Kidney for Sale
Confession #1 – Maya goes to public school because I was too lazy to endure the tedious process of applying to private schools.
Applications, interviews, recommendation letters…I just couldn’t muster up the energy.
Confession #2 – Maya goes to public school because we didn’t want to have to sell a kidney to pay her tuition.
Prior to this decision I was trying to figure out how to auction off an organ without violating Ebay’s rules when Ali made a valid point – why on earth would we take out a second mortgage so Maya could learn her ABC’s?
After I recovered from shock that Ali and I were on the same page for once, I decided to head to Anthropologie to spend Maya’s tuition money. But a sudden deluge of donation demands stopped me in my tracks.
This is what was requested, all in the last 3 weeks:
- $900 for the “Enrichment Activity” fund.
- $250 for the “Save the Teacher” fund.
- $75 for the “Field Trip” fund.
- $15 a month for milk (and no, it’s not organic)
- $10-$15 for the class snack once a month
As if that wasn’t bad enough, I found this in Maya’s backpack:
While I completely understand that fundraising goes towards things that will benefit Maya at some point or another, I refuse to sell my friends and family $9 rolls of wrapping paper and trans fat filled chocolates.
Since I don’t want Maya ostracized because her mother has principles, this leaves me with only one option – I will be writing yet another check!
Let me know if anyone is in the market for a healthy kidney. In the meantime I’m off to go through Ebay’s Terms and Conditions.
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
Kids are so damn expensive.
For $15 a month, just how much milk are they planning to make Maya drink? We’re big milk drinkers at our place and two of us don’t spend ghat much.
I don’t even want to know what the Save the Teacher Fund is all about. Good luck with eBay. 😉
That is CRAZY! I have never heard of a school asking for money to support the enrichment program! However, you should be delighted they have such a great enrichment program! I went through one when I was a kid, and it was fantastic. I have a feeling the husband and I will be having a similar discussion one day.
Oh my Lord – it’s ridiculous the cost of education. I thought post-secondary was hell – but now they’re targeting little kids?
It’s sad. Education should be free.
I always hated those fundraisers as a kid — my poor mom bought more boxes of pasta and colorful ribbons.
The cost of private schools is insane. The one across from my house is $30,000 a year. That’s more than my college cost!
Those costs are ridiculous! $250 for save the teacher??? What, are they under hostage or something? Did the teacher break their Louboutins on the way to school, what?? How about save the parents? I think parents are an endangered species LOL. Dahhling, go with your first thoughts: go to Anthropologie and buy yourself and Maya something cute!
*kisses* HH
This may be the funniest comment I’ve ever received! I think parents are a dime a dozen – it’s good parents that are an endangered species!!
A few things:
1. I went to public school and I turned out just fine. After I got out of juvie I was like a new person. 😉
2. What, exactly, are you saving the teacher from? Boxed mac ‘n’ cheese dinners?
3. That is the best wrapping paper ever. My mother still wishes we were in school so she could buy it. It was so sturdy, at least when I was 6 and hocking it to my relatives.
Maybe you can auction the wrapping paper and chocolates on E-bay.
Just give them a killer write up.
this is a real eye opener. I can’t believe those prices. I can believe why you chose not to send her to private school, save that money for her college tuition!
Ugh. Something I am NOT looking forward to about having kids.
This post scares me. I don’t like thinking about all the unexpected costs of children as they get older. Eep!
I remember doing those fundraising things in school! I loved selling all that crap for stupid poor-quality t-shirts…. ah memories…
Oh and for the milk thing, I’d totally take in a gallon of milk and say screw $15, this will last her for 2 weeks. Or maybe that’s just me?
I thought about bringing in my own gallon of milk but realized that storage would be a problem. Plus I’m sure it violates a great number of school rules!!
At our school you can pay $75 and be guilt free about throwing away the fundraising notices, but they will still come home. So I figure I’ll do myself on better by not paying the $75 and still throwing away most of the fundraiser stuff.
It’s working out because I just designed an awesome web site for our Parent Teacher Group and it’s worth more than $75.
