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Xbox Bootcamp

November 8, 2010

I’ve been saving up for a while now. 

Not for my New York trip, which I probably should be saving for seeing as I plan to spend an entire day at Bloomingdale’s; and not for marriage counseling, which we might need if Ali doesn’t stop shoving his socks under the couch. 

No, the truth is that I’ve been saving for Maya’s therapy fund instead. 

After yelling, “If you don’t buckle down and start learning how to add yellow school buses, you will never graduate kindergarten,” today, I fully accept that I am beyond the point of no return. 

I realize my shortcomings but I also realize I cannot stop myself.  I have made peace with this because I have faith that Maya’s shrink will eventually reset her psyche to where it should be.

What I am not at peace with is Ali further corrupting Maya’s delicate mental state by putting her through Xbox Kinect Bootcamp. 

Since Ali brought home his latest toy last Friday, he has done nothing but yell at Maya:

Tacky Disney pajamas pulled up past her knees? Check. Soccer/Xbox dad? Check. 3 hour Xbox marathon? Check.

“Why aren’t you listening to me? Jump…JUMP!  If you hide, it can’t see you. IT CANNOT SEE YOU! Stand farther back.  FARTHER!  If you don’t listen to me you are going to lose.  Do you hear me?  LOSE!  Face the sensor.  Face it!”

After this weekend’s bootcamp, I think I need to take on a second job because Maya’s shrink and/or bail is going to be a lot higher than I anticipated.  And all because of an Xbox.

It all boils down to this – everything is Ali’s fault.  Per usual.

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57 Comments leave one →
  1. November 8, 2010 3:54 am

    The XBox can definitely trap good people into spending a lot of time with it unknowingly. I lose my husband to it for hours every week. But, I just see it as a good reason to get some sleep.

    Hope the family recovers from the experience. 😉

  2. November 8, 2010 3:56 am

    lol…yeah, we don’t have an x-box, and I don’t want one! I know myself…I’m super-competitive, and I could see myself spending WAY too much time on there. 🙂

  3. crazylittlethingneela permalink
    November 8, 2010 4:06 am

    haha! thank god x-box, play stations and nintendo WI have been out of our house since my mum seems to be allergic to any electronic toys 😉

  4. November 8, 2010 4:09 am

    Hmm yeah my future child is going to go into therapy as soon as they leave my womb. Just in case.

    Maybe Maya really should just join a soccer team. This way ali can distribute some of his energy to the other kids as well. Less of a burden on Maya.

  5. November 8, 2010 4:12 am

    This is hilarious – and I’m pretty sure Maya will bounce back with no therapy needed. I made it through life without therapy so far & I’m good (although the Husband begs to differ).

  6. November 8, 2010 4:16 am

    Hey, Maya’s young and resiliant. She will bounce back I’m sure!

    Still, a therapy piggy bank isn’t a bad idea….

  7. eml permalink
    November 8, 2010 4:39 am

    Oh God – I don’t even really know what XBox is all about…but I know it does become an addiction!

    You may need to save for your own therapy sessions first LOL!! 🙂

  8. November 8, 2010 5:57 am

    HA! What doesn’t kill Maya will only make her stronger, right?! Your photo reminds me a bit of our living room this weekend: 2 little boys + 1 old school nintendo + many goldfish on the floor = me hiding in the kitchen with a huge glass of wine!

  9. November 8, 2010 6:12 am

    hahahah. i am so glad that i never hopped on the xbox bandwagon. otherwise i’d for sure have a therapy bill that is more than what i make!

  10. November 8, 2010 6:20 am

    Too funny! I feel for you having to do homework with Maya…I need the patience of a saint when I help my niece with hers!

  11. November 8, 2010 6:28 am

    I can’t imagine. Tim has to cajole his little girl into moving her lego starwars character out of the corner where she puts it to hide when things get too scary. The next level of technology might put us all over the edge!

