Dear Escalade Dad
Dear Escalade Dad –
I realize this letter is coming out of left field – forgive me. You seem like a nice guy. And kudos to you for picking up your kids every day! You are one of the very few fathers that I see at school and I admire your dedication to your children.
What I don’t admire is that you insist on double parking directly outside the front of the school every single afternoon. Do you realize you are creating a traffic jam and hazardous conditions for all involved? Or are the honking horns not a dead giveaway?
Do you know what really drives me crazy? The fact that you double park AND let your engine idle away as you block the street. So in essence, you are singlehandedly creating a traffic hazard and ruining the environment at the same time.
Selfish much?
I am trying to cut you a bit of slack because I realize having an SUV makes you think you should be afforded benefits that other people don’t have. You see, prior to my current car I had an SUV and I loved it more than I love my child. It’s been nearly 3 years and I still miss it.
I understand that you feel like you are king of the road! I know that a 5 ton vehicle can make you feel invincible. I get it, I truly do. But having an SUV doesn’t give you a license (no pun intended) to inconvenience me and the other parents. If there is anything I hate – and my husband can attest to this – it is being inconvenienced by the laziness of others.
Please consider this a friendly little request to maneuver your vehicle into a parking spot somewhere and TURN IT OFF. Me, the other parents, and the thinning ozone layer thank you in advance for your consideration.
Sincerely,
An Inconvenienced Parent
While I'm not going to win Mother/Wife of the Year Award anytime soon, I haven't killed anyone yet or shot myself in the head. And that, my friends, is how I calculate success these days. 
FANCY THAT FANCY THIS 
Is this gentleman related to the driver of the crystal encrusted Escalade you photographed a few days ago?
I’m not much of an SUV fan myself. I like my cars small, sporty, greater than 25 mpg, and with a stick shift. Much easier and sleeker to zip around, parking almost anywhere.
Being horrifically sentimental, I understand your carlove. Do tell us more about your baby before your baby.
Different Escalade actually – this one wasn’t crystal encrusted! But it was obnoxious all the same, thanks to the driver. My SUV was the size of my living room and I loved it! It drove like a dream, had all the bells and whistles, and I felt like I could see Europe when I was in the driver’s seat. If the mileage was just a little bit better I would have leased another one. But with just one kid I couldn’t justify the cost or the size so I let it go. I’m still recovering!
I love how you can write about those things in life that irritate the hell out of US. Trust me, you are not alone in these thoughts. I could write a book (hah!) on all the darn things that just irritate me, are wrong, are stupid, annoying, etc…ugh. But now I have to go to work and fight about my car again and find money I don’t have…
P.S – I dare you to leave that letter on the windshield of that SUV!!! 🙂
I might consider leaving a note on his car except that he is always in it, idling away! 🙂
GAH!!! I hate when people do that. Kudos to you for telling it how it is!! 🙂
Haha my bestie has an suv and thinks she is much larger than her 5 ft self when she is driving. Also, just wanted to say I’m addicted to turning my brown rice tortillas into chips now!
Wow, this fellow might be related to my neighbor. My neighbor who really is a nice fellow even though he owns not one but TWO Hummers and feels that he needs to rule the road with them.
You have completely hit on my pet peeve! I hate when other drivers think that their errand/child/appointment is more important than anyone else’s. It’s dangerous for them, me AND the child get into or out of the car.
Dear lady in the white jeep yesterday,
No. You cannot just cross over 3 lanes and nearly cut me off and kill somebody when you feel like it. You actually have to look to see if people are in those other lanes. Yes, believe it or not. You are not the only one and the road.
Jerk.
From,
Unknown driver
(me)
I can’t stand it when people do that! Its like they’re saying “hey, look at me in my big fancy car” “everyone look at me please”
PLEASE please please leave this on his windshield?! i drive an suv and this behavior bugs me to no end!
I hate that! Seriously… I’d honk until he moves. And start a band of moms/dads to do the same. Or sign a petition and smack it on his windshield while he’s still in the car… because some people are oblivious idiots.
Gah. Just gah.
Lol…now you should anonymously send this to every parent in Maya’s class 🙂
I’m a year from having to deal with this issue but can already feel my blood pressure rising. Rut roh and thank you ever so much for beginning the process early! 🙂
Dear lady who wrote me a letter,
Did you miss the fact that my SUV is an Escalade? An Escalade. Which means I don’t care about you or the other mothers. (Unless they’re hot, in which case, pass along my number.)
As for your annoyance at my idling: Since I can’t guarantee that said hot mothers will notice me just because I have an Escalade, I must leave my car running. It’s the best way to get noticed. And, really, it makes me seem more important than I am.
So you’re just going to have to deal.
Sincerely,
Someone way cooler than you
I love this Tracey – you crack me up! Maybe he is just trying to get attention because trust me when I say that the moms at Maya’s school are stunning!!
Funny thing, I am actually so happy not driving anymore.
*kisses* HH
Let’s get a cop over during the pick up time. May be the cop will give this Escalade Mr. a big fat ticket. Where are the traffic cops when you need one?
you tell him Ameena! Fun post.
What a prick. I agree with Anna, send the letter to every parent in the class.. that would be pretty great. Except it might piss him off so much that he brings his friends who also have SUVs. That could get messy.
I love a really good rant post! They are so fun and it makes up for all the crap I have to stuff and never ever get off my chest!
DANKE!!!
Too funny.
Yeah, the fact that he is driving an Escalade indicates that he might not be aware of the rest of the world to begin with.
i want an SUV pretty badly right now. I promise i wont double park and i will get a Hybrid so that I wont ruin the environment.
hahaha, I hate when people double park. Because as you’re driving you see that bit of space from far away and you get all excited. And then it is ruined. By their double parking. lol
Great post, as usual. Yours always make me laugh!
