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hypothetically speaking

October 18, 2011

Disclaimer: This entire post is based on a hypothetical situation.

Picture this: it’s a Saturday night and you abandon your bag of chocolate chips so you, your husband, your child, and your friend can go to dinner.

Everything seems to fall into place: a great parking spot, a parking meter that accepts credit cards, the last table for four, and a good meal where nothing gets sent back by your hypothetical husband. 

But then suddenly – at the conclusion of dinner – your husband makes a break for the front door, muttering something about an expired parking meter.

Your feel your blood pressure rise as you see the familiar envelope. You count backwards from 10 and you ask in a very controlled voice how much the ticket is. After 5 minutes of listening to “I’m not going to tell you” you find out it’s a whopping $58.

So in this hypothetical situation I’m wondering on what planet does it make sense for your husband to:

  1. Assume that a party of four will be done with dinner in 30 minutes?
  2. Put a 30-minute timer on his iPhone that he won’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of hearing in a noisy restaurant?
  3. Insist that he doesn’t want to hear how putting an additional $1 into the parking meter would have meant that dinner wouldn’t have ended up costing $108.50  ($50 for dinner + $58 for parking ticket + $0.50 for the parking meter)?

Can anyone enlighten me? Because I’m really curious. Hypothetically speaking. Of course.

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110 Comments leave one →
  1. October 18, 2011 1:11 am

    Psshh and men complain we women spend too much money- at least we get something tangible other than paper outta our spending! Uh oh, Ali’s in trouble….hypothetically speaking of course ;)!

    • October 18, 2011 2:12 pm

      Exactly…it’s not like I care if he’s spending money. I do care that he’s wasting it though.

  2. October 18, 2011 1:27 am

    Hypothetically speaking – no idea how to enlighten you there.

    Literally speaking – men can only do one thing at once, right? So perhaps when he was paying for parking, he was actually thinking about food? I have seen it before…..

    Or pehaps the hypothetical husband considered he could pay for it with his air miles ….;-)

    – Razwana

    • October 18, 2011 2:13 pm

      Ali is NOT a multi-tasker so you make a valid point Razwana! I suppose I have to add “pay parking meters” to the long list of things I’m in charge of.

  3. October 18, 2011 2:32 am

    It is the same story everywhere, I see. There is no remedy really. Sometimes I just do what I have to to save time, money, energy everything.

  4. October 18, 2011 3:25 am

    hmmmmmmmmmm oooops 🙂 thats all iwould say .. but then If you see a ticket on the car then Might as well spend more time in the restaurant and instead of spending an hour on dinner spend another half hour .. Now that you have to pay the ticket…

    Thats what I did .. for the life of my I cant beleive i did not see the notice RIGHT next to my car.. came back saw the ticket so WTH.. went back and did some more shopping already got ticket might as well use the time now .. got 23 hours to use it now …

    • October 18, 2011 2:14 pm

      Good point. Except that I was way too angry to sit at a table with Ali after seeing the ticket!

  5. October 18, 2011 4:45 am

    Ugh. I had just congratulated myself for budgeting so well this month with everything going on. Then I got home to find a red light violation in the mail. Those tickets are so ridiculously expensive! $58 could have fed me for three weeks! This is sad, but so true…

    • October 18, 2011 2:15 pm

      I had a red light violation once. It was $350 and that was before I got married. I can’t imagine how much more they cost now.

  6. October 18, 2011 5:13 am

    I’m not one to talk because I’ve gotten at least 6 speeding tickets in the past few years. And the last two cost me almost $500. I learned my lesson though and hopefully Ali did too 🙂

    Random question but did you change your header…it looks different! I love it.

    • October 18, 2011 2:16 pm

      My header is the same but thank you! And as far as your 6 tickets go I think you and Ali are tied.

  7. October 18, 2011 5:16 am

    Men!! That sounds like a Ralph thing to do. I am impressed though that you have parking meters that accept credit cards! I have to get into the city more often. I hope that at least dinner was enjoyable before all of the excitement.

