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mastering avoidance

August 7, 2014

A few minutes after I decided to Be Still for a little while I left for work.

After that (and yes, here I go complaining again) I came home, and in anticipation of our trip that evening I did 5 loads of laundry, packed Ali’s stuff, Maya’s stuff, my stuff, vacuumed the apartment, Swiffered, changed the sheets, and emptied the fridge.

An afternoon at Hyde Park.

An afternoon at Hyde Park.

Then, as I was washing a few last dishes, I noticed that there was brown water coming out of the kitchen sink.

Me: “Ali, there is something wrong with the water.”

Ali: “Hmm, that’s strange. Here’s my phone so you can take a video. Maya! Do you have your water gun? Let’s go out on the balcony!”

Some of us have no cares in the world...Must be nice.

Some of us have no concerns at all…must be nice.

After that helpful conversation I obsessively ran the water for 15 minutes, taking videos to show our new landlord. I also grew more furious by the second that the dishes I thought were now clean in the dishwasher had to be run again.

And I won’t lie, I think I cursed a few times as I heard Ali and Maya enjoying an afternoon of water play without a care in the world.

Forcing a little culture on the both of us at the Tate Modern.

Forcing a little culture on the both of us at the Tate Modern.

Later that night, after we’d boarded our flight to London and I was consumed by the fact that our apartment building provided brown water as one of the perks, I had to ask:

Me: “Isn’t it bothering you that the water in our new apartment is the color of coffee?”

Ali: “What do I care? I’m going to London and don’t have to deal with it.”

The view from the Tate...

The view from the Tate…

How has my husband mastered avoidance techniques? I have no idea. But I’ve decided I want to master this useful trait.

Really I do.

49 Comments leave one →
  1. August 7, 2014 2:42 am

    He’s compartmentalising !

    Actually, he’s doing what men do really well – living in the moment. Why worry about something that isn’t impacting you right now, right?

    Although this theory doesn’t work too well when they’re ‘in the moment’ having an affair and not ‘worrying about the wife’ since she isn’t here right now…..

    • August 9, 2014 11:39 pm

      I wish I could live in the moment…it would help my gray hair progression for sure. It just doesn’t seem that I am wired for that…

  2. August 7, 2014 2:51 am

    Ohhhhhh man. Even more than avoidance I just want to master letting go of crap I can’t do anything about at the moment. But I’d probably take pictures and fume and fret too…

    • August 9, 2014 11:40 pm

      Totally agree Ellen…I want to let go of stuff I can’t do anything about. Which is most things….

  3. Seana permalink
    August 7, 2014 3:40 am

    That water would bother me the whole time I was away. My husband is the same way. We are both OCD types. Picture my life right now with 2 people like that. Dealing with getting our roof replaced due to hail damage (dealing with contractors and the insurance company), replacing our swimming pool liner also damaged by same hail, replacing countertops with granite (by choice but more contractors) along with picking out the colors of granite and multiple tiles for the backplash, new sink,and faucet and new lights to match new counters….arghhhh. My head is spinning as is his. I looked at him the other day and said lets have all the work done in the same 2 weeks. I think I might b:)
    e better with everything being a disaster at once vs. 3 separate times. On a good note, my water is clear.
    I wish I could be more like Ali and not worry about a thing. (Did I really say that out loud?)
    Safe travels

    • August 9, 2014 11:42 pm

      Sorry about the hail damage…the joys of home ownership I guess? But it’s smart to get it all over with at once…why prolong the hassle? The truth is I would not make it through a home renovation. I know me. I need a turnkey solution.

      And yes, at least you have clear water. 🙂

  4. August 7, 2014 4:20 am

    I just wanted to say that I love you and your family, complaining and all. 🙂

    And can’t wait to see you!

    • August 9, 2014 11:43 pm

      So looking forward to it Jennie! Looks like it’s probably going to be next weekend. I will email you when we have tickets finalized.

  5. shashi @ permalink
    August 7, 2014 4:34 am

    Yes – I want to master Ali’s trait too!
    Love your anecdote to get the point across! Have a safe and wonderful trip!

  6. August 7, 2014 4:35 am

    Ahh the life of husbands. Mine is the same way.

  7. Heather C permalink
    August 7, 2014 6:41 am

    Brown water? Yuck! I wish I could live in the male la la land of it will all work itself out, but I am waaaaay too type A for that kind of thing. And let’s face it, for every guy thinking that way, there is a woman in his life making sure it, in fact, does all work itself out.

    • August 9, 2014 11:44 pm

      So very true. I’ve never looked at it like that. I suppose that if I had a “Me” to make sure things worked out I wouldn’t worry so much?

  8. August 7, 2014 6:57 am

    You got to have ALL THE SCONES this week. I’m with Ali on this one. Who cares about the coffee looking water when you’re going to London?! Enjoy the rest of your trip!

