It’s Never Too Early
(cue sarcasm)
I don’t know about you but I’m getting really excited about Halloween! It’s hands down my favorite holiday of the year.
Why? Well I just love traipsing around to our neighbors’ homes – including Escalade Dad’s! I think it’s great that Maya collects candy from people who usually do their best to ignore our existence.
Oh, and don’t even worry – I have no problem squashing that tiny voice in my head that says Maya’s candy might be tainted with God only knows what! Good thing I’m not a worrier.
My most favorite thing about Halloween, however, is the process of selecting a costume for Maya. This year I am encouraging her to be a Genie because there is nothing I want more than to watch my 5-year-old parade through the streets with a bare stomach and in full make up.
The Batgirl costume is tempting too! I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s every mother’s dream to see her child in vinyl cuffs and knee-high boots.
I’m just grateful that Maya isn’t a boy because then she’d be limited to being something scandalous like an astronaut or a firefighter.
The last thing I’d want to do is send her the wrong message!
I have to go now because I’m spending the day teaching Maya how to sort the laundry. Afterwards I’m going to explain to her the importance of having a hot meal waiting for her husband when he gets home from work.
Because I believe it’s never too early to start educating your daughter on her purpose in life!
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
Halloween is definitely a favorite at our house too. We’re the home in the neighborhood that goes all spooky for the kids. My husband starts working his annual props in the summer and will debut them the week of so no to give too much away. It’s such a fun time.
Good luck picking out / pulling together Maya’s costume.
did you see the sarcasm in her post…?
Too funny….
I have a love/hate relationship with halloween. I love that I get to be creative and make up some crazy costume. And by crazy I really mean crazy. Last year I was a jar of Skippy peanut butter and the year before that I was the food pyramid.
However, I hate the way almost all girls take it as a cue to wear next-to-nothing. It’s just so stupid. Especially when the girls i’m usually around are supposedly intelligent med students. Really guys?
The food pyramid!
That is something I am very curious to see 🙂
I give you points for creativity 🙂
Oh my Lord – you are too funny – and I guarantee your writing (and book) is going to resonate with so many people!
I love Halloween! But not for the reasons listed above 😉 – I just love the whole cheesy Halloween movies and the “vibe”.
I can’t picture kids trick or treating in L.A. I see you live in a beautiful condo, and I don’t picture kids wandering the streets (like in a rural town) akin to my growing up experiences. Funny.
Do you and Ali both take her out for trick and treating? Or does she go with friends, etc?
So far Maya’s done something different every Halloween but I’m not sure what we’ll be doing this year. We’ll probably head over to suburbia – more kids, better candy. 🙂
I think Maya should go as a ghost – just throw a sheet on! I kid, I kid. Halloween is my favvvvvvorite holiday, but those costumes are kind of shocking!
Funny, I always thought of Maya as the studious type. You know, skirt hiked up to mid-thigh, knee-high socks, and cutoff T-shirt. I didn’t go to Catholic school, but I learned on many a Halloween that that’s how they dress.
My goal as a child was to choose a costumer that would allow me to be as bundled up as possible without destroying the theme of my costume (I guess this isn’t an issue in LA, but in Southern Ontario Hallowe’en is COLD and there’s nothing worse than having to cover up your costume with a winter coat!)
I liked being things like cowgirls, witches, clowns, or rabbits. Princesses and genies costumes were just not warm enough.
Oh girl. You never have to say “cue sarcasm.” We always know it’s right there in everything you type. Maybe, “cue dripping sarcasm.”
This had me laughing out loud and with gusto to the point that my husband came in my office in shock (I rarely do more than chuckle at my screen). My Dad has actually written a book called Beyond Sex Roles so this has always been an issue near and dear to my heart.
Anyhow, you’ll be happy to know that Sophie’s deciding between a surgeon, Spiderman and a pirate for Halloween. She’s leaning towards the surgeon, which she’s been for the last two years.