Oh that would make me so mad. The biggest problem I have with this guy is that he’s putting everyone in danger. That alone is enough for me to call the cops. So not cool!
And out of all honesty, I drive an suv. Different people have different needs, especially in our harsh Canadian winter driving conditions. If anything, I think suv drivers need to be extra careful of the way we drive and where we park because of the size of the car. This guy is just being a jerk!
I had an SUV and loved it so I’m not complaining about this guy’s car – more just his inconsiderate behavior. And if I lived in a place with snow and rain I would certainly have an SUV again!!
Great note.. now you need to find a creative way to leave it on his car 🙂
I love this. You should totally print it out and put it on his window. 🙂
HAH! you’re such a great writer, I enjoyed this little piece a lot.It’s SO annoying when men do that 😀
Here here!!!
Great post!
Isn’t it funny to see how entitled some people act? I am not the biggest fan of big cars, or people who park illegally, but I must say it is admirable that he comes to pick up his kids from school. We’ll at least give him that and then mock him for everything else.
I don’t like the people who park the car according to their wishes not according to the rule.
There are always those that think the rules don’t apply to them. I hope someone clues Escalade Dad in…maybe someone should send him an anonymous note 😉
Your tags always crack me up…just curious which ones actually get searched for do you think? 🙂
I don’t think any of my search terms actually get used but for some reason I enjoy putting the most random tags together!
or i mean come up on searches
Haha! Oh, I hate it when people double park and have no consideration for others or the environment. I think you should pin this letter on his windshield!!
Great recommendations Ameena, but I somehow doubt Escalade Dad can hear you or would even listen to you through the plate glass of his manhood…errr…I mean vehicle 🙂
People can be amazing, can’t they? Ugh.
I would love to see the look on the man’s face if you actually gave him such a letter. I almost think that you should give him the letter. The only reason I hold back is in case it backfires – I would feel quite awful for suggesting it. At any rate, this is a brilliant way to rant out your frustrations. Kudos to YOU, Ameena!
You should ask Maya who his kid is, and then put her on a super-secret undercover mission to put the note in the Escalade Jr.’s backpack…Maya would probably love the challenge. And what better way to teach your daughter a lesson in passive-aggressive behavior?
even before i read it, i KNEW this guy was the type who would be idling….grrr….
Ohhhh don’t get me started Ameena. I live in Australia’s capital city, which means we’re blessed (??) with a imbalance of ordinary folk, embassy residing expats & politicians (sadly Australian for the most part) who I think they all wanna be American presidents & drive in blacked out black shiny cars with an entourage of slightly smaller (of course) blacked out black shiny cars. Not only do pollies park where *eva* whenever, but the *diplomatic corp* (aka Embassy residing expats) have no fear of road rules (apparently they are immune from getting tickets)
Oh right…., OK.., I said don’t get me started but it seems I share a fair amount of your miff’edness over this sort of carry on & can get myself cranked up at the slightest excuse.
…… and I’m not even a Mom yet.
The planet may not be safe when that happens.
Tsk Tsk 🙂
I live in an area where there are embassies and dignitaries so I know what you mean! Those consul license plates give people quite a bit of power and you are right – they have no fear of road rules at all. It drives me nuts!
I also wondered if it was the same Escalade!
People, in cars big or small, can be very selfish and self rightous sometimes. Sigh.
I truly think that some people don’t think. Ever.
My parents have SUVs and I’m pretty sure my mother thinks she owns the road. But I also think that might be because she’s a bad driver. But now I wonder whether she thinks it’s OKAY for her to be a bad driver BECAUSE she owns the SUV.
You’ve really got my gears turning this morning.
Dear Escalade Dad,
Unless you are a recording artist with a meaningless hip hop song on the top 40 list, you are too old to be driving that thang.
Ameena, Calgary is particularly heinous for drivers who buy hyuuge pickups and SUVS without any clue of how to drive/park them. Tsk tsk.
You and I are a lot alike. I can definitely relate the annoyed feeling you were having. I get the guy who short cuts the drive to the carpool line at school so he can get 3 cars up from where he would have been. Really?
BOOOOO for this selfish escalade dad!!
this is hilarious, i don’t even know what to say (except i would’ve felt the same way :p)
p.s. i thought your last comment on my blog (about lying) was hysterical!! thanks for always being you:)
Ugh….I hate rude people. Doncha just wanna slap em upside the head?
May I suggest you print out the letter, smear the back with glue and gently press it onto the back of the offending SUV as you walk by?
I love how you tagged this. Does that mean there will be future letters to him? Paper airplane one into his car!
i love my SUV!!!! i dont think i could ever get a little car.. i feel too unsafe! but i wouldn’t be able to drive an Escalade that would be wayyy too big for me 🙂
i dare you to knock on his window and say something to him.. lol that would be so funny!
Wonderful letter!
I believe I will print copies to put on people’s car when they double park because no one could say as well as you did.
I think I’ve met Escalade Dad’s ex-wife, Tahoe Mom. They’re in a league of their own.
I drive a smaller SUV and I love it to death, but I mean, let’s get serious. I don’t understand where some people get the nerve.
I have met Tahoe Mom and all her sisters too. They absolutely are in a league all their own.
Can you just call to Tow Truck on him? HEe, hee, hee. Evil laughter.
Sucks you have to deal with that. I can only imagine the annoyance of it all. Only in LA, right?
Ha ha…print it and place it on his windshield next time you see him. That is terrible really that some people spend so little time thinking of others, and sadly the environment…
I love this post — I bet Escalade Dad parks in the “mother with infant” parking spots, too.