the report (maya guest post)
I know my mom’s mentioned how much she hates my book reports, but have I mentioned how much I hate them?
Well I hate them a lot. Because book reports mean that my mom and I have to work together, one-on-one, for a loooong time. Which of course means that we’re going to be fighting. A lot.
Which is exactly what happened with my last assignment. Here’s how things unfolded:
January 7 – January 11: My teacher assigned us a book report. I said nothing about it because as my mom says, I’m a “master at procrastination.” She also said I take after my dad in this respect. I think she’s right.
January 12: I debated mentioning the book report but I figured I’d enjoy the weekend instead.
January 14: I told my mom about the assignment and the questions started flying, “When was it assigned? Did you pick a book? Is it an oral report as well? ” I felt exhausted.
January 15: I procrastinated some more. My mom yelled at me again. I promised to start the next day during Homework Club.
January 16: I lost the instructions! And as you can imagine the S@#$ hit the fan when my mom picked me up. (Oops. Sorry about the bad word.)
January 17: My mom reminded me 10 times to ask my teacher for a copy of the instructions. I forgot anyway. My mom was SO mad I feared she was going to end up in the hospital with a coronary. I feared this because she said, “You are going to put me in the hospital. With a coronary.”
January 18 4:15 pm: I got a new copy of the instructions! But my dad picked me up from Homework Club early so I didn’t start my report. Instead we went home and shot at each other with our Nerf guns. Then we set up target practice in the living room. He didn’t ask about my report and I didn’t mention it.
January 18 5:30 pm: While my dad and I were eating the dinner my mom left in the fridge, we sent her a text: “What’s for dinner?” We did this just for fun. It ended up being a bad idea though because she got super mad at my dad for “not paying attention when she talks to him.”
January 19 7:00 am: My mom told me that I couldn’t sleep over at my friend Shani and Ayla’s house until my book report was 100% done. This scared me so I got busy.
January 19 7:05 am: My mom went to the gym so I asked my dad for help understanding the instructions. He helped me for about 5 minutes and then went back to blasting the TV.
January 19 8:30 am: My mom came back and I showed her my progress. She sighed and told me that my book report was all wrong because my dad didn’t read the instructions properly. She helped me start all over. We cut and colored and glued for a long time and I suddenly felt bad that I was so mean to her.
January 19 9:30 am: I asked my mom if I could have a cookie. She shot me a look. I got back to work.
January 19 10:25 am: I finished my report and boy was I exhausted! I think my mom was too because she said she lost several years of her life. And my dad? Well my dad was completely unfazed and unaffected as usual.
When I grow up? I want to be him. He has the best life ever.