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My Next Life

March 22, 2010

Those of you who haven’t met me probably have no idea that I have a serious issue speaking.  The strange thing is that while I have no problem forming a thought in my head, there is a disconnect between my brain and my mouth and more often than not I stumble around saying things that don’t make sense.  For example: “Ali, my heat seater isn’t working.”  While that statement is idiotic for numerous reasons, first and foremost is the fact that I meant seat heater

All I can say is count your lucky stars that you only have to read the nonsense I write…imagine how much worse it would be if you had to listen to it too?

Seeing as my speech patterns are only getting worse as I get older, I finally decided to join Toastmasters to improve my public speaking skills.  During my very first meeting I had to get up and make a speech about who I would like to come back as in my next life and why.  I am not good at thinking on the spot so I said the first thing that came to my mind: “I would like to come back as my 5-year-old daughter because all she does is play, complain, eat, and watch TV.” 

And then there was…silence.

I sat twiddling my thumbs while the moderator explained that I had to talk for an entire minute.  Instead of taking a second to think of something intelligent to add, I panicked and started rambling on that Maya is spoiled because her grandfather gives her everything she wants, and who wouldn’t want to come back as someone spoiled?  I think that took another 5 seconds.  I’ll spare you the rest of the sad details but I basically failed my first assignment.  You can see why I need Toastmasters.

Anyway, now that I’ve had time to really think about it, I came up with a bevy of reasons I’d like to be Maya. 

Being Maya entails having your very own trampoline…

Being Maya gets you breakfast in bed…

Being Maya means you have the imagination to put bubble wrap on a giraffe, a Bugaboo umbrella, and some socks, and call it art…

Being Maya means you have no manners or class (like your father) and you have no regrets drinking the last of the juice…

Being Maya means you have no problem eating dessert on a Tuesday night…just because its Tuesday…

And being Maya means you can use your grandfather as a lounge chair anytime you feel like it…

Most of all, being Maya means you don’t say stupid things like “Mom, I have chains in my pest.” 

Oh wait, I didn’t say that.  My brother did.  Either speech impediments are a genetic thing or our parents scarred us somehow as children.  In any case, I wonder if Toastmasters will give us a two-for-one sibling discount?

Who do you want to come back as in your next life?

45 Comments leave one →
  1. March 22, 2010 2:38 pm

    Maya is definitely a lucky girl! I would love a trampoline…and breakfast in bed! 🙂

  2. whydeprive permalink
    March 22, 2010 2:50 pm

    Nothing that comes out of my mouth makes sense either. My brain moves so fast and my mouth cant keep up so I make myself sound dumb a LOT!

    I would love to come back as my dog. She has everything.

    OH- and in response to your comment on my blog, I HATE the pockets on those jeans. He is no longer allowed to shop alone. Theyre even worse in person. I just hope he has the same problem as you and they fall apart!

  3. March 22, 2010 3:16 pm

    Great Post!

    I never heard of toastmasters. I NEED IT!! My brain moves faster than my mouth too. Also, I can’t put my thoughts or comment in order, in my head, before I speak them.

    Greatest reason for being Maya? She has you, and you rock!

    Love you much!:)

  4. March 22, 2010 3:18 pm

    The view you have is incredible!

    Okay, aside from that, I think Maya has a pretty good life!

  5. March 22, 2010 3:21 pm

    I love this.
    First of all, I suck at public speaking also! How brave of u to join a group…u are so on-the-go!

    Maya looks very well taken care of ! I can’t help but wish I were a part of your family…would be so fun to visit u in your condo and watch some silly TV and eat some nice meals and have blogger meetups 🙂

    Who would I want to be? I have no idea….I can barely get thru this life, so when I exit this world, i just hope i get some rest and peace… 🙂

  6. March 22, 2010 3:22 pm

    i hate speaking in front of others. i say “ummm” and “like” and “you know” a lot haha. i’m terrible at thinking on the spot.

    good question. i think i’d want to come back as jennifer gardner or someone like that. famous but (appears) very down to earth. plus a hubby like ben affleck wouldn’t hurt either haha

  7. Danielle permalink
    March 22, 2010 3:23 pm

    Maya does live the good life (but don’t most kids?) 😉

    I’ve joined Toastmasters too…in the form of “Public Speaking” at Virginia Tech. Gahh, I don’t like public speaking either!

  8. March 22, 2010 3:36 pm

    You are so courageous to join ToastMasters. I’m really terrible at speaking publicly. I’m fine with memorizing things and saying them, but I’m terrible on the spot. I ramble. I really admire people who can think on their feet. I can be clever in writing, but not so much in speaking. It’s not that I spend a lot of time in writing thinking of the best thing to say; it just comes out easier when it’s through my fingers vs through my mouth! I can’t wait to hear more about your experience!

    Also, I had my own trampoline growing up. I loved that thing!

    Who would I want to come back as in my next life? That’s a tough question. Who is someone who can cook well, travel the world, write best-selling books, and be effortlessly beautiful in vain and non-vain ways? I want to be that person.

