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i am raising 2 children

January 20, 2011

My husband is a smart guy.

He has an undergraduate degree in Economics and an MBA in Marketing. He can connect a DVD player, a receiver, a tuner, and 3 speakers, and program a remote control accordingly, in under 5 minutes. He knows HTML like the back of his hand and he can attack a computer virus in mere seconds.

And yet his logic, or lack thereof, astounds me.

There I was last Sunday, just minding my own business, when Maya rushed over in a panic yelling, “Mama, I locked my key inside my jewelry box and Dad is lighting a fire to open it.”

Now, Maya is prone to exaggeration…but Ali has been known to play with fire and I wasn’t leaving this one to chance. So instead of ignoring her like I usually do, I sprang into action like I was headed Bloomingdale’s on Friends and Family Day.

And what did I find? A flipping crime scene, that’s what.

Among several matchbooks, a box cutter, two kitchen knives, a wrench, and a hammer, I found my husband lighting matches to melt a heart-shaped lock. Because clearly the challenge of opening a $10 cardboard jewelry box is worth setting the house on fire.

“I do not want you playing with matches Ali,” I lectured as I confiscated the matchbooks. “I mean it.”

I am raising two children. You all realize that, right?

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90 Comments leave one →
  1. January 20, 2011 12:09 am

    good thing you dont have a dog, right?

  2. January 20, 2011 12:34 am

    So funny! I love that Maya was telling on one parent to the other, clearly more responsible/sane one. 😉

  3. January 20, 2011 1:11 am

    I’m not sure if hubby is my first child or my third child. Guess it depends on how you look at it. One thing’s for sure though, he’ll always be my “just sigh and pretend he’s not mine” child 😉
    And they said the more kids you have, the easier it gets. SO not true!
    I hope you don’t take offense Ali. I’m strictly talking about my husband, not all husbands in general.

  4. January 20, 2011 1:54 am

    thats hilarious, now I now how my youngest will be as a husband/father 🙂

  5. January 20, 2011 3:28 am

    I’m trying not to laugh hysterically, really I am. But this is just too funny! My dad can have those failures of logic too, and yet he’s incredibly intelligent in terms of computers. Maybe it’s a male thing? 😛

  6. January 20, 2011 4:07 am

    I’m still laughing, Ameena! That picture says it all — look at how concentrated Ali is! 🙂

  7. January 20, 2011 4:16 am

    Absolutely hilarious. I told the Husband last night that he wasn’t allowed to play with knives. ::sigh::

  8. January 20, 2011 4:25 am

    Oh good grief; we’re running parallel lives on opposite sides of the U.S. You’ll see my 7 quick takes tomorrow and my “teenager” leaving the gas tank on empty (complete with picture) for me to take care of when I got in the car. It must just be the way guys are; never replacing the toilet roll, their trash on the counter right above where the can is. I feel your pain.

  9. January 20, 2011 4:37 am

    haha so funny. I’m raising a child: myself. When will I growup?

  10. January 20, 2011 4:43 am

    Hilarious!!!!! (love the bloomies comment too!) That sounds like something my fiance would do (if we had kids-oh boy better start preparing huh?!)

  11. January 20, 2011 5:04 am

    Ahhhhh, lol. I needed a story like this this morning! 🙂

  12. January 20, 2011 5:10 am

    Making sure Mr P stays out of trouble is definitely like being a full time mommy. Its not so much I have to worry that he’ll set the house on fire, but he is incredibly naughty. I wonder when they are going to invent the husband “time out” cage already. I promise i will be the first in line to buy one (with Mr P’s money of course).
    *kisses* HH

  13. January 20, 2011 5:22 am

    Hahaha well at least your life at home is amusing, if anything!

  14. January 20, 2011 5:34 am

    Ha – two children, indeed! I suppose the only difference is that Maya’s little mind is still malleable. Ali isn’t so likely to change, despite your best rearing efforts. Never a dull day!

  15. Polwig permalink
    January 20, 2011 5:41 am

    Funny. Sometimes I feel like all wives do is take another baby as a husband. Either emotional baby or one ready to set house on fire. I think you should use that box to store matches in the house and keep the key yourself

  16. January 20, 2011 6:03 am

    HAHA… sorry but that is funny! Also interesting is the fact that I’m dating a guy with his undergrad in Economics and he’s getting his MBA in Marketing… 🙂

  17. January 20, 2011 6:07 am

    Ha ha ha. Husbands and their projects. I think they just like to feel useful.