I’m so glad that a few people got my sarcasm because even though I put the disclaimer up it seems that some commenters think I really love Halloween? I wish Maya waned to be a surgeon but thus far she’s set on Tinkerbell. At least it isn’t a slutty costume…I have to take what I can get!
i LOVE halloween. favorite holiday? quite possibly. when i was little i always wanted to wear those scandalous costumes but late oct isn’t the best time to be prancing around in practically nothing in new england hah
My daughter had honey bee on her list of Halloween costumes. Ever tried to find a honey bee costume that doesn’t make your daughter look like a skank? Well it’s not easy. That’s why my girl is going to be Belle.
Halloween is one of my favorites, too. I love being able to dress up for work. Last year I went as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. This year, I’m thinking I’m going to be a hot dog. I saw a hot dog suit at Target that’s calling my name.
In college, my friends and I joked that every girl loved Halloween because it was the one day of the year she could dress like a slut and no one would say a word about it.
Apparently this also applies to girls under the age of 12. Who knew?
Halloween is just an excuse to dress with less clothes on;) If you’re into that kinda thing. perfect for a 5 year old child!
As long as she knows she shouldn’t speak until spoken to, I think you’re all good 😉
Maya may have some view about her Halloween costume. whatever you are thinking may not going to work.
I never realized how skimpy and inappropriate little girls Halloween costumes are! That is what I’m gonna have to deal with? Ugh!
Aww I love that you and your daughter are so close! I love the genie costume!!! Did she say if she wants to be anything yet?
Maya wants to be Tinkerbell!! I’m not crazy about Disney characters but at least she’ll be covered up!
I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in years but sadly I did trick or treat in College! I wanted free candy! Anyhow, now it’s just my excuse to buy a huge bag of candy at the grocery store and eat 1/2 of it! Guess it is never to early to start. Next thing you know it’s all about sexy nurse, sexy devil…etc. But for the age those costumes in that catalog aren’t too far off!
I had to remind myself you were being sarcastic.
JJ ( I think) is going to be an astronaut. we’ve been building his rocket ship (from a card board box) too and when I mentioned he needed an outfit he got so stinking excited.
and he wants to dance like that bridgestone commerial.
I love halloween but for all the reasons you listed…
yeah…it’s INSANITY.
last year I was hoping JJ would chose to be SPOCK or a fire fighter…and he chose DARTH VADER.
lil evil cuss!
thank god it’s too small now! hahahah
By the time the kids hit college it will be all about cleavage bearing vampires and “nurses” in mini-skirts…obviously the costume industry is just trying to ease the little girls into it /slowly/ with the leather knee-highs and midriff-bearing genie outfits. They’re /preparing/ them, you see.
Haha. I chuckled out loud when I read the last couple paragraphs of your post. I should always read your blog before going to class. You might make the next few hours of drudgery bearable. I love Halloween too, but I don’t like wearing costumes (weird, I know). However, I love picking out costumes for other people (my sisters, my husband, and one day my daughter!)
You’re funny! I used to love halloween more when I lived in a neighborhood where there were lots of children and they would all stop by. The cutest I ever saw was a little Elvis! Man he rocked it.
Hahaha yah, having a hot meal ready for your husband IS important! Its just a good thing I’m not married. I make my boyfriend bring his own food over if he wants to eat.
I really wonder about some
of these costumes they sell. I mean, they’re for children.
I hear you on the halloween customs
I thought of you last Thursday during our Toastmaster’s meeting. During table topics this question was asked “if sarcasm had a font, what font would it be?” I thought oooh I wonder if Ameena has an answer for this one 🙂
Definitely a holiday where I’m thankful I have boys. I’m sure I’ll regret that in a few years when he just wants to be covered with blood and guts and gore and carry an evil weapon of sorts…but this year I will be toting around a cute little dinosaur and a bumble bee.
I’ll save the Genie costume for myself – to be worn just for daddy 🙂
Make sure you run by escalade dad’s place at least twice!
LOL
And little kid costumes are becoming very disturbing. M is being a fluffy duck. Although I have seen some questionable toddler costumes too.
You kill me: it’s every mother’s dream to see her child in vinyl cuffs and knee-high boots.