As for next year, I’ll have to sell a kidney.
Every time I had to go pay my tuition for university, I died a little inside. Why do I have to kill myself trying to get an education? Selling a kidney sounds like a good idea though- I hadn’t thought about that one. Let me know if you figure out that Ebay loophole!
I laughed out loud at “save the teacher” fund. What does that even mean?
I would love to know what the $900 Enrichment Activity entails, lol!
I always wonder what good children selling candy does when parents are told to not let their kids be spoiled with candy. Then again I don’t really understand why we do most of the things that we do when it’s not right.
I also think it would be more beneficial for them to say “We need $1,300 for stuff that has nothing to do with your child’s actual education.” I can’t think of any enrichment activity that would require $900 per child. Field trip fund, maybe, but why are we saving the teacher? What’s wrong with the teachers where they need saving?
I probably should have been a bit more clear on this teacher fund – we have to pay extra to ensure that state cuts don’t affect our classroom sizes. Thus, we are essentially buying teachers through the save the teacher fund.
Ha, I remember all that fundraising stuff from when I was in middle school. Even then I thought nine dollars for cookie dough was a lot.
Ameena! I feel like I haven’t “been here” in ages! I just want to say that I adore you for sending your daughter to public school. I know that public/private is a really different story in the US than in Canada, but I also really believe that we need to avoid reproducing the stratification that results from sending all kids of “a certain type” to private school and letting the rest go to public. In Canada, public school is the norm. It’s unusual to go to anything but! Great administration, good pals and lots of support at home is key. Some people pay through the nose for an education that gets their kids into ivy-league schools, but never teaches them to make a friend.
That being said, I think you are shelling out a lot of cash. On my gosh, I am taking a graduate course in Sociology of the Families, and I only continue to believe that I will never be able to parent a child. Period. I love you and all the Moms out there who support there kids…especially as I watch the likelihood of joining that club dwindle by the day!
Jaya – you amaze me with your level of brilliance…Sociology of the Families? I am super impressed. And trust me when I say that if I can find it in me to support a child then anyone can do it!!
Wow! That is a lot of moola. Who knew those ABC’s cost so much money nowadays? I say skip it all and get another LV 😉
ugh i feel you with all those costs! well not really as i don’t have kids but i have a billion younger siblings in public schools and the costs add up. fund raising is awful too and, to this day, i cannot bring myself to ask another friend or family member to buy something from me!
and so it begins…as well as my ranting about our rights to a free public education.
FREE.
no kidneys required!
gosh!
I went to private school in Los Angeles, did i mention my dad and dog are missing kidneys?
I was researching my last post and found the most hilarious ad for a kidney on craigslist.
i never understood private school application process. why the need for recommendations? who you gonna ask, the nanny? ‘oh yeah so and so is great at flinging ketchup on a white purse ;)’ and whats the point of recommendations for the parents, not like they’re the ones going to school. isnt all that matters that you get the fat check every month?!
im so glad in my era, there were no such things as funds or fundraising…my mom would probably home school me.
I’m sorry but if I ever have kids private school is not even up for discusssion! It’s like paying for college now and then later when they really go to college. As far as that’s concerned it’s for rich people and I aint rich so….As for the costs. I think it only gets worse when they get to high school. Year books and ASB cards and all kinds of other stuff. At least you can find the humor in it somehow.
Thats a LOT to ask. I mean . . . I get that the kids need this stuff, but if you send Maya to school with food, do you really need to pay for milk and snacks? That doesnt make sense to me.
One of your funnniest posts ever! So much RL here (real life not Ralph Lauren) that I can’t believe it. Bravo!
Kids really are so dang expensive. I mean, from the moment they’re born, they’re already sucking money out of your pockets. You spend hundreds of dollars on things they’re only going to use for a couple months and then you (mostly meaning my hubby) start to try to make sense of stretching your dollars worth by having more kids so you can use those items that cost you an arm and a leg more than once. And then when you have your second child to use your first child’s hand me downs, everything has either been broken or recalled. SIGH. And don’t even get me started on fundraising. Why in the world would I make my friends and family buy something I wouldn’t even want to buy?
