the freezer is under control
I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been busy micromanaging Ali’s grocery store visits as well as trying my hardest to utilize the overwhelming contents of our freezer.
(Incidentally, I am still terrified of throwing food away.)
I’m thrilled to report that after several laborious search and rescue missions, I found and used many forgotten items including pieces of raw steak wrapped half-assedly (not a word I know) in foil remnants (I’m sure we can all guess who the culprit was here), a box of mochi (I’m looking at you Maya), and a mysterious aluminum container filled with cubes of mozzarella (this has me written all over it if I’m being honest).
The freezer is now under control and I’m about to release Ali back into the wilds of the Whole Foods frozen food section with minimal supervision.
Next item to tackle: the crumpled accumulation of Whole Foods, CVS, and Trader Joe receipts that Ali collects on the entry way table and in all of our reusable shopping bags because “I have trouble throwing things out.”
So one of us can’t throw out receipts and the other can’t throw out food.
I probably shouldn’t judge but sadly I do. And I will.
the freezer is stressing me out
I know I’m prone to exaggeration, but I am not exaggerating when I say that until approximately 6 months ago Ali had oatmeal for breakfast EVERY DAY. For the 26 years that I’ve known him.
And to be clear: we’re not talking about instant oatmeal here, but rather a recipe so specific, so labor intensive and time-consuming, that Ina Garten would struggle to replicate it.
I won’t bore you with a lengthy list of ingredients in bullet point form (I do love my bullet points) but I will say that the contents can vary based on Ali’s mood, time-constraints, groceries on hand, and the ability to secure chopped walnuts.
(Side note: Ali will NOT chop his own walnuts. His reasons for this are vague.)
So why the sudden about face? Well about 6 months ago I told Ali that eating a 5-pound bowl of oatmeal every day probably wasn’t the healthiest, and why didn’t he have something else for a change?
He surprisingly took my advice and made an omelet that day. And he’s made an omelet every day since.
Because I have issues with most things, here are my issues with Ali’s daily omelet:
- He uses just about every kitchen item we own to make an omelet for ONE. This includes the biggest pot we have, a pan, a vegetable steamer, a giant mixing bowl, two forks, several spoons, a spatula, and two plates.
- The omelet sticks 99% of the time (All-Clad is no joke) and thus there is a dirty pan “soaking” in the sink at most times.
- Ali now shops almost daily for omelet inputs and our freezer is FULL of frozen vegetables.
For reference (and again to dispel any accusations that I am exaggerating) the top shelf of our freezer is currently housing no less than: 1 bag of red peppers, 1 bag of organic mixed bell peppers, 1 bag of spinach, 2 bags of peas, two bags of “Mediterranean blend,” and 2 family-sized bags of broccoli.
As collateral damage from Ali’s regular freezer-case visits we also have several bags of frozen rice, 2 bags of frozen potstickers, one box of frozen unpleasant looking ravioli, various pints of ice cream, 6 bags of frozen fruit and a rather battered box of potato latkes (I think these belong to Maya if I’m being fair).
I know I should be concerned about Ali’s cholesterol but honestly, I’m far more concerned that our freezer drawer is about to break.
Ali claims that AI can solve any and all complex problems…I wonder if I should ask ChatGPT to strategize a supply chain solution?
It’s been a while.
It’s been approximately 6 years since my last post and honestly very little has changed except:
- Maya escaped the madness of my parenting and is now at college.
- We now purchase frozen onions exclusively.
- ChatGPT has replaced Alexa, Siri, and Cortana as his first love. (I’m somewhere after Cortana who apparently no longer exists.)
The list of what hasn’t changed is much longer:
- My hair is still mostly a frizzy mess.
- Ali’s socks still mostly reside on the floor of the living room.
- I still don’t share very well.
- I still won’t touch a hotel remote. Or sometimes even our own remote. (I swear I did a post about this but I can’t seem to find it.)
- My cooking hasn’t improved, nor has my desire to cook.
- Ali’s mansplaining has reached new heights.
I’m not really sure why today felt like the right day to resurrect this blog. It could be because:
- Maya encouraged me to start up it up again before she left for school. I think she thinks the fact that work is my hobby is quite sad.
- Ali encouraged me to start it up again. His motives are a mystery but I think his logic has something to do with the fact that the busier I am the less I’m nagging him.
- I felt like writing something where I could use scores of bullet points which always make me feel articulate and smarter than I really am.
In any case feel free to come by for a dose of absurdity whenever you feel called. (Just please take my over-the-top nonsense with a grain of salt.)
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 