hypothetically speaking
Disclaimer: This entire post is based on a hypothetical situation.
Picture this: it’s a Saturday night and you abandon your bag of chocolate chips so you, your husband, your child, and your friend can go to dinner.
Everything seems to fall into place: a great parking spot, a parking meter that accepts credit cards, the last table for four, and a good meal where nothing gets sent back by your hypothetical husband.
But then suddenly – at the conclusion of dinner – your husband makes a break for the front door, muttering something about an expired parking meter.
Your feel your blood pressure rise as you see the familiar envelope. You count backwards from 10 and you ask in a very controlled voice how much the ticket is. After 5 minutes of listening to “I’m not going to tell you” you find out it’s a whopping $58.
So in this hypothetical situation I’m wondering on what planet does it make sense for your husband to:
- Assume that a party of four will be done with dinner in 30 minutes?
- Put a 30-minute timer on his iPhone that he won’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of hearing in a noisy restaurant?
- Insist that he doesn’t want to hear how putting an additional $1 into the parking meter would have meant that dinner wouldn’t have ended up costing $108.50 ($50 for dinner + $58 for parking ticket + $0.50 for the parking meter)?
Can anyone enlighten me? Because I’m really curious. Hypothetically speaking. Of course.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
Psshh and men complain we women spend too much money- at least we get something tangible other than paper outta our spending! Uh oh, Ali’s in trouble….hypothetically speaking of course ;)!
Exactly…it’s not like I care if he’s spending money. I do care that he’s wasting it though.
Hypothetically speaking – no idea how to enlighten you there.
Literally speaking – men can only do one thing at once, right? So perhaps when he was paying for parking, he was actually thinking about food? I have seen it before…..
Or pehaps the hypothetical husband considered he could pay for it with his air miles ….;-)
– Razwana
Ali is NOT a multi-tasker so you make a valid point Razwana! I suppose I have to add “pay parking meters” to the long list of things I’m in charge of.
It is the same story everywhere, I see. There is no remedy really. Sometimes I just do what I have to to save time, money, energy everything.
No remedy huh? I was hoping for a miracle.
hmmmmmmmmmm oooops 🙂 thats all iwould say .. but then If you see a ticket on the car then Might as well spend more time in the restaurant and instead of spending an hour on dinner spend another half hour .. Now that you have to pay the ticket…
Thats what I did .. for the life of my I cant beleive i did not see the notice RIGHT next to my car.. came back saw the ticket so WTH.. went back and did some more shopping already got ticket might as well use the time now .. got 23 hours to use it now …
Good point. Except that I was way too angry to sit at a table with Ali after seeing the ticket!
Ugh. I had just congratulated myself for budgeting so well this month with everything going on. Then I got home to find a red light violation in the mail. Those tickets are so ridiculously expensive! $58 could have fed me for three weeks! This is sad, but so true…
I had a red light violation once. It was $350 and that was before I got married. I can’t imagine how much more they cost now.
I’m not one to talk because I’ve gotten at least 6 speeding tickets in the past few years. And the last two cost me almost $500. I learned my lesson though and hopefully Ali did too 🙂
Random question but did you change your header…it looks different! I love it.
My header is the same but thank you! And as far as your 6 tickets go I think you and Ali are tied.
Men!! That sounds like a Ralph thing to do. I am impressed though that you have parking meters that accept credit cards! I have to get into the city more often. I hope that at least dinner was enjoyable before all of the excitement.
Prior to the ticket dinner was fabulous!
What goes on in the male brain? My boyfriend (like my father—uh oh) always grossly underestimates things like meal time and refuses to waste even a few cents in the short term. There must be some biological thing that causes some caveman-esque short term resource conservation to kick in…
Ali is more like my dad than I thought. Save yourself Jess! It’s too late for me. 🙂
Maybe hypothetical husband’s Platinum. Medallion. status can cover it 🙂
I love it! I wish.
Exactly what I was going to say. We overlooked paying for a parking spot once. Fortunately, the bill was $25. Still, it was upsetting. I could’ve spent it on eye cream or something. Oh well.
