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Working from Home

March 10, 2010

When I first started working from home I was concerned that my productivity would decrease with so many distractions at my fingertips, i.e. the refrigerator, the television, and the phone.  But over the past few months I’ve somehow managed to put in less hours and get more work done. 

Each day, by some miracle, I find the willpower to keep the television off.  Considering my proximity to the kitchen I have somehow managed to not gain 100 pounds.  And unless I need to get on a work related call I usually don’t bother to answer the phone (Nadia, you are the only exception to this rule!). 

But on one day each week I long for my freezing cold office.  I long for my non-ergonomic chair and the desk that exacerbates my carpal tunnel.  Why?  Because on one morning a week Ali parks himself at his desk, settles in, and says the five words I dread most: “I’m working from home today.”   The minute I hear these words I can literally feel my productivity level plummet and my blood pressure spike.  

Allow me to explain.

When Ali works from home his day revolves around food, and since he can’t find his way to the kitchen that means my day revolves around his food.  Fresh granola must be made:

Followed a mere 2.5 hours later by lunch:

Followed by a cup or two of tea…and a snack of course.  And then the request for an early dinner with very specific instructions – two sunny side up eggs on toast, no butter, no salt, very little oil, and the yolks must be cooked but NOT flipped:

If the yolks are flipped, or heaven forbid, if they break, all hell breaks loose around here.

When Ali works from home the kitchen sink goes from this:

To this:

In minutes.  Several times a day. 

When Ali works from home I am constantly hushed and glared at when I make even the slightest noise. 

When Ali works from home I can hear his voice and many anonymous voices on speaker phone reverberate throughout the house.  All.Day.Long.

When Ali works from home I am subject to never ending conversations about fascinating topics, including but not limited to, Microsoft, Lenovo, Symantec, ROI, call centers, viruses, cables, and SANs.

When Ali works from home I hear the constant chirps of AOL Instant Messenger.

When Ali works from home my eyes get a workout from all my eye-rolling.

When Ali works from home my historically low blood pressure is no longer a problem.

To top it all off I have just been informed that Ali plans to work from home tomorrow.  Tomorrow may be the beginning of the end of our marriage. 

God help me.

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49 Comments leave one →
  1. March 10, 2010 10:29 pm

    despite all your joking about your mothering and wifeing, i’ve gotta say you are such a doting wife! if i had a husband, though i’m fairly certain i won’t due to my intolerance of other people, i’d leave that fool to fend for himself! want eggs? learn to lay some and cook em on your own because i’m not lifting a finger!

  2. actorsdiet permalink
    March 10, 2010 10:41 pm

    you’re hilarious.

  3. March 10, 2010 11:16 pm

    i hate my hubs in my kitch so i keep him out…but he’s inept so he doesnt belong in it. chicken/egg situation but i DEF know what you mean bout the nonstop food if a man works from home. When skylar was a yr old i told him look, you need to go take office space. You are loud, high strung, I have a kid to care for, i cant care for you, too! and he totally got it…and honestly, he and ME are way happier with him not home officing! sounds so awful but it’s true!

  4. March 10, 2010 11:23 pm

    I totally understand how you feel. House rule on working from home – “your mother does not work here.” Your post is really funny but I hope you are only joking about the beginning of the end….

  5. March 10, 2010 11:52 pm

    LOL!!! My my… that’s a fussy hubby. Mine does know his way around the kitchen but prefers the company of the TV. I admire your patience/ tolerance. Sometimes, I just wish I hadn’t started routines that I can’t stop now 😦

  6. March 11, 2010 4:44 am

    My mom has exactly the same complaints against my dad; especially about his obsession over perfectly prepared eggs!

    I think men just lack the ability to take care of themselves in general… Every morning, my dad will set the water to a boil, leave a mug on the counter, and walk away without saying a word. He automatically expects someone to make him some tea, and if no one does, he won’t get up to do it himself… he’ll complain!

    You’re a saint for finding the patience to put up with that kind of thing; it would drive me crazy.

  7. March 11, 2010 4:45 am

    lol…good luck today 🙂

  8. March 11, 2010 4:52 am

    Man, your posts are the best thing for me to read each day, chills me out a little.
    WOW…u work from home? That is so neat. I would LOVE to work from home 😦
    Funny though…I know it must be annoying…its like when i am home and expect the roomies to be out and find out that won’t happen – its like …well, that sucks!

  9. March 11, 2010 5:21 am

    Oh, the joys of being married! Another reason I can’t see myself sharing my life with anyone else right now. They would drive me crazy! I love that underneath it all though you love your hubby so much!

  10. March 11, 2010 6:18 am

    This made me laugh! My boyfriend does the same thing on the weekends…snack, lunch, snack, drink, snack…good luck today! =)

  11. March 11, 2010 6:22 am

    Got to love marriage. Thanks to our two blizzards this year, I got to find out how I would be working from home. I was totally surprised at how much more efficient I worked at home v. the office. I got so much more done in less time. It’s great. Too bad I can’t always work from home!

