’s nothing like that here. Just scary grottos. GG
Is Halloween a big deal in the UK? Maya was actually asking me that yesterday but I had no idea!
Somewhat, but not as much as in the US
It works for whom?
It works for us…
Fair enough
Oh. The system. Fuck the system. Is what I wish I were badass enough to do.
I’m a rule follower through and through. The System is the only way. 🙂
I went back to your 2010 post to check out the anon comment. The poor soul hasn’t got what your writing style is all about. Anyways such challenging comments are sometimes good for a laugh. I enjoyed reading your fitting answer to the anon comment – making Maya point out – Lol!
I am addicted to your blog because of your style of writing.
Thanks Anita…so nice of you to say. I’m always appreciative of people who get my humor because it can definitely go the other way!
Well said (I’d have told anon it was none of her business). I remember reading a comment on a Scary Mommy blog post saying you shouldn’t call yourself a mother if you can’t make a loaf of bread from scratch? Wtf?
As one person said above, it’s all about expectation. Hubbie makes it clear there is never any expectation for me to make lunch when we’re both working from home. If I don’t, he doesn’t eat at all and then becomes surly and irritating. But there’s no expectation! Lol.
I’ve never made a loaf of bread from scratch and likely never will. That’s a pretty random definition of a mother.
And yes…the indirect request for lunch by getting in a bad mood otherwise. I can SO relate to that one. So funny.
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Thank you for reblogging Gabbie! I never knew this was possible until today!
🙂 The system works 🙂
As dysfunctional as it is, it sure does!
There’s a saying in Italian: “Tra moglie e marito non ci mettere il dito.” It means “don’t put your finger between a husband and wife!” Always a good idea to keep your opinions out of other people’s marriages. 😉
Really smart advice Mama. In Indian culture opinions are very freely given out…we need a saying like that to reign people in!
LOVE THIS!
I wonder if that commenter was married at the time…
Probably. And I bet she is an AWESOME wife. But I will never be her. Unfortunately for Ali. 🙂
A great post back to “Anonymous!” Haha, “you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place!!??” So marriage is really maid service, is this what she thinks?? Too funny. I’d be annoyed too!
Random right? I’m not really annoyed, I think it’s more of a strange comment than anything.
I actually think it’s kind of sad that someone actually thinks like that!
My husband has his JD. Obviously they didn’t teach home ec in law school, He claims he can cook but after 13 years I have yet to see it. Unless you count a steak on the grill. Luckily for him I love to cook. Because he certainly loves to eat. I really don’t mind for some reason. However, with him working home 4 days a week, it wears on me a little bit. Lunch and dinner. Thank god he doesn’t require breakfast. Cooking and getting married are 2 totally unrelated things. Duh. That’s like saying you shouldn’t have kids if you’re not a mother.
So can we conclude that highly educated men refuse / are not capable of cooking? LOL
I want to come live with you so someone can make me lunch and dinner. I promise I’ll take care of breakfast!
We will be in NYC in Nov. I will bring you breakfast. It might be cold though. The breakfast and the weather. Men are men. That’s why opposites attract 🙂
Haha. We all wait for that new breed of men who gets MBAs, Ph.D.s, CEOs, AND is able to make a sandwich.
According to Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In a few specimen have been sighted. (I have not seen any, though).
I bet Sheryl Sandberg is married to the only man who can make a sandwich. She seems to have her ducks in a row in every way! LOL
I don’t mind making my husband lunch because he doesn’t mind doing things I won’t do, like take out the garbage. I can, I just don’t. 🙂 So I guess we each have our things we can do, but don’t. But whatever—to each their own. Not sure why the commenter cared so much about whether or not you enjoy making your husband a sandwich?!
I do the trash, I do the sandwich. You are lucky Maryea! Very lucky. 🙂
As long as he also makes you a sandwich when you tell him to, then what’s the problem?
Ha. Ali make me a sandwich / anything?
Not going to happen. Ever!
