When I first started working from home I was concerned that my productivity would decrease with so many distractions at my fingertips, i.e. the refrigerator, the television, and the phone. But over the past few months I’ve somehow managed to put in less hours and get more work done.
Each day, by some miracle, I find the willpower to keep the television off. Considering my proximity to the kitchen I have somehow managed to not gain 100 pounds. And unless I need to get on a work related call I usually don’t bother to answer the phone (Nadia, you are the only exception to this rule!).
But on one day each week I long for my freezing cold office. I long for my non-ergonomic chair and the desk that exacerbates my carpal tunnel. Why? Because on one morning a week Ali parks himself at his desk, settles in, and says the five words I dread most: “I’m working from home today.” The minute I hear these words I can literally feel my productivity level plummet and my blood pressure spike.
Allow me to explain.
When Ali works from home his day revolves around food, and since he can’t find his way to the kitchen that means my day revolves around his food. Fresh granola must be made:
Followed a mere 2.5 hours later by lunch:
Followed by a cup or two of tea…and a snack of course. And then the request for an early dinner with very specific instructions – two sunny side up eggs on toast, no butter, no salt, very little oil, and the yolks must be cooked but NOT flipped:
If the yolks are flipped, or heaven forbid, if they break, all hell breaks loose around here.
When Ali works from home the kitchen sink goes from this:
To this:
In minutes. Several times a day.
When Ali works from home I am constantly hushed and glared at when I make even the slightest noise.
When Ali works from home I can hear his voice and many anonymous voices on speaker phone reverberate throughout the house. All.Day.Long.
When Ali works from home I am subject to never ending conversations about fascinating topics, including but not limited to, Microsoft, Lenovo, Symantec, ROI, call centers, viruses, cables, and SANs.
When Ali works from home I hear the constant chirps of AOL Instant Messenger.
When Ali works from home my eyes get a workout from all my eye-rolling.
When Ali works from home my historically low blood pressure is no longer a problem.
To top it all off I have just been informed that Ali plans to work from home tomorrow. Tomorrow may be the beginning of the end of our marriage.
God help me.