Omg God Schools are this much expensive, I don’t know how i am going to face this. My little one is 16th month now. When she starts going to school. I have to save fortune. I am worried about college education, look like i have to start worrying from School days
My sister-in-law just forwarded a request to donate to her son’s school (via a raffle thing), then followed it up with an email that said, “I felt obligated to forward that. Really, though, the prizes are all crappy, so please don’t feel the need to participate.” Ha. Schools do seem to be quite the money suckers. I think you were wise to stick with public school though. You live in an area where the public schools are good so may as well make the most of that!
No kidding! Every week my kids are bringing home notes for exorbitant amounts of money, and remember, that’s after I degraded myself and my progeny by marching them door-to-door for donations. It never ends. I say save your kidney and sell some old purses or shoes on Ebay. Just label them as “vintage!” You’ll be able to pay for Maya’s tuition, and you can afford a new purse!…maybe some shoes!
I will be sending my little geniuses to public school as well – and refusing to sell chocolate. I suppose that means I should pay close attention to your plans to raise funds via illegal sales of body parts…let me know how that turns out. I’m off to buy a lotto ticket.
Hold onto those kidneys girl!
Those school fundraisers are riduculous. Last week an eleven year old tried to sell me cheesy popcorn for 10 ten minutes!
I remember those days…I absolutely hated the fundraisers, and did the same…out with the check book.
I say head on over to Anthropologie, and leave a fundraiser brochure behind, lol
Hey Ameena! I always feel like someone is trying to get money from me too and from all directions. I mean, it’s just too much. I don’t like the idea of home school due to the lack of social activity. Plus, I have a bad habit of thinking that people who home school their kids are racist. A sweeping generalization on my part but when I say it out loud people around me almost always laugh nodding their heads in agreement (smile). Home schooling my future children sounds great after seeing that list of demands though…
p.s. You need a piece of pumpkin pie, no?!
A piece of pumpkin pie would absolutely hit the spot right now. That and a Valium!
Please keep you kidney, Ameena! 😀
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I went to a public school and we never had to pay anything like that. Then again, my school was extremely small so that may be why. Still, that’s ridiculous.
Instead of selling one of your kidneys, I say sell one of Ali’s! That sounds like a much better plan to me. 😉
Fundraisers. They are HORRIBLE. I hate them. With a passion. We also had to do it in Singapore, and I got yelled at terribly by teachers bc I couldn’t raise enough money. I had to go out every weekend begging for money. They’re raising us to be beggars!!! >:-(
Oh public school in California. No money = fundraiser a month.
When I was in public school we did a ‘wrapping paper sale’ to raise money. Over a decade later my mother is still using left over wrapping paper from the Central School Wrapping Paper Sale!
WOW. Those donation requests sure are asking a lot. We would never be able to ask those things of our parents at my school!
OH my goodness…I was laughing out loud…especially when you talked about going to anthropologie…I don’t have a child yet but I can already relate. It is amazing how expensive both public and private schools are. It is amazing how expensive children are! You are some brave folks. Thanks for sharing. I needed this brightness today.
What is an “enrichment” fund?
I usually buy wrapping paper immediately following Christmas for the next year in order to save money…Sorry for partying.
Enrichment money goes towards extracurricular activites like field trips or a special art class…anything the government won’t pay for I guess. And that’s a lot!
I am certain my parents never spent $900+ dollars on an enrichment fund and I’m plenty enriched. They did buy a lot of Girl Scout cookies but only because they liked to eat chai and “biscuits.” 🙂
PS: How cute are the hair bands at Anthropologie! LOVE!
PPS: When are you visiting your sister?
Ah Ameena, you are so witty and funny. Can I borrow some of that 😉 It’s so true…my son goes to public school too. What we don’t pay in tuition we sure make up for in various donations, and fundraisers!
Yeah the amount of money that public schools basically DEMAND from parents, it’s ridiculous. And then the administrators in this country wonder why there’s such a gap between inner city schools and schools in more affluent neighborhoods. Ridiculous.