    Also, you don’t have to pay bail. They would just keep her!

  12. November 8, 2010 6:30 am

    HA! I think you need to take videos of this. I can only imagine. Men and video games…so serious. I once videoed Andy playing Call of Duty…he was not pleased.

  13. November 8, 2010 7:51 am

    I would have loved to have witnessed this.

  14. November 8, 2010 7:53 am

    It works without a floor pad? How automagical!

    I think pretty much everybody needs therapy – how nice of you to start saving for hers!

  15. November 8, 2010 8:07 am

    I’ve seen Xbox Kinect ad video and pretty sure it can get addicted. You don’t need an additional tool like Wii so no need to worry the nun chuck will fly around the living room or hitting someone with it. Pretty sure Ali wants to turn Maya into a gamer as him as well 😀

  16. November 8, 2010 8:11 am

    That picture is amazing and says it all. By the way, I love the tags that you use in your posts.

  17. November 8, 2010 8:12 am

    Too funny! Men really do take gaming a lot more serious than women eh? I don’t know if Ali “games” on his computer or not, but Gary loves computer gaming. He loves it so much that he keeps trying to get me into it. So once I got so tired of his constant asking of why I only play puzzle games, I finally “computer gamed” with him. Don’t know if you’ve heard of the game Civilization, but you’re supposed to build cities (or something like that…whatever). Anyways, long story short, the people in the towns started burning down their homes that I built for them, (you’re supposed to save the homes for them) so got rebelled and burnt down all their homes. That was the end of hubby ever asking me to game with him again. Till this day we still joke about that. I think my life motto should be, “if you can’t beat em, join em.” lol. Have a great week, dear.

  18. November 8, 2010 8:14 am

    Oops…got=I

  19. November 8, 2010 8:16 am

    I am pretty happy that Xbox created this without the use of the controller too which is why we never use the wii to move and grove at night.

    we are having a blast with ours. FINALLY something for JJ to jump and kick that doesnt include a visit to ER and or the VET.

    hehe

    I am LAUGHING because of Ali’s directions. we were…kick the ball, kick…kick now..NOW kick…now jump. duck. duck JJ…run..run run run, DUCK…KICK..run run….
    he’s pretty good with the frisbee too. kid scored higher than me!

    YIKES.

    we had to basically tell him what to do but as far as using the sensor..the little bugger has it down. CRAZINESS.

    I can’t wait for Zumba to come out in November! yipeeee.

    will you create me a therapy fund???

  20. November 8, 2010 8:17 am

    I’m also cracking up that my post last night was the same kind of pictures of JJ playing.

    we could have made pizza and had family night together!

    why do you live so far away again????

    xoxo

  21. November 8, 2010 8:27 am

    LMAO. poor maya. ali is ruining the fun of the kinect 🙂

    i think our neighbors almost called the cops on us during our kinect sports marathon on saturday. i beat ian in beach volleyball and never let him live it down.

    you have to admit, the kinect is pure awesome.

  22. Polwig permalink
    November 8, 2010 8:39 am

    I was wondering how it works. I guess it has to see you. Maybe you should do the same to Ali. “jump higher or you going to loose”. Is there a household version where you get a point for doing dishes making your own sandwich or taking your socks to the laundry room? That would be a system I would totally invest in. For now I guess it is time to dust off the wii.

  23. November 8, 2010 8:41 am

    So cool! The hubster played this at a friend’s house and now I totally want to play too. Can we come over and play with Ali and Maya?

  24. November 8, 2010 8:42 am

    Seems like Ali is being some sort of strange “stage mom” but instead of acting/singing he wants his daughter to master Xbox. hehehehehe

    too funny! 😉

  25. November 8, 2010 8:50 am

    hahaha I laughed the whole way through this!!

    That SO reminds me of how I talk to my boyfriend when we try and play Mario on the Wii together. 🙂

  26. Leslie permalink
    November 8, 2010 9:02 am

    First off, the important things. Your bedroom is so pretty. What a gorgeous rich chocolatey color on your walls and a lovely 4-poster bed.