That’s my problem too…I kept thinking, I totally could have put the $58 towards the Loeffler Randall boots I’ve been wanting. Not that I need another pair of boots but if we’re going to throw money down the drain I might as well do the honors, right?
It sounds like Ali is in trouble, hypothetically of course.
And $58.- for parking ticket? That’s just way too much.
Time to move to NY. Like pronto! And I’m not talking hypothetically.
Pronto is right. Ali…are you reading this?
30 minutes for dinner! I always put the maximum allowed in a meter just in case. It’s worth it for the peace of mind.
Same here. But we think logically…unlike someone I know.
Pay the extra buck from the get go! I think that is such a male thing. They don’t think of a leisurely dinner with conversation, all they think is ‘I can scarf down a burrito in 5 minutes’. I hate tickets!!!! It’s why I drive under the speed limit all the time. I’ve learned my lesson.
I had to laugh at this because Ali totally scarfs down his burrito in 5 minutes.
Its time you start using cabs. Its cheaper in the long run.
PS: I suggest you contest the ticket saying your husband has some sort of time mangement disability.
Knowing how disorganized the City of LA is, that excuse might actually fly!
I have to use parking meters a lot when I go downtown for work, and it never fails that my husband has stolen ALL the quarters from my car. For what could he possibly need all those quarters?!?
I can only assume he has a reputation at McDonalds for being “that guy”.
Funny enough, my husband supplies all the quarters. He just won’t USE them.
He’s a risk taker?
In Windsor the meters are free after 6:00pm. I took a chance once when I only had enough money to get me to 5:55pm. Naturally, I got a ticket.
I bet the Windsor parking enforceres busiest time is between 5:50 and 5:59 pm.
There are some things that you just turn your head, look away and don’t ask any questions. And be sure to keep this in your arsenal. You can tease him, goad him and annoy him every time he parks at a meter for at least a month on this one!
A month? I was thinking forever.
Last year, Marcus parked in a clearly labeled no parking area (no standing) in NYC. $300 later he got the car out of the impound lot. I’m pretty sure that’s why he offered no resistance when I informed him that I was no longer waiting to visit the city and we would be going in a month’s time.
$300! Impound lot! That’s something we haven’t had to deal with. Yet.
Parking in Cali just plain sucks. It’s evil.
This sounds like something Zach would do. Except instead of just setting the timer, he would ask his new friend Siri of the iphone 4S to tell him when 30 minutes is up. Men!
I fear the day Siri joins our family.
I DESPISE parking metres…in fact i think parking issues are my biggest source of anxiety on the daily- especially at my new workplace, I either have to use a metre, refill it and move my car around the block every three hours or pay a bit more and leave my car parked at an open lot a block away bordering some sketchy area.
But besides that, I don’t understand the idea of ‘risking’ it with parking; I’ve had too many friends tell me to relax; that I won’t get a ticket if I’m ten minutes late etc, but unless they’re paying for my ticket it’s not worth the risk. And since I’m the sole driver from most of my friends, I always have to leave mid-meal/drink/whatever to go add some money and move to another spot (since in Portland you’re not allowed to refeed metres on the same side of the block). Okay…i’m not bitter or anything.
I feel your bitterness…Ali thinks I’m overly paranoid about things like parking too. But who gets parking tickets? Not me!!
Ugh – I hate parking meters and having that in the back of my head when we go out. I have no advice or any sort of enlightening things to say. Not even hypothetically.
The fact that you hate parking meters too is enough for me.
UGGGG! That sucks. Yep, that turned into quite an expensive dinner. 30 minutes is never enough time for a dinner out.
Why wouldn’t you take the bag of chocolate chips with you?? What kind of madness is this???
I should have Becki. They would have lessened the blow.
Oh no!!! Parking tickets are the worst. And $58 is steep. On the upside, it makes a great story after-the-fact. Bah. Down with parking tickets.
Didn’t parking tickets used to cost $25 or something? $58 seems astronomical.
oh ameena, i feel partially responsible….it was my idea to go there! i’m so sorry….def made a great blog;) and dinner was delicious!
xoxoxo
Don’t be silly, it wasn’t your fault at all Nadia!