My motto is “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”! I didn’t realise marriage came with a list of prerequisites- I better go work on my sandwich-making skills!
I would suggest you do so…because the prerequisites never seem to end! I’m still coming across a few and I’ve been married a long time.
Anonymous is an internet troll. That’s what I do too, (when I have energy & time) I always try to make lunch for my husband (it’s less messy that way in the kitchen) 🙂
My mom always says the same thing, that when my dad tries to cook she always wishes she’d done it herself. The clean up is too much!
That’s quite an association: not wanting to make a sandwich for your husband equals not being qualified to get marriage. I wonder if Anonymous thinks that your husband should be able to make a sandwich for you as well.
I doubt it. And in case you are wondering my husband cannot make me a sandwich. He never has and likely never will!
Love this post, just like all of your posts! I think anonymous doesn’t get your writing style – too bad for him or her.
That haunted pumpkin garden looks like fun! I can’t believe how grown-up Maya looks and how much she looks like you 🙂
Thanks Jessie, for the compliments! I love to hear that Maya looks like me because not many people think so. 🙂
Ha! I love it. I like how tactfully you addressed this. Not a hint of bitterness. And exactly if the system works. It works. Why fix something which isn’t broken. (:
Thanks Tanvi..I appreciate your nice comment.
I can fix something that isn’t broken….too busy fixing things that are! LOL
i love the first photo of you and maya. and ali’s comment point to the pumpkin hehe.
we all have our gripes in relationships, and you portray them here in an honest, humorous way. that’s what i love about your blog, and what some people don’t get i guess.
i just got “why are you are always so noisy when you put the dishes away?” bah! but normally he puts the dishes away, so i just maturely repeated him in an obnoxious voice and that was that.=)
He puts the dishes away? Amazing. How did that happen?
And the obnoxious repeating? I have that down to an art form. Unfortunately for Ali.
Thanks for the comment and the compliment Kelli – I really appreciate it!
I tell people I cook out of necessity, not enjoyment. I am lucky to be married to someone who enjoys cooking. After a long day listening to other people’s problems (he’s a psychiatrist), he will come home and cook something. Many times it is left-overs, or something simple, but sometimes it is very elaborate and labor intensive. He does this out of love and self-therapy. He is also a very good cook!! I stay out of his way.. I am not always “put upon” to prepare meals for everyone, but I feel like much of the time I do play maid service to the 3 “boys” living in my house, because they are constantly making and leaving messes. My husband, even though he is an excellent cook, is REALLY messy. I have to go in after him and clean the cook top, many times with Easy Off, clean all the counters and cabinet faces and pulls, wipe out the microwave, and sweep and mop the floor. It is a full-time job to clean up after him!!!!! THAT drives me crazy. But, I try to tell myself it is usually worth keeping my mouth shut because in the end, he has his therapy, and we are well-fed. I just wish there was a way to train him not to touch everything with dirty hands…..We’re working on it….!
I suppose that if either Ali or I could cook we wouldn’t be so hungry and thus would be in better moods all around? This is a very interesting idea. I think we need your husband’s expert opinion on this! Actually I think we need to see your husband for a number of reasons. 🙂
Easy Off. I’ve never used it but I’m thinking that I should look into it for those days that Ali gets adventurous and boils an egg. LOL
That is exactly the point, “it works for us”, while well meaning is helpful (not) I wouldn’t give that advice too much weight. Love that cute pumpkin patch.
-Gina-
Thank you for the comment Gina! Totally agree. 🙂
I can’t believe I didn’t find your blog earlier! Your system works well. Anonymous reader has no idea, I hope they read this one. Great post Ameena 🙂
Thank you Amelia! And thanks for reading, as always. 🙂
Ugh. Here’s the thing – men are fully capable of making their own damn sandwiches if they want to, so yes, it’s annoying when we’re expected to do it.