    I had an xbox and a ps2 when I was dating a videogame producer. I really enjoyed it, especially gaming with him (plus a gamer has talented fingers – jes sayin’ 🙂 ). Given this background, I may have a different perspective, but not on the bedroom decor. That room rocks, even without the kinect.

    I see many positives. Ali and Maya get to spend lots of time together, M gets exercise, A gets his male dose of making a gal respond to his every command, M works on her eye-hand coordination, and, and this may be big or not, M learns to respond to commands without time to say anything back. So if Ali gets designated with you-make-Maya-eat-all-veggies or tell-Maya-no-ketchup-on-my-Vuitton-from-MIL, then perhaps the odds that Maya will cooperate having gone up from Kinect Bootcamp.

  27. November 8, 2010 9:13 am

    Of course it’s always the father’s fault. I wouldn’t be the one doing the overtime though for Maya’s therapy. Let him get the second job. Then when he’s at work, take a screwdriver to the Xbox. Those things are extremely easy to tamper with. Trust me. I know these things 🙂

  28. November 8, 2010 10:35 am

    you can watch netflix on xbox!

  29. November 8, 2010 11:00 am

    What is it with men and giving instructions? My husband tried to help me with my snow skiing once–after twenty minutes, we decided to let me have a professional lesson–it was cheaper than marriage counseling.

  30. November 8, 2010 11:59 am

    As long as you know where to place the blame, you’re all good.

    (Maya is so darn cute!)

  31. November 8, 2010 12:03 pm

    My darling Mr P is quite a fan of x box too. He’s got two–one for the house, one at his mom’s house for when he visits 😛
    *kisses* HH

  32. November 8, 2010 4:02 pm

    Ha! This made me smile SO wide. Which is a feat, considering I just had four huge teeth ripped out of my mouth. Anyway, thanks for the laugh!

  33. Kath (Eating for Living) permalink
    November 8, 2010 4:48 pm

    Hahaha! My Mom used to play Super Mario with me when I was a child. (We only had 8 bit by that time … long, long ago.) Anyway, it didn’t mess up my development. 😉

  34. November 8, 2010 6:03 pm

    loveeeeeee it! and don’t worry i’ll join you on your bloomingdales extravaganza if it’ll make you feel less guilty about spending maya’s shrink’s money…
    glad ali and maya seem to be really bonding! 😉

  35. November 8, 2010 6:08 pm

    And to think that all of this damage has occurred in her first year of Elementary school. Y’all might as well put a therapist on retainer now 😉

    I totally remember the way that my Dad and I interacted when my brother and I were pups – they try so hard, but sometimes they just miss the mark. It’s the effort that counts.

  36. November 8, 2010 6:34 pm

    dude, therapists gotta eat too. consider this a future investment into the economy.
    (p.s. jealous of your trip to NYC :))

  37. November 8, 2010 6:39 pm

    Heee! The photo with the arms waving all-blurred out: priceless! How you can turn an every-day event (well, 3 hrs of xbox isn’t really everyday) into such a classic post is friggin fantastic. And why we read and love your blog.

    PS What about your OWN psych fund. Remember, you need to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.

    • November 9, 2010 7:52 pm

      Love the metaphor but it’s too late for me Deb…the oxygen mask came down years ago but I never found the time to grab it and put it on. I have trouble following instructions!

  38. November 8, 2010 7:47 pm

    You are hillarious. And of course it’s Ali’s fault! This has also happened at our house with my 6 yr old stepson and the Wii.

  39. November 8, 2010 7:52 pm

    Well I must confess… My husband and I have a Xbox Kinect and wii fitness plus with tons of games and our kids are all grown and raised and moved out of the house. We’re like two teenagers. Our son was at home this weekend and he couldn’t stop laughing at us doing the wii dance revolution. lol

    Poor Maya…Ali really is working her out hard. Too cute.

