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she said she said

March 16, 2012

There was an incident at school. Suffice to say it was a “Girl X said that Girl Y said that Maya said that Girl X was…” sort of incident.

Now maybe I’m completely biased but I know this allegation is 100% false because:

  1. I’ve ingrained in Maya that we never, ever comment on anybody’s appearance.
  2. Maya is a people pleaser and never says bad things about anyone.
  3. One has to wonder, how trustworthy a third-party 6-year-old’s word can be?

I tried to put myself in the other parent’s shoes. If I thought a kid was calling Maya names would I be upset? Sure. Would I send a number of emails to her mother that accuse her daughter of being a bully? Definitely not.

In any case, let’s just look at reality here, for a second, shall we? Even though I know Maya didn’t make the comment, the truth is that in general, kids are going to say things. Horrible mean things. It’s inevitable. And the fact is that many girls seemed to be wired to be jealous, bitter creatures who say terrible things out of spite.

Back during my “fun” days of high school I remember a few of the popular girls calling me everything from “Conan the Barbarian” to a “stick figure.” That’s what happens when you’re an underweight, 5’8” girl with frizzy hair.

Did my mom rush off to consult the teacher? The principal? A therapist? No. Did she send an email (or back then a telegram) telling the other parent that her kid was a bully and needed to be punished? Of course not. Why? Because my mom had no energy to intervene in such things and it never occurred to me to talk to her about them.

My Ugg-clad kid doesn't have a mean bone in her whole body. Thank God she didn't take after me.

Maybe I just come from the school of hard knocks but coddling our kids, fighting their battles, and trying to make every single thing okay for them might not be the answer if we want them to be able to hold up the in the real world.

But then again, maybe I’m so messed up that I have no idea what I’m talking about? Who knows.

91 Comments leave one →
  1. Ashlee permalink
    March 16, 2012 12:47 am

    Whoa, seriously? I would understand if Maya was constantly name calling, teasing, and picking on the little girl on a day to day basis, then yeah, that needs to be addressed. But one incident of a RUMOR that she called the girl a name, that parent is really going to send you an e-mail accusing her of being a bully??? I would be pissed if I were you. They are only going to make things worse for their child in the future if they get in the middle of stuff like that. Ugh, I could go on about how annoying that is, but I’ll spare you. How did you reply to that parent?

    • March 16, 2012 2:53 pm

      I addressed the fact that the entire thing was a rumor and the other parent basically said “well I don’t know who to believe.”

      Ummm, really? Ridiculous.

  2. March 16, 2012 12:58 am

    Wow. I knew a woman once who was telling me how she had to go talk to her daughter’s teacher to make sure that her daughter did not get a lower grade than her friends. Because it would hurt her daughter’s feelings. I actually feel really bad for these kids…with parents picking all their fights they’ll be like declawed cats in the wild once they are out in the real world…

    • March 16, 2012 2:54 pm

      Seriously? How about making your kid study so she got a better grade?

      The way their going, these kids will be utterly helpless…

  3. March 16, 2012 1:03 am

    It’s true what you say… These days it’s like zero tolerance! Smallest of things and everyone is up in arms.

    I’ve taught my nieces and nephews to ignore people and rise above these things. They rarely come home and complain. They also know what’s right and what’s wrong.

    One thing I say if something happens in school let the school deal with it.

    One day my close friends son was continuously annoying my niece, she came home and insisted I call his mum. I refused and called the school instead and got them to deal with it. What happens in the school stays in school. The school did deal with it and got to the bottom of the matter. Everyone was dealt with and there was no need for me to sour relations amongst friends.

    Parents these days are too quick to rush to judge and point fingers.

    • March 16, 2012 2:55 pm

      I’m so with you on this…the school should be the intermediary here.

      I did address it with the teacher but the other parent took it outside of the classroom. So frustrating…

  4. March 16, 2012 1:27 am

    sweet little Maya. Look at her. She can’t say anything that’s rude. She looks so well behaved. I think a balanced approach is needed considering how awfully mean kids turn out these days. How to Pick and choose battles as a parent, that is something I am gonna have to learn.