    • August 9, 2014 11:45 pm

      I really do feel like I had ALL THE SCONES in London this week. I am over the top right now. I need to steer clear for a few days I think. 🙂

  9. Lydia permalink
    August 7, 2014 7:03 am

    Oh boy, brown water is never good. I hope your landlord does something about it like right now! Hopefully by the time you guys back from London is all been taking care of. Have a fun and safe trip Ameena! Never a dull moment with Ali 🙂

    • August 9, 2014 11:45 pm

      Never a dull moment for sure. He’d probably read this and think, she should be grateful I provide so much entertainment! 🙂

  10. August 7, 2014 8:20 am

    is this a work or play vacation? a little bit of both? i’ll be coming to you in about 6 months for london tips 🙂

    • August 9, 2014 11:46 pm

      I have lots of London suggestions M! Don’t hesitate to ask whenever you are ready for a deluge. 🙂

  11. August 7, 2014 8:50 am

    This is awesome 🙂 although w house things I am more like Ali!

    • August 9, 2014 11:46 pm

      I wish I could be more like the both of you Sarah!

  12. August 7, 2014 8:54 am

    Men. I don’t know how they do it. I wish I could. It really must be nice not to be a worry wort but I’m afraid we are cursed with the need to stress out about everything!!! Oh well. I hope that it gets fixed. It would drive me CRAZY!

    • August 9, 2014 11:47 pm

      I am absolutely cursed with the stress of worrying!!

  13. August 7, 2014 9:52 am

    Hahahha carefree is the way to be :p

  14. August 7, 2014 12:34 pm

    This post made me think of so many married couples I know, including me and Vishnu! One of these days, I’m going to learn to be carefree. Let me know if you figure out the “how to” piece of that puzzle!

    • August 9, 2014 11:48 pm

      I’m 38 years old, I have a feeling I’m not going to figure it out Parita!

  15. August 7, 2014 1:21 pm

    For some reason your post reminded me of living here, where you literally have no choice but to wait for certain things to be done/repaired/delivered on whatever timetable they decide is available (and August is completely unavailable for any of the above). I guess living in the moment is a talent that some people are born with (like Ali) and others must learn (like us). Are you still coming to Paris? Would love to meet you at anyplace that is open 🙂

    • August 9, 2014 11:49 pm

      I am hoping to come to Paris and would love to meet you if possible! I have a feeling it will be a quick 36 hours though. I will see if you are free as soon as I get Ali to agree to dates.

      His avoidance is kicking in… 🙂

  16. glamorous glutton permalink
    August 7, 2014 2:07 pm

    Maybe it’s just a male thing. I just can’t compartmentalise like that. Maybe it won’t be brown when you get back. GG

  17. August 7, 2014 2:16 pm

    Getting ready for a trip (and then getting ready for work after a trip) are the worst! It’s almost enough to make me give up going anywhere. Except I’ll still be cleaning up everyone’s mess at home. I vote you send your landlord a strongly worded note about sludge water and have a fantastic time in London! (with that fabulous purse)

    • August 9, 2014 11:50 pm

      Getting ready for work is always easier since I don’t have to control Ali in relation. 🙂

  18. August 7, 2014 8:58 pm

    Didn’t you know? If you don’t look at it, it doesn’t exist.
    On another note. ….as much as I loved the Tate, some of the stuff they try to convince you is art is a bit ridiculous. When I went, one of the artworks was a mirror! Apparently ones reflection is considered art. They also had those in the ladies bathroom 🙂

    • August 9, 2014 11:51 pm

      I was mystified by the mirror. Honestly, what a ridiculous notion – I’m glad it wasn’t just me who thought so!

  19. iamlame permalink
    August 8, 2014 12:27 am

    Reblogged this on i deem.

  20. August 8, 2014 3:33 pm

    You don’t need to deal w/it either, Ameena.
    Hire somebody to take care of it & give Ali the bill when he gets back from London! 🙂

    • August 9, 2014 11:54 pm

      Such a good solution…hire someone! My Indian upbringing doesn’t allow this notion most of the time…

  21. August 9, 2014 3:23 am

    I need to learn that trait. Guys are so good at that. When somethings not in front of them they might as well not care at all!

    • August 9, 2014 11:55 pm

      Or they might not care even when it IS in front of them. LOL

  22. willgoh2 permalink
    August 9, 2014 9:53 am

    When you figure out the secret to mastering avoidance, can you share it here? I would like to know too.

    Enjoy London!

    • August 9, 2014 11:56 pm

      I believe figuring that out would provide me with the material for a bestselling book. 🙂

  23. August 11, 2014 9:03 pm

    Oh Ameena! It’s been too long since I’ve been here! How I’ve missed you!

  24. August 13, 2014 8:29 am

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  25. Jessie E. permalink
    August 18, 2014 1:34 pm

    Oh man, I’ve got to take the Ali perspective on life – but I’m more like you, Ameena! Gotta do it all and worry about everything :O Brown water? Pshaw! 🙂

    I hope you’re having a fantastic trip!!

  26. September 14, 2014 6:17 pm

    Finally i quit my regular job, now i earn decent money on-line you should try too, just
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