That said, I do occasionally make my boyfriend sandwiches for his lunch and complain that he’s the spoiled one. He gets pb&j, and if we don’t have the bread he likes, he gets the whole grain bread I like and deals with it. I think that’s because he knows that while I made his sandwich, he was sitting 20 feet away on the couch watching tv, as he had been when I made dinner, cleaned up from dinner, washed the dishes, and then listened to him tell me I’m not very good at cleaning. Maybe I shouldn’t get married either. Because making a sandwich is a lot of freaking work.
Ali can insult my cooking, ask me to make him a sandwich, anything. But I am a master at cleaning and he knows better than to every say I’m not good at that!
Making a sandwich is a lot of work. Getting married is even MORE work. Sending lots of luck your way Leah! 🙂
The system works for you. EXACTLY. Now, fuck off, judgemental idiots!
Love your comments Razwana. You say what I can’t!
I haven’t seen the comment by ‘Anonymous’ but I really, really hope she was trying to be funny and not serious. Anyone who has been with you and your blog, Ameena, for any length of time knows that you and Ali have got a pretty damned good thing going between you – for all the imperfections we enjoy reading about and laughing at with you – and it has got nothing, whatsoever, to do with the ability of either of you to make a sandwich.
As an aside, I am (for once) completely with you this time Ameena on the whole ‘hate making a sandwich’ thing! 😉
Do you make sandwiches for your wife? Or yourself? Yes, overall cooking is just a giant pain.
Thank you for reading (and laughing at us!). 🙂
both of us rarely make sandwiches for each other or even for ourselves when in the UK – we buy them instead!
When I do have to make them, I hate it. It’s so fiddly and you have to get your hands dirty. I much prefer to make a curry where you push everything into a big pot with a spoon and stir it a lot and pretty much it makes itself – no messy fingers!
I had to go back and read the Anonymous comment and I dont understand what is Anonymous problem here – when the system works for you guys or doesnt work for you – its Din business..also, It doesnt hurt the male counterpart to slam those lunch meat between bread and pick their own side every once in a while.
Slam the lunch meat…love it. So funny. It doesn’t hurt one bit Dixya – I totally agree.
Ha! The stereotyping of a woman has to cook for her husband. If marriage was anything about that, we all food bloggers should make best wives in the world! HA HA
I wish I was a food blogger…would solve SO many problems!
love you and this! we all make sacrifices but marriage is all about compromise and balance. i hate gender roles grrrrr
Love this comment Melissa! Thank you. 🙂
You always make me giggle with delight. I love you just the way you are.
And I know Ali does too. 🙂
Thanks for the comment J. And Maya has a little card coming to her pen pal. 🙂
oh my goodness. I sometimes wonder why my husband married me too. I don’t cook and I got annoyed just last week when he asked me to make a sandwich!! We are the same people…except I don’t have a child. Anyhow, I actually feel like a bitch when I get annoyed over stuff like that because my husband is a sweetheart. He is the best and he cooks unlike me so I’m working on my attitude. But if it works for you go with it!!
I’m working on my attitude, not because Ali cooks for me, but because I need to be a nicer person.
As you can see I’m not making too much progress…
Oh Anonymous, I love your world view. Also, the key here is clearly to have Maya make lunches for both of you 🙂
that’s the best!
Totally agree. I’m letting Maya watch Master Chef Junior in hopes she’ll be a good cook and cook for me! And maybe Ali. 🙂
best comment yet!!!!!!!
Um, I’m just wondering. Is making a sandwich a prerequisite for marriage?
What the F*CK?
Apparently, Anonymous is a bit confused and from the 50s.
Quick story: While visiting my Mother-in-Law in Liverpool, she said this:
“I think David (my husband ) is hungry. You should make him a sandwich.”
To which I replied, “David has two very good hands. He can make his own sandwich.”
Are you kidding me?
Xxx
So curious what your MIL said? That is a VERY gutsy thing to say to a proper English lady.
Thanks for the comment as always!
Nice. Like the response post. Take that, Anonymous!