    • March 16, 2012 2:55 pm

      I’m trying to learn which battles to pick. I wish I had time to deal with all of them but that is not the case…

  5. March 16, 2012 1:38 am

    that is totally weird …sending emails over that ..jeez. Which planet does she live on ?

  6. March 16, 2012 1:42 am

    Ah that crazy mamma reminds me of this mother of 2 girls in my class back in the day…she had twin daughters and as much as my circle of friends and I tried, we literally had nothing in common with those 2…and hence rarely invited them to play dates! Their crazy mother called my mom repeatedly to say how we are “leaving her daughters out” but luckily my mom shared your views: let the kids handle their biz on their own!

    • March 16, 2012 2:57 pm

      When I was about 30, I remember a desi mom calling up one of my friends to find our why her (also 30-year-old) son was not invited to a party.

      Can you imagine?

  7. March 16, 2012 2:26 am

    Don’t we call these types of incidents as ‘growing up’ in the real world. I can imagine other parents acting in interest of their kids – but I think sometimes in the long run – this is the reason why kids tend to run away from their parents and live on their own – because their parents are interfering in their business a bit too much.

    When I was at school, I remember incidents which involved bullying but over time you find ways to deal with them – I guess now with social media the game of insulting others has gone a few levels up but so has the mind sets of people. The quick you let the kids deal with their own problems the better characters they become.

    • March 16, 2012 2:58 pm

      Social media has definitely complicated things but luckily in elementary school we don’t have to deal with those things. Just yet!

  8. March 16, 2012 3:30 am

    I am so with you that we need to prepare and empower our kids to use their judgement. However, I would rather a parent contact me to discuss an incident than talk to a hundred other people about it. I experienced something lately where a boy hacked (at 10!) my son’s fantasy basketball page and I called the boy’s mother to find a solution. She gave me the “why are you calling me?” tone. I then went to the school prepared for them to tell me I was a loser. In fact they said, if this were an older grade, it would be grounds for expulsion. So in general they can work things out but there’s a time to step in. I’m not sure a mean comment that was or wasn’t said is the time.

    • March 16, 2012 2:59 pm

      I see where you are coming from but in this very minor, very suspect situation, I would have rather the kids work it out on their own, or with the help of the teacher.

      To accuse an innocent kid of being a bully? The other parent was totally out of line!

      On another note..that 10 year old who hacked into your son’s page? He’ll probably be running the CIA one day. Crazy, right?

  9. March 16, 2012 3:38 am

    Wow. This is something we are all going to have to deal with as parents. We can only teach our kids the best and hope they don’t come in the line of fire; or worse, get it dished out by an unreasonable parent. I don’t understand parents who beat their drum and make a noise about things like this to the community at large- children will be children, and by singling them out and pointing fingers aren’t we making things worse for the child? And in Maya’s case, something that is not even true? How is this woman an adult if her solution is ‘Ooooh, I’m gonna tell on Maya!”

    • March 16, 2012 3:00 pm

      I had to laugh at this! Because essentially, this is what the other parent did. Kind of absurd when I look at it in this context!

  10. March 16, 2012 4:01 am

    My sister was bullied in school. She was called all sorts of things. On her birthday these jerks pushed her off her bike…so I went and found the bitch who did it and punched her in the face.
    And my parents? They took legal action on the school for allowing such behavior to continue.
    Sure there are instances when you have to let your kids fight for themselves, but there are others where you have to break out the mama bear claws and put an end to it.
    Hopefully this was just one incident. But if it does carry on, I’d step in.
    Bullying is terrible.

    • March 16, 2012 3:01 pm

      I’m so sad for your sister. And good for your parents for dealing with it! These kids did some serious, and repeated damage. And that is NOT right.

      And I wish I had a sister like you!

  11. March 16, 2012 4:15 am

    It is completely crazy and sad. My oldest is in 6th grade and there is a child in her grade who has the reputation about going to his father about the slightest things (someone said his sneakers were ugly for example) and then the father calls the other parents and the Hilda who said harmless child things gets in trouble. It had become so bad that no one wants to be friends with the child now. They are all polite and pleasant with him ( because in general he is a good kid) but no one wants to get too close because they are afraid of hat phone call from his dad.

    Very sad.

