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and i’m back

May 11, 2014

Blogging experts say that if one isn’t consistent with their blogging schedule then people will stop reading.

As a person who embraces consistency and schedule, this makes perfect sense.

As a person who has been working 1,000 hours a week, this does not make perfect sense.


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In any case, I know the world isn’t going to come to an end if nobody is here to read about how I almost died of shock when Ali volunteered to shift clothes from our stackable washing machine to the dryer the other day.

I also know it’s okay if nobody knows he asked me where the dryer was.


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I’m sure people can also live without knowing that since my last post Ali has been in Florida (twice), Boston, Washington DC, Las Vegas, Los Angeles (3 times), and is heading back to Florida this week.

Both Maya and I have given up on trying to remember his whereabouts.


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And speaking of Maya, I’m sure it’s fairly irrelevant that her smart ass-ness is developing at a rather alarming pace.

Scarily, I almost find myself missing the long, sleepless nights filled with a colicky infant screaming in my ear.



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This morning I woke up and decided to take a moment to put together what I hope is a fairly coherent post before I spend the rest of the day pretending that today, Mother’s Day, is going to be remotely different from yesterday or tomorrow.

Because even though this blog isn’t exactly a revenue generating machine, I do love sharing my randomness, and I value every comment left here.

I hope to be back more regularly…for those of you who are still here? Thanks for sticking with me.

purchases at a 7-11

March 26, 2014

My OCD is in overdrive because I haven’t posted in a while. Allow me to catch you up quickly:

Ali spent two weeks in LA, came home for 5 minutes, and took off again for Seattle, and then LA, where he currently is.

I’ve been enjoying the fact that the I have our master bathroom all to myself.

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This week I became THAT girl who changes her shoes at work.

I know there’s no excuse for ugly footwear – even during a commute – but I walk miles and miles a day and my feet hurt ALL THE TIME.

I have no other choice.

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Maya turned 9 and celebrated with a magic-themed party. She asked for a magician, a puppy, and a pasta bar.

I bought her Garfield comic books in lieu of a pet, served overcooked pasta and shrimp, and called it a birthday.

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I got over my guilt and gave our housekeeper the green light to come twice a week.

She uses loads of toxic chemicals (although they have a lovely lemony scent), but coming home to a clean house on Tuesdays and Fridays is worth losing a few years of my life to whatever magic Ajax and Windex contain.

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And finally, my credit card was stolen and instead of heading to Bloomingdale’s or Best Buy, the culprit charged up $800 at 7-Eleven.


two weeks

March 5, 2014

Ali’s been on a marathon business trip for the last 2 weeks. This means that for the past two weeks I:

  • Ate scrambled eggs thirteen out of fourteen nights (we had Chipotle one night…I really lived it up).
  • Had our shoebox sized bathroom all to myself.
Quality Time: A walk to Rockefeller Center.

Quality Time: A walk to Rockefeller Center.

  • Didn’t wash a single pair of someone’s thermals.
  • Made the bed in one second flat (the trick is to occupy a tiny corner, don’t untuck the sheet, and use a separate blanket).
  • Smashed my foot in a revolving door (this has nothing to do with Ali being gone but I felt the need to incorporate it into this post. Apparently I need a lesson in how to use a revolving door).
Lunch at the VERY overrated Max Brenner. Do not eat here. Ever.

Ice cream at the VERY overrated Max Brenner. Do not eat here. Ever.

And most interestingly, I had zero problems handling Maya by myself. For two straight weeks. She was literally an angel.

We’re talking Best Behavior Ever.

After week one I was so confused by her good behavior that I actually asked her, “Why are you such a good girl when dad’s away, but when he’s here you don’t listen, you whine incessantly, and complain about everything?”

This "pizza" was $9 and it was nothing more than a tortilla with sauce and cheese on it. Did I mention you should NEVER eat at Max Brenner?

This “pizza” was $9 and it was nothing more than a tortilla with sauce and cheese on it. Did I mention you should NEVER eat at Max Brenner?

She thought about it for a second, said, “I really don’t know,” and then she laughed.

Points for honesty I guess?

overlooking things

February 26, 2014

On the rare occasion when I somehow manage to overlook something I probably shouldn’t be complaining about in the first place, my eagle-eyed sidekick Maya will inevitably catch it.

And her most recent topic of choice to nitpick was Ali’s purchase of a pair of headphones.

Pictures from the last week: Me + Maya at Chelsea Market.