Wait until she’s a teenager LOL
*kisses* HH
can someone tell me WHYYYY the kids costumes are sluttier than the adults. or why little 5 year old boys should be carrying around axes as they go trick or treating. but who wouldnt want to see their little girl dressed liek a street worker.. ahh what a visual. lol haha. as long as theyre still selling full suit sesame street costumes, im happy.
one day my child will say “mommy whats the garbage bag for?” … “well ur going to be a ghost for halloween, after momma cuts 2 holes for ur arms and one for your head!”
xoxo ❤
Ah yes, the history of women, via Halloween costumes. I originally wanted to be a princess always, with Sleeping Beauty my favorite (guess I was sleep-deprived back then & wanted to catch up while waiting for Da Prince). Finally I fell in love with the Winter Olympics and wanted a beautiful skating costume for Halloween – at least I woke up. I regressed in college – I had the same costume with 3 sorority sisters: a French Maid Cleaning Service. We wore stilettos, black fishnets, lowcut black leotards with a red rose bud in the cleavage, a teeny white hat & white apron, with a feather duster. We called ourselves Mimi, Fifi, Gigi, and Cici. After that, no more Halloween costumes. lolz
I’m laughing because I’m so confused! I can read your sarcastic tone because that’s the way I think too. Then I read some comments that seem like they didn’t get it. I know, I’m terrible. Anyway, you are too funny and ay yi yi to those costumes!
I thought the first line of my post would reiterate my sarcastic tone but apparently not?? I think people just don’t get my humor sometimes. 🙂
Confession: I sorta want that supergirl costume beside Ms. vinyl cuffs and high heel boots 😀
Another confession: I’m still scarred from my Dad dressing me up in a garbage bag with two holes for my eyes when we first came to Canada for trick or treating. Was I tempted to do the same to my kids to save on all those expensive costumes they only wear once a year? Heck yeah, but hubby stepped in 😀
Love the sarcasm hehe
I was always an “Indian Princess” and wore whatever Indian outfit I had in my closet for trick-or-treating!
Given some of the comments, apparently cueing sarcasm is still necessary….
I wonder sometimes if women are their (our) own worst enemy when it comes to perpetuating stereotypes. I passed by a cheerleader’s fundraising stand outside my friendly local grocer the other day – the girls (7,8 tops) were decked out with full make-up, midriff tops and prom hair. I asked one of the moms how she felt about all the glitz, and she replied that it made the girls feel confident. Awesome – impart to your kid that glitter and abs = confidence.
This coming, of course, from someone who dressed up like Lenin for Halloween when she was 11. As in Vladimir. Good times.
I was a genie when I was a few years older than maya, and my mom had the patience to actually sew my costume! needless to say, it was a beautiful.
Anyhow, I think she should go as “snooki” with with a bump it! Or if all else fails, glue a bunch of kermit the frog dolls on a dress and she can be lady gaga. http://itskate.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/fp_3298204_bulls_lady_gaga_excl_072109.jpg
This link is scary on so many different levels…
you should have further emphasized the sarcasm cue… maybe added some glitter and sparkles? or dressed it in a midriff baring ensemble?
seems like certain folks missed it.
🙂
You crack me up! Next time I might add the sparkles…I thought the opening line was enough??
The perfect Mom! LOL
In Germany, Halloween isn’t a common holiday by tradition (therefore I was never dressed up as something for Halloween as a child), but it’s coming gradually. I mainly know it from that perspective that I get invaded by kids ringing at my door and blackmailing me for sweets. And lately, it has become quite of a tradition to make student halloween parties. Last year I was invented to one of those at the dormitory where one of my best friends lives, and I went as a suicide. I put on an old linen nightgown, put on dark grey eye make-up (for hollow looking eyes) and drew a cut-through throat with a red market (that, unfortunately, didn’t wash away the day after). So I had that cut-through throat for some days. 😀
Ha, I meant invited, of course, not invented!
haha oh man, those costumes are bad. those are for little kids? jeeze. i wasn’t a genie until i was at least 10 🙂
but seriously…LA is especially disadvantaged with the warmer weather. on the east coast, it’s so cold by Halloween that kids have to wear warmer (and less revealing) costumes!!