    The outrage that the mom would even consider tat Maya said that!!!

    • March 16, 2012 3:02 pm

      Do the parents not see the isolation they cause? I feel for these kids with overbearing parents…

  12. March 16, 2012 4:57 am

    In the words of Calvin’s dad, “It builds character!”
    I suppose! 🙂

    • March 16, 2012 3:02 pm

      It sure does build character…but apparently some parents don’t want their kids to build anything??

  13. March 16, 2012 5:08 am

    that’s tough. i think a bit of name calling is fine, i guess, i know it sucks for the kid, but we’ve all been there. i think bullying gets carried away though and that’s when parents need to intervene, but not for smaller things. i never told my mom anything either, we just didn’t talk to our parents back in the day. it’s so cute how she talks to you about stuff… good kid and good mother!!!

    • March 16, 2012 3:03 pm

      We’ve all been there…sadly. It’s the way the world works, right?

      Thanks for the compliment my friend.

  14. March 16, 2012 5:11 am

    I’m not a Mom, but I think you have the right idea, Ameena. My folks didn’t try to fight all of my battles for me. But like you, they had faith that their children would do the right thing because of how they were raised. ‘Nuf about that, Maya looks ADORABLE! Her sweet face always makes me smile!

    • March 16, 2012 3:03 pm

      Thank you Fran! And on behalf of Maya..thank you. 🙂

  15. March 16, 2012 6:19 am

    The teacher should probably be involved if the girl felt hurt by the comments (true or not) but sending you harassing emails completely crosses the line.

    • March 16, 2012 3:04 pm

      The teacher was totally involved and was trying to get to the bottom of things…not that any conclusion was reached – unfortunately!

  16. March 16, 2012 6:21 am

    Wow, I guess with girls it starts really early. Scary. Poor Maya (& you). I hope you guys don’t have to deal with them anymore. Who has time for this kind of thing anyway?

    Maya looks so sweet and adorable!

    Have a great weekend!

    • March 16, 2012 3:04 pm

      It does start early…sometimes I think that boys are easier??

  17. Sally permalink
    March 16, 2012 6:36 am

    I’m guessing that the other mother’s emails were offensive, and it was rude to call Maya a bully. However, I don’t think it’s completely wrong for one concerned mother to contact another and point out that her daughter was hurt by something that her girl might have said. She should definitely stay polite and acknowledge the fact that it could most definitely be untrue, but that she’s still willing to investigate it and give her daughter the benefit of a doubt. But from reading what you wrote i’m guessing she was more attacking and blaming than anything else. Hope it works out! Maya looks really cute in her pic 🙂

    • March 16, 2012 3:06 pm

      I agree…I had no issue with the fact the issue was addressed by the other parent. My problem was the way it was addressed. It was immediately assumed that Maya was guilty, just because of a rumor!

      And on behalf of Maya…thank you for the compliment Sally!

  18. March 16, 2012 7:06 am

    I definitely agree it’s a slippery slope to get involved in your children’s altercations! I’ve had plenty of experience here, where I got involved and shouldn’t have or other mothers got involved and shouldn’t have. Kids need to learn to work out their own issues; it only blows things out of proportion when moms start getting involved!! 🙂

    • March 16, 2012 3:06 pm

      It really is a slippery slope…lets see how I react if Maya is on the other side of the story? I might just be eating my words…

  19. March 16, 2012 8:06 am

    The alpha girl thing starts so early these days. When I taught kindergarten, I was amazed to see the very spirit of meanness that I remembered from middle school manifesting itself in little girls so young.
    I hate that we assume that our children are not competent; more often then not, they can figure out their own solutions (or at least gain practice in how to think and act towards that end). In my mind, being a nurturing, supportive parent does not equal over-coddling.

    • March 16, 2012 3:07 pm

      Luckily we’ve had no incidents before this one…but yes, it starts way too early.

      On another note – teaching kindergarten must be SO exhausting. I can’t imagine.

  20. March 16, 2012 8:08 am

    that’s ridiculous. that kind of parenting irks me. I’m with you on this one!! Maya is definitely the sweetest kid ever, no doubt in my mind!