    Now if we could some how get nintendo or Xbox to come up with a game that would help the kids clean their rooms.

  40. November 8, 2010 8:07 pm

    Great post! Now I want Xbox Kinect… is this bad? 😛

  41. November 8, 2010 9:41 pm

    Gosh…I want an Xbox Kinect too. And despite how wonderful my parents were, they actually do contribute to my therapy fund! I think we all need a little help. Thanks for making me smile, love. You never fail. Nor does your HILARIOUS family…that last picture was perfect.

  42. November 8, 2010 11:21 pm

    Ha! That is a crack up! I have a feeling your girl will be just fine…so go ahead and splurge at Bloomingdales. I would love to tag along 🙂

  43. November 9, 2010 4:50 am

    HAHAHAHAHAH i always enjoy your retyping of ali’s quotes. Hilarious..he just wants maya to have fun…meaning win.

  44. November 9, 2010 6:28 am

    Yep. Blame it on Ali for sure, sounds perfectly reasonable to me…., but keep saving all the same 🙂

  45. November 9, 2010 12:04 pm

    HAHAHAH. Ali sounds just like my dad when I first got my driver’s licence and had to drive in Germany. I got very traumatized and haven’t driven a car in Germany since 😀

  46. November 9, 2010 3:41 pm

    I think you should just save her therapy money for something else. Judging from my experiences, therapists don’t have it figured out more than anyone else. 😉

    I spend half my time in there annoyed that someone is regurgitating psychology textbooks to me that I could read myself!

  47. November 9, 2010 3:44 pm

    I think you should save the therapy money for something else…judging from my experiences, therapists don’t know any more than we do. 😉

    I spend half my time in there trying to deal with the anxiety I feel about how my money is being wasting hearing someone regurgitate psychology textbooks to me that I could read myself!

  48. November 9, 2010 4:46 pm

    This post sort of reminds me of the dad from Little Miss Sunshine. He he!!! Everyone needs therapy of some sort. It part of being human. 😉

  49. Ayla permalink
    November 9, 2010 9:20 pm

    Nooo! You got an xbox?? Your family will never be the same. My brother has one and is addicted.. and now my sister wants one. Thankfully I really don’t find the appeal. Maybe the xbox will become Maya’s shrink. At least it will be free! Or not.. those games are expensive. Cheaper than a shrink though!

  50. November 10, 2010 4:33 am

    As a pediatric psychologist, let me say…don’t save up for HER therapy as an adult (make her foot the bill!) but YOUR therapy when she hits adolescence.
    I recommend a solo trip to ITALY
    You’re gonna need it!

  51. November 10, 2010 8:04 am

    Bwhahaha How I loved this post! Thanks for the giggle thia am…so glad I tripped over here:)

  52. November 11, 2010 11:30 am

    lol…which is why I don’t own an xbox. I’d be on it for hours and hours and hours. Then again…I do have a wii, but I usually just use that for watching movies on netflix.

  53. November 12, 2010 3:40 pm

    Too funny. This is one of the reasons I cannot play computer games such that go against the clock (like tetris or the other ones that speed up). I get this crazy urge to beat ‘the game’ and get super uptight and frustrated. Poor Maya! Sad how kids games have evolved from just playing and enjoying to “competition” and technology that often leaves them glued to it for hours. At least this sounds like a fun one!!!
    Excited for your trip to New York! Vicarious Thrills!!!
    I think that is the city you were meant to live in!
    Barbara

  54. November 12, 2010 10:28 pm

    Oh no,not the X Box…I should not have read this, impending nightmares, and who will pay for my shrink? 🙂

  55. nadia permalink
    November 29, 2010 7:54 pm

    OMG, i’m dying of laughter….imagining ali pounding her w all the above….too funny…love your writing!! i’ve been away too long!!!
    XXXXX

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