  18. Encore permalink
    January 20, 2011 6:24 am

    At the risk of being unpopular, don’t mess with a master technician hard at work! Carry on Ali!!!

    • Encore permalink
      January 20, 2011 6:26 am

      Yes, I’m a guy and I totally understand what he is doing. 🙂

  19. January 20, 2011 6:41 am

    this is hilarious! i’m pretty sure i had a similar lock growing up, and sticking a bobby pin (bent straight and using the end) in it usually worked. but a box cutter or fire makes logical sense… um. sorta.

    this reminds me of last month when i locked myself out of my bedroom. i had used a bobby pin for that before, too (just call me macgyver) but the bobby pins happened to all be locked in the bedroom this time, so husein just started whacking violently at the doorknob with his hammer. seriously, what kind of solution is this?

  20. January 20, 2011 6:43 am

    I think it’s a totaly guy thing. I used to confiscate lighters from my ex-boyfriend back in the day. Sure, he smoked, but left with one long enough, something was going to melt or burn.

  21. January 20, 2011 6:50 am

    I feel like I’m raising a kid with my husband as well. My aunt always said your first child will be your husband. 🙂

  22. January 20, 2011 7:00 am

    Yes, and I think it will always be that way. I feel the same about mine as well. It’s like I’m the mom of two….twins actually.

    FYI, I had to change my blog spot name…I’m now at http://www.anbshilling.blogspot.com. It’s been a pain, but wanted to let ya know. Thanks!

  23. January 20, 2011 7:02 am

    OMGGGGG AHAHAHAHHAHAA! Matches? to melt the lock? really!? Oh Ali! That is too silly =)

    I tell my hubs all the time that he’s a toddler and he makes me feel like I already have a kid — HIM!

    haha!

    Have a great day love! ❤

  24. January 20, 2011 7:14 am

    I like the look of sheer concentration on his face. You have your very own MacGyver! 🙂

  25. January 20, 2011 7:18 am

    nice robe : ) my husband would have called me to solve it. good for ali for trying to do it himself!

  26. January 20, 2011 7:30 am

    hahahaha At least it sounds like me went through a lot of options before he went the pyro route!

  27. January 20, 2011 7:51 am

    i’ve always heard that husbands are like an extra kid! was ali always like this? or do men just become more childlike as they age…like a bell curve hahah

    • January 21, 2011 6:50 am

      Ali was always like this. Apparently he had a fascination with fire as a child as well!

  28. Leslie permalink
    January 20, 2011 7:55 am

    I’m relieved that Maya, usually Ali’s accessory to his “crimes,” had her Mama’s sense to come get you. One shouldn’t light fire near carboard or bathrobes or wooden furniture or pink bows or……

    How does one express “fire” in HTML?

  29. actorsdiet permalink
    January 20, 2011 8:10 am

    this makes total sense to me!

  30. sana permalink
    January 20, 2011 8:15 am

    it was a CARDBOARD jewelry box? hahahah
    why not just cut it open? would that be too traumatizing for maya?

    • January 21, 2011 9:37 am

      Well my friend, it’s because we can’t do anything the easy way around here!!

  31. January 20, 2011 8:16 am

    this one is outright hilarious.

    i have to thank Ali for the entertainment. the last one i laughed so much was when you described how you and the girls next to you felt watching the movie remember me.

  32. January 20, 2011 8:25 am

    Why didn’t he cut the cardboard box??
    I cant stop saying this that men have some affinity for kitchen knives..any chore of the house..they want to do with kitchen knife or scissors.I m so irritated with this habit of P because he uses it & never puts them back in the kitchen. I really like the concentration levels of Ali in this pic!

  33. January 20, 2011 8:35 am

    hahaha I dont even know what to say. I feel like there would have been a MUCH easier and safer way to open a cardboard jewellery box. Men! 🙂

  34. January 20, 2011 8:36 am

    is he really holding his phone up to the lock like magnetic waves or something is going to magically open it?

    doesnt it feel good to be the only sane one in the house?!

  35. January 20, 2011 8:39 am

    LOL, I’d say same thing about my bro…is like raising a kid! My hubby sometimes can be a little childish too but it’s still on the tolerable level.

  36. January 20, 2011 8:45 am

    hahahah! sounds like my husband…i wonder if there is a cure?