    • March 16, 2012 3:08 pm

      Thank you Daisy! Maya is lucky to have loyal friends all over the country. 🙂

  21. March 16, 2012 9:02 am

    Gosh I don’t miss elementary school (or worse, high school). This whole uber hands on parenting is such a foreign world.
    PS: Why is Maya just so fabulous (and way trendier than me?)

    • March 16, 2012 3:08 pm

      I don’t miss school in the least. Not a single bit!

      And Maya is stylish because her stylish grandparents dress her up! I can take very little credit.

  22. March 16, 2012 10:08 am

    Ugh some people are so self-important. For what it’s worth I completely agree with your parenting style – nothing is worse than naiive and over-sheltered kids who grow up to be completely incapable in the real world.

    • March 16, 2012 3:09 pm

      Thanks Nada! It’s nice to read that other people are on the same page.

  23. March 16, 2012 10:31 am

    Ameena I think you’re a great mom. And mostly what I’ve learned is to listen to my inside voice, the spirit, intuition or whatever one wants to call it when it comes to these things. I like your approach. Through your posts I get the feeling that you know your daughter really well and that you apply some of the life lessons that you’ve come to appreciate-into your parenting. I admire this, sometimes I feel like I could be a lot better at this.

    Your daughter’s countenance is really special and it comes through in all of the pictures of her. Ameena good for you to teach your daughter what you believe and not succumbing to pressure from others, really something I could work on myself.

    Have a great weekend Ameena, my friend… 🙂


    • March 16, 2012 3:24 pm

      Wow. I never imagined that somebody would admire my parenting approach. And I mean that with 100% sincerity.

      Maya really is special (and I’m not just saying that). She has this ability to love everyone and she wants everyone to love her. Not sure how great it is that she puts herself out there but she is who she is and she’s pretty awesome to me. 🙂

  24. March 16, 2012 10:45 am

    Sure, it’s upsetting to hear things like that, but I’m amazed that any mother would go out and fight the battles for their children. Really? To send you emails? Without getting the whole story, considering the source, or realizing that these are kids? Yeesh….

    • March 16, 2012 3:25 pm

      You said – in just a few lines – exactly what I was trying to convey in far too many words. Thank you!

  25. March 16, 2012 11:06 am

    i love mayas outfit! so cute.

    • March 16, 2012 3:25 pm

      Thank you Eva! It was a combination effort from her grandmothers!

  26. March 16, 2012 12:17 pm

    Maya is one of the most loving children I have ever met and I cannot see her saying anything spiteful. But I do want to say one thing, not about your experience but about parents being quicker with fighting their kids battles. Kids will always say mean things but bullying has really grown in proportion. When I was younger and someone would say something mean it would go around a bit and then stop. Now with facebook and texts and email blasts bullying has taken on a whole different dimension often culminating in tragedy. I’m sorry for getting dramatic and again, I repeat, this is not a comment on your particular situation. But I think as parents in this era we do need to be vigilant of bullying, or at least be clear in our minds at what point we need to take action.

    • March 16, 2012 3:26 pm

      I very much agree with you Sam! I think that when kids get older and have computers and social media at their fingertips then we parents should be far quicker to get involved and make sure things are addressed.

      In 1st grade I’m just not sure the other parent took the right approach…

      Well said.

  27. March 16, 2012 12:34 pm

    Kids can be mean. Girls especially. Sounds like you are doing something right though. I’m always telling my daughter that other kids are teaching her how to behave and how to not to behave.

    • March 16, 2012 3:27 pm

      That’s a great thing to tell your daughter… I think that I’m going to steal that from you!

  28. March 16, 2012 12:35 pm

    I agree with Jennie – kids are mean and getting meaner! I’m glad you’re instilling kindness and values in Maya. I hope to do the same some day!

    • March 16, 2012 3:28 pm

      Thank you Parita! I appreciate the kind words as I struggle with this whole parenting thing…

  29. Lady Jennie permalink
    March 16, 2012 2:24 pm

    Moms are so weird. At least Maya has a nice normal friend here in France. Even though they didn’t get a chance to meet yet.