  12. Danielle permalink
    March 11, 2010 6:34 am

    I never thought about the kitchen being such a distraction! I guess work –> stress –> snacks.

    But on the bright side…your hubby eats granola, apples, and eggs without oil? That’s a helluva lot healthier than most people 🙂

  13. March 11, 2010 6:40 am

    LOL- My productivity would go down, too, if I had to manage a full sink and listening to IM sounds! Hilarious post.

  14. March 11, 2010 6:55 am

    Wow girl… good luck with that!!! I have to say, you seem like one awesome wife. I hope Ali knows how lucky he is!

  15. March 11, 2010 7:19 am

    Too funny girl! You guys definitely have a strong marriage to be able to joke like that. Luv it!

  16. March 11, 2010 7:21 am

    hmmm my type of job would be difficult working with others.. but when I had an office with a door I was 10 times more productive then now sitting in a cube…. the noise.. the random heys just drive me crazy.

    Luckily Raymond knows his way around kitchen I might out of the kindness of my heart make him some snacks or whatever but he knows better to request it.

  17. March 11, 2010 7:29 am

    hahaha. you are sooo nice to do all that. i think i’d make a terrible wife because i’d be like “get your own damn food” or “go in there and clean up your sh!t” hahahahha. you are one amazing wife. i agree with others who say hope ali realizes that 🙂

  18. March 11, 2010 7:46 am

    Hahaha you are too funny!! Take a deep breath and good luck : )

    xo

    Jocelyn

  19. ayesha permalink
    March 11, 2010 7:49 am

    lol!!!! if ali works from home…….LOL 🙂
    amazing how husbands can irritate…and we can become so irritable!

    however, if we decided to spend a day at their workspace I think they would probably be more cheery…atleast I think my husband is like that!!

  20. March 11, 2010 8:46 am

    My hubs has always worked not at home but had his own biz and his “office” life was at home…but he doesn’t expect the short order cook. so when I do for him it’s usually because I want to dote. Mine’s a bit picky about eggs but we’ve worked it out. Hahaha

    I love your blog ameena. alwasy makes me smile and apprecieate my non picky eater kids and my pretty low key hubs.

    and now that Hubs is home some of time with JJ…I come home to most of the household stuff done too. (and bills, and the home office junk)

    I think I am pretty spoiled rotten.

    xoxoxoxo
    glad you take Nadia’s calls! you’re a good friend!

  21. March 11, 2010 8:52 am

    Ameena, I admire your patience. I could have none of that in my house. I would be all: “make your own goddamn eggs!”

  22. March 11, 2010 9:12 am

    This post made me laugh out loud!!

    My ultimate goal is to work from home… it would totally get on my nerves if my husband was there 😉

  23. March 11, 2010 9:20 am

    Gah! I feel you 100% on the sink frustration, especially. I hate when I’ve just cleared out my sink and suddenly there’s dishes in it again!

    I’ve recently transitioned from doing my work on campus to doing my work at home and I’m so fond of it, especially having all my space to myself, because my roommate is usually gone all day at school. I kind of get frustrated on the weekdays where she’s home for whatever reason – I want my space!

    I agree with the above comment that you are a fabulous wife. I’ve said it before: I really hope I’m even half as good as you when my time comes.

  24. March 11, 2010 9:56 am

    Oh trust me, I understand. I worked from home before this job I have now, and my husband worked from home at the same time. Those overlapping months were REALLY HARD for us. Keep in mind that this is right when we got married too. We have a small condo, with one office, so we were constantly bumping chairs. I had to hear his loud typing, computer noises, bodily noises. And, yes, I had to cater to his food needs. I’m a damn good wife, as are you.

  25. March 11, 2010 10:06 am

    why are men bothered by the noise their wives make? my hubs drives me crazy with that! he says i slam cabinets-i am in a hurry-jeezus!
    hope you get some work done tomorrow—–i will be thinking of you.
    maybe my sis and i should pick you up and kidnap you ;)!

  26. Susan permalink
    March 11, 2010 12:23 pm

    Joking aside, you are incredibly kind and patient to do all that for your hub. I couldn’t rock those egg yolks like you, that’s for sure!

  27. March 11, 2010 12:28 pm

    LOL this reminds me so much of my husband. He has constant feeding times and I am always picking up after him. He is so high maintenance. But i love him. Thank god i don’t have to work too, it would be too much!
    *kisses* HH

  28. whydeprive permalink
    March 11, 2010 12:32 pm

    You are SUCH a good wife. If my boyfriend asked me to cook for him, I’d laugh in his face. Let alone with such specific instructions! Then again, Im not a very good girlfriend, so maybe thats why!

