Hunger Pains Are Easily Dismissed

4 Sep

Many of you have asked how I manage to get through 15 hours without eating during the month of Ramadan.  It’s hard of course, but after a while you learn to employ a few tricks to make things more manageable. 

1. Think of a food or food-related situation that makes you cringe.  Just the other day, for example, I visited Fogo de Chao with Ali and my brother.  For those of you unfamiliar with a churrascaria, Fogo is basically a omnivore’s heaven.  Waiters bring around slabs of meat and you keep chewing until you think you’ve eaten enough to justify $65.  Or until you feel like throwing up – whatever comes first.

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It’s been about a week since I witnessed Ali and my brother put away 5 lbs of red meat each and I am still recovering.  The silver lining is that the minute I think about the various dead cows that appeared at the dinner table my hunger pangs *poof* disappear. 

2. Distract yourself with the fact that your child is well on her way to a life of crime.  I was washing Maya’s germ-infested lunchbox yesterday, just thinking about how great an order of McDonald’s beef-powder encased, sodium-laden, sugar-dusted fries would taste when all of a sudden I saw this: 

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Yes, Sticky-Fingers Maya is at it again.  Despite the fact that she has no less than 200 crayons she is stealing more from school and is using her innocent Hello Kitty lunchbox as a vessel for her dirty habit. 

“Maya, why are you taking crayons and putting them in your lunchbox?  You have a million crayons right here.”

“Well Mama, I don’t have those colors.” 

I guess yellow, green, and blue are more unique than I originally thought. 

3. Let your guilty conscience consume you.  Apparently there was a summer camp show at Maya’s school yesterday but I somehow missed the memo.  Not only did I miss Maya doing Jazz Hands but per Maya I was the only person in the entire world who missed Maya doing Jazz Hands. 

“Every single mom and dad was there except you Mama.  There must have been thousands of moms and dads but I couldn’t find you anywhere.” 

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This one will haunt me far after Ramadan is over.  Consider me scarred for life.

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Just Being

2 Sep

A miracle happened today – I didn’t get mad at anyone or anything.     

Could this be because I have no energy as the last 7 days of Ramadan wind down?  Or could it be that I am finally turning over a new and more patient leaf?  Who knows?  What I do know is that both Ali and Maya seem a bit out of sorts with my newfound mellowness.   

It all started this morning when Maya kicked things off bright and early by building a tent in the living room.      

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This Dora blanket has seen more action than any other gift Maya has ever received.

 

On any other occasion I would have freaked out that pillows were everywhere, that Dora’s rather unattractive face was somehow going to dirty my white sofa, and that Maya probably scratched the table when she pushed all of the coffee table items into a jumble in the corner.  (She did.)     

Today I just stared longingly at the disarray of remotes wishing I had the energy to stack them in an orderly manner.  I didn’t.  And when Maya asked if she could leave the tent up all day I surprised myself by saying, “Sure, why not?”        

Needless to say, it was a free for all after that.  

Maya: “Can I have sushi and raspberries from Whole Foods for dinner, Mama?”       

Me: “Okay, sure.”      

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"Can I have the dipping sauce on the side?" "No problem."

 

Maya - “Is it alright if I play my flute with my nose?”       

Me – “If that’s what you need to do, then by all means.”      

Maya – “Will you take a picture of me doing it?”      

Me – “You got it.”      

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Jingle Bells featuring Maya's nose. Maya is one talented kid.

 

Maya: “Can we make Double Chocolate Chip Cookies and can I lick the bowl?”      

Me: “I guess.  But don’t come to me if your stomach hurts from eating raw, possibly tainted eggs.”      

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These are the best cookies we have ever made. We keep making batches and giving them to our friends/family.

 

After much discussion on the word “tainted” and after several minutes of deliberation Maya licked the bowl clean.  It’s been a few hours and she appears to be fine so I guess our eggs were fine too.    

Ali, on the other hand, was at odds with my new calmness.       

Ali: “I know you are fasting but can you make me a turkey sandwich for lunch today?”      

Me: “Why not?”      

Ali: “I won’t be home for dinner tomorrow night.  Is that going to be a problem?”      

Me: “Not at all.”      

Ali: “I’m hiring several girls to walk around in skimpy outfits to promote an event in San Francisco.  What do you think?”   

Me: “That sounds like a fantastic idea to me.”      

After looking at me oddly and not without fear, Ali and Maya retreated to her room and shut the door.  I think they are waiting for the other shoe to drop.       

I am too because we all know it’s only a matter of time.

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A Bit of Introspection

31 Aug

Ali is pretty disappointed that nobody insulted me in order to win a Godiva Chocolate Bar Cake.  I, on the other hand, am thrilled!     

Just to clarify, I left it up to Maya to choose a winner and then I had to spend 10 minutes clarifying the following:    

  1. Why she had to pick a number. “Why Mama, why?”
  2. Why we are making a cake for someone she doesn’t know.
  3. Why she cannot have a piece of it.
  4. Why she cannot lick her fingers or sneeze during the process.

Lo and behold, Maya finally chose a number.    

But before I disclose the winner, can I clarify a few things and simultaneously bore you with some introspection?    

I recently learned that I have something called Middle Child Syndrome (I swear I am not making this up).  Basically, this is a theory perpetuated by Alfred Adler that middle children can become very independent adults who either create a ruckus to become noticed or who lay low in order to keep the peace.    

Obviously I fall in the latter category.   

Well, in my quest to lay low I feel the need to make everybody happy.  Why?  Simply because I want everyone to like me.  And that is why I go to great lengths to justify, clarify, and apologize all over myself.    

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I find it interesting that my child has no desire to explain why she's crawling through the living room with a Dora blanket on her. Obviously my need to continuously clarify did not rub off on her.

 

After my last post I realized this needs to stop.   

I hope you will understand that I have the very best intentions as I wax on about nothing in particular, but my goal right now is to stop continuously clarifying and explaining myself.     

And now that I’ve bored you to tears clarifying and explaining myself for the last time, I would like to congratulate Diana for winning a particularly delicious cake.  Please email me your mailing address and Maya and I will have a cake out to you shortly.  You will love it.  I promise.    

No further clarification necessary.

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