Bahahaha! You have the BEST tags!
Haha! 😉 I think I’ll either try to make or get one of my family members to make my little boy’s costumes! Those are just weird looking!! Especially the fireman with the ax?!!
I remember how fun it was to pick out my costume when I was little! Wait-who am I kidding-it still is fun to pick it out! lol I swaer, being in college gives you an excuse to revert to being a five year-old and freak out over Halloween costumes. I cannot wait 😀
You are hilarious!! Except I was Jasmine from Alladin when I was six… and I was allowed out without a proper top on. Whoops
You could always just Pass Go and kit her out in an apron and heels. For an accessory, she could drag her own stove behind her.
Honestly, I’m just disgusted by the kind of crap that they try to dress little girls up in for Halloween. Like seriously?! They’re in grade-school.
What about that gypsy costume next to the genie? Maybe you could re-purpose it into something cooler?
Yeah! Teach the girl independence — the only words she should listen to are “Wife, make me a sammich!”
Haha, I gag at so many of the kid costumes I see. Then I gag at the childrens section of department stores.
I always liked being stuff that was considered “weird” for my sex/age group. One year I was a werewolf; that was fun. It was not fun when my parents always took away the Pixie Stix. Until I read the Candy Man story. And realized Pixie Stix are gross.
LOL, this is so hilarious and I do agree some commenter are actually missed your sarcasm. Anyway, I also don’t get why Halloween costumes for little girls have to be that slutty???! Hope you can find a decent and more age appropriate costume for Maya! Btw I heard some parents prefer to to take their kids doing trick and treat at the mall b/c it’s safer?
We have taken Maya to the mall in the past but she doesn’t really enjoy it. It is kind of lame, I must admit!
I was very relieved last year when my 10-year-old niece dressed up as a baseball player. Maybe it’s an indicator that she’ll have lesbian tendencies when she’s older, but I’ll take that over the “cute little young slut” any day of the week!
Sorry, by the way, for reinforcing the stereotype about baseball/softball and lesbians. And if I offended anyone!
No offense taken! I’d be thrilled if Maya wanted to be a baseball player. But alas, we are going the Disney route this year and we’re channeling Tinkerbell. Wonderful.
Oh Ameena…you make me laugh…always! Seriously, these little girl get ups are just too much. Thankfully, my 3 year old wants to be a butterfly or princess…I’m sure they’ll find a way to make that inappropriate too 🙂
It’s funny, as a kid I remember my mom always being so worried about us finding something in our candy. She always offered to take us to the store and buy us candy instead but we always insisted on trick or treating. Now I get to watch my sister begging my niece to go to the store to pick out candy instead of trick or treating. Lol, I finally know where my mom was coming from! 🙂
We don’t really celebrate Halloween which I think is a shame, it’s a fun holiday 🙂
Halloween is my least favorite holiday, I don’t know why….I’ve hated it since I was a kid.
oh and don’t worry…I got your sarcasm as always. I just always comment on how I hate Halloween whenever I get the chance!
Oh you are funny! I love Halloween, and I think it is because I have a black cat.
Hilarious! I can’t imagine dealing with Halloween with kids, especially when the displays go up in August, right when school begins (at least around here). Yikes.
I must stand up and take a bow. Love the way you can carry of sarcasm from the word go to the last line! I’m surprised some people didn’t get it. Even if one missed the “cue”, the declaration of your love for anything remotely close to Halloween and Maya’s candy-hunting (not to miss the costume selection) should have given it away!
Don’t worry, my mom is letting my sister be Lady Gaga for halloween. The thought just makes me wanna run and hide.
that might be the funniest tag i’ve ever seen. kudos, and amen to that. 😉
i’m excited to see what maya will be!
Too funny, love the dripping with sarcasm there!! I love that your heading out to the suburbs for better candy 🙂
wanna hear something sad? I actually buy the little girls costumes (size 14 or 16 years old) cause it’s cheaper and it’s the same sexy sh*t!