    • Ali permalink
      March 22, 2010 5:23 pm

      Rachel Ray 🙂

    • March 22, 2010 7:43 pm

      That person is Gywneth…I want to be her too. Except that she hasn’t written a book. Does her site GOOP count?

  9. Nadia permalink
    March 22, 2010 3:40 pm

    i love it! i would never thought of coming back as my kids, but i love that you did! and it’s all understandable! esp the breakfast in bed and the spoiling grandparents…i never had either(at least materially) so it would be nice:) i think i’d come back either a famous sculptor, architect or interior designer to experience the fine cuisines of the world…still thinking.

  10. March 22, 2010 3:54 pm

    Man, props to you for joining Toastmasters…public speaking is a HUGE fear of mine…I get nervous every day before I have to get up in front of my classes, even on the last day of the semester!

    I love the pile of stuffed animals on Maya’s bed…I had the same collection on my bed when I was little 🙂

  11. March 22, 2010 4:00 pm

    Toastmasters sounds really cool. Being able to speak well is such a necessary characteristic to get by in today’s world. How many of us know those morons at our work who don’t know anything, but get promoted simply because they can speak well? Too many, I bet! Are you gonna update us on your progress?

    Love that pic of the kiddo eating breakfast in bed. Hilarious! 🙂

  12. March 22, 2010 4:08 pm

    I wish I were Maya so I had a personal slave to hold all of my glasses when I drank. And because then I’d have really great thick hair.

  13. March 22, 2010 5:13 pm

    I should totally join Toastmasters! I’m horrible at speaking in front of adults. Put me in front of a room full of 6 and 7 year olds and I’m fine, but adults… yikes!!

    I’d like to come back as a cat. They just sleep all day, don’t have a job, get petted, no worries whatsoever.

  14. March 22, 2010 5:58 pm

    I am usually ok talking in front of a crowd… there are times though.. once in a blue moon that I get nervous and that when my Persian accent comes out… at that point there is not hope cause i can see faces changing and people looking at me like what in the world are you saying!

    Hmm if I come back in the next life I want to come back as Giada.. not because i like her but because Raymond likes her 😉

    Oh and I can’t believe your husband wants to come back as Rachel Ray? why would he want to come back as her and not Mario Betali or Alton Brown?

    • March 23, 2010 8:28 am

      I asked Ali this question too…his response was in answer to Kim’s comment. Thank God, because for a minute I was bit nervous that Ali wanted to be Rachel Ray!!

      I love Giada too. I think she is gorgeous!!

  15. March 22, 2010 6:00 pm

    That is awesome that you are working on your public speaking skills – that takes guts.

    I love Maya’s art work!

  16. March 22, 2010 6:02 pm

    Oh, Ameena, this post made my night… I laughed, giggled, smiled excitedly thinking “I mix words up too!,” and ooohed and ahhed over the adorable pictures of Maya… 🙂 You are such an awesome writer!!!

    My biggest word struggle ever: instead of being able to say “write and wipe board” (which is a prominent fixture in the operating room where I work, the large dry-erase board where the surgery schedule is posted every day), I instead say every time, without fail: “tomorrow’s surgery cases are up on the wite and wripe board.” Sigh… 🙂

  17. March 22, 2010 6:07 pm

    Awww – Maya looks so adorable in every single pic!
    Lovely post, Ameena!
    Have a great week!
    Brazilian XOXO´s,

  18. actorsdiet permalink
    March 22, 2010 6:22 pm

    so cool that you joined toastmasters!

  19. March 22, 2010 6:35 pm

    I do that so much! The “heat seater” thing. haha To be honest, it took me a while to figure out what was wrong with that sentence. haha English being a foreign language to me does not make it easier… I am so dyslexic with numbers. In Swiss and German we start some of the numbers from the right side (only 13-99). I have such a hard time writing down phone numbers…

    Sorry about toastmasters! I hope it goes better next time! That takes some balls to even go there, and then go back after something like that. Keep it up!

    I want to be Maya too! Mainly because you guys seem like such awesome parents and your home seems so cozy to me. Love the place where she eats dessert.

  20. March 22, 2010 7:09 pm

    This post clearly decided for me: I want to come back as Maya in my next life. And can you be my mom??

  21. March 22, 2010 8:31 pm

    I can totally relate when my mind doesn’t connect with my mouth. Happens to me all the time.

    I remember doing something similar when I was a child with bubble wrap, but I made a fort instead with the help of some pillow and scooby doo was my guard dog. hahaha…

  22. March 22, 2010 8:55 pm

    love the blue blue CA sky in the background of the trampoline shot! and maya’s dress and cardigan, such a little fashionista!

    and the email you sent me today…I can totally picture your ‘hood and shopping and walking to everything and just being central to it all. Perfect. I miss that dearly about my old ‘hood!