A few pictures from the last week: Maya and I had dessert at Chelsea Market. Or she had dessert and I watched.

So Ali is not a big spender.

I obviously comment incessantly on his addiction to buying things that require charging, but in reality? His annual spending on things that plug-in probably amounts to less than what I spend on Method cleaning products (so addicted to Method).

Also, now that we are car-less and don’t have to spend money fixing his car every ten second? I know I can’t really fault him.

Maya, however, didn’t get the memo and/or didn’t care.

Sunset in Chelsea.

We caught a pretty sunset in Chelsea.

Maya: “Mama, did you know that dad spent $200 on his new earphones? That a lot.”

Me: “That really is a lot. The sound must be really good though. Let me listen.”

Maya: “It’s not any different from my Hello Kitty earphones.”

Me: “You’re right. It’s not really that good.”

Maya: “Dad, me and Mom think your earphones aren’t really that good. You spent a lot of money for no reason.”

We found a heart shaped potato!

We found a heart-shaped potato!

Obviously Maya should have minded her own business here and I probably should have said so. But honestly, I’m just tired of being the bad guy all the time. So I figured I’d let Ali field this one.

He looked up from his laptop, made no comment, and then looked back down at his laptop.

This is often what happens when he knows that I/we are right (which is always) and secretly agrees with us but doesn’t want to verbalize the agreement in case it’s used against him in a future argument.

Which it will be anyway.

Lunch at Le Pain Quotidien.

We had lunch at Le Pain Quotidien.

But we all play the game, right?

Only the next time Maya and I decide to pick on something, Ali has the option of putting on his average sounding, overpriced earphones so he doesn’t have to hear us rambling on.

So maybe, in his mind, they’re worth $200 after all.

my 38th

February 19, 2014

Last week I turned 38.

I normally don’t ask for anything. But seeing as I received light bulbs last year, I decided to be a little more proactive and request a few things that couldn’t be purchased at a hardware store.

On the weekend...more snow.

On the weekend…more snow.

Here’s what I asked for:

  • From Ali (this request occurred nearly six weeks ago to allow for fulfillment): A single, duplicate earring to replace the one that somehow fell out of my ear. (How do screw on earrings fall out? I am very confused.)
  • From Maya: The latest issue of Marie Claire magazine and a bar of organic 73% chocolate from Trader Joe’s. (I had to keep within her $5 budget. I saw $55 in her wallet the other day though. Again, I am very confused.)
Weekend lunch: Our usual Fig & Olive. Where one can never go wrong....

Weekend lunch: Our usual Fig & Olive. Where one can never go wrong….

Here’s what I got:

  • From Ali: A dead orchid. (I was told this orchid wilted and died as it made its way from Trader Joe’s to our apartment, due to a snowstorm.)
  • From Maya: 3 bags of One Lucky Duck macaroons. These were appreciated, no doubt. But I have to wonder: why am I asked what I want if it’s going to be completely disregarded???
@ Maison Kayser where Maya enjoyed a birthday eclair on my behalf.

@ Maison Kayser where Maya enjoyed a birthday eclair on my behalf.

In short my 38th was completely unremarkable.

I went to work, I broke a nail, I nearly had to swim home due to the aforementioned snow storm, I cleaned the kitchen, I argued with Maya about doing her homework / taking a shower / watching TV / babysitting the class stick bugs, I moved Ali’s socks, and then I went to sleep.

Brunch @ Bryant Park Grille: Ali ordered a salad! That was a first.

Brunch @ Bryant Park Grille: Ali ordered a salad! That was a first.

The highlight of my day was when I found The Lowland at the library and the librarian was kind enough to disregard the lengthy wait list and let me borrow the book.

It takes so little. Really, it does.

home alone

February 12, 2014

As you may already know, last week was remarkable because I left Maya alone with Ali (or Ali alone with Maya?) for the first time ever.

This bears repeating: for the first time ever.

While dodging text and emails, I also saw my mom...

While dodging text and emails, I also saw my mom…

Things obviously started out rocky, beginning with an email asking how to use the washing machine.

This email came in while I was in flight and had no Internet (thanks to the fact my United Airlines plane – circa 1955 – didn’t have Internet capabilities, or much else for that matter).


Had lunch with my friends - including Nadia....

Had lunch with my friends – including Nadia….

This email was sent despite the fact that I washed every article of clothing, every sheet, and every towel in our place, prior to leaving.