I’ve never had to deal with parking tickets but wow that sounds frustrating! Men never cease to amaze me with their logic/thought process 🙂
Or lack thereof…
Hmmm…hypothetically speaking, the wife should have done the “accessing the time and paying the parking meter” bit too…because, as it is, men can not think or do two things at one time…just like yesterday,”one hypothetical husband” was asked to pick the kid from school, feed him and than only for this one time “pick a few things from the grocery” before picking the wife since she had to really work late…and the “hypothetical husband in question here”, makes every bit of an effort to do all the above, go to the grocery store, pick the items that the wife “sent as an e-mail” to remind him as well to have a proof that she reminded him…BUT, only to find, he never took his wallet with him to pay for the grocery!!!!!!!…
So, he has to come pick the “hypothetical wife”, drive her back to grocery store, pick the items and the whole point of the matter-to save some time is Lost…Why?????? Because men can not do multiple things at one time…OOPS, Sorry Ameena, I think I wrote too much…but just wanted to enlighten you with another “such hypothetical situation”…:-)
Your hypothetical situation sounds far more frustrating than mine. I do the grocery shopping – no exceptions. Otherwise I know I’d just have to go back and exchange the 10 things I got for the 10 things I asked for in the first place.
Oh how I wish I wasn’t familiar with those white envelopes with the scolding red font. I always end up being so paranoid that I’ll throw in two full hours’ worth for a 45 minute brunch (you’re welcome, people who pull in after me).
West Hollywood isn’t much better, with their overzealous Prius-driving parking cops on street cleaning day.
I do the same thing – 2 hours minimum! Better to be safe than sorry.
oh boy. $58. I HATE TICKETS! That’s like a pretty dress or a cute pair of shoes. I know, i’d be annoyed too if my husband put in 30 minutes worth of coins for dinner.
I’m upset because as I said above, the $58 could have gone towards the Loeffler Randalls I want!
Hypothetically speaking, I don’t know what to say! You are one patient and resilent hypothetical wife! He better make it up to you on Fifth Avenue next month!
I’ll make it up to myself on 5th Ave. 🙂
Ah, oh. This hypothetical situation definitely rings the bell with my hubby. Over the course of 2 years we paid more than $1500 for his speeding tickets. What was his response? To buy a police detector thing (which cost us another $800). When that did not help, he finally stopped exceeding the speed limits. Anything that teaches a lesson I guess.
$1500! Holy cow. I am…shocked.
Hypothetically speaking…
Men Are From Mars. We will NEVER understand them …. And they sure as hell will NEVER understand us.
Period.
x
PS that was one expensive dinner!
It certainly was!
$58?!? 30 minutes for dinner?! I’m baffled by the numbers in this hypothetical equation.
hope you had a nice dinner!
Glad I’m not the only one Daisy….
It sounds like just the thing a hubby would do – hypothetically speaking of course!
Sounds like you speak from experience…
i cant comment because i get parking tickets ALL the time 😦
You and Ali can share stories!
30 minutes only? Really?
My ex boyfriend and I used to fight about this ALL the time. I live in a really heavily occupied neighborhood, and everyone parks on the street. By the time he would get here the street would be full, and instead of parking up the next street (which is a full 15 second walk) he would park at the very top of the street blocking the sidewalk. Its illegal, and he got at least four tickets (that I saw) for parking there, but he still did it all the time. It made me crazy. There may even have been yelling.
4 tickets for doing the same thing? I mean…is there no logic here?
30 minutes for dinner??? and $58 for parking?? that’s freaking crazy! and men don’t count the wastage they do and blame it on our accessories and apparels 😛
hey… I have something for you on my page 🙂
I have to say that Ali rarely comments on make clothing/accessory purchases. I’ll give him that!
This just proves God’s point that nothing is perfect in this world 😛 …. the point he made “hypothetically” ofcourse ….. 😛 ….but i have realized there is something with men that they tend to be very bad at estimating time for things in general …… I have been a culprit in that regard many a times….finally i am learning …. atleast i’d like to think so
Well said Eddie…Ali is not good at estimating! Or decision making.
Its quite simple really. Just follow this mathematical equation:
Men=stupid
It is quite simple when you put it like that HH.