  8. October 18, 2011 5:42 am

    What goes on in the male brain? My boyfriend (like my father—uh oh) always grossly underestimates things like meal time and refuses to waste even a few cents in the short term. There must be some biological thing that causes some caveman-esque short term resource conservation to kick in…

    • October 18, 2011 2:17 pm

      Ali is more like my dad than I thought. Save yourself Jess! It’s too late for me. 🙂

  9. October 18, 2011 6:33 am

    Maybe hypothetical husband’s Platinum. Medallion. status can cover it 🙂

    • October 18, 2011 2:17 pm

      I love it! I wish.

    • sonya permalink
      October 19, 2011 7:54 am

      Exactly what I was going to say. We overlooked paying for a parking spot once. Fortunately, the bill was $25. Still, it was upsetting. I could’ve spent it on eye cream or something. Oh well.

      • October 19, 2011 12:51 pm

        That’s my problem too…I kept thinking, I totally could have put the $58 towards the Loeffler Randall boots I’ve been wanting. Not that I need another pair of boots but if we’re going to throw money down the drain I might as well do the honors, right?

  10. October 18, 2011 6:35 am

    It sounds like Ali is in trouble, hypothetically of course.
    And $58.- for parking ticket? That’s just way too much.
    Time to move to NY. Like pronto! And I’m not talking hypothetically.

  11. October 18, 2011 6:37 am

    30 minutes for dinner! I always put the maximum allowed in a meter just in case. It’s worth it for the peace of mind.

    • October 18, 2011 2:18 pm

      Same here. But we think logically…unlike someone I know.

  12. October 18, 2011 7:04 am

    Pay the extra buck from the get go! I think that is such a male thing. They don’t think of a leisurely dinner with conversation, all they think is ‘I can scarf down a burrito in 5 minutes’. I hate tickets!!!! It’s why I drive under the speed limit all the time. I’ve learned my lesson.

    • October 18, 2011 2:18 pm

      I had to laugh at this because Ali totally scarfs down his burrito in 5 minutes.

  13. October 18, 2011 7:04 am

    Its time you start using cabs. Its cheaper in the long run.

    PS: I suggest you contest the ticket saying your husband has some sort of time mangement disability.

    • October 18, 2011 2:19 pm

      Knowing how disorganized the City of LA is, that excuse might actually fly!

  14. October 18, 2011 7:11 am

    I have to use parking meters a lot when I go downtown for work, and it never fails that my husband has stolen ALL the quarters from my car. For what could he possibly need all those quarters?!?
    I can only assume he has a reputation at McDonalds for being “that guy”.

    • October 18, 2011 2:19 pm

      Funny enough, my husband supplies all the quarters. He just won’t USE them.

  15. October 18, 2011 7:19 am

    He’s a risk taker?

    In Windsor the meters are free after 6:00pm. I took a chance once when I only had enough money to get me to 5:55pm. Naturally, I got a ticket.

    • October 18, 2011 2:20 pm

      I bet the Windsor parking enforceres busiest time is between 5:50 and 5:59 pm.

  16. October 18, 2011 7:23 am

    There are some things that you just turn your head, look away and don’t ask any questions. And be sure to keep this in your arsenal. You can tease him, goad him and annoy him every time he parks at a meter for at least a month on this one!

  17. October 18, 2011 7:50 am

    Last year, Marcus parked in a clearly labeled no parking area (no standing) in NYC. $300 later he got the car out of the impound lot. I’m pretty sure that’s why he offered no resistance when I informed him that I was no longer waiting to visit the city and we would be going in a month’s time.

    • October 18, 2011 2:21 pm

      $300! Impound lot! That’s something we haven’t had to deal with. Yet.

  18. October 18, 2011 7:52 am

    Parking in Cali just plain sucks. It’s evil.

    This sounds like something Zach would do. Except instead of just setting the timer, he would ask his new friend Siri of the iphone 4S to tell him when 30 minutes is up. Men!