This email was sent despite the fact that our washing machine – also circa 1955 – has so few options that even Maya could operate it.


And ate at a few of my favorite restaurants including Gulfstream (salad and biscuits) and Petros (early birthday lunch with friends)...

Ate at a few of my favorite restaurants including Gulfstream (salad and biscuits) and Petros (early birthday lunch with friends)…


When I didn’t reply fast enough on this laundry emergency, because apparently not having Internet access is just not a possibility in Ali’s realm (he obviously doesn’t fly United), I received a text asking “If I saw the email re: laundry.”

Yes, yes I did. I also saw the email and/or text re:

  • Maya’s request for four desserts instead of three.
  • Her insistence that she didn’t want to go to art class and therefore didn’t have to go to art class.
  • The fact that someone forgot to purchase bananas and bread.
  • Etc.
  • Etc.


And took a walk with my amazing SIL on the beach.

And took a walk with my SIL (nicest person in the world) on the beach.

I could go on for hours but I’ll spare you.

The good news is that I flew home last night (on an American Airlines plane that did have Internet!) and everyone is still alive.

Re: the state of the kitchen, my orchid, and the hamper? Well that’s a whole other story.

an abstract pizza (maya guest post)

February 5, 2014

Last week my mom made pizza for dinner.

This may not seem remarkable to you but then again, you probably don’t have a perpetually empty fridge.

As an aside,* I’m not sure why our empty fridge seems to be such a problem? My mom would likely blame this on something really dumb, like the vortex. But when all is said and done, I think the truth is that NYC grocery stores give her massive anxiety.

Can’t really blame her on this one though, I mean who lines up outside of a Trader Joe’s in sub-freezing temperatures? Seriously, I need my frozen tandoori naan and fish sticks as much as the next person but not at the risk of freezing my toes off.

(*That was a long “aside.”)

My mom cut me out of the picture! Unbelievable.

This would be a good picture of us but my mom cut me out of the picture, likely because otherwise her hair wouldn’t fit. I know her tricks!

Anyway, back to the pizza. So my mom struggled with the pizza dough for a bit, but even I was impressed with the finished product – it was the most perfect rectangular shape! 

(We’ve never even seen a real circle around here so you’ll understand my shock and awe.)

Even more surprising was that she was able to make a professional looking pizza, despite the fact my dad and I kept trying to annoy her with comments like, “When is dinner going to be ready?” and my personal favorite, “I’m so hungry my stomach is eating itself right now.”

Dinner @ Capital Grille. Totally overrated and a gigantic waste of money. The fries were good, although my mom didn't touch those. She's crazy.

Dinner @ Capital Grille: Fries, Steak, Sea bass(?). This restaurant is totally overrated and a gigantic waste of money. The fries were good, although my mom didn’t touch those. I think she’s regretting it.

So the pizza was sitting on the stove cooling, along with the pizza cutter my mom bought from the $1 section at Target. (Another aside: if my mom exclaims one more time how well her $1 pizza cutter has held up over the past 5 years, I might lose it.) And almost immediately my dad and I lock eyes and instantly know what we have to do.

So when her back is turned, he takes the pizza cutter and hacks in. I mean, he cuts the most random pizza shape you can imagine! It’s abstract on a whole other level.

And then I take over and cut a random triangle from the very middle of the pizza, making VERY sure it’s not a 90 degree angle. Since my mom loves nothing more than a clean right angle, I aim for more of a 48 degree angle with completely uneven sides.

Lunch at Jojo's: Warm Chocolate Cake, Pancakes, Passion Pavlova, Vegetable Salad. My parents conveniently dropped me off at art and then enjoyed this meal.

Lunch at Jojo’s: Warm Chocolate Cake, Pancakes, Passion Pavlova, Vegetable Salad. My parents conveniently dropped me off at art and then enjoyed this meal.

When my mom finally turns around and looks at the pizza, I see her OCD going haywire! She’s not saying a word but it’s very clear she’s struggling internally with her “Need to let things go,” and the idea that she “Must allow me and my dad a little bit of autonomy if she ever wants us to grow up.”

It was hysterical.

But then what happened next wasn’t so hysterical – because she uttered words that shook me to my core. “I have to go to LA for a few days at the end of the week. I’m wondering what you two are going to do about dinner while I’m gone?”

She’s never left me with my dad before for more than just 12 hours. Ever. I am SO SCARED.

Not sure what else to say.

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