Oh my. I think it’s a male thing because my boss (a male) will park in front of the office and pay for a maximum of 3 hours parking at the credit card meter. Without fail, he’ll “forget” about the expired meter and ends up getting a ticket. This has happened so often that the parking meter maids automatically look for his card because it’s an automatic ticket for them to write. This has occurred ever since we moved into the new office about two years ago.
How does your boss run a profitable company with logic like this?
I find it especially funny that hypothetical husband (HH) only put 30 minutes on the meter when paying my credit card. So it wasn’t as though HH only had a certain amount of cash or quarters etc. HW wouldn’t be so silly.
There was no logic behind his decision. I asked. Repeatedly.
I used to get SO many parking tickets when I lived in Baltimore. Every.single.day. It wasn’t because of a meter though, i just parked illegally since there was nowhere to park and a girl my age wasnt going to roam around baltimore by herself when it’s dark!
I think that the price of tickets these days is outrageous. It’s just a way for them to tax us even more!
Is $58 the standard in Baltimore too? This seems ridiculously high to me!
The only planet where that makes sense is the the planet where the Delta Platinum Medallion Extra Special Super Important Rewards Program Card can actually pay the $58 ticket.
The good news is that Ali can use his Platinum Status to fly himself to that particular planet…
Ali’s logic sounds very familiar to me. Shaune often uses it! Not really related but lately I cringe at the thought of going out for dinner because the kids are at that age where they are downright irritating while somewhere public. Last week on a Tuesday we went out for a meal, spent $48.00 and the whole time I was inhaling my food, threatening Deaglan, trying to keep Naveen contained, pick up the crap they were throwing and gulping my beer to rush out of there. And I thought to myself – making a three course meal would have been easier than that!
When Maya was little it was far easier to eat at home than to go out and coordinate her many demands. I feel your pain.
I am dying, can you appeal the ticket? Hypothetically speaking, that your husband is not mentally well?
Good question! Can one appeal a ticket?
Hypothetically, this happens to us All. The. Time. I would like to say we learn lessons with each new ticket (hypothetical lessons), but the history keeps repeating itself.
$1 + extra effort > $58 ticket
?
I bet my husband has received 15-20 tickets since we’ve been married. I’d say that no lessons have been learned!
Ugh the only tickets I’ve ever gotten have been parking violations, and they’ve always been RIGHT in front of my house. So frustrating!
If we had parking meters in front of my house we’d be broke. My husband would make sure of that.
Can I meet Ali one day? Please? I really need to meet the man in person to place all of your scenarios. Love it.
You got it! When are you making your way out to LA?
Hello!
First, I want to thank you for your wonderful comment
on my blog. Greatly appreciated.
I haven’t been to Cali, or any part of West coast yet.
But, I know parking ticket really sucks!
Wherever you go there money is always involve in this world.
It’s so frustrating, huh?!
It is so frustrating!
OMG, that’s frickin’ hilarious. I can think of SO many husbands (eh hem, mine) who would make that exact same move in the name of saving an almighty buck. Next time walk about three steps behind him and throw a few extra quarters in the meter when he’s not looking.
I think it’s safe to say that from here on out I will be in charge of the parking meters.
All I can do is laugh. I quite enjoy Ali stories through your voice of unconditional love.
Unconditional love? You give me too much credit. 🙂
I am with Sana – I hope Ali is able to appeal the fine. Hypothetically, or for real 🙂
I wish! But it doesn’t appear to be possible. 😦
Gah – men!!! Gotta love ’em. Or at least, I do.
I do too….sometimes. 🙂
LOL. I’d love if something like that would happen to my hubby. Then I could go on a shopping spree and say “eh, at least I have something to show for the money I wasted” LOL
I think about doing this but then I realize I’m only wasting more money. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so responsible…
Dear my friend, how are you? I like your site but i don’t know about this topic, but i want to leave good comment to this site. anyway Good work my friend! Keep sharing.
Best Regard : power of mind
Partly why hubby and I hardly go out to eat anymore, we’re too cheap to pay for parking. Ok well…besides the fact that we also have two holy terrors tagging along. Sorry to hear about the parking ticket.