  30. March 16, 2012 2:55 pm

    I think that the internet has complicated everything. Instead of having a conversation with you and then you both clear things up, the back-and-forth emails can really exacerbate a situation and suddenly it’s blowing up in your face.
    Not being a parent but being a teacher, I do understand that it’s hard to see your child being hurt, but at the same time, people want to protect their kids from everything and that is an impossible task!
    If you can remain relatively sane about it all, good for you!

    • March 16, 2012 3:29 pm

      I agree that back and forth emails are not the best way to get to the bottom of things! I tried to speak with the parent…but they were busy with work.

  31. March 16, 2012 9:35 pm

    I work for the school district, so my perspective will be a bit different…

    … bullying of any kind is not tolerated in our elementary school….. We usually take care of poor behaviour and teasing immediately.

    I draw my line on the emails you are getting. WTH? I dont’ get that….

    But as far as my child or one of my students being harassed….I’d definitely intervene.

    Sometimes we are the only advocate they have.

    Xxx Kisssssssssss

    • March 17, 2012 7:56 pm

      Bullying should not be tolerated – I totally agree with you on that! But I do think that there’s a difference between making a mean comment (which is what the other parent accused Maya of) versus being a bully.

      Thank you for your perspective!

  32. bullied permalink
    March 17, 2012 1:13 am

    I think Maya’s situation sounds a little different than my own, and I agree with you in some ways but I will say this: I came home from middle school every day crying my eyes out and wanting to end my life because I was relentlessly bullied by about a third of my class. Now, my mom didn’t try to talk to their parents (because i’m certain that would’ve only escalated the problem) but she did help me to laugh it off and have a good vent about the a*holes after school. So, while I don’t believe in “coddling” necessarily, sometimes the hard knock perspective can turn deadly for a child. I would not be here today without my mom’s support.

    • March 17, 2012 7:58 pm

      This makes me so sad. I remember how hard my high school days were! I hated school and dreaded encountering the horribly mean kids that treated me like crap.

      I’m so glad your mom was there for you! I hope that Maya can say the same about me too.

  33. March 17, 2012 3:46 am

    Isn’t the mother now becoming a bully and trying to threaten Maya? That is crazy but I think parents are crazy these days. My teenager is waiting for acceptance letters to HS and they always come on Saturday. My husband and I figured it is because the schools don’t want parents to call and say “why didn’t my kid get in?” I think I would have hung up on her. Just an FYI it is ok to give one the finger, under freedom of speech, but calling someone a name is considered an assault. Just in case you need to hone those finger skills.

    • March 17, 2012 7:59 pm

      I have much practice giving the finger…but since I have to see these parents for another 5 years (at least) I try to keep my finger under control at school. 🙂

      Crossing my fingers for your teenager!

      • Ron permalink
        March 26, 2012 11:01 am

        Thanks for the info about the finger, Ameena. Charley’s Dad.

  34. March 17, 2012 5:34 am

    You know I don’t have babies, so what do I know about kids? Possibly nothing. (Does being a nanny after college count, though? It should.) Maya doesn’t look like she has a nasty bone in her body. She looks like an angel!

    • March 17, 2012 7:59 pm

      I think that being a nanny definitely counts…that’s a hard job!

      On behalf of May…thank you. 🙂

  35. March 17, 2012 5:39 am

    emails are definitely wrong. Punch the horrible girl’s parents on the nose – THATS the answer! Well…maybe not. But as a teacher I’ve seen this time and time again. Teachers are somewhat powerless to do anything about it because it is impossible to tell which child is telling the truth. Most of the time, I think you are right, that you are right – kids just need to get through this and learn for themselves that you have to be tough. Rather than learn that the way to cope with conflict is to inform the authorities and begin legal procedures…

    • March 17, 2012 8:01 pm

      You said it so well Kevin…sometimes I think kids are way too familiar with informing the authorities and starting legal procedures.

      Well said.

  36. March 17, 2012 2:29 pm

    Even when girls are six, they can be gossipy. In fact, I think more rumors were spread in that year than when I was in high school! It’s really sad but it doesn’t matter what age they are, but some girls were just made to be the mean girls.

    • March 17, 2012 8:01 pm

      I remember playing with my Barbie when I was six. What has happened?? Kids know way too much at way too young of an age.