  19. October 18, 2011 7:53 am

    I DESPISE parking metres…in fact i think parking issues are my biggest source of anxiety on the daily- especially at my new workplace, I either have to use a metre, refill it and move my car around the block every three hours or pay a bit more and leave my car parked at an open lot a block away bordering some sketchy area.
    But besides that, I don’t understand the idea of ‘risking’ it with parking; I’ve had too many friends tell me to relax; that I won’t get a ticket if I’m ten minutes late etc, but unless they’re paying for my ticket it’s not worth the risk. And since I’m the sole driver from most of my friends, I always have to leave mid-meal/drink/whatever to go add some money and move to another spot (since in Portland you’re not allowed to refeed metres on the same side of the block). Okay…i’m not bitter or anything.

    • October 18, 2011 2:53 pm

      I feel your bitterness…Ali thinks I’m overly paranoid about things like parking too. But who gets parking tickets? Not me!!

  20. October 18, 2011 7:56 am

    Ugh – I hate parking meters and having that in the back of my head when we go out. I have no advice or any sort of enlightening things to say. Not even hypothetically.

    • October 18, 2011 2:54 pm

      The fact that you hate parking meters too is enough for me.

  21. October 18, 2011 8:13 am

    UGGGG! That sucks. Yep, that turned into quite an expensive dinner. 30 minutes is never enough time for a dinner out.

  22. October 18, 2011 8:29 am

    Why wouldn’t you take the bag of chocolate chips with you?? What kind of madness is this???

    • October 19, 2011 12:51 pm

      I should have Becki. They would have lessened the blow.

  23. October 18, 2011 8:43 am

    Oh no!!! Parking tickets are the worst. And $58 is steep. On the upside, it makes a great story after-the-fact. Bah. Down with parking tickets.

    • October 19, 2011 12:52 pm

      Didn’t parking tickets used to cost $25 or something? $58 seems astronomical.

  24. nadia permalink
    October 18, 2011 8:58 am

    oh ameena, i feel partially responsible….it was my idea to go there! i’m so sorry….def made a great blog;) and dinner was delicious!
    xoxoxo

    • October 19, 2011 12:53 pm

      Don’t be silly, it wasn’t your fault at all Nadia!

  25. October 18, 2011 9:12 am

    I’ve never had to deal with parking tickets but wow that sounds frustrating! Men never cease to amaze me with their logic/thought process 🙂

  26. Tandra permalink
    October 18, 2011 9:35 am

    Hmmm…hypothetically speaking, the wife should have done the “accessing the time and paying the parking meter” bit too…because, as it is, men can not think or do two things at one time…just like yesterday,”one hypothetical husband” was asked to pick the kid from school, feed him and than only for this one time “pick a few things from the grocery” before picking the wife since she had to really work late…and the “hypothetical husband in question here”, makes every bit of an effort to do all the above, go to the grocery store, pick the items that the wife “sent as an e-mail” to remind him as well to have a proof that she reminded him…BUT, only to find, he never took his wallet with him to pay for the grocery!!!!!!!…
    So, he has to come pick the “hypothetical wife”, drive her back to grocery store, pick the items and the whole point of the matter-to save some time is Lost…Why?????? Because men can not do multiple things at one time…OOPS, Sorry Ameena, I think I wrote too much…but just wanted to enlighten you with another “such hypothetical situation”…:-)

    • October 19, 2011 12:54 pm

      Your hypothetical situation sounds far more frustrating than mine. I do the grocery shopping – no exceptions. Otherwise I know I’d just have to go back and exchange the 10 things I got for the 10 things I asked for in the first place.

  27. October 18, 2011 10:51 am

    Oh how I wish I wasn’t familiar with those white envelopes with the scolding red font. I always end up being so paranoid that I’ll throw in two full hours’ worth for a 45 minute brunch (you’re welcome, people who pull in after me).

    West Hollywood isn’t much better, with their overzealous Prius-driving parking cops on street cleaning day.

    • October 19, 2011 12:55 pm

      I do the same thing – 2 hours minimum! Better to be safe than sorry.

  28. October 18, 2011 12:46 pm

    oh boy. $58. I HATE TICKETS! That’s like a pretty dress or a cute pair of shoes. I know, i’d be annoyed too if my husband put in 30 minutes worth of coins for dinner.