Thanks YC. 🙂
Love this post. Whatever works for you works! Back when I was fake-married to a vegetarian, I’d cook him things I didn’t necessarily want to make (I was never going to love “veggie dogs,” especially not with a slice of wheat bread in place of a bun), but hey, dude fixed the toilet and hung his own shelves and stuff, so whatever—balance.
Can you define fake married? So intrigued by that term.
Veggie dogs? I haven’t had one but they don’t sound all that appetizing. LOL But yes, balance…
I hate cooking too. I thought I’d like it. But I don’t. Can’t wait to go out to lunch and eat food that other people cook 😉
I never thought I’d like cooking…never! I love to eat other people’s food too.
I know.. that’s my point.. some guys accomplish so much but then in the kitchen they can’t do the most basic stuff. So annoying. My husband wants me to cook with love and a happy face… lol. That’s the new thing now. So I can’t even cook unhappy… I should want to cook and do it happily. Uggggh! What I am realizing since I stepped up cooking, it’s kinda a stress reliever provided I make quick meals. Maybe the system works.
“Love and a happy face?” That is hysterical.
I should want to iron and do it happily but that’s NEVER going to happen. Too funny.
I don’t get it! 😉
But then again I had a one sided conversation with my husband that followed somewhat like this… “You mean to tell me that you are not capable of filling with a glass with cold water it has to tepid. You with all the numerous degrees behind you and currently doing a MBA cannot understand a glass water to drink cannot be tepid??? It has to be cold!” Through my mini outburst he just stood there, listened and then went and got some cold water. In my defence I am pregnant, I am allowed as many mood swings as I want. Call me spoiled but I deserve a cold glass of water after all the sandwiches I have made in the last 7 years.
Anon is just jealous- I am sure she follows your blog secretly!
Tepid water. Hysterical! You deserve a glass of cold water at the very least! 7 years of sandwiches. I love it.
Congratulations to you. 🙂
Hmnn… A marriage held together by a sandwich! That’s pretty special. And a thoughtful reminder of the old saw: “A marriage is not 50:50; it’s 60:40 on both sides!”A thoughtful post of distilled wisdom…
That is a fantastic saying…I love it.
Thanks for the comment Jack – really appreciate it. And thanks for reading.
It’s weird right, that someone reads your blog post, doesn’t get your sense of humor, doesn’t understand anything about your equation with your husband and probably doesn’t like that you can’t/don’t want to fix a sandwich for your husband YET feels compelled to write a snarky comment.
Haven’t they heard of the phrase “move on!”
I never thought of it like that…Anonymous shouldn’t be calling the kettle black, right?
I think that’s the saying?
Thanks for the comment HM.
Marc would never ask me to make him a sandwich, so begrudgingly is better than nothing.
He wouldn’t ask you to make him a sandwich? How do I make that happen over here?
I want to share some words of wisdom a friend shared with me: “Don’t please the haters. You are NOT the jerk whisperer.” What a thoughtless comment. I mean, sure, I’ve never met you in person, but it’s very obvious through your writing that your family does have a system and that you all love each other very much. Your blog is real. Women were not made to be submissive to men…you live out loud and you share your daily adventures in your real life in a honest and entertaining way. I, for one, find your blog inspiring.
Have a wonderful night,
Lindsey
The jerk whisperer. I love it. I’m all kinds of whisperer I think.
Great comment Lindsey. Thank you for reading and for taking the time to leave this! I appreciate it.
Wow! You have dealt with “anonymous” very gracefully. I would have gotten so mad!! And the texting from next room.. That sounds so familiar😊
Texting from another room seems to be an epidemic spanning different countries…
Hi Ameena,
Love visiting your blog and reading your posts. Hey, it works for you and your hubby, that’s all that matters.