  37. Kelly permalink
    March 17, 2012 3:01 pm

    I agree with your “school of hard-knocks” view of parenting. Unless teasing has become a pattern, I really don’t think parents should involve themselves in their children’s school yard arguments. One of the main benefits of going to school is learning how to interact with your peers and how to behave within social groups and I think that part of that entails dealing with criticical comments of others, no matter how unfounded they may be. It’s better for children to learn how to deal with this stuff now than build these unrealistic expectations that they live in this sanitized world of puppies and rainbows where endless praise lurks around every corner. The adult world is far more critical than school yards. Children are mini-adults in training, and part of being an adult is knowing how to shrug off things that don’t matter and how to deal with conflict with your peers when it can’t just be ignored.

    Aside from that, I don’t think it’s the end of the world when kids suffer insults from their peers here and there. I was teased a few times as a kid, and it really did build my character. I feel like it gave me tenacity to stand up for myself when I disagreed with other people’s comments, and I think it also made me much more sensitive towards other people’s feelings (I would never want to insult someone and cause them the pain that I felt when someone teased me).

    I guess I just don’t understand this need that parents have nowadays to protect their children from harsh truths in life. I remember my mother saying to me when I was young, “There’s always going to be someone smarter/prettier/funnier/more athletic/etc. than you.” She didn’t say it to discourage me, but to humble me. If you grow up being told that the world doesn’t revolve around you, you won’t be disappointed when you become an adult and learn firsthand that it really doesn’t revolve around you. Why parents want to create false expectations for their children is really beyond me.

    • March 17, 2012 8:05 pm

      Puppies and rainbows? I have to laugh because that’s exactly what so many kids think life is.

      I love that your mother instilled such humbleness (is that a word?) when you were growing up. I try to do the same because I don’t want Maya thinking that she’s perfect and doesn’t need to do a thing to move forward in life. So many kids think everything should be handed to them…and I am doing my best to make sure Maya isn’t one of those kids.

      Thanks for the articulate comment. I’m so glad others are on the same page!

  38. March 17, 2012 10:38 pm

    Having a house full of girls makes me not capable at all to speak to this but I will anyway. I know that one of my daughters are constantly being picked on specifically because she won’t tag in on the mean queen scenario. Bless the fact that my wife has taught my kids a high level of restraint and the ability to turn the other cheek, take the high road, whatever your peaceful metaphor chooses to be. The fact that Maya has her head in the right place and is not engaging in the return fire shows that she is listening to you. I am not good at girls games due to the fact that I’m at least a big a bitch as any girl/woman I know..and I know a lot of them. Good job for you and good job on Maya!

    • March 19, 2012 8:34 am

      I had to laugh Blaine…”I’m at least a bit a bitch as any girl/woman I know…” I love it.

      I think that your wife is doing a great job. I hope that Maya can somehow find a balance between being accepted and not shunning others. That’s a tricky one!

  39. Deeps @ Naughty Curry permalink
    March 18, 2012 3:05 am

    i cant believe someone as sweet as maya would have to go through this… but what can one do bout those wierdo super-protective moms… how did u deal with it?

    • March 19, 2012 8:34 am

      The teacher addressed it with the kids and told me that it was time for all of us to move on. So I didn’t address the other parent’s third email on the matter…and I’m trying to move on. 🙂

  40. March 18, 2012 9:37 am

    Not saying that Maya called anyone anything, but as the mom of a 6 year old girl (and as someone who used to go to elementary school), I know that little girls do say unpleasant things about each other. That’s just part of the whole growing up experience. And even if it were true – which, well, we’re talking about 6 year old girls, so not exactly reliable witnesses – a single incident does not make it bullying, in my opinion. I mean, geez, maybe talk to your kid about brushing stuff off, being strong, and “sticks and stones.”

    In the circle of girls my daughter hangs with, I’ve overheard all of them say and do mean things to each other, and then they work it out and are friends again in 5 minutes. I’ve never had to step in, because they have learned to sort things out themselves.

    • March 19, 2012 8:36 am

      Exactly….a single incident like this is a not bullying! Even if something was said…

      Funny enough, I find that in kindergarten the kids were able to move forward much quicker. But in 1st grade? They seem to learn how to hold a vendetta! It’s crazy.