I remember my parents were never too keen on those pamphlets I used to bring home from school and yet I would fight with them saying everyone else’s parents give money–blackmail. In the long run though, even though it doesn’t seem like it, you are saving loads by sending her to public school. 40k a year for kindergarden = utterly ridiculous!
I don’t have children yet but I hear this is the norm. I dread the day. I despised having to hawk junk to people. If I won’t buy it, I won’t sell it. I’ll be writing a check too.
You really should move to Finland. We have FREE education to ALL 🙂 I admit the weather conditions suck and the language is weird but at least education is cheap.. no, FREE 😀
Good gracious … $900 for “Enrichment Activity” fund?? What does that even MEAN?? And this is for public grade school, right? Btw, I think it’s perfectly right not to be going to private school at 5 – I don’t think it offers any benefits at that age!
I remember having to sell vile candy bars and wrappers when I was a young-in’ – so they still have those, huh? 😉 Ah, Ameena, you are too funny 🙂 I just love your writing!
Rats. I already sold my kidney to pay for school. You’re not supposed to do that, huh? My bad.
It’s all good.
I went to public school and I turned out just fine 🙂
one of my fave memories from school was selling that stuff – i remember one year i ate all the lollipops!!!
Since State of California is broke – parents are the only adults standing to make up much needed funding. After adding –> 1,200 per child solicited donation to the school district foundation + PTA fundraisers including walkathons + 105 for field trips and class activities + holiday catalog + Spring auction/donation –> it is still about 1/7 of private school tuition. But wait we still have to pay for the “after-school” day care –> so total comes pretty close to 1/2 of an all-day private school. Ok those who still want to have children — save $ early!
Absolutely! I forgot about the check I wrote to after school care…but yes, we are still way below what private school would cost so I should stop complaining. But that is a challenge in and of itself. 🙂
$250 for ‘Save the Teacher’ Fund….., I know I’ve not got kids yet….. but …. “What the…..??????”
I need to take my girlfriends out to lunch, the poor things probably are in despair & researching organ sales too.
Holy cow! Are you sure she’s not attending a private school and you just forgot you enrolled her in it? Those fees are crazy! I’ve never heard of an enrichment fee before; what the heck are they enriching?
If Ebay doesn’t work, you might want to check out Craig’s list. I’ve heard they’re a little more lenient with their policies.
That seems quite pricey for a public school. I’d go with public too if I were you. I hate to see what “fundraising” they do at the private schools. If I know anyone in need of a kidney, I’ll let you know, LOL!
School is so crazy expensive, public OR private!
Wait until college! Sorry, I should try to make you feel better. 🙂
I remember fundraising when I was a kid. I hated it. I thin kmy mom did, too. As she was the only one who would always buy something from the catalog just so I have something to turn in. lol. We’d always get the gummy bears.
crazy! no kids yet for me but this made me laugh.
$900 for enrichment activity??? what does that even mean???
i remember fundraising as a kid, guilt tripping all my relatives (albeit, unintentional) into buying over priced junk they don’t really need. now WE’RE the ones being guilt tripped into the $5 candy bars. sigh….the circle of life i suppose…:p
WOW – that is unbelievable. I love that you wanted to spend the money at Anthro – great choice.
Another good point – no one wants $9 wrapping paper – cant someone think of a better fund raiser already?
OMG, I remember Sally Foster! I LOVE how they were always “Don’t go door-to-door!” Uh…how else were you supposed to win prizes? Candy was never that good though.
I only started private school in 6th grade. Highschool was all-girl’s Catholic. Good education, but I think public school kids, if the school’s good, are better socialized.
ah the dreaded school fundraiser. im not sure which is worse, chocolates/wrapping paper (which is what my school sold) or magazine subscriptions. like anyone really wants a $10 box of peanut clusters that you could buy at target instead 🙂
My husband and I absolutely hate when the school is using kids to sell things. If they need money they should ask the parent to make a donation not pawn a child to sell useless stuff that no one wants. Aren’t the parents the ones that should make financial decisions? Isn’t childhood labor illegal?
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