Thank you Asmita! I appreciate you reading and leaving such nice comments. 🙂
Hi Ameena,
My ex husband was a chef and he only cooked twice in the 7 years we were together. I used to take it as a compliment that he liked my cooking since he was a pro, but i think it was simply that he preferred to be served! Hmmm I guess that explains why he’s my ex 🙂
I used to think that being married to a chef would be fabulous – never occurred to me that he wouldn’t want to cook at home AND at work!
In any case, now you are in Paris eating fantastic food. What could be better?
Oh my, people need to mind their own business!
Totally. I did a post on that once!
its because you love him sooooo much! lol.
Don’t know about that…but we won’t tell Ali. 🙂
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at anonymous! I do feel sorry for her and her ignorant existence. She did provide great blog post fodder though!
I cook for my husband because his mother spoiled him. His dad and brother are excellent cooks and are always the ones cooking at home! But I only fix meals for all of us during the week and schedule permitting. He has cooked for me a few times, when I was getting home after a work trip – because he was worried I’d be hungry and might not have eaten on the flight. I should remember how sweet those couple of times were every time I complain about fixing these boys their meal… but it was a long time ago 🙂
But for the cooking I do, everything and I mean everything else, is his job! I love my system 🙂
How crazy that your FIL and BIL are good cooks – that doesn’t happen in our culture too often. And how nice that your husband at least made you something after you returned from a work trip…I can only dream.
I love your system too!
Ha, what works for you is all that matters. Anonymous can’t have been married too long 😀
I’m thinking you must be right about that Madhu!
Hey, Ameena! I read your blog as a series of sarcastic and funny stories about a 21st century wife and mother. I’m surprised someone would believe everything you write is exactly the way you write about it. I’m sure you can make a sandwich. And we you really can’t – you can write about it in a way that I want to read. How often does one want to read stories about sandwiches?
Thank you for the great comment IP! I appreciate your kind words and you reading my blog. So very nice of you!!
substitue “we” for “if”
omg too funny! love the pics and maya’s purplicious outfit….really miss her! the sandwich thing is hysterical, just think of it as a 10 second, maybe 20 out of your day…love that its slapping meat between 2 slices of bread….classic as always! xo
Ameena, you’re awesome!
Meanwhile, on the interwebs, this is happening:
http://300sandwiches.com/
I’m torn between being appalled and thinking if this woman wants to make her dude sandwiches, let her make the sandwiches…
Reminds me of this article –
http://nypost.com/2013/09/24/i-wooed-my-man-with-a-sandwich/
I personally think there is nothing wrong in not knowing how to make a sandwich or anything even if you are married, its good to know what ur own tummy, lol but not a necessity, like a contract binding statement for a marriage. So the article above makes me cringe, how a woman thought her worth should be measured by 300 sandwiches, and I pity the guy more so because he challenged her that way. Anyway its their prerogative, who am I to judge.
But rest assured, it not only works for you, it works for everybody, there are days when I curse that I am a woman, and expected to feed entire family (though I love cooking, and even try out new recipes for my husband quite often).
Your blog is just hilarious, and I love the pics you post. Plus the yummy restaurant pics make me all the more grudging towards cooking on my own.
🙂
If its not broken, don’t even bother fretting about it. that person is totally annoyed with her married life, I’m guessing 😉
Cleanliness is next to Holiness. Anyone can cook, but no one can clean like our Ameena. Thats what my Mum said:) Your husband is very lucky and your In-laws are even more lucky to have such an organized and neat daughter in law (you bake so well and you don’t waste food, and your presentation of food is simply amazing). I read this post to my mother on the Tele-phone and she said, Oh anyone can cook, but what matters is how clean, neat, organized and tidy your home is …. Cough Cough, this was a hint that I need to change the colour scheme of my bedroom:) Get rid of my wall posters and my stuffed bears and my holiday souvenirs.
Excellent post, we loved it.
xxx
I love that first photo of you and Maya! Beautiful! Great post as usual!
Kudos to you Ameena for handling this the way you did. I don’t think I could ever be quite as witty or dignified in this situation. My first instinct would be to say,”Bugger off stranger; my life, my marriage, my rules!”