  37. January 20, 2011 8:48 am

    That’s why I am afraid to have kids. I already have one to take care of! Glad the house didn’t get burnt down!

  38. January 20, 2011 8:54 am

    My hubby has a PhD in Aerospace Engineering and I swear he has the least common sense of anyone on earth. The more book smart, the less street smart!

  39. January 20, 2011 9:08 am

    Two words: Book Smart.

    Oh, and by the way- I see why you keep him around- he’s hot.

  40. January 20, 2011 9:44 am

    LOL! OMG I think men are all the same. So did he get the key out?! 🙂

    • January 21, 2011 6:41 am

      He did get the key out but now the lock is useless!!

      • Ali permalink
        January 22, 2011 5:37 pm

        Here’s the deal… Miss Ameena neglected some of the chronology…
        First we tried a paper clip / bobby pin… But it didn’t work. I managed to pry the top of the lock to see this was a more sophisticated lock. So we tried bending the pin and still no luck. I went on their website to see if there was a way to solve a lost key problem. And I didn’t want to cut the cardboard box because that would then ruin it. The burning of the plastic lock was quite genius in that the box would have remained intact. At the end we cut the latch but in a way where it is still functionally workable.

        Maybe I could have tried the fire in a safer place than near flammable materials.

        I have a feeling that me explaining all this isn’t helping my case.

      • January 23, 2011 10:05 am

        It’s helping your case a little! Since you didn’t set the house on fire, we can call your efforts sweet. Kind of.

  41. January 20, 2011 10:55 am

    OMG! Dying. Thank goodness you didn’t have a blow torch around. LOL

  42. January 20, 2011 11:22 am

    Handsomeness and brains is sometimes a very deadly combination isn’t it?

  43. January 20, 2011 12:15 pm

    Ah ha ha ha!!! XD I love how you paused in your evaluation of the potential fire-raising situation to take a picture of Ali and the pink, beribboned jewelry box. Oh, man. I love your posts, Ameena 😀

  44. Ayla permalink
    January 20, 2011 12:52 pm

    LOL! Oh my gosh.. such a guy thing to do. I can’t imagine any woman suddenly deciding to get it open by melting it with fire. Uh.. wouldn’t a bobby pin or something be able to pick the lock?

  45. January 20, 2011 1:45 pm

    HA! So funny! My Mom always says that my Dad can not hang a picture on the wall without putting a hole in it. It IS a guy thing!!

  46. January 20, 2011 2:21 pm

    Sounds like something I would do to be honest! My mom would probably slice through the box with a butcher knife.

  47. January 20, 2011 3:17 pm

    Wow…. the concentration directed towards that innocent little pink *cardboard* box is worthy of a major jewel heist 😉

  48. January 20, 2011 3:59 pm

    hilarious!! ohhh the joys of being married 🙂

  49. January 20, 2011 5:45 pm

    Men ARE children too often…sigh*

  50. January 20, 2011 6:02 pm

    This is honest to goodness something Adam would do. Can’t damage the box. Kill the lock.

  51. January 20, 2011 6:17 pm

    Oh Ali! It’s a shame he’s tall enough to reach the top of the refrigerator.

  52. January 20, 2011 7:17 pm

    1. It’s probably time to invest in some outlet guards too.

    2. When I moved in with Marcus, I had an “Oh hell no,” moment where I had to draw the line and explain that I was his fiance and love, I did not want to be a parent.

    3. Probably buy like 10 more of those jewelry boxes for when you’re traveling. Judging by Ali’s efforts, it’s probably a safer bet than the hotel safe.

  53. January 20, 2011 8:15 pm

    You always make me laugh. I know your marriage will be a success because what Ali lacks you make up for and vice versa, it all works out.

  54. January 20, 2011 11:10 pm

    Haha. Your life could be a sitcom. Or a really good book. Have you started writing it yet? I would like to preorder my copy asap!

  55. Kath (Eating for Living) permalink
    January 21, 2011 2:09 am

    Hahahaha, I almost fell off the chair when I read the title already! 😀 😀 😀

  56. squigglefloey permalink
    January 21, 2011 2:58 am

    This is hilarious. I can’t tell you how many times I feel like telling some 21+ guys I know that they’re acting like such little boys!

  57. January 21, 2011 6:05 am

    I started laughing when I saw your title. 🙂

  58. January 21, 2011 8:31 am

    It is only when women start having children that they realize their husbands are like one of the kids; demanding and requiring constant attention. Very funny article, thanks for the laugh.