  23. March 22, 2010 9:08 pm

    Is coming back an option? Ha ha – I think if I get to choose with an option to retun for a different one after I try out the 1st- then it would be Tiger Wood and then Hilary Clinton. Just for the experiences (j/k) LOL. Toastmaster is a good thing and 1st speech is hard. Just give yrself a big kudo for trying. I don’t like talking that much so coming back as a beautiful well-cared for poodle would be fun too.

  24. March 23, 2010 1:20 am

    Next life – I would love to be a broiler chicken. Fattened up for eight weeks and then be a kabab or tandoori for some lucky feller! 😀

    Amazing house you’ve got – but I’ve said that before. 😀

  25. March 23, 2010 2:49 am

    Ameena, I am laughing SO HARD. Steven and I have an on-going joke because one time he said “heat seater” and that is what we call them now! When I first read that, I had to think about if it was heat seater or seat heater. We have been saying heat seater for so long I couldn’t remember!

    How cool that you joined Toastmasters! You are so witty on here, I cannot imagine you being jumbled in person!

  26. March 23, 2010 3:43 am

    Good for you for joining Toastmasters! I know I should too, since I am horrible about speaking in front of groups. I talk fast anyway, but I get like Micro-Machine Man when I speak in front of people.

    And you know what? I jumble words too! Maybe it’s a brownie thing! 😀

    I would totally want to come back as a kid — you’re so right, they have it so easy!

  27. March 23, 2010 5:17 am

    Haha, oh, to be 5again! In my next life, I’ll be bilingual (Did I even spell that right?) and the owner of a successful yoga studio…

  28. March 23, 2010 5:32 am

    I wish I could be 5 too. Or a really good singer 🙂 I hope your public speaking gets better. I used to shake every time I spoke in front of anyone, but college cured me of that. Best of luck!

  29. March 23, 2010 6:03 am

    I don’t think I could talk about that for a whole minute either. A minute is a LONG time.

  30. March 23, 2010 6:18 am

    Oh wow, I don’t think I’d mind coming back as Maya either! Or many 5 year olds for that matter.

    Haha I do the SAME thing when I talk! It sounds fine in my head but it doesn’t come out right. Or sometimes I can’t get my thoughts together and form a coherent sentence. And don’t even get me started on my public speaking skills…

  31. March 23, 2010 8:22 am

    good question…..easy answer… dog Pepsi 🙂
    she lays around all day
    waits to be fed
    waits to be pet
    waits to be walked
    have a great day…..
    though coming back as Maya might be nice too 🙂

  32. March 23, 2010 8:36 am

    It is so brave of you to have joined Toastmasters in the first place. Bravo!
    9 weight loss

  33. March 23, 2010 9:17 am

    lol!! you are not alone, i screw up words too. i’d like to think it was because my brain works faster than my mouth, but i don’t think the brain is working so well either.
    anywho… besides wanting to come back as maya, i would like to come back in my next life who wasn’t eating disordered.

  34. onelittlejill permalink
    March 23, 2010 9:23 am

    I think I would like to be Maya!

  35. March 23, 2010 11:33 am

    Grandparents are the best when it comes to spoiling your kids!

    That’s a great question. Don’t know who I’d wanna be. I’ll have to think about that one.

    • March 23, 2010 11:38 am

      Oh and kudos to you for joining Toastmasters! Best of luck with that. You’re much more brave than me.

  36. louisianagrown permalink
    March 23, 2010 11:50 am

    I stumble over words all the time as well, especially when I’m excited or nervous. I’m pretty much getting used to sounding dumb. If I were to come back as anyone, I think I would want to be Beyonce. Have you seen the video for Video Phone? That woman can do strange things with her body.

  37. March 23, 2010 3:24 pm

    hahaha Ameena, I know exactly what you are talking about! I make perfect sense in my head but the words just come out strange sometimes. Today in class, I said…”Lava sus hands and feet please.” Mixing up spanish and english and then throwing in feet randomly. At least the kids got a laugh out of it!

    I loved taking speech classes. I’ve taken 3 so far and it has helped tremendously. I’m hoping to take another one before I start teaching high school.

    You’re right, Maya has the life! I’ll come back as her too! haha

  38. March 23, 2010 5:27 pm

    Ameena I love your posts, you crack me up 🙂 Honestly coming back as Maya sounds pretty good to me, haha!

  39. March 23, 2010 5:28 pm

    Oh man, now I want to be Maya, too. Or my puppy. She gets spoiled rotten.

    Good for you for joining Toastmasters! I know the next speech will be (at least a little) easier 🙂

    Also, I’ve definitely said the words “heat seater” before. Also, “stap chick”.

  40. March 24, 2010 9:02 pm

    Maya is really beautiful! I think I agree with one of the readers when she says that one reason to be Maya,is to have a wonderful Mum like you.

    The “L” in my vocals slips some times and that sounds funny. When I am teaching I have to be so cautious. But it is fun when I make mistakes at least it makes those sleep deprived students laugh a little 🙂

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