  29. nadia khan permalink
    March 11, 2010 1:17 pm

    ameena, you are hysterical! i couldn’t help busting out laughing at this one, esp since my hubby came home and left his plate in the sink right after i had cleaned up everything. i called him from his work call and made him put it in the dishwasher, “hello!!” so classic, it’s one of those things we’ll just never get and we pray our kids will pick up our habits.

    by the way, me and kids are obsessed w sunny side up, how the heck did u cook the yolks wout turning over?? cover the pan?? even then, i ALWAYS have to flip for 5 sec! can’t wait to bag on all our hubby’s at your party, esp yours!! 😉
    XOXOXOXO

  30. March 11, 2010 2:07 pm

    Wow…you are a much better wife than me!! 🙂 Hang in there…at least you know tomorrow is FRIDAY!

  31. March 11, 2010 2:20 pm

    lol! i can totally relate!! i work from home as well and i hate it when my husband chooses to do the same as well.
    i feel like he is invading my turf. i really like being in the house alone, i hate the additional noise and having to take care of his needs.

  32. March 11, 2010 3:00 pm

    My husband “works from home” all the time (i.e. is unemployed). I have worked from home a few times in the last couple of months and it went okay. But I really long to have the house to myself FOR ONE DAY SOMEDAY.

    Sorry. I got off topic.

  33. March 11, 2010 3:36 pm

    Danny and I couldnt both work from home either. Not a chance

  34. March 11, 2010 4:02 pm

    Lol, I love this post…and I can really relate! I used to work from home a lot so I know exactly what you mean. 😉

  35. March 11, 2010 4:18 pm

    You know why so many people love your blog?? B/c you’re so relatable and REAL! It’s like a universal thing – men and they’re funny quirks, haha! Our sink does the same thing when Andrew’s around!! 😉

  36. March 11, 2010 4:18 pm

    men and THEIR funny quirks, I mean 😉

  37. March 11, 2010 5:06 pm

    Wow… I guess Ali´s presence during the day isn´t so welcomed… Haha 😉
    Good luck tomorrow, Ameena! Hang in there, dear!
    😀
    Have an amazingly fun Friday!

  38. March 11, 2010 5:35 pm

    This post made me majorly LOL!

  39. March 11, 2010 6:40 pm

    SOOOOO happy that I work outside of the home and that my husband works from home. Without me. Let me emphasize that again.
    I probably come home and create TOTAL chaos for him, so you’ve given me some perspective on that!

  40. March 11, 2010 7:40 pm

    You are so hilarious. I love to come to your blog because I know I’m in for a treat. I always leave with a smile.
    I bet it’s frustrating as all hell. But you really did manage the most impressive sunny side up eggs! You know my skill level with those but your advice earlier this week really helped!
    Have a great Friday!

  41. louisianagrown permalink
    March 11, 2010 8:17 pm

    Oh no! Ali just might be crying himself to sleep tonight if he reads this. If he works from home again tomorrow, you need to get out and go shopping or something!

  42. March 13, 2010 5:57 pm

    aw! how sweet! Your table setting looked absolutely wonderful–there was no need for that pesky iron :-). And you can never go wrong with chocolate cake. Looks like your family had fun!

  43. March 13, 2010 5:58 pm

    oh wait–i totally commented on the wrong post…

  44. March 14, 2010 2:45 am

    It’s really interesting to hear about these little quirks in married life… not just yours, but all the comments above too. I always have had this idealized notion of marriage. It sounds like alone time is equally important as together time.

    I’d also love to hear more about how you are so productive at home… I’m a massive facebooker and snacker… I HAVE to leave the house to grade papers, work on my writing, anything! Do you have any tricks? Any helpful tips?

    • March 14, 2010 8:51 am

      Throw out any notions of what you think marriage is because it is SO much harder! I try to be honest so you’ll see how frustrating things can be in real life and when you get married you’ll be prepared for the worst. And hopefully surprised by something better. 🙂

      My snack avoidance tactic is to brush my teeth right after eating a meal because then I don’t feel like eating anything, plus I don’t want to brush my teeth again! I’m not on Facebook but I can relate to wanting to check my email, etc. I just won’t let myself. Once I’m working I just focus until I take a break, say every 2 hours or something and I allow myself 5 minutes to check email. And then I do it at lunch for a longer amount of time. Since I bill hourly, I feel like I need to work that entire hour with no distractions!

      Anyway, hope that helps!!

      Ameena

  45. March 15, 2010 10:42 pm

    Aarrghgh…tell me about it…husband working from home!! Same scenario, minus the incessant eating..no, wait…a little bit of that too…happens every time my man decides to work from home. If they wanted stony silence, uninterrupted online time, and frequent supply of food, they should have gone to the office! MEN! *rolling eyes*

  46. March 16, 2010 10:28 am

    This made me snort! I know it must be highly annoying to have to endure it, but at least you made writing lemonade out of it.

    Oh, and I feel exactly the same when I sit down each night to my two hours of freelance work with the Husband around, especially with the eye-rolling 🙂 Except I’m the one wanting him to be quiet so I can finish and go to sleep, and he seems to think I’d rather have three hours of work-and-chat than two hours of work-and-work and one of quality hangout time.

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