  59. January 21, 2011 8:42 am

    Haha, he attacked that problem boy scout style!

  60. Cindy permalink
    January 21, 2011 9:23 am

    JJ rats out his big brother and Dada ALL the time!

    I love love love it!

    and Ali trying to burn the box open is hysterical!

    entertaining life is, NO?

  61. January 21, 2011 10:04 am

    LOL!

    Btw, I’m guessing Ali is in a bathrobe, but I’m going to assume that it’s a ninja or some other martial art uniform – the story is THAT much more entertaining. Ninja man is STUMPED by Girly box!

  62. January 21, 2011 12:05 pm

    Hilarious Ameena lol! Your blog never fails to amuse me. Those damn locks can be stubborn though.

  63. January 21, 2011 12:12 pm

    death defying acts by ali Houdini 😛 lol

  64. January 21, 2011 12:28 pm

    Oh my, that’s hilarious!! My boyfriend would have the “what?! there’s nothing odd here” totally innocent look on his face!!

  65. January 21, 2011 2:14 pm

    Bahah! I didn’t realize he’s wearing a robe! 🙂 heee

  66. Samantha permalink
    January 21, 2011 3:06 pm

    Lighting matches! LOL!! I think husbands will try anything to make something work their own way! Have a good weekend 🙂

  67. January 21, 2011 5:50 pm

    cute picture of baby #2 🙂

  68. January 21, 2011 6:18 pm

    Oh my gosh. I think we have the exact same husband. My is also the MS/MBA techy guy that can’t solve a basic problem like this to save his life. That picture is absolutely classic! did you ever get the key out?

    • January 22, 2011 7:58 pm

      Ali finally got the key out but Maya is no longer interested in playing with the jewelry box….

  69. January 21, 2011 7:17 pm

    Hahaha, gotta love stories like that!

  70. January 21, 2011 9:03 pm

    Ameena, I can’t stop laughing! I’m speechless! At least you only have one male in the house who plays with matches..yours truly has THREE.. 🙂

  71. January 21, 2011 9:51 pm

    I love it. I can just picture you walking in on Ali with his “tools” in hand. You have such a cute family, my dear, and they provide smiles for countless people. I hope the three of you have a great time this weekend (and the good thing about children? they are always more fun!)

  72. January 21, 2011 10:11 pm

    Girlfriend, this is too much! Seriously: Too. Much! Love it! 🙂

  73. January 21, 2011 11:31 pm

    Laughing and crying all at once…I would love him to do a post about raising YOU!

    And isn’t the adventurehood of marriage and parenthood about raising each other?

  74. January 22, 2011 2:16 pm

    You just made me smile when I oh so desperately needed it.

    Oh Ameena, I am sorry to have to take such joy from your misfortunates – but I LOVE them 🙂

    • January 22, 2011 2:16 pm

      …and that should have been “misfortunes” – not “nates”….and I think I can even be a writer – bah 😦

  75. January 22, 2011 5:49 pm

    Dear Child #2, aka Ameena’s hot hubby. Re: your explanation of the situation: bla bla bla bla.

    Can’t wait to meet you nonetheless.

    Deb & Derek Hydon

  76. January 23, 2011 10:43 am

    why is it that I can picture my husband doing the exact same thing? haha oh, because technically we don’t have any children yet but my husband is definitely my child..love him 🙂

  77. January 24, 2011 12:50 am

    Hahaha!! Sounds about right…men will jump at the chance to play with fire. That urge never goes away.

  78. January 24, 2011 6:33 am

    hahahaha and what i want to know is how she locked the key in the jewelry box. there has to be a story behind that, right? How did he get the lock off in the end?

    • January 24, 2011 9:22 am

      I think he finally got it off but I don’t think the box will close anymore. This is irrelevant as Maya has completely forgotten about it anyway. Typical!

  79. January 24, 2011 10:01 am

    Absolutely hilarious! Wouldn’t it be nice if we got to be the child, at least for a bit 😉
    Looks like it is time to hide all potentially dangerous equipment out of his reach too 🙂

  80. January 25, 2011 3:12 pm

    I can relate to this completely. I told my boyfriend we never need to have kids, because I have him. 🙂

  81. January 26, 2011 4:09 pm

    maybe having common sense for a techy is too much to ask. i should know, i live with one:)

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