  41. March 18, 2012 5:01 pm

    I tried to ingrain in my kids that unless someone was being hurt, they did NOT tattle. That’s a bigger offense to me than calling a kid a name.

    • March 19, 2012 8:36 am

      So funny…yesterday I accused Maya of being a “hall monitor” because she’s always telling on Ali!

  42. March 19, 2012 8:27 am

    Girls start their fighting early these days eh? I’m with you on the not fighting their battles thing. I am quite the expert what with all my experience raising kids you know.
    But still, my mom taught at my elementary school and probably knew a lot more about the stuff that went on than I realized, but I don’t remember her ever really getting involved. But one of my friends moms LOVED to get all up in there, and she grew up to be kind of useless. Kids need to learn how to deal with people they dont like, they’re going to be dealing with all kinds of crazy for the rest of their lives, so letting them figure out how to handle it is important.

    • March 19, 2012 8:37 am

      I fear that Maya will not be able to stand up on her own two feet if I intervene in everything! I also use this as an excuse not to intervene in too much – it justifies my laziness. 🙂

  43. March 19, 2012 9:06 am

    Finally I can comment on your blog again!

    All I can say is that other mother has some issues. Poor Maya. And poor you.

    Is it time for a margarita yet?

  44. mildlyentertained permalink
    March 19, 2012 12:25 pm

    Yes! I relate to this. People have really gone to the extreme these days…I think they need to find more purpose and get a life.

  45. March 19, 2012 3:09 pm

    Trust me I can relate to this…
    I have a kindergartener boy and the Drama is school among the moms is crazy…
    Sometime I feel it not about kids its about them…. Really it can be crazy…
    Trust me Ameena I really avoid dropping my son to school, Have no energy to handle this in the morning….
    Your daughter is absolutely adorable and I am sure with mommy like you on her side she will do just fine…
    Take care.

  46. March 25, 2012 9:14 pm

    Phfff…such crap we have to go through with other parents. Sorry.
    Drama is more for girls than boys…I think. Never had a boy, but they seem to deal with things differently. Girls can be mean in a totally different way.
    Maya will be strong because you give her a good example…you and your husband.

  47. March 26, 2012 6:34 pm

    We need to teach all of our children the difference between someone being mean and bullying. CLEARLY a difference. Bullying is characterized by “REPEATED” physical, verbal taunting, teasing, saying mean things REPEATEDLY with the intention of making another person feel bad. In this case, though none of us know the whole story or BOTH sides of the story (and there are always 3 sides to a story…one side, the other side, and then the TRUTH!), we need to take into consideration that both parties here have children and have their own views (right or wrong). Some of us are more sensative to what we view as bullying toward our children and some of us have the view from the school of hard knocks. Blame it on the media, blame it on the contents of People Magazine 3 years ago where there were reports of suicides and depression due to bullying. What we need to do is respect where others views regarding their children are coming from and teach our children how to deal. Yes we may be overreactive at times. Aren’t we all as parents? Communication is the key. Educating our children about the difference is the key. Adeena, I liked reading your blog. But in all fairness, I see that you portray your child as being a bit of a saint. If children can naturally be mean, especially girls, and as you stated in the beginning of your blog, “# 3.One has to wonder, how trustworthy a third-party 6-year-old’s word can be?” , or for that matter any 6 or 7 year old’s words, wouldn’t it be safe to say that you actually aren’t 100 percent sure your daughter didn’t say something as you stated or that she perhaps has the tendency, like all normal children, to be mean at times ? No one and no child is perfect. And though, yes, this incident (true or not) may not have been bullying and it may have been handled incorrectly, to say you are 100 percent sure that your 7 year old did not partake, is unrealistic as a parent. No matter what values we instill in our children, they will still be children by nature. And children can be mean at times, though not intentionally trying to hurt one another. They are truthful creatures at these young ages. Thanks for reading. All the best.

    • March 26, 2012 8:36 pm

      I have been pondering what you wrote for the last hour! You make very valid points…and many of them have me thinking about the situation in a different light.

      My take away? That communication is key. That education is key. And that it’s great to have articulate people like yourself share their perspective. Thank you for that.

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