I absolutely LOVE Halloween, even if you might not love it so much 😉
Where I’m from, its much too cold (and probably raining) for the onslaught of ‘sexy nurses’ and ‘sexy librarians’ and ‘sexy crayons’. However, we still get a few weather-confused individuals who go out nearly naked.
I just love to dress up (last year I was a zombie of a receptionist) and I love to see all the costumes people come up with!
Haha I love it. Halloween can be fun. On the opposite side of sarcasm you could encourage Maya to get a little creative with her costumes so that she’s familiar with the non-slutty possibilities. A good one I’ve seen a friend do…movie theater floor (wear all black with random wrappers, popcorn and things pinned on). I don’t think it gets less sexier than that.
The movie theater floor is a brilliant idea! I am noting it down for future reference. 🙂
Like your sarcasm. I just can’t get with the Holloween program. There will be a costume parade at school so my daughter will need to get dressed up. I am feeling pressured already since I personally don’t like costumes. Kids do get pressured to costume up. All the collected candies from neighborhood then sit in the cupboard for months and months before going to the trash can. There should be candy recycling business.
Maybe you could combine the Batgirl and Genie costumes so she could have a bare stomach AND knee-high leather boots. Because that would make any mother proud.
You should definitely go for the genie costume because that way Maya will be a pro at showing off her body when she hits her early teens! Don’t forget to do her makeup too because every little girl needs to know how to put on a shitload of bronzer (blush?), mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow and who knows what else that genie girl has on.
I do love Halloween though! I’m being a goddess this year so I’m pretty pumped about that.
“Yes, you…back in the back?”
I had raised my hand “I would like another baby”
“Why,” the lactation expert asked
“because her onsie says does this make my butt look fat, and I am supporting such a message”
She glared at me and said “it’s just a doll”
and I said “not my doll anymore.”
Your intentions matter! Thank you for sending positive vibes out there to all of us!
I hear ya!!
Have you seen the itsy-bitsy ‘nurse/maid’ costumes? Thankfully there are no cheesy costumes for boys-it’s my son’s 3rd Halloween and this year he’s going to be a pirate(he’s been a lady bug and a firefighter). I’ve always made all his costumes(it’s so much fun making them) and thankfully he doesn’t think I’m being cheap(not yet at least,I’m sure that’ll happen in the years to come though)!
Yeah, what is up with all the slutty costumes for little girls? Meanwhile, the boys have wholesome ones-backwards!
Anyway, I hope you guys have a wicked cool Halloween;) I hope Maya dresses up as a witch (smile)!
I love halloween too. It an excuse to play dress up. Though, I also never did get why some girls costumes have to be soo skimpy. I’m debating on whether or not to go as punky brewster this year. hahaha…
You are too funny. I haven’t dressed up for Halloween the last few years but this year might be different. I might dress up and take my niece to Mickey’s Halloween party. I heard that if adults have costumes, we get the sweet candies and goodies too aside from what they give to the kids.
I have never seen a catalog for kids costumes and didn’t know it existed and quiet surprise with the pictures of the costumes they offer. What happened to princess costumes?
LOL at those kid costumes! Were they always like that? I remember being a kid and having the Halloween magazine come in the mail. It was so exciting.
Yum Yum, bring on the high quality candy corn 😉
I hope Escalade Dad gives out Escalade-level candy. But usually, Escalade Dads are cheap asses who give out Mounds.
somewhat parallel to how i feel about kids playing w/baby dolls as toys. makes kids want to have a kid, while being a kid….
I couldn’t resist that title and had to comment when I read this even though it’s an older post. We feel the same way at my house and I have heard a similar comment coming from my teenage daughters. I am so proud of them. My almost 16 read it too and she said it was awesome : )
Thank you for the compliment. All I can say is that I hope that in 10 years Maya will feel the same as your teenage daughters do! You are an amazing mother to have taught them so well!
Just couldn’t stop smiling at your last line. Made a mental note to myself, for whenever I’ll have a child in the future. 🙂
Very good write up. I dislike how fashion for children has changed so much. Since I last knew.
Thank you Nisha…I dislike it as well. But I feel super uptight and old for admitting that!