The questions were killing me:
- How much TV can I watch?
- What can I eat if I’m still hungry?
- What should I wear today?
- What should I wear tomorrow?
I had no choice but to let go of my controlling ways and invite a little autonomy into The System.
Beginning with Maya’s favorite topic: dessert.
Me: “You can have dessert 3 times a week, whichever days you choose. Try not to eat things that contain Blue #1 and Red #40. Aside from that it’s totally your decision, okay?”
Maya: “Really? OKAY!”
While Maya was beside herself with her newfound freedom, letting go didn’t mean I didn’t still have my concerns:
- Was dessert 3 times a week too little?
- Was it too much?
- Would Maya lie to me and pretend she didn’t have dessert when she really did?
- Was she going to become obsessed?
- Was I becoming obsessed that she’d become obsessed?
I had no answers, but I knew I had to let go. So I did.
And guess what? The questions stopped!
I patted myself on the back for being a pioneer in the field of child-rearing. I was a forward-thinker! Maya was well on her way to becoming well-adjusted! The System was working!
But it’s been a few weeks and new questions are being posed:
- Does one Hershey’s kiss count as one dessert?
- No? Well then how many do?
- If I don’t use all 3 days in one week, can I carry over my days into a new week?
- Are sugar covered pretzels a snack or a dessert?
So obviously I’m not a pioneer. I’m not a forward-thinker. The System has failed. I need to hire someone to answer Maya’s questions. Maya will still need therapy. And I probably will too.
Back to square one.