    • October 19, 2011 12:56 pm

      I’m upset because as I said above, the $58 could have gone towards the Loeffler Randalls I want!

  29. October 18, 2011 1:00 pm

    Hypothetically speaking, I don’t know what to say! You are one patient and resilent hypothetical wife! He better make it up to you on Fifth Avenue next month!

  30. October 18, 2011 2:58 pm

    Ah, oh. This hypothetical situation definitely rings the bell with my hubby. Over the course of 2 years we paid more than $1500 for his speeding tickets. What was his response? To buy a police detector thing (which cost us another $800). When that did not help, he finally stopped exceeding the speed limits. Anything that teaches a lesson I guess.

  31. October 18, 2011 3:18 pm

    Hypothetically speaking…

    Men Are From Mars. We will NEVER understand them …. And they sure as hell will NEVER understand us.

    Period.

    x
    PS that was one expensive dinner!

  32. October 18, 2011 5:22 pm

    $58?!? 30 minutes for dinner?! I’m baffled by the numbers in this hypothetical equation.

    hope you had a nice dinner!

  33. October 18, 2011 8:06 pm

    It sounds like just the thing a hubby would do – hypothetically speaking of course!

  34. Piya permalink
    October 18, 2011 9:20 pm

    i cant comment because i get parking tickets ALL the time 😦

  35. October 18, 2011 9:53 pm

    30 minutes only? Really?
    My ex boyfriend and I used to fight about this ALL the time. I live in a really heavily occupied neighborhood, and everyone parks on the street. By the time he would get here the street would be full, and instead of parking up the next street (which is a full 15 second walk) he would park at the very top of the street blocking the sidewalk. Its illegal, and he got at least four tickets (that I saw) for parking there, but he still did it all the time. It made me crazy. There may even have been yelling.

    • October 19, 2011 12:59 pm

      4 tickets for doing the same thing? I mean…is there no logic here?

  36. October 18, 2011 11:14 pm

    30 minutes for dinner??? and $58 for parking?? that’s freaking crazy! and men don’t count the wastage they do and blame it on our accessories and apparels 😛

    hey… I have something for you on my page 🙂

    • October 19, 2011 12:59 pm

      I have to say that Ali rarely comments on make clothing/accessory purchases. I’ll give him that!

  37. October 18, 2011 11:56 pm

    This just proves God’s point that nothing is perfect in this world 😛 …. the point he made “hypothetically” ofcourse ….. 😛 ….but i have realized there is something with men that they tend to be very bad at estimating time for things in general …… I have been a culprit in that regard many a times….finally i am learning …. atleast i’d like to think so

    • October 19, 2011 1:00 pm

      Well said Eddie…Ali is not good at estimating! Or decision making.

  38. October 18, 2011 11:59 pm

    Its quite simple really. Just follow this mathematical equation:
    Men=stupid

  39. October 19, 2011 12:20 am

    Oh my. I think it’s a male thing because my boss (a male) will park in front of the office and pay for a maximum of 3 hours parking at the credit card meter. Without fail, he’ll “forget” about the expired meter and ends up getting a ticket. This has happened so often that the parking meter maids automatically look for his card because it’s an automatic ticket for them to write. This has occurred ever since we moved into the new office about two years ago.

    • October 19, 2011 1:01 pm

      How does your boss run a profitable company with logic like this?

  40. October 19, 2011 3:29 am

    I find it especially funny that hypothetical husband (HH) only put 30 minutes on the meter when paying my credit card. So it wasn’t as though HH only had a certain amount of cash or quarters etc. HW wouldn’t be so silly.

    • October 19, 2011 1:01 pm

      There was no logic behind his decision. I asked. Repeatedly.

  41. October 19, 2011 5:47 am

    I used to get SO many parking tickets when I lived in Baltimore. Every.single.day. It wasn’t because of a meter though, i just parked illegally since there was nowhere to park and a girl my age wasnt going to roam around baltimore by herself when it’s dark!

    I think that the price of tickets these days is outrageous. It’s just a way for them to tax us even more!

    • October 19, 2011 1:02 pm

      Is $58 the standard in Baltimore too? This seems ridiculously high to me!

  42. October 19, 2011 10:11 am

    The only planet where that makes sense is the the planet where the Delta Platinum Medallion Extra Special Super Important Rewards Program Card can actually pay the $58 ticket.

    • October 19, 2011 1:03 pm

      The good news is that Ali can use his Platinum Status to fly himself to that particular planet…

  43. October 19, 2011 10:15 am

    Ali’s logic sounds very familiar to me. Shaune often uses it! Not really related but lately I cringe at the thought of going out for dinner because the kids are at that age where they are downright irritating while somewhere public. Last week on a Tuesday we went out for a meal, spent $48.00 and the whole time I was inhaling my food, threatening Deaglan, trying to keep Naveen contained, pick up the crap they were throwing and gulping my beer to rush out of there. And I thought to myself – making a three course meal would have been easier than that!

    • October 19, 2011 1:04 pm

      When Maya was little it was far easier to eat at home than to go out and coordinate her many demands. I feel your pain.

  44. October 19, 2011 10:24 am

    I am dying, can you appeal the ticket? Hypothetically speaking, that your husband is not mentally well?

  45. October 19, 2011 12:26 pm

    Hypothetically, this happens to us All. The. Time. I would like to say we learn lessons with each new ticket (hypothetical lessons), but the history keeps repeating itself.
    $1 + extra effort > $58 ticket
    ?

    • October 19, 2011 1:05 pm

      I bet my husband has received 15-20 tickets since we’ve been married. I’d say that no lessons have been learned!

  46. October 19, 2011 5:58 pm

    Ugh the only tickets I’ve ever gotten have been parking violations, and they’ve always been RIGHT in front of my house. So frustrating!

    • October 21, 2011 11:11 am

      If we had parking meters in front of my house we’d be broke. My husband would make sure of that.

  47. October 19, 2011 7:56 pm

    Can I meet Ali one day? Please? I really need to meet the man in person to place all of your scenarios. Love it.

    • October 21, 2011 11:12 am

      You got it! When are you making your way out to LA?

  48. October 20, 2011 12:30 am

    Hello!
    First, I want to thank you for your wonderful comment
    on my blog. Greatly appreciated.

    I haven’t been to Cali, or any part of West coast yet.
    But, I know parking ticket really sucks!
    Wherever you go there money is always involve in this world.
    It’s so frustrating, huh?!

  49. October 20, 2011 4:59 am

    OMG, that’s frickin’ hilarious. I can think of SO many husbands (eh hem, mine) who would make that exact same move in the name of saving an almighty buck. Next time walk about three steps behind him and throw a few extra quarters in the meter when he’s not looking.

    • October 21, 2011 11:13 am

      I think it’s safe to say that from here on out I will be in charge of the parking meters.

  50. October 20, 2011 6:47 am

    All I can do is laugh. I quite enjoy Ali stories through your voice of unconditional love.

    • October 21, 2011 11:14 am

      Unconditional love? You give me too much credit. 🙂

  51. October 20, 2011 6:54 am

    I am with Sana – I hope Ali is able to appeal the fine. Hypothetically, or for real 🙂

    • October 21, 2011 11:14 am

      I wish! But it doesn’t appear to be possible. 😦

  52. October 20, 2011 11:30 am

    Gah – men!!! Gotta love ’em. Or at least, I do.

  53. October 21, 2011 2:32 am

    LOL. I’d love if something like that would happen to my hubby. Then I could go on a shopping spree and say “eh, at least I have something to show for the money I wasted” LOL

    • October 21, 2011 11:15 am

      I think about doing this but then I realize I’m only wasting more money. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so responsible…

  54. enniewidhia permalink
    October 21, 2011 5:42 am

    Dear my friend, how are you? I like your site but i don’t know about this topic, but i want to leave good comment to this site. anyway Good work my friend! Keep sharing.
    Best Regard : power of mind

  55. October 22, 2011 8:48 am

    Partly why hubby and I hardly go out to eat anymore, we’re too cheap to pay for parking. Ok well…besides the fact that we also have two holy terrors tagging along. Sorry to